Why do women reject/dump Winston or lose their love for him?

[Winston]

This is the last message I got from Summer, the girl who did a 180 on me. It shows her true colors and a warped mentality.

" I don't think we can to be friends,if you want a girl friend,tell you truth,you need spend much money to her,when I stay with you,you let me feel uncomfortable,like when we go to movie...

If this were true, poor guys would never have gfs.
Spending "much money to her" only invites users. At least you found out before rather than after getting into some long term relationshit.
My experience has been if a woman likes you, how much you do or don't spend is not an issue.
The ones that really like you will even do some of the paying.
Come to think of it, that's also Skittles Man's experience.

I agree with you. But it's possible she was not referring to guys in general, only to me. Maybe she was saying that I look so ugly and old that I can't get a girlfriend the normal way through a genuine romantic relationship, and that I can only use money to get girls or that women can only like me for money. In Russia, some girls told me that too even when I was only 30, that women can only like me for money because I'm not anyone's type or attractive enough to be genuinely attracted to.

If so, then maybe what happened with Summer is that she was desperate for love and lonely, and liked the idea of being in love. So when I came along, she was captivated by my personality and charm and sense of humor and seduction ability. She went with the flow because it was easier to do so. Some girls are weak willed and will reciprocate whatever a guy does because she has a hard time saying no, but then she regrets it later. But she did not like my appearance, so her subconscious mind eventually told her to pull away from me before things escalated further.

[Winston]

Banano,
You are becoming a really nasty prick. Your attacks are very mean, vicious and unnecessarily cruel. This constitutes a personal attack and you should be banned for it. You must be a very unhappy person. I pity you. No happy guy would talk like you. Maybe you are a shill or troll, here to cause trouble and spread lies, like newlifeinphilippines was.

Either way, there is no way I'm a 1.5. No one thinks that. Not even you do. I am NATURALLY handsome, it's just that I'm fat. Take a look at my photos below and you will see that I'm naturally handsome.







Also, you did not address my question. In China, Taiwan and Philippines, many average looking guys are with hot girls. Some of them are even a bit ugly and nerdy. So it doesn't seem like looks matter that much for a guy in Asia. How do you explain that?

Also, you are wrong when you say I have nothing to offer. I have a lot to offer:

1. Cute, charming face and personality. Clean cut look with full head of hair.
2. Kind soul that radiates a pure genuine vibe. Ask anyone that knows me in person about this.
3. Natural baby face that looked cute as a kid, but not that great as an adult. Still it's not ugly.
4. I have a lot of intelligence, wisdom and knowledge that is useful in many ways.
5. Easygoing personality that makes me easy to get along with. I'm not a prick or asshole like many guys are.
6. Open minded and easy to talk to.
7. Romantic soul, writes poetry and can compose poems to a girl.
8. Has a lot of multi-cultural knowledge.
9. Has an income that is considered above average in China and Taiwan. I make more than the typical office lady in China.
10. Has a good sizable chunk of savings saved up in the bank.
11. Am an inheritee to big family assets, such as three full sized houses, all bought and paid for without mortgage. Three houses are big assets indeed, even for a greedy materialistic woman to consider. Most guys don't have that.
12. Good in English grammar and writing, so Asian women could benefit from me teaching them English.

So you see, that's not nothing you imbecile. Gotcha! Busted! You look like a damn fool now.

One more vicious attack like that and you're gone.

[Winston]

Yes that is a good point. How do you know so much about chinese people and culture and about me even though we never met? I have listed this problem before of Chinese people being too rigid and narrow. See here:

http://www.happierabroad.com/Winston_vs_Asians.pdf

http://www.happierabroad.com/Asian_Mentality.htm

Even though I am what I am, still there is family pressure to get married and settle down. I'm not supposed to have my cake and eat it too. Lol.

How do you know if I didn't find a hot chinese girl that I wouldn't be glad to settle down? I would for a while at least. But I never get the girls I want. I used to be monogamous too when i was in my early 20s. But I got nothing out of it and felt deprived so I decided to have as many girls as I could to make up for all the deprivation. It's what my hormones wanted too. So I decided to become polyamorous in about 1995.

