Is it Really Possible to be Faithful?

[rudder]

It just seems like as a guy, you'll always be checking out other women and jerking off to other women at the very least...let alone flirting and hooking up with other women. Especially if you live in a foreign country where there are many quality women that dress sexy everywhere you go.

Sadly, I realize I've never had a long-term relationship with a girl. The longest I've ever been with one girl was two months. I'd really like to have a long-term relationship, but I also worry that maybe I'm just not cut out for it. It seems like I just get bored once I have a girl.

Is there anyone on here that has grappled with these same issues, yet has been able to maintain a committed relationship? What advice do you have for someone in my shoes?

I know some would advise to just find the 'perfect' girl so that I no longer focus on her flaws and compare her to other women. But I don't think that's a real solution. I've known enough women in my life to tell that there is no 'perfect' woman for me. Instead there are many women that are, for lack of better words, good enough.

I know that the problem lies with me, because a woman that is objectively 'good enough' for me will inevitably leave me wanting more. She can flip all my switches, such as being affectionate, loyal, attentive, caring, fun, romantic, sexual, but I have always seemed to think the grass is greener.

Armchair bachelors and disgruntled divorcees need not respond to this thread. I want to hear from people that have actually been successful in being a committed life partner.

[Taco]

I've never cheated on my first wife(married 5 years) or my current wife(married 1.5 years) and I don't watch porn which can also cause problems in a marriage. If you sleep around a lot when your young you'll have a difficult time staying with one woman for sure. That said, its almost impossible to stay in a relationship with a woman from a western country so there's a good chance your lack of success is not your fault. Filipinas will give you the best chance of a long term relationship.

[rudder]

Filipinas. There's a good example. I'm sure there are plenty of good, faithful filipinas...but I think it would be hard to be faithful to them especially if you live in their country. Since it is easy to meet many good women there (just look at the information on this forum) I would find it hard to not be looking around at the other women.

Porn and masturbation is probably part of my problem. I just get so horny, and a girlfriend can't be with me all the time either. Not to mention, sex isn't a guarantee everytime a guy is with his girlfriend. Also, in a lot of relationships there just isn't really time for sex, because the couple spends too much time working.

I don't watch p**n which can also cause problems in a marriage.

Could you elaborate on this statement? Why does it cause problems, and what sorts of problems does it cause?

[Taco]

Filipinas. There's a good example. I'm sure there are plenty of good, faithful filipinas...but I think it would be hard to be faithful to them especially if you live in their country. Since it is easy to meet many good women there (just look at the information on this forum) I would find it hard to not be looking around at the other women.

p**n and masturbation is probably part of my problem. I just get so horny, and a girlfriend can't be with me all the time either. Not to mention, sex isn't a guarantee everytime a guy is with his girlfriend. Also, in a lot of relationships there just isn't really time for sex, because the couple spends too much time working.

I don't watch p**n which can also cause problems in a marriage.

Could you elaborate on this statement? Why does it cause problems, and what sorts of problems does it cause?

Well for one thing you'll be thinking about sex a lot more which means you'll be wanting sex a lot more any where you can get it including cheating on your spouse. In addition, heterosexual porn is basically a gateway drug, eventually it will have no effect on you so to get turned on you'll have use homosexual porn, that's why all porn is gay porn.

[Banano]

http://www.sbs.com.au/thefeed/blog/2014 ... -addiction


Agree with taco,

You will get to the point where normal port doesn't stimulate you any more and then you will escalate, search for something new.
Another thing is that normal girls cant compete with girls you see in porn, we are supposed to fck real girls not masturbate to digital images.
Just don't do porn at all or reduce it to say once a month.

[rudder]

Are you talking specifically about porn? Or are you also talking about pictures of women in provocative clothing?

I don't see how the latter is any different from walking around town and seeing a bunch of sexy women walking around in high heels and miniskirts.

[Teal Lantern]

Is there anyone on here that has grappled with these same issues, yet has been able to maintain a committed relationship? What advice do you have for someone in my shoes?

