The Perfect Murder

[galii]

I feel like she should be lured to another country best a currupt 3rd world country. There you go hiking and she falls from the cliff. It is not ideal but there are no direct evidence.

The title of the movie would be 'happier abroad' lol.

Ideally you get the citizinship of that country so you do not have to go to court anyway maybe.

[MrMan]

Terrible topic, but I would imagine the way to do it would be to set the person up to die where you don't have legal responsibility.

A friend of mine said he told this guy he worked with if he wanted to get rid of his drug-using, drug-dealing brother to tell him that if he wanted to make some real money to take some hashish to Singapore, where they don't have any of that really good hashish. They pay top dollar there.

This might work on really low IQ people who don't think to look things up on the Internet. He said that before there was a lot of information on the Internet or before a lot of people were using it.

Singapore executes people for bringing drugs into the country.

If you could talk someone into hanging out on the Gaza Strip or some other dangerous place, that might work.

I don't think I've seen dial M for murder, but just seeing that it makes me think murder is a waste of a pretty woman. If the woman is really pretty, it makes the audience viewing the film more sympathetic to the character... at least the males, but probably the women, too.

The prince of Monaco thought Grace Kelly was pretty enough to marry, even though she wasn't royalty. (Not that most royals are as good-looking as Grace Kelly was.)

[Voyager1]

I've seen crime documentaries. In one the guy took his wife hiking to a high cliff and pushed her off. He said she slipped and fell. There's no real evidence to prove either way.

I think you can use high doses of nicotine or sodium nitrate to poison someone but that might appear in an autopsy.

If you can get a hold of polonium or Novichok even better.

[galii]

@galii
@Voyager1
@MrMan

Since you guys responded I'm tagging you. I like your ideas. Throwing the bitch from a cliff sounds like a good idea. But if we're going to go elaborate then what do you think of this!

I write a note to the police, an anonymous note doused in gasoline stating that I am a new serial killer known as the Axe Man. In the note I state that my intention is to walk the streets at night and try each front door until I find one that isn't locked. Once I find one that isn't locked I will enter the house and slaughter anyone inside.

Then I tell the bitch wife that I'm off on a trip and take a train halfway across the country. In my case I'd travel from England to Scotland. Once there I would rent a car. I would drive said car back to England and park outside my house. I would enter the house using my house key and I'd chop my wife to pieces with the axe.

I'd take the axe, my clothes and place them in a bag. I'd fill the bag with rocks and toss it in a lake and drive the rented car back to Scotland and return it at the end of one week. The milage on the clock I would explain away as me driving around the Highlands.

It looks to the police that the serial killer just happened to check my door and it just so happened to be open. My poor wife. My heart would pump piss for her I'd have train tickets proving I was in Scotland the week she was killed. My DNA is all over the house? Of course it is! I f***ing live there! That's how I'd kill my wife. I'd chop the bitch into pieces and I'd technically be half way across the country when it happened and have the train tickets to prove it.

That won't work. Never do the crime in the city because everywhere there are cameras. The police will not believe a serial killer story. They will automatically assume you are the killer. Just statistics. That is how Colombo always catches them. Never kill in your country where you live.

Reminds me of nomad capitalists who say never have your money in the country where you live because government can take it from you esily.

[galii]

@galii
@Voyager1
@MrMan

Since you guys responded I'm tagging you. I like your ideas. Throwing the bitch from a cliff sounds like a good idea. But if we're going to go elaborate then what do you think of this!

I write a note to the police, an anonymous note doused in gasoline stating that I am a new serial killer known as the Axe Man. In the note I state that my intention is to walk the streets at night and try each front door until I find one that isn't locked. Once I find one that isn't locked I will enter the house and slaughter anyone inside.

Then I tell the bitch wife that I'm off on a trip and take a train halfway across the country. In my case I'd travel from England to Scotland. Once there I would rent a car. I would drive said car back to England and park outside my house. I would enter the house using my house key and I'd chop my wife to pieces with the axe.