As to Ethan, well he is younger, taller and thinner. His face is more oval shaped, which girls prefer, whereas mine is more round. He also has a sort of a metrosexual look too, which Asian girls like. I cant say whether he is handsome or not because to me, handsome is like Pierce Brosnan or Sean Connery or Roger Moore when they played James Bond. The Chinese metrosexual look may be handsome to young Asian girls but it's not what I normally consider handsome. I guess I have a more traditional taste when it comes to what's handsome. Lol

I think there are a few things for you to consider here, Winston. First of all, you are not tall and slender and considered handsome the way Ethan is, which is why getting casual sex with a Chinese girl is a whole lot more difficult to attain for you then it is for him. There's also your age and your height. Neither are dramatic, but both can be a reason for a girl not to instantly want to tear your clothes of, lol. You have to consider your limitations, and that in a country like China, you are more limited then you are in another country such as in the Philippines. Casual sex and living la vida loca was something you could easily do in the Philippines. A new girl every night, you were like a kid in a candy store. That's not the life you can live in China. Think about that before you get married with a woman who will not be as easy-going as Dianne, and may take over control of your life.

You are a man driven by the desire for freedom, Winston. Everything you have done since you were a young man, indicates that this has always been your life goal. Freedom to do what you want, make love to who you want, do what you want. You have your income, you have your options, you have a family even. Above all, you have a girlfriend who is okay with your philandering ways and the casual and inconsistent nature of your relationship... do you have any idea how f***ing rare that is, man?

Your entire China plan seems so illogical to me, and not in line with your character. You will never find a woman in China who allows you to live your polyamorous lifestyle the way you choose. Once you get married, and have another kid, you are pretty much guaranteed that your freedom ends there. Whereas the Philippines is a country where men maintaining mistresses are extremely common place among guys of all layers of society. In China, from what I heard, it's mostly the elites who maintain mistresses and even then, when discovered, it's always a huge scandal and a lot of drama involved - Filipino society is more casual, with mistress and bastard children often being the norm rather then the exception. They have the whole Filipino time thing, the casual lateness, the carefree attitude. In some ways, it's very much a third world country, and very poor, but it gives you advantages as a man with a first world income.

You mentioned family pressure... who cares about family pressure? If I did, I would have had a boring white wife now, and office job from 9 to 5, a Golden Retriever and ten years from now around 2.1 kids. But I decided that wasn't what I wanted, and that what I wanted was freedom, so I am trying hard to attain that abroad. We all have to find the country that is best for us, the atmosphere that is most fitting for us. Maybe for you, that really is China? But somehow I wonder if you are doing it more for yourself and your own desires, or for the wishes and expectations your parents might have. And if you aren't simply wasting your time on something that's just a phase. People have been trying to sell the idea of China being so perfectly suited to your needs for a long, long time in here. Maybe it just isn't what it's hyped to be, and the girls and you are simply too incompatible with one another.

For all these years you have been preaching about freedom and thinking out of the box. That is the principle on which you built HappierAbroad, Winston. And now, because of the pressure of your friends and family, and maybe even you deluding yourself with "my Chinese dna", you are about to crawl right back into that box you struggled to escape for so long. Why? Maybe what you really want and need has been just around the corner the whole time.

Yes you may be right. So what do you suggest? That I go to Macau and seek out p4p girls per Rock and Smallcheese's recommendation, get my desires for Chinese female flesh satisfied and satiated, then fly to Beijing and take some pictures of the Great Wall of China, and then return to the Philippines to settle down? lol

Btw, when Ethan sleeps with the girls he's dating, it's not exactly "casual sex" like in "Sex and the City". He told me that those girls expect a commitment out of him and want a committed relationship with him. Some even urge him to let them move in with him afterward. So it's not exactly casual in the sense that it's just fun with no strings attached.

Also, how do you explain that all over Asia, even in China, you see average looking guys with hot girls? Some of the guys are nerdy looking or ugly too. How are they able to get hot girls in China?