There will always be newer, greener, just-turned-legal grass ...
I thought you'd have gotten more replies by now, but the social contract is too different when you exit an LTR than it is when you go in, years prior.
Even LTR carries less time than it once did.

Back when words had meaning, the "commitment" was what you did to provide stability for the wife and kids.
"Monogamy" was what the wife did, so that you could be certain the kids were yours and provide for them.

So ... on commitment: Decide if children will be part of your future.
If yes, then look for a good, loyal partner for you & mother to them.
If no, then you're free to seek excitement in a partner (they usually eventually want children, too, though).

On monogamy: You'd be surprised (or horrified) how many couples aren't practicing strict monogamy.
Swinging and "poly" arrangements have also been around a lot longer than many people would have you believe.
Decide what arrangement you want.

[manly5000]

I personally am flat out not built or wired to cheat. Ever. It's the worst thing you could ever to do your significant other, and my morals are so strong about it that I would seriously rather kill myself than ever do it. My morals are also so strict that I consider things like kissing and grinding another person on the dance floor to be full-blown cheating.

If someone ever cheated on me it would be over. Immediately. With pleasure, pride, and prejudice.

As far as staying with one girl and not getting bored, again, this comes down to how you are wired. After almost 13 years of marriage to my ex, I was every bit as into her in the end as I was in the beginning. Even when things were horrible between us at the very end, I relished any chance I'd get to make love to her and try to make things right.

If you're wired to be faithful and ENJOY staying with one woman forever, like I am, then it's a no-brainer. If you get bored after two months, well... either you're picking the wrong women or you just aren't cut out for LTR's.

[rudder]

I personally am flat out not built or wired to cheat. Ever. It's the worst thing you could ever to do your significant other, and my morals are so strong about it that I would seriously rather kill myself than ever do it. My morals are also so strict that I consider things like kissing and grinding another person on the dance floor to be full-blown cheating.

If someone ever cheated on me it would be over. Immediately. With pleasure, pride, and prejudice.

As far as staying with one girl and not getting bored, again, this comes down to how you are wired. After almost 13 years of marriage to my ex, I was every bit as into her in the end as I was in the beginning. Even when things were horrible between us at the very end, I relished any chance I'd get to make love to her and try to make things right.

If you're wired to be faithful and ENJOY staying with one woman forever, like I am, then it's a no-brainer. If you get bored after two months, well... either you're picking the wrong women or you just aren't cut out for LTR's.

Thanks for stating that. It's very refreshing to hear.

So, my question to you is how quickly you would marry a foreign woman you are dating that told you within the first month of meeting you that she wanted to be with you forever. Suppose this is a good woman, with a decent job (not a gold digger)...let's just say she's your ideal woman. How long would you "wait" to be sure? Keeping in mind you don't want to discourage her by waiting too long.

Also, wouldn't you be hesitant about committing to another woman, since you already had one that didn't work out? I'm guessing it didn't work out based on a lack of devotion on her part.

Also, are you or were you ever worried about women witholding sex or changing their behavior in any way once you marry them? It's too true in many cases that the ideal girlfriend doesn't turn out to be the ideal wife.

[manly5000]

Thanks for stating that. It's very refreshing to hear.

So, my question to you is how quickly you would marry a foreign woman you are dating that told you within the first month of meeting you that she wanted to be with you forever. Suppose this is a good woman, with a decent job (not a gold digger)...let's just say she's your ideal woman. How long would you "wait" to be sure? Keeping in mind you don't want to discourage her by waiting too long.

Also, wouldn't you be hesitant about committing to another woman, since you already had one that didn't work out? I'm guessing it didn't work out based on a lack of devotion on her part.

Also, are you or were you ever worried about women witholding sex or changing their behavior in any way once you marry them? It's too true in many cases that the ideal girlfriend doesn't turn out to be the ideal wife.

No problem brah.

I'm not sure how long it would take, can't really put a hard-capped time limit on it, because for me the most important thing is making sure she is the right one. But, as with my ex, I could do it within a matter of months if I was confident that she was the one.

