I'm Short, Dark Skinned, Filipino-American. Am I screwed?

[jayuropke]

Hey all, I've been reading a lot of the forums and I'm glad that a lot of other people have been finding success outside their home countries.

As the title says, I'm a short (158cm / 5ft 2in), relatively dark skinned Filipino-American guy.

My love life has been, well, nothing spectacular bordering on non-existent.

I'm from Southern California, and I basically could not compete at all, and was always passed over, dismissed, or rejected.

Things got a little better once I moved to South Korea to teach English, but I quickly found out that there is definitely a racist hierarchy in Asia, with Southeast Asians and South Asians being at the bottom.

I've gone on some dates with Korean girls, but as some others have noted, dating in Korea is really difficult, especially if you're not white. There are definitely a lot of Korean chicks looking for their "white knight." I've seen some butt-fugly white guys here who can't speak Korean to save their lives with some pretty hot Korean chicks. I speak pretty good Korean, have a pretty good understanding of Korean culture and I am basically ignored.

The culture is also very different. Without getting into too much into detail, if/when you marry a Korean girl, you marry their family, with all the racism, prejudice, and social constructs and expectations. Not sure if that's for me, even if I were to hit if off with a Korean girl.

Basically, I went from really, really bad (USA) to bad (South Korea).

Don't get me wrong, I've traveled to over 30 countries and Seoul is definitely one of my favorite cities in the world. I love the 24 hour lifestyle, insanely fast and connected internet, and I have a lot of great friends (both Korean and non-Korean).

But when it comes to dating, I'm basically ignored.

I guess I'm wondering where I should look.

The most obvious choice I guess is the Philippines, since I am Filipino (though I don't speak Tagalog or Cebuano or anything).

I'm from a very Asian part of California, so I've developed a preference for Asians, but I'm curious about Latin America too. I happen to speak a bit of Spanish and I think Brazilian Portuguese is a beautiful language, so that helps too.

I've read that Peru has the largest population of Chinese in Latin America. And that Brazil has the largest population of Japanese outside Japan. I've also met Korean-Chileans, Korean-Argentinians, Japanese-Brazilians, Chinese-Panamanians, etc. and I think I like the Asian-Latin American mix the most. Or just simply Asians who were born or raised in Latin America. So awesome

I am trying to think of whatever positives I have, but my overall depressed mood clouds my judgement a lot.
+USA Citizen (benefit?)
+From California (Orange County)
+Filipino-American (more attractive in the Philippines?)
+Pretty good Bachata dancer, and also dance Salsa and Kizomba (useful in Latin America?)
+Currently live in South Korea, travel all over the world
+Did all this stuff at a relatively young age (I'm only 24 years old and funded all my travels, no trust fund baby here)

I read an article that said that basically short guys have to either win someone over with money or status. I guess I'll have to make a shit ton of money or get really famous or something =/

I've read up on fashion and tricks to boost my appearance (height boosting shoes, stay slim, wear your hear up, get slim-fitted clothing) and have been implementing them. But I feel that it may be easier (and a hell of a lot more fun) just to move somewhere where I'm not fighting a constant uphill battle.

Sorry if I rambled, this is something that's been bothering me for a long time, and it wasn't until recently that I found this site and this forum with awesome people who are in similar situations. Thank you for any advice =)

[KokujinKrusader]

At least there has been a slight improvement in your situation. Unfortunately, you're going to have to work much harder to get with women just about anywhere on earth. Since you're Filipino though, you might want to try the Philippines.

[zboy1]

At least there has been a slight improvement in your situation. Unfortunately, you're going to have to work much harder to get with women just about anywhere on earth. Since you're Filipino though, you might want to try the Philippines.

Korea is a very xenophobic, insular country; actually, even White men have problems with getting Korean women. Most Korean women prefer Korean men first, then White, then Southeast Asians, Blacks and South Asians.

I think Kokujin is right!: The Philippines is your best bet, jayuropke. I'm sure a Filipino American would do well in the Philippines, and even the rest of Southeast Asia.

Don't let people persuade you that being an Asian American is somehow a hindrance in Asia; it isn't. It's actually an advantage, in many cases.

[Rayn]

Its actually the same everywhere. People always prefer those who are a fit with themselves. The key is to find those who are a fit for you, instead of worrying about whether you are attractive enough.

You'd be surprised to see who actually finds you attractive. During my time in Moscow way, way back I thought I would be considered ugly, especially considering there were plenty of guys who are a head taller than me. I was proved wrong. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you will never get to know who the beholder is if you don't dare to meet people and have more confidence in yourself.

Don't be dismayed if people don't like you. The problem is not you, its them.

[MrPeabody]

Why don't you try Vietnam? They are hiring English teachers.

[Taco]

You'll do well in Cebu with the ladies I know that. That's your best option.

[chanta76]

Your height is more of problem in Korea than your race. Saying that as zboy1 said there is a hierarchy in KOrea. Most Korean girls goes for Korean guys follow by White guys. (white privilege at work here). Saying that looks and styles is very important in Korea. So if you want to nab a Korean girl looks counts.