Zboy1 even said that he's seen guys that look like me with hot girls in China. How do you explain that?

[Winston]

MarcosZeitola,
How do you know if I didn't marry a Chinese girl that looked like this below, that I wouldn't become monogamous and marriage-oriented? lol

http://women.happierabroad.com/women/info153485.htm

[chanta76]

Winston,
You still didn't answer my question of why you find my behavior despicable and repulsive. Anyone can say that without basis but does it create a legitimate argument? No it doesn't. I could say you are despicable too without any valid reason but would that make it true?

I'm still waiting for specifics. What would you have done differently if you were me? I explained everything I did clearly. So where is the fault exactly? Still waiting for an answer. I'm giving you a chance to explain yourself.

I mentioned about your biography how you say your happy with Dianne but are looking for a new girl in China. You ought to update your biography because for newbies its misleading to them. I mean they come to this site reading your bio but you complained allot about the Philippines but you sell your ebooks regarding the Philippines..The same with Russia even though you left Russia. I guess what I'm saying is . Isn't it misleading to new readers ?

At the same time if you think your so handsome or good catch why did you leave Russia? I think Russian girls can match you intellectually. You mentioned it before but can you elaborate further. I mean for great guy like you women would have hard time resisting you. I'm also surprise your having a hard time in China..unless of course China change to the point where it's harder for some guys to get girls.

And also Winston ..what are you looking for? Are you looking for that one hot girl or are you looking for harem?

[Mr S]

MarcosZeitola,
How do you know if I didn't marry a Chinese girl that looked like this below, that I wouldn't become monogamous and marriage-oriented? lol

http://women.happierabroad.com/women/info153485.htm

Wow, for once I actually concur with Winston that this girl is hot, we have almost completely opposite tastes in women so there must be some kind of rare astrological alignment occurring or something! She could maybe make me go monogamous even, as long as her makeup isn't caked on like a mask hiding her real looks...

[Ghost]

.

[droid]

I agree with you. But it's possible she was not referring to guys in general, only to me. Maybe she was saying that I look so ugly and old that I can't get a girlfriend the normal way through a genuine romantic relationship, and that I can only use money to get girls or that women can only like me for money. In Russia, some girls told me that too even when I was only 30, that women can only like me for money because I'm not anyone's type or attractive enough to be genuinely attracted to.

If so, then maybe what happened with Summer is that she was desperate for love and lonely, and liked the idea of being in love. So when I came along, she was captivated by my personality and charm and sense of humor and seduction ability. She went with the flow because it was easier to do so. Some girls are weak willed and will reciprocate whatever a guy does because she has a hard time saying no, but then she regrets it later. But she did not like my appearance, so her subconscious mind eventually told her to pull away from me before things escalated further.

Com'on don't listen so much to these assholes Winston, specially that psycho Banano that has nothing to contribute here, what a miserable character, he's just trying to get a high by pounding you. We've all pounded you Lol but there's a line.

If I remember well you said Summer eagerly made out with you and got all hot and bothered in the park. I can't think she was faking it, wouldn't make sense within the whole context.

No homo here but you actually look ok in this unrelated picture man


It's a shame you haven't followed advice and lose the weight and define your arms/shoulders, as well as getting a better haircut. It would make a great difference.

[Winston]

Yes you may be right. So what do you suggest? That I go to Macau and seek out p4p girls per Rock and Smallcheese's recommendation, get my desires for Chinese female flesh satisfied and satiated, then fly to Beijing and take some pictures of the Great Wall of China, and then return to the Philippines to settle down? lol

Not exactly that, but yeah, maybe? You could at least give Macau a go so that no matter what happens, you don't leave the country of your ancestors without having had your fill of sex with sexy Chinese women. Sex, passion and romance are the three things that seem to drive you most... The first thing, Macau has to offer. The second and third may be more difficult. Not necessarily because of you, but because of the nature of Chinese women.