My ex was the one in the beginning, but in the end, wasn't... if that makes any sense. America destroyed who she was. Changed her over the course of our marriage. Not sure if you've read my other posts about it but, long story short, due to the influence of her group of friends and everything else in the USA, she changed from a girl who only wanted to be with me into a girl who valued financial prosperity more than love and wanted to go out and sew her wild oats.

I made my share of mistakes, for sure, but I've learned from the past and changed in many ways myself. I ABSOLUTELY want to commit to the RIGHT girl... no doubt about it. I'm not built for polygamy or casual sex. A relationship with one quality girl to last the rest of my life is all I really care about. I failed once, but will not fail the next time.

The right girl won't withhold sex from you. My ex never did, even in the end. You just have to make sure you know her as best you can before you tie the knot.

Withholding sex or using sex as a weapon is primarily a tactic of the Ameriskank. Foreign women in their own country/environment don't seem to employ this kind of nonsensical tactic.

[rudder]

Thanks for stating that. It's very refreshing to hear.

So, my question to you is how quickly you would marry a foreign woman you are dating that told you within the first month of meeting you that she wanted to be with you forever. Suppose this is a good woman, with a decent job (not a gold digger)...let's just say she's your ideal woman. How long would you "wait" to be sure? Keeping in mind you don't want to discourage her by waiting too long.

Also, wouldn't you be hesitant about committing to another woman, since you already had one that didn't work out? I'm guessing it didn't work out based on a lack of devotion on her part.

Also, are you or were you ever worried about women witholding sex or changing their behavior in any way once you marry them? It's too true in many cases that the ideal girlfriend doesn't turn out to be the ideal wife.

No problem brah.

I'm not sure how long it would take, can't really put a hard-capped time limit on it, because for me the most important thing is making sure she is the right one. But, as with my ex, I could do it within a matter of months if I was confident that she was the one.

My ex was the one in the beginning, but in the end, wasn't... if that makes any sense. America destroyed who she was. Changed her over the course of our marriage. Not sure if you've read my other posts about it but, long story short, due to the influence of her group of friends and everything else in the USA, she changed from a girl who only wanted to be with me into a girl who valued financial prosperity more than love and wanted to go out and sew her wild oats.

I made my share of mistakes, for sure, but I've learned from the past and changed in many ways myself. I ABSOLUTELY want to commit to the RIGHT girl... no doubt about it. I'm not built for polygamy or casual sex. A relationship with one quality girl to last the rest of my life is all I really care about. I failed once, but will not fail the next time.

The right girl won't withhold sex from you. My ex never did, even in the end. You just have to make sure you know her as best you can before you tie the knot.

Withholding sex or using sex as a weapon is primarily a tactic of the Ameriskank. Foreign women in their own country/environment don't seem to employ this kind of nonsensical tactic.

So, you couldn't satisfy her greed? That was basically the problem with your first wife. See, how can you ever know? I mean when you decided you wanted to marry her, I'm sure there was no warning sign that she would turn out that way after a decade of being together.

So ultimately, how do you make sure she is "the right one"?

[quito]

i have struggled for years with the same issues that you are facing. im going to give you some advice that might seem unintuitive. basically, im telling you that you should not attempt a serious long term relationship yet. you are just not ready for it. i actually would recommend to all guys, if you have the opportunity, then you should date around with as many women as you can handle. to be honest, the more, the better. here's why...

until sex is not the number 1 priority in your selection criteria you will be severely handicapped in your ability to think critically in selecting a mate. the only way past this is to know without a doubt that you could potentially have nearly any woman you wanted. once you have established that for yourself then sex becomes less and less of a priority. it will never go away completely and sex should be enjoyable for your whole life. but until your mind and libido are fully believing that you are living in abundance and not living in a drought your subconscious mind will sabotage you. so what does this mean for western, or primarily american men?