I'd take the axe, my clothes and place them in a bag. I'd fill the bag with rocks and toss it in a lake and drive the rented car back to Scotland and return it at the end of one week. The milage on the clock I would explain away as me driving around the Highlands.

It looks to the police that the serial killer just happened to check my door and it just so happened to be open. My poor wife. My heart would pump piss for her I'd have train tickets proving I was in Scotland the week she was killed. My DNA is all over the house? Of course it is! I f***ing live there! That's how I'd kill my wife. I'd chop the bitch into pieces and I'd technically be half way across the country when it happened and have the train tickets to prove it.

That won't work. Never do the crime in the city because everywhere there are cameras. The police will not believe a serial killer story. They will automatically assume you are the killer. Just statistics. That is how Colombo always catches them. Never kill in your country where you live.

Reminds me of nomad capitalists who say never have your money in the country where you live because government can take it from you esily.

They will suspect the spouse, obviously. But I have train tickets proving I was hundreds of miles away when it happened. As for the issue of cameras I could always wear a disguise 🥸 with the car rental i could take some reg plates from a car at the scrap yard and put them on the rental temporarily so the reg plate doesn't match with the reg of the car I rented in Glasgow.

Whether they believed the serial killer story or not is a matter of opinion. They'd have a note from someone claiming to kill someone random. I'd happen to be out of town that week and my wife happened to get slaughtered like a f***ing heffer.

When interviewed I would make myself cry, which I'm sure I could manage if I put the right thoughts through my head. I'd say I went to the Highlands to take in the scenery and do some soul searching. If I wanted to i could do this kind of thing regular like every couple of months or something, booking the same tickets for the same train, renting the same kind of car from the same company. Etc. Of course I would keep all the proof. They would undoubtedly find my DNA in the house but of course they will.

It's so meticulously planned it's perfect! If I had a friend who I was close enough to trust with this kind of information like @Lucas88 I'm sure he could even provide witness testimonial evidence and say that he and I were hiking and driving around the Highlands during the time of my bitch wife's murder.

So what do the police actually have by way of evidence regarding this crime?

1. A note from an alleged serial killer claiming to randomly check house doors on a particular date at night and murder everyone inside the first house he finds open.

2. My DNA in the house. Nobody else's. Which is fine. Perhaps the killer has knowledge of how to cover his tracks and hide forensic evidence, but let's not focus on what they don't have, let's focus on what they DO have. My DNA proves nothing as its also my house and it stands to reason that my DNA would be found there. If my wife had an illicit affair every now and again this would only work in my favour since another man's DNA would be in the house as well. Still, my DNA in the house isn't enough to convict me.

3. They would have the car rental and mileage. If they were prudent enough to investigate this lead the car mileage would be an issue. Especially if I had reset it, which would seem suspicious by itself. CCTV footage would have several models of the same vehicle in or around the area where my wife was murdered, but as I said we can mitigate risk by changing the plates with a plate from a scrapped car. They wouldn't have the resources to investigate every car and I doubt they'd even have the wherewithal to even think of this anyway.

4. They would have testimony from my friend @Lucas88 who would provide them with my alibi. Not only that, but train tickets booked, plus CCTV footage of me boarding the train to Scotland and back at the end of my trip. I'd even try to call my wife from Scotland so that if they traced my mobile phone location data it would show I was in Scotland the whole time. I'd leave my phone with Lucas in the Highlands while I drove the rental back to England to murder my wife.

What do the rest of you aspiring sleuths think? If you were the detective assigned to this case how would you investigate it?

@Winston
@publicduende
@MarcosZeitola
@WilliamSmith
@willymonfrete
@Voyager1
@MrMan

I mean it is far from perfect murder. You may get away with it because Police is so lazy nowadays they may not even care.

The thing is you do not have an alibi. Your friend does not count. You have to give evidence that you were in other city. Tickets are not evidence. Just do it in other country. Nobody will care. That is why happier abroad is created to commit the perfect crime. lol.

They can check with many cameras the time you changed the plates. They can figure out till you rented the car with cameras.

