Getting into an Arranged Marriage

[MrMan]

I wonder if it would be possible for someone from the west to go to a country that has arranged marriage and work the system to find a wife.

I've watched videos and read a bit about India. One complaint about poor Indian women from more 'modern' (or feminist) women is that they are told who to marry, and then they are told to do whatever the husband (and or his parents) tell her, to do housework, and go along with his sexual desires.

Honestly, that sounds like a good deal for a man. And if a decent man married a woman with this mindset and treated her well, it could be a good situation.

They say the families find potential suitors. They bring girl in and have her sit on the stool while a family examines her. They may say her breasts are too small or skin is too dark. Higher class Indians seem to appreciate if a girl has a college degree and all that kind of stuff before she becomes a house wife.

I'm wondering if someone from the west could get into this system somehow. Even if he didn't have his family with him, if he lived in India or some country where Indians were present, could he ask around to be matched up with a woman. Indian wages are typically lower. if I were single and wife-hunting in India, I wouldn't care if a girl had a college degree. I would want her to speak English and not be stupid. I'd want her to have good common sense and be able to cook Indian food and clean house, and to be a good mother for the children. But some guys want a woman to contribute to the household. If a man from the west doesn't care about that, and wants good mom and wife material, I wonder if he could be accepted as a potential mate in India?

If he's not looking for a woman who has to be super-educated and cares nothing for social class, a poor high school educated girl might be a good prospect. If he's willing not to accept much in the way of the dowry for the bride, and is willing to pay a lot for his portion of the dowry, a poor family may go for that. I wonder if poor families would like to see their Indian girls married off to a 'rich' American (someone with an average or decent job.)

There are Christians over there, too. If I were single and looking, I'd want a Christian bride, and I wouldn't want to go through pagan rituals. It's possible it's hard for Christians to find good spouses since their population is smaller there.

The danger here is not getting to know much about the girl. If you worked with a girl or something over there and got to know her, and then went through her parents to do a semi-arranged thing. I suppose you could interview her for a variety of character issues before accepting her.

Indian arranged marriage divorce rates tend to be low, and they seem to value virginity. A conservative girl who holds to values of obedience to her husband and meeting his sexual needs is an advantage. I don't know if they learn to cook before marriage. I think India is kind of male-dominated, which is a good thing for a culture from which to get a wife. I don't know if they learn to cook before or after marriage, but getting an Indian wife who could cook well could be another great benefit.

There are also Indians (usually richer) in the Indian diaspora in western lands. Sometimes Indian women in developed countries don't go through the same western dating practices, so maybe there are some prospects, but I could see how marrying a well-to-do girl could put you at a disadvantage. Marrying a poorer girl and being higher status than her may help you get her admiration at the beginning and set the tone of your being the leader, which are good things. It wouldn't be fun to be married to someone who has been spoiled all her life. Poorer girls may be trained to be harder working.

Btw, I've read there are Indian match-making sites, where sometimes the parents post the potential match's profile.

Does anyone know about this? Are Indians open to westerners getting into their arranged marriage system, or just dating and marrying their kids?

[Yohan]

http://www.498a.org/
There are also serious problems with arranged marriages, because of dowry related laws.
Basically it's about marriage fraud.
Show up as a girl willing to enter an arranged marriage, and after marriage claim abuse and ask for divorce and compensation from the ex-husband and his parents.
I also heard about marriage fraud in Thailand and in Vietnam. Not all which is 'arranged' is working out nicely. Also arranged marriage in Islam with man and woman meeting the first time during marriage is often going wrong.

There are also stories about Korean religious sects which are promoting arranged marriage.

About foreigners and arranged marriage, in India and elsewhere - it might be possible if the parents of the foreigner are also available. Arranged marriage is usually a matter of discussion between parents.

Personally I do not think this is a good way to go. Here in Japan many women like the way of gossip and introduction, but I cannot call this an arranged marriage. There are also professional match makers who try to find suitable men and women and introduce them to each other, often by arranging parties in golf-clubs, trips to temples or otherwise sightseeing ...

[MrMan]

Arranged marriages would be a big risk unless you know the girl and want to follow social custom to wed her. I'm thinking India might be a good place to get a wife if she's been taught to obey her husband, provide for his needs sexually, if she's a virgin, etc. But she'd also have to have good character, and you don't really know if she's easy to get along with and forgiving if you don't know her or find out an awful lot about her. The culture would be complicated. I'm thinking of Christian Indian women, though. Marrying into the caste system and Hinduism wouldn't be good, if it's even allowed by their beliefs. You'd probably need a family.

As far as Korean arranged marriages go, that might work, too. I met an Okinawan man who grew up in the US who asked a Korean pastor if she could match him up. He was older, probably in his 40's, and he got matched up with a never-married woman I her 40's.

I think someone could get a good Korean bride who could make a good wife, but there are also Korean women who think it's their job to rule the roost. Korean dramas often have women running the house and bossing men around, but there are also household's portrayed where the man is in charge. At least is not complete one of women being in charge. Traditionally, the bride moves in to the husband's parents house and they live together, and the mother-in-law teaches her to cook so the husband can eat his mamma's style of cooking. I don't know if modern Korean single women learn to cook well or not. I like Korean food, but not everyone does. If you are looking for a wife and wanted a somewhat arranged marriage (or a blind date heavily focused on marrying soon) then find out if she can cook.