it means that you need to mentally locate to another place where there truly is abundance.. and you need to allow yourself to experience it in real if at all possible. this is the way of humans. its not abnormal.. don't let others dissuade you or put their morality on you. its not about being selfish and its not about using woman for your pleasure. its just being human and its about getting yourself to a state of mind where you are able to develop enough confidence in yourself so that you will always have access to abundance and you can focus on the things that are more important in your selection of a long term partner.

if you don't do this before you get involved in a serious relationship then you are setting yourself up for failure. you are setting yourself up for heart ache.. and you will hurt the very one you thought you loved. if you are not ready then you are just not ready. allow yourself to live in that place and make the effort to experience more of life.. more of loving without hangups. there will come a time when you work your way through it and then at around that time someone will be there who you will realize is the right one for you. and because you have the confidence... and you have the ability to get nearly any chic you want.. you will be secure enough in yourself to be the right guy for that girl.

i know all of this because i have been there.. i am engaged now after a bunch of years doing what some people would call 'playing'. but really i was just preparing myself for the right one.

here is us... i posted this recently elsewhere.. i'm very happy and you will be too...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jO_NNPAVqNQ

-quito

[OutWest]

It just seems like as a guy, you'll always be checking out other women and jerking off to other women at the very least...let alone flirting and hooking up with other women. Especially if you live in a foreign country where there are many quality women that dress sexy everywhere you go.

Sadly, I realize I've never had a long-term relationship with a girl. The longest I've ever been with one girl was two months. I'd really like to have a long-term relationship, but I also worry that maybe I'm just not cut out for it. It seems like I just get bored once I have a girl.

Is there anyone on here that has grappled with these same issues, yet has been able to maintain a committed relationship? What advice do you have for someone in my shoes?

I know some would advise to just find the 'perfect' girl so that I no longer focus on her flaws and compare her to other women. But I don't think that's a real solution. I've known enough women in my life to tell that there is no 'perfect' woman for me. Instead there are many women that are, for lack of better words, good enough.

I know that the problem lies with me, because a woman that is objectively 'good enough' for me will inevitably leave me wanting more. She can flip all my switches, such as being affectionate, loyal, attentive, caring, fun, romantic, sexual, but I have always seemed to think the grass is greener.

Armchair bachelors and disgruntled divorcees need not respond to this thread. I want to hear from people that have actually been successful in being a committed life partner.

I think you should be asking the man in the mirror. One way or the other, it is a measure of
the character of the man, both in terms of the woman he will choose, and whether he has the
depth of character to live up to his commitments.

[Mystery Writer]

I didn't marry until I was 40. I'm sure I wasn't ready until then. Before that, I was happily playing around whenever I could.

It is possible to be faithful, if and when you meet a woman who matches your personal list of requirements and you match hers. It just might take you a while to get there.

HTH

[Devil Dog]

I have been married for 29 years. 5 kids. Well educated American Woman.

In answer to the question, I think the answer is different for everyone but a number of different factors need to be in place.

1. A sense of honesty and personal integrity on the part of both partners. Big bonus points if the woman is a virgin. If she was a virgin at the time of marriage and does not screw around, then how much of an asshole is the husband who screws around?
2. Commitment to always make it work. There will be rough times, but if you put affection and love into it then that will be reflected back to you. You will get back what you put into it. This sounds like hackneyed advice and I suppose that it is, but there will be times when you are pissed off at each other. I mean REALLY f***ing PISSED OFF. If in the back of your mind you believe that after all is said and done that she is going to make it work and not walk out, then it is easier to have that attitude for yourself.
3. Willingness to compromise in all areas.
4. For the most part, sex is mandatory. Withholding sex as a method of manipulation has no place in a marriage. I would not put up with that.

At the end of the day I attribute the success of my marriage more to my wife than to myself. If I had married a different, more typical type of woman, I would probably be divorced by now.

Maybe I was lucky or maybe I was wise enough to have the right criteria in choosing a mate. Probably a bit of both.

Would some strange p***y be fun now and then? Of course it would. But my sense of fair play does not allow that.