[MrMan]

@Lucas88
@Winston
@WilliamSmith
@MarcosZeitola
@willymonfrete
@publicduende
@fschmidt
@MrMan
@MrPeabody
@kangarunner
@gsjackson
@galii
@WanderingProtagonist
@Yohan
@Voyager1
@Shemp

Hi everyone. I've been watching a lot of old Alfred Hitchcock movies lately. I think some of them are really good and have a theme of someone killing their wife and/or trying to commit the perfect murder. The characters plan these murders out so meticulously you'd think they are bound to get away with it, but they always make some kind of mistake or forget some major detail which unravels their seemingly brilliant plans.

Some movies in mind I've watched include:

Dial M For Murder


Rope


Rear Window


As a side note can we just appreciate how f***ing sexy Grace Kelly was? She's hot as f**k and I would've let her sit on my face if I even existed back in the 50s pmsl



Anyway. I wanted to tag you all here for two reasons

1. To see if you guys could recommend any other movies with similar themes. How to commit the perfect murder. And also to share opinions on the movies I shared.

2. And secondly I thought we might play a little game. For this game I want to do a hypothetical where you're trapped in a marriage with a heartless shrew who denies you sex and probably cheats on you with some Chad. She's mean to you. But divorcing her means she'll take everything you've worked for.

How would you commit the perfect murder? How would you off this bitch so that there was little to no evidence to convict you, without her body being found (or if it is found how can you guarantee it won't connect back to you)

Post your ideas. If you read someone else's idea for a perfect murder and you quote it, your job will be as a detective to poke holes in their plan, similar to how I mentioned above that these guys always forget something and end up getting caught.

How would you commit the perfect murder?

I don't get this trailer. If a guy had his beautiful wife killed like that, he wouldn't be able to enjoy his beautiful wife anymore. If she were very cruel toward him, it might make sense. But she seems like she's a sweet empathetic, wholesome character from what I gather... and I could be projecting because of her looks.

[MrMan]

I have another idea for a perfect murder. Admittedly less elaborate than the last plan with the trip to Scotland. This plan involves making my wife's death look like an accident.

First thing I would do is wait until my wife goes to bed. Then I would remove the light bulb on the upstairs landing. I would have put a screw in the wall the day before or something and then put some wire from the screw to the railing going down the stairs. I'd remove the light bulbs and attach the wire during the night but attach the screws during the day.

I'd hide my wife's phone, or take the battery out of it and ask her to get me some water during the night. She would hopefully go and trip over the wire and break her neck falling down the stairs. Then I would put the light bulb back in, remove the screws and wire and insert her phone battery back into her phone. I'd call an ambulance and report that my wife had an accident and had fallen down the stairs.

@galii
@MrMan
@Voyager1

[MrMan]

I have another idea for a perfect murder. Admittedly less elaborate than the last plan with the trip to Scotland. This plan involves making my wife's death look like an accident.

First thing I would do is wait until my wife goes to bed. Then I would remove the light bulb on the upstairs landing. I would have put a screw in the wall the day before or something and then put some wire from the screw to the railing going down the stairs. I'd remove the light bulbs and attach the wire during the night but attach the screws during the day.

I'd hide my wife's phone, or take the battery out of it and ask her to get me some water during the night. She would hopefully go and trip over the wire and break her neck falling down the stairs. Then I would put the light bulb back in, remove the screws and wire and insert her phone battery back into her phone. I'd call an ambulance and report that my wife had an accident and had fallen down the stairs.

@galii
@MrMan
@Voyager1

First of all, that would be a mean thing to do. Would you do that to a woman who looks like Grace Kelly?

Anyhow, they might not investigate, but if they did, they could see where the wire cut into the railing, then they might find the screw hole. And there is no guarantee that she would break her neck and die.

She might just end up with a sore leg, calling you, "Honey, could you bring me some more tea, please?" and you'd be going back and forth to the kitchen bringing her stuff all day long.

