How do we specifically change our minds?

[Rygar1]

I've gone to counseling services, read books, embraced religion, and taken supplements to help improve aspects of my mental health overa the past 15 years or so, and nothing has had any lasting effect. More specifically, I would like to know if anyone has had success in changing the inner workings of their minds to alter the course of their lives. Specific issues:

1. I spend way too much time thinking about and sweating the small stuff. I seem to concern myself with 'what other people' are doing and not myself. I'll compare myself unfavorably to others circumstances and feel bad. Why do I care so much if this woman is a bitch or that guy is weird? That's theiR problem, I should focus on myself. But I can't. Why do I care so much about unimportant stuff?

2. I think too much in general. I've meditated, exercised, and I can't get out of my head. Deep breathing helps a little, but it s subtle.

3. Trust issues. Probably not uncommon, but it's getting kinda extreme as the years gone by.

4. Getting out of my comfort zone. I've spent the past several years doing nothing but sitting in my room online and masturbating often. I use a local gym, but come home to surf. I'm trying to get back some lewis and clark, some sense of adventure and excitement, but need a push, psychologically speaking.

I'm looking in Shemps and MrMans direction, and maybe Voyager1, but others are welcome.

Thank you,
Rygar1

[yick]

The place where I come from
Is a small town
They think so small
They use small words
But not me!
I'm smarter than that
I worked it out
I've been stretching my mouth

To let those big words come right out
I've had enough
I'm getting out
To the city
The big, big city
I'll be a big noise
With all the big boys
(So much stuff I will own)

Big Time (Peter Gabriel, 1986)

You live in a small socially conservative town/suburb where everyone knows everyone else. They have you pegged, especially the local women who have probably known you and your family all your life - it's not changing EVER.

Get out of there.

[Rygar1]

The place where I come from
Is a small town
They think so small
They use small words
But not me!
I'm smarter than that
I worked it out
I've been stretching my mouth

To let those big words come right out
I've had enough
I'm getting out
To the city
The big, big city
I'll be a big noise
With all the big boys
(So much stuff I will own)

Big Time (Peter Gabriel, 1986)

You live in a small socially conservative town/suburb where everyone knows everyone else. They have you pegged, especially the local women who have probably known you and your family all your life - it's not changing EVER.

Get out of there.

Actually, it's very liberal. Even on the website it lists it as a 'progressive' community.

[yick]

The place where I come from
Is a small town
They think so small
They use small words
But not me!
I'm smarter than that
I worked it out
I've been stretching my mouth

To let those big words come right out
I've had enough
I'm getting out
To the city
The big, big city
I'll be a big noise
With all the big boys
(So much stuff I will own)

Big Time (Peter Gabriel, 1986)

You live in a small socially conservative town/suburb where everyone knows everyone else. They have you pegged, especially the local women who have probably known you and your family all your life - it's not changing EVER.

Get out of there.

Actually, it's very liberal. Even on the website it lists it as a 'progressive' community.

Politically liberal, socially conservative.

I come from such a place.

Tell me, what's so great about this place that is keeping you rooted there?

[Rygar1]

The place where I come from
Is a small town
They think so small
They use small words
But not me!
I'm smarter than that
I worked it out
I've been stretching my mouth

To let those big words come right out
I've had enough
I'm getting out
To the city
The big, big city
I'll be a big noise
With all the big boys
(So much stuff I will own)

Big Time (Peter Gabriel, 1986)

You live in a small socially conservative town/suburb where everyone knows everyone else. They have you pegged, especially the local women who have probably known you and your family all your life - it's not changing EVER.

Get out of there.

Actually, it's very liberal. Even on the website it lists it as a 'progressive' community.

Politically liberal, socially conservative.

I come from such a place.

Tell me, what's so great about this place that is keeping you rooted there?

Interesting point. Can you expand on that?

To answer your second question, I grew up here and am familiar with the area. It feels like home.

[yick]

The place where I come from
Is a small town
They think so small
They use small words
But not me!
I'm smarter than that
I worked it out
I've been stretching my mouth

To let those big words come right out
I've had enough
I'm getting out
To the city
The big, big city
I'll be a big noise
With all the big boys
(So much stuff I will own)

Big Time (Peter Gabriel, 1986)

You live in a small socially conservative town/suburb where everyone knows everyone else. They have you pegged, especially the local women who have probably known you and your family all your life - it's not changing EVER.

Get out of there.

Actually, it's very liberal. Even on the website it lists it as a 'progressive' community.

Politically liberal, socially conservative.

I come from such a place.

Tell me, what's so great about this place that is keeping you rooted there?

Interesting point. Can you expand on that?

To answer your second question, I grew up here and am familiar with the area. It feels like home.

Sure.

The place is politically left but is a guarded, insular community with families that have lived there generations or maybe even longer - anything that is out of their social norms is criticised, derided or shunned. Because someone votes Democrat or in the case of the UK - Labour - it doesn't mean they're socially liberal. They might be in some aspects but not all.

These kind of places cater to women a lot better than to men.

Home is not giving you what you want, time to go. Billions of have done it before you (and me...) your own ancestors did.

[Rygar1]

The place where I come from
Is a small town
They think so small
They use small words
But not me!
I'm smarter than that
I worked it out
I've been stretching my mouth

To let those big words come right out
I've had enough
I'm getting out
To the city
The big, big city
I'll be a big noise
With all the big boys
(So much stuff I will own)

Big Time (Peter Gabriel, 1986)

You live in a small socially conservative town/suburb where everyone knows everyone else. They have you pegged, especially the local women who have probably known you and your family all your life - it's not changing EVER.

Get out of there.

Actually, it's very liberal. Even on the website it lists it as a 'progressive' community.