Ask yourself what drives you most in life, and what you want most. America brings you no joy. China brings you more joy, but still is lacking in some fundamental ways the way Russia was also lacking for you. The things you want most, tell me, where did you find them? What country? I'm not telling you to give up on China altogether, unless that's your decision. But at the very least you might want to reconsider the wisdom of your decision to pursue Chinese women at all costs. Your friends adviced you China would be perfect for you, right? Well, maybe they were mistaken. Maybe it's not perfect for you. That's a possibility, right?

Btw, when Ethan sleeps with the girls he's dating, it's not exactly "casual sex" like in "Sex and the City". He told me that those girls expect a commitment out of him and want a committed relationship with him. Some even urge him to let them move in with him afterward. So it's not exactly casual in the sense that it's just fun with no strings attached.

Still, fun with no strings attached is something you seem to wish for. Some strings attached, you would be fine with. But you would require a considerable amount of freedom from a woman for you to function. You mind wanders a lot, you have that restless gene, that adventurous gene. One day you want one thing, another day you want something else. You need a woman who accepts your nature. And I think there has only ever been one woman who accepted it fully, or at least allows you to be yourself. You will not find such flexibility with a Chinese woman, and Chinese culture seems less open to this type of relationship. At the very least, finding a girl as flexible and accepting as Dianne will be extremely difficult in China. If not to say: impossible.

Also, how do you explain that all over Asia, even in China, you see average looking guys with hot girls? Some of the guys are nerdy looking or ugly too. How are they able to get hot girls in China?

None of those guys are Winston Wu, though. Those nerdy guys may be great providers, loyal and without the urge to chase romance, sex and passion whenever they desire. They may offer more emotional and physical stability, and girls will sense they are less of a risk. When she settles for you, she is taking a risk. Filipina girls are more happy-go-lucky and open to a less traditional relationship (as seen by the amount of women who are someone's mistress and not wife in that country), whereas I feel Chinese women are more traditional when it comes to committed relationships.

Just because a guy is nerdy or plain looking does not mean he is instantly the same as you, simply because you yourself are nerdy or plain looking. And, mind you: I call you "plain looking". I never said you are ugly like some guys here say. For a middle-aged Chinese man, you look average and not below average. You are a bit on the short side, a little heavy maybe, but your looks alone aren't going to be a dealbreaker with Chinese girls: your behavior, your personality, your restlessness and reluctance to commit, as well as your past dating history and the fact you still have a girlfriend and a son... THOSE are the things that will be dealbreakers. Girls have a sixth sense when it comes to unstable guys.

Zboy1 even said that he's seen guys that look like me with hot girls in China. How do you explain that?

As I just said: it's not a matter of looks alone. Guys who look as good (or bad) as you, or way worse, will be able to get hot girls. But those guys have one thing in common: they offer financial and emotional stability. They are "what you see is what you get" type of guys, and you are a question mark to them. They are a certainty, a stable factor, they can be a girls rock... whereas you are a drifter, a wanderer, a question mark. And most girls cannot and will not take that risk.

Well all countries have their pros and cons. I've already listed the pros and cons of each that I've been to in other threads. No country has it all, unless you are a really good looking guy. I don't think anyone ever said that China would be perfect for me. I think what Rock and others have been saying all along is that they are tired of hearing me talk about China and never going there. They wanted me to go and try it out at least. It's a learning experience either way. They also wanted new trip reports from me too.

You said my decision to pursue Chinese women is not logical. Maybe, but attraction and lust are not logical, are they? They are what they are, and we are always attracted to what we want and don't have.

How do you know so much about Chinese culture and women?

I never said I was nerdy looking. No way. A nerdy looking guy looks kind of narrow and shy and reserved. I am nothing like that as you know. I am open and expressive and my eyes look kind and soulful, which is what many say.

How would women know that I'm a wanderer and not emotionally stable? I do not tell anyone that I'm emotionally unstable. And I do not say things that imply that. My personality is very genuine and down to earth, so wouldn't that make me appear stable?