[MrMan]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@Winston
@MarcosZeitola
@publicduende
@Voyager1
@galii

Accidents get classified as manslaughter.

If something like that happened I'd call the police.

I don't push my wife in arguments. I will be careful around the mantle now that you mentioned it.

[MrMan]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@Winston
@MarcosZeitola
@publicduende
@Voyager1
@galii

Accidents get classified as manslaughter.

If something like that happened I'd call the police.

I don't push my wife in arguments. I will be careful around the mantle now that you mentioned it.

Hahaha come on MrMan! Play the game! Of course you don't push your wife, let alone murder her. We're talking about a hypothetical situation here. You've murdered your wife. Now you can't just give up and call the police, I want to hear how you would hypothetically try to cover it up.

My wife is a real person in my case, so I don't care to play. I'd just call the police and say she injured her head. I'm not hacking anyone up.

[Lucas88]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88

I know what I'd do in order to cover myself in such a situation.

First, I would dress up in my wife's clothes, storm out of the house and make my way to her car. I'd do this not because I'm a closet homo or a crossdressing fruitcake (don't worry @MrMan, I don't swing that way and so you don't have to take time out of your day to aggressively chastise me for being a battyboy! LMAO!) but rather to create the illusion that my now deceased wife was leaving the house. I'd want to draw a lot of attention to myself from the neighbors before getting into her car and driving off. This would serve to create a red herring for the police.

Then I would drive her car to a location a bit out of the way and dump it there. I'd make it look like my wife had either abandoned the car and then mysteriously disappeared or been kidnapped by some unknown. I wouldn't have to worry about my own fingerprints on the steering wheel if it was a vehicle that I also used.

After abandoning my wife's car, I would change back into my normal clothes and return to the house on foot. Once back home, I'd immediately take measures to dispose of my wife's body and clean up all of the blood. I'm not sure exactly how I'd do that. Maybe I'd take the body to a friend's house (one in whom I can trust like @Pixel--Dude) and feed the flesh to his dogs before burning the bones.

A few days later I'd phone the police and inform them of my wife's disappearance. I'd tell them that she left in her car after an argument and the neighbors who witnessed "my wife" getting into the car and driving off would be able to back up my story. Thus I would be able to divert suspicion away from myself and lead the police on a wild goose chase. Lol!

I certainly wouldn't phone the police and explain what really happened. Like fcuk they'd believe me! I'd be automatically suspected of murder. I'm not willing to go to prison and lose my freedom for an accident!

[Yohan]

I've been watching a lot of old Alfred Hitchcock movies lately. I think some of them are really good and have a theme of someone killing their wife and/or trying to commit the perfect murder. The characters plan these murders out so meticulously you'd think they are bound to get away with it, but they always make some kind of mistake or forget some major detail which unravels their seemingly brilliant plans.

-----

How would you commit the perfect murder? How would you off this bitch so that there was little to no evidence to convict you, without her body being found (or if it is found how can you guarantee it won't connect back to you)

Post your ideas. If you read someone else's idea for a perfect murder and you quote it, your job will be as a detective to poke holes in their plan, similar to how I mentioned above that these guys always forget something and end up getting caught.

How would you commit the perfect murder?

I think, you cannot compare old Hitchcock movies with modern crime investigation today, especially in technically advanced countries and get away with such serious crimes.

There are everywhere cameras, you buy something for example there is a date/time automatic stamp on your receipt, hotels will not accept you without showing an ID, there is DNA to identify even bones, there are much more sophisticated possibilities to investigate any crime than ever before.

Letters written in the past could be destroyed, but now any phone call, any email will leave a trace behind. Conversations might be recorded secretly...

All in all, I think, it is nowadays not easy to dump a human body and to be sure it can NEVER be found - even ships have cameras installed on all sides, you cannot dump a body just overboard - and it is much more difficult now for you to disappear to somewhere abroad without being found - you can be traced back in an airport out of millions of people.

I would say to commit a crime without leaving any evidence behind is 'pure luck'.

[MrMan]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88
@MrMan
@Winston
@MarcosZeitola
@publicduende
@Voyager1
@galii

Accidents get classified as manslaughter.