I mean you have short Korean guys that struggle in the dating market. They make it up with status and money. I don't know if your an ESL teacher if you are try to improve your situation. There is Vietnam where the girls look more Korean style and height is less of an issue there.

[chibolo]

I've read that Peru has the largest population of Chinese in Latin America. And that Brazil has the largest population of Japanese outside Japan. I've also met Korean-Chileans, Korean-Argentinians, Japanese-Brazilians, Chinese-Panamanians, etc. and I think I like the Asian-Latin American mix the most. Or just simply Asians who were born or raised in Latin America. So awesome

I am trying to think of whatever positives I have, but my overall depressed mood clouds my judgement a lot.
+USA Citizen (benefit?)
+From California (Orange County)
+Filipino-American (more attractive in the Philippines?)
+Pretty good Bachata dancer, and also dance Salsa and Kizomba (useful in Latin America?)
+Currently live in South Korea, travel all over the world
+Did all this stuff at a relatively young age (I'm only 24 years old and funded all my travels, no trust fund baby here)

Peru or a similar country (like Ecuador) could be good for you. You dance well and that will definitely help there (Peruvians dance a lot of salsa, though cumbia is the most popular dance there). And most Peruvian guys are your height and dark skinned so you will not have any disadvantage there at all. Peru is full of short, dark skinned guys with attractive girlfriends.

[gsjackson]

Add another to your list of positives: a very good writer, able to string together coherent paragraphs in a readable and stylish way. This is a very unusual capability among people your age educated in the U.S., and I say that from the perspective of having graded hundreds of papers by American college students at upmarket schools.

I don't know where you should go, but wherever it is, don't sell yourself short (pun intended). Keep in mind the examples of Marcos's Philippine relatives, and the 5-2 Dudley ("the sex thimble") Moore. You should be looking for a high-class, intelligent woman, and don't settle for less.

[E Irizarry R&B Singer]

At least there has been a slight improvement in your situation. Unfortunately, you're going to have to work much harder to get with women just about anywhere on earth. Since you're Filipino though, you might want to try the Philippines.

See. We are nice to each other, but I have to call you out on your ignorance here; take heed: I HAVE BEEN TO COUNTRIES THAT WOMEN DATE SHORTER MEN OF SIMILAR ANDDDDDDDDDDD DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS. The 5'2" newbie Filipino guy can go to Central Asia and get a girl. He can also go to a lottttttttttttttttttttttt of countries and get women. He might not be able to get statuesque women in some of these countries, but there are women whom fancy men his size. As long as he is in decent physical shape, he'll be picked by a half-way decent woman.

Personally, I have seen shorter men holding hands in public with taller women in CANADA, The Philippines, Colombia, Peru (as much as I don't really fancy that country; I will tell the truth without regard), Bolivia, Chile.

[E Irizarry R&B Singer]

Its actually the same everywhere. People always prefer those who are a fit with themselves. The key is to find those who are a fit for you, instead of worrying about whether you are attractive enough.

You'd be surprised to see who actually finds you attractive. During my time in Moscow way, way back I thought I would be considered ugly, especially considering there were plenty of guys who are a head taller than me. I was proved wrong. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you will never get to know who the beholder is if you don't dare to meet people and have more confidence in yourself.

Don't be dismayed if people don't like you. The problem is not you, its them.

I agree with everything except the "It's actually the same everywhere" part, which is so misleading. First of all, you haven’t' been to 180+ countries; I only been to 15, and I know better than to say what your first sentence here is. You are already trying to demoralize this guy. Yeah, this guy may be not worth giving information to, but please at least give the right GENERAL not-uber-specific information.

[KokujinKrusader]

I've seen plenty of shorter men with taller women in China. Most of them were White guys or Chinese (probably well-off financially) guys, but it does happen. I'm also a short guy (5'7") and I did alright in China, but it was with girls shorter than I.

[chibolo]

Height is relative. I am only average height here in my country (Belgium) (about 5'9). In Peru I was considered tall and girls even gave me complements on my height believe it or not. Peruvian guys my height were also considered tall.

[Jonny Law]

YES YOU ARE SCREWED- Chicks love to screw lower class guys in the eyes of their parents. It is a way to get back at daddy. You are screwed literally Enjoy

[ladislav]

The language thing is deplorably correct. Good looks, race and money take precedence over language, intelligence, cultural knowledge etc. I saw the same thing in Asia. Tall white guys who don't know anything about the culture get more girls than those who know the culture and the language.

In the Philippines, a guy who does not speak Tagalog, who is tall and white and who only speaks English, gets more respect than a fluent Tagalog speaker like me. I've seen it. Money, car, status. It's the animal thing. A base instinct to join a better tribe.

But don't feel despaired. First of all, you need to get out of Korea. Just like I got out of Japan, US, Thailand and go where you are appreciated. The Philippines is your first choice. Then, Mexico, Guatemala, etc. are yours. Also, Thailand, VN, Cambodia,Indonesia are also yours.

Do not beat your head against the wall. Go to where you are in demand.