I am actually financially stable and have a stable income and steady funds in my bank accounts. It's just that most Chinese women cannot fathom the idea of having an online business. To them it doesn't look like a real job. But hey, Mark Zuckerberg made a billion dollars from Facebook, so why doesn't his Chinese girlfriend complain? lol

I've also been told that girls don't like guys who stay in hotels, because it makes them look like a tourist, not like a guy who is trying to settle in China.

[jamesbond]

This girl really likes you Winston!

[celery2010]

This is the last message I got from Summer, the girl who did a 180 on me. It shows her true colors and a warped mentality.

" I don't think we can to be friends,if you want a girl friend,tell you truth,you need spend much money to her,when I stay with you,you let me feel uncomfortable,like when we go to movie,I want buy water and popcorn,you don't want,when I ask you to but star buck for me,you don't buy yourself,you just want share mine,you are so mean,I really don't like that,all time I feel you try to save money,you gave me the gift,all gifts is very cheap,I really don't enjoy ,I think Chinese man much better than you

Sorry to say that,but that is true,if you just want spend a little money than you want find woman or girl friend,that is impossible,I just try to let you know"

My logical response to her:

" I did buy popcorn for you when we first went to movie remember? But you didn't eat it. Only I did. So I think you don't like popcorn.

You didn't say you wanted popcorn last time. You don't communicate clearly. I told you I don't like sweet popcorn so I didn't buy it. If you wanted it you could've asked me. But you were silent and moody.

Chinese are not generous. They like to save money. It's is chinese character. You know that.

Anyway if you really like or love someone, these little things don't matter.

I was going to buy you more expensive gifts on our third date. But you began to be cold and moody to me.

Money does not help or hurt attraction. A relationship is all about chemistry. I've gone on many dates and money never helped me. I've spent a lot of money on girls before and it did not help or change their feeling. Remember I have more experience than you."

" You always lie and trick me. You said we could be friends but now you say we can't. You always change what you say. That's not honest or stable.

I was a gentlemen to you. I paid for most things on our dates. So I did the right thing according to traditional culture."

" You sound like you hate me. Why? You are using little things against me. Only someone with a subconscious hatred problem would do that. You forget all the good things about us and only remember little faults. Strange.

I didn't want Starbucks because Starbucks Coffee is a bad value and not worth the price. 30 rmb can buy dinner and is worth far more than a cup of sugar coffee. So I do not buy coffee there. It's illogical and a bad deal. But it's nothing against you.

I just wanted to taste your coffee. Not drink it. I thought we were a couple. Couples can share drinks. It's normal."

" You are spinning and twisting things and exaggerating things and not making any sense.

You can ask my friend rock if I did anything wrong. He will be honest and not take my side if I am wrong."

" You don't have to spend a lot of money to make a girl like you. Most people would disagree. I have more experience in dating than you. You should listen to me. A man is not required to buy everything a woman wants.

Are you saying a man should never say that something is too expensive? Are you crazy? You sound like a Russian woman. Not a Chinese woman. Chinese women are frugal and love to save and hate ripoff prices. We both know that. I am chinese too."

" You can ask any wise or smart person. They will tell you that a man should NOT give a woman expensive gifts on first or second date. To do so would be stupid and foolish. Everyone knows this summer. Why don't you?"

OH....MY....GOD.....

I can't believe you actually wrote this to a woman.

THIS is the source of your problem.

You DO LACK TACT.

Why don't you try to just let the woman talk and just say uh-huh. Then wink at her and flirt with her.

Man.......

I don't even know where to start...........

[celery2010]

I want you to send this to 100 random women, 30 mainland women, 30 asian american women and 30 western women and 10 taiwanese women or equiv.

And ask what their honest opinion of your repsonse is.

And let the statistics speak the truth.

Statistics don't lie.

And 100 women is statistically large enough to get a good sample.

[Banano]

This women is a typical gold digger, first date should be just coffees and maybe dinner if you getting positive vibes that you gonna bed her that night. Problem is these bitches get spoiled by desperate guys who will do anything to get them, so they get used to guys buying em things and it turns them into cold users who just take and give nothing in return.

I can sense whether woman is into me sexualy or just for money.