If something like that happened I'd call the police.

I don't push my wife in arguments. I will be careful around the mantle now that you mentioned it.

Hahaha come on MrMan! Play the game! Of course you don't push your wife, let alone murder her. We're talking about a hypothetical situation here. You've murdered your wife. Now you can't just give up and call the police, I want to hear how you would hypothetically try to cover it up.

My wife is a real person in my case, so I don't care to play. I'd just call the police and say she injured her head. I'm not hacking anyone up.

Come on dude don't be a stickler lol. This is a hypothetical scenario! As such, we can pretend that your wife isn't actually your wife. Let's pretend this is an alternative reality in which you got hoodwinked into marrying some woman who supports LGBT and teaches this stuff to kids at school. Whilst arguing about the moral implications of her job she attacks you so you push her away and she hits her head and dies. How are you getting out of this? You're not going to jail for this woman, are you?

If something like that happened, I would probably call the ambulance, and tell them she lost her balance and hit her head (true isn't it?) The police might show up. That's how an innocent man would act in this scenario. If you hid the body, the police and prosecutor would be convinced that you committed murder. If your wife fell and you called an ambulance, they might think it was an accident... which it basically was based on your scenario.

I had a class in high school where the prosecutor from a high profile murder case came and gave his opening argument then asked the students what should be done with the accused. Much of the class agreed on the death penalty. Then he said that was his opening argument. The case was built largely on little fragments of clothing, rugs, etc. that were from the accused house, vehicle, etc. that were on dead bodies and the probabilities of that happening. Another day, a forensics investigator came and told what she did. It is pretty amazing what they can figure out with all those little forensics clues.

If someone called the police in this situation, the only little variable they would have to work with is the angle at which she hit her head on the mantle, unless she left bruises or had bruises elsewhere. If it was just her head, calling the police is actually the safer bet. If you drug someone's body around, that would leave all kinds of forensic evidence.

It is boring and would make for a dull TV show or movie, but also probably the safest approach from a legal standpoint.

If the police start asking questions, say you lost your wife and you don't like their tone, so you won't talk to them without their lawyer. I could say I know a little about law and mention my experience with it, and it is always advisable to let a lawyer speak to the police.

[MrMan]

I have a friend who was quite the story teller. He said he used to be undercover, and his job in some kind of drug mob was to get rid of the bodies. So he'd take dummies out on a small ship at sea, tie cement blocks to them, and dump them in the water, so if the criminals kept tabs on him they would see him doing that.

When I talk to him, I operate under the assumption that he is telling the truth, but he has either lived an interesting life or... he has a lot of stories. I was around some of his interesting life, though, so.... anyway... it's an interesting story.

[MrMan]

What about if you accidentally murdered your wife? Say you had an argument and pushed her because she tried to hit you and she fell and hit her head on the fireplace or something?

Hardly the ideal murder, but any murder is a perfect murder so long as you can get away with it. So you've got your dead wife with her head cracked open on the marble mantlepiece. Now how do you clean up the mess and get rid of the body in a way that ensures you can get away with it?

@Lucas88

I know what I'd do in order to cover myself in such a situation.

First, I would dress up in my wife's clothes, storm out of the house and make my way to her car. I'd do this not because I'm a closet homo or a crossdressing fruitcake (don't worry @MrMan, I don't swing that way and so you don't have to take time out of your day to aggressively chastise me for being a battyboy! LMAO!) but rather to create the illusion that my now deceased wife was leaving the house. I'd want to draw a lot of attention to myself from the neighbors before getting into her car and driving off. This would serve to create a red herring for the police.

I'm curious if this wife of yours is a big hairy MMA fighter looking type. There is no way I'm every putting on one of my wife's dresses, but hypothetically if I were to try something so crazy and obscene, there is no way anyone would mistake me for her, and that would be such a spectacle, it would draw unwanted attention. So in this scenario, are you married to a huge beast of a woman.... not a Grace Kelly type?