Politically liberal, socially conservative.

I come from such a place.

Tell me, what's so great about this place that is keeping you rooted there?

Interesting point. Can you expand on that?

To answer your second question, I grew up here and am familiar with the area. It feels like home.

Sure.

The place is politically left but is a guarded, insular community with families that have lived there generations or maybe even longer - anything that is out of their social norms is criticised, derided or shunned. Because someone votes Democrat or in the case of the UK - Labour - it doesn't mean they're socially liberal. They might be in some aspects but not all.

These kind of places cater to women a lot better than to men.

Home is not giving you what you want, time to go. Billions of have done it before you (and me...) your own ancestors did.

Yes, I agree 100 percent. It's like that here in America as well. My own experience tells me liberals are WAY less open and friendly/approachable than conservatives, generally speaking.

And yes, there seems to be an ever narrowing standard of 'normal' these days, and for those who are outside it, it gets rough. I guess you just have to force your mind to not care, which is related to my original question.

[Shemp]

First of all, remember that the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence and that you don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. So if you have a comfortable life, no reason to leave just because you are bored. There are much worse things than boredom in this world, much worse, much much worse.

I think you mentioned you don't have a salaried job or business if your own and are living off an inheritance and free rent. Maybe this is a sustainable situation. If not, your first priority is your financial situation. Possibly nagging subconscious worries about future finances is mistaken by your conscious mind as boredom or lack of fulfillment in life. Not having money and no means to make money is a bad situation in this world.

If your financial situation is secure long term, then you absolutely should think about exploring outside this area where you currently live. Travel can stimulate the mind with new ideas and you might find someplace where you feel more at home, which is the whole idea of happier abroad: namely, instead of trying to change current society to fit your personality, move to a new society which already fits your personality. Moving societies is very difficult if you have to earn money in the new society (see my first and second paragraphs), but very easy if money not a problem.

If you are in the USA, I can highly recommend hiking either the Appalachian or Pacific Crest trails for a few months, as a fairly inexpensive form of travel. Both are excellent in September and mid October, but too cold after that. Southbound from Maine starting mid August is also good (though you'll need mosquito and black fly protection until mid September).

[kangarunner]

Apply for the work holiday visa in Australia. This is available to those under the age of 35. Work in Australia, save a lot of money. Then buy a condo in Thailand or Vietnam. That's what I would have done if I could go back and do it again.

[yick]

First of all, remember that the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence and that you don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. So if you have a comfortable life, no reason to leave just because you are bored. There are much worse things than boredom in this world, much worse, much much worse.

I think you mentioned you don't have a salaried job or business if your own and are living off an inheritance and free rent. Maybe this is a sustainable situation. If not, your first priority is your financial situation. Possibly nagging subconscious worries about future finances is mistaken by your conscious mind as boredom or lack of fulfillment in life. Not having money and no means to make money is a bad situation in this world.

If your financial situation is secure long term, then you absolutely should think about exploring outside this area where you currently live. Travel can stimulate the mind with new ideas and you might find someplace where you feel more at home, which is the whole idea of happier abroad: namely, instead of trying to change current society to fit your personality, move to a new society which already fits your personality. Moving societies is very difficult if you have to earn money in the new society (see my first and second paragraphs), but very easy if money not a problem.

If you are in the USA, I can highly recommend hiking either the Appalachian or Pacific Crest trails for a few months, as a fairly inexpensive form of travel. Both are excellent in September and mid October, but too cold after that. Southbound from Maine starting mid August is also good (though you'll need mosquito and black fly protection until mid September).

If I was American I would be more agreeable to staying within the union, weather is a big deal to me and wherever you go to the UK the weather is shit. I would probably be more at home in the deep south of Texas, somewhere like El Paso where housing is relatively cheap, it's reasonably safe and it is 98 percent Hispanic and of course it has that decent weather and food. The States have a lot of nice places to live in. I don't know about the culture and the ways of the people, probably that would grate after awhile but southern Florida, parts of Utah, parts of Idaho (knew a farmers daughter at university who loved me, I would have moved to Idaho for her ) Hawaii, maybe Guam, Oregon, Virginia maybe... lots of nice places where I could go and be happy if I was American.

[Rygar1]

First of all, remember that the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence and that you don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. So if you have a comfortable life, no reason to leave just because you are bored. There are much worse things than boredom in this world, much worse, much much worse.

I think you mentioned you don't have a salaried job or business if your own and are living off an inheritance and free rent. Maybe this is a sustainable situation. If not, your first priority is your financial situation. Possibly nagging subconscious worries about future finances is mistaken by your conscious mind as boredom or lack of fulfillment in life. Not having money and no means to make money is a bad situation in this world.

If your financial situation is secure long term, then you absolutely should think about exploring outside this area where you currently live. Travel can stimulate the mind with new ideas and you might find someplace where you feel more at home, which is the whole idea of happier abroad: namely, instead of trying to change current society to fit your personality, move to a new society which already fits your personality. Moving societies is very difficult if you have to earn money in the new society (see my first and second paragraphs), but very easy if money not a problem.

If you are in the USA, I can highly recommend hiking either the Appalachian or Pacific Crest trails for a few months, as a fairly inexpensive form of travel. Both are excellent in September and mid October, but too cold after that. Southbound from Maine starting mid August is also good (though you'll need mosquito and black fly protection until mid September).

I still beleive that these issues in life are just an outwards result of the inner workings of one's mind first and foremost. The lack of drive, money, companionship, fulfillment, etc are really just external manifestations of how one's subconcious and even conscious minds operate. How do we change our gears, consistently, to produce external results?

On a deeper level, I, and others, feel that a bit of my soul is missing.