[chanta76]

Winston,

drop Summer she sounds like a gold digger. I don't even know why you responded to her. If I every dated a girl and she complained that I didn't spend enough on her I wouldn't want her. She will be headache down the line.

Maybe it's because your older (lets face facts at 40 your are older than a 20 year if that's your dating market)..girls will think you have some money

[smallcheese]

This is the last message I got from Summer, the girl who did a 180 on me. It shows her true colors and a warped mentality.

" I don't think we can to be friends,if you want a girl friend,tell you truth,you need spend much money to her,when I stay with you,you let me feel uncomfortable,like when we go to movie,I want buy water and popcorn,you don't want,when I ask you to but star buck for me,you don't buy yourself,you just want share mine,you are so mean,I really don't like that,all time I feel you try to save money,you gave me the gift,all gifts is very cheap,I really don't enjoy ,I think Chinese man much better than you

Sorry to say that,but that is true,if you just want spend a little money than you want find woman or girl friend,that is impossible,I just try to let you know"

My logical response to her:

" I did buy popcorn for you when we first went to movie remember? But you didn't eat it. Only I did. So I think you don't like popcorn.

You didn't say you wanted popcorn last time. You don't communicate clearly. I told you I don't like sweet popcorn so I didn't buy it. If you wanted it you could've asked me. But you were silent and moody.

Chinese are not generous. They like to save money. It's is chinese character. You know that.

Anyway if you really like or love someone, these little things don't matter.

I was going to buy you more expensive gifts on our third date. But you began to be cold and moody to me.

Money does not help or hurt attraction. A relationship is all about chemistry. I've gone on many dates and money never helped me. I've spent a lot of money on girls before and it did not help or change their feeling. Remember I have more experience than you."

" You always lie and trick me. You said we could be friends but now you say we can't. You always change what you say. That's not honest or stable.

I was a gentlemen to you. I paid for most things on our dates. So I did the right thing according to traditional culture."

" You sound like you hate me. Why? You are using little things against me. Only someone with a subconscious hatred problem would do that. You forget all the good things about us and only remember little faults. Strange.

I didn't want Starbucks because Starbucks Coffee is a bad value and not worth the price. 30 rmb can buy dinner and is worth far more than a cup of sugar coffee. So I do not buy coffee there. It's illogical and a bad deal. But it's nothing against you.

I just wanted to taste your coffee. Not drink it. I thought we were a couple. Couples can share drinks. It's normal."

" You are spinning and twisting things and exaggerating things and not making any sense.

You can ask my friend rock if I did anything wrong. He will be honest and not take my side if I am wrong."

" You don't have to spend a lot of money to make a girl like you. Most people would disagree. I have more experience in dating than you. You should listen to me. A man is not required to buy everything a woman wants.

Are you saying a man should never say that something is too expensive? Are you crazy? You sound like a Russian woman. Not a Chinese woman. Chinese women are frugal and love to save and hate ripoff prices. We both know that. I am chinese too."

" You can ask any wise or smart person. They will tell you that a man should NOT give a woman expensive gifts on first or second date. To do so would be stupid and foolish. Everyone knows this summer. Why don't you?"

OH....MY....GOD.....

I can't believe you actually wrote this to a woman.

THIS is the source of your problem.

You DO LACK TACT.

Why don't you try to just let the woman talk and just say uh-huh. Then wink at her and flirt with her.

Man.......

I don't even know where to start...........

I don't think it was lack of tact. It was the tactic that was wrong.

You can't use logic on a woman, especially if you're arguing with her. With most women, that's the worst possible thing you can do, especially with Westernized feminist leaning women. Going Mr. Spock on a woman in an argument will only infuriate them and make them angrier at you. Double down by continually throwing more and more logic at them and eventually they'll explode and start yelling, screaming and cursing at you. You can't believe the type of profanities that can come out of a woman when they're in this emotional state.

This is especially pertinent if you're married to the woman you're arguing with.

Been there. Done that. Total waste of time.

It's better to run as fast and as far away as possible from women who act like this.