Paradox: How can unapproachable AW all be taken?

[Ghost]

.

[jamesbond]

Here's the paradox explained:

Women are always part of a harem. Because 20% of guys dominate the sexual "marketplace," they are always in possession of all the women. This means a woman is always either "seeing somebody" or "has a boyfriend." When a woman is "taken," she is really just saying that she is already part of some "alpha's" (read: thug's) harem. She obviously isn't going to jump ship to be with an "inferior" man, unless she's looking for marriage, in which case she is just looking for a meal ticket, in which case she remains in the thug's harem and just extracts from the beta.

Hence, "every girl has a boyfriend."

The unapproachable part just means unapproachable to YOU. She only opens her legs to alpha-thug-dogs. She is incredibly approachable to any thugs and/or hot guys.

Well said Ghost. I have heard for years that in America, 20% of the men are sleeping with 80% of the women. PUA expert Paul Janka even admitted that fact.

If your not part of the top 20% of men in the US, you might as well head to the Philippines, eastern Europe or Russia if you want to meet women. Women in America have an endless supply of men asking them out and because of this they are incredibly picky about what guys they go out with.

Hell, I see fat girls and ugly girls holding hands with guys who are in good looking and in great shape here in Chicago. I also know of guys who make good money and they are dating women who are single mothers. I even know a guy who is dating a woman much older than himself (she is old enough to be his mother)! WTF?

[polya]

.......................
I agree with Winston's response to this. I tried doing everything you suggested. I worked hard for a very long time to improve myself to the point where I would be worthy of a halfway decent American woman. I got a Ph.D., then a job at an Ivy-League school, got myself into excellent physical shape, took up lots of cool hobbies like travel, tennis, ballroom dance... and I was still getting rejected by women who had no business being picky! For me, the last straw was when I was dating an overweight, 42-year-old, single mom who dumped me because I didn't have a "wild side". But when I traveled to foreign countries like Hungary, the Czech Republic, the Ukraine, and the Philippines, beautiful women couldn't keep their hands off of me!

Loops, you seem to think that any frustrated guy who can't find a suitable woman must be a total loser who's just not trying hard enough. Well, I know plenty of guys who are anything but losers, and yet they can't find a quality wife. Hell, I know an extremely successful doctor, a graduate of West Point and Bethesda Medical school, who actually married a disfigured girl with a speech impediment. So please, give it a rest already. We've all heard this bullshit that you're spewing a million times, and we're not listening to it anymore. That's why we're seeking love abroad rather than working our asses off here for no reward.

+1 - To sum it up in a sentence: US women "pretend" to be "taken" by Brad Pitt or some hunk who doesn't give a f@ck about them, so women don't want or need a normal man, because in their deluded minds they ARE taken. But they pretend to "date" to get free dinners, chocolates, etc. So I tell her we're paying for our own dinners separately and guess what? She cancels or leaves her money at home. So I don't get my time wasted...

[Teal Lantern]

Here's the paradox explained:

Women are always part of a harem. Because 20% of guys dominate the sexual "marketplace," they are always in possession of all the women. This means a woman is always either "seeing somebody" or "has a boyfriend." When a woman is "taken," she is really just saying that she is already part of some "alpha's" (read: thug's) harem. She obviously isn't going to jump ship to be with an "inferior" man, unless she's looking for marriage, in which case she is just looking for a meal ticket, in which case she remains in the thug's harem and just extracts from the beta.

Hence, "every girl has a boyfriend."

The unapproachable part just means unapproachable to YOU. She only opens her legs to alpha-thug-dogs. She is incredibly approachable to any thugs and/or hot guys.

It doesn't matter how we say it or how many times it's demonstrated.
Any response that doesn't get W the hot, white female of his choice is "computer geek PUA B.S."

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/12/30 ... 19438.html
Oh well, somewhere out there is a stripper with a heart of gold...digging.

[OTB]

This is an great thread Winston.

What really irritates me is that as men we're expected to approach women if we want to express interest in a woman. But then it's frowned upon if we do approach a woman to express interest in her. This makes me frown.

Meeting women should not be this darn difficult. It's unnatural. Especially, when you're good looking.

I'll see average looking guys with pretty girlfriends and say to myself, how did they meet? How did this cat get HER! I saw a black guy who wasn't bad looking with his pretty Hispanic girlfriend in Walmart last week and I said what? This chick had my eyes bulging out of my head but he a had thuggish persona about him. He was shopping with a hood on his head and she looked very feminine and neat. I said to myself I don't get it! I'm sick of seeing that. The ghetto, thuggish type of guys with the pretty girlfriends. But that tells you something about the girls. Why are they are attracted to guys that carry themselves like teenagers? Their perception of masculinity is definitely distorted.

[OTB]

[loops77]

Hmm..now you confirmed for me that most of you all are losers...Why are you still trying to "figure it out" if you are supposedly all abroad and happier with foreign women?

This response clarified why you guys can't get any play. Continue to be victims. Happy 2014.

There's no way, by any stretch of the imagination, that I could be considered a "loser". I accomplished more by age 32 than most people will in a lifetime. In addition to that, even brutally honest women tell me that I'm good-looking And I've had plenty of opportunities in this country to get married, but I'm holding out for something better, because I deserve it. The real losers are they guys who marry sub-par women because they cave in to societal pressure to get married.

I guess you are on the right track then. You are holding out for that someone that is right for you. A lot of women do this as well...but a lot of you like to call them entitled.

[loops77]

Women are not responsive to men that they are not attracted to. This is if you are introducing yourself to them cold.

It also gets tiring to politely avoid guys that come on to you, unless you already know them from work, school, hobby activities. Even as an average woman, there are men that try to pick me up several times a day when I am happy being celibate and single..and that is a personal choice, not something that has to do with the man approaching me. Women open up more when they have at least seen you around the block a few times and are familiar with you in some way. That goes for the decent women that I know. Remember that some of us are just protecting ourself from being used since a lot of guys will pretend to be a good guy and fake comittment for sex. Then, when you let your guard down, you find out that the guy isn't what he presented himself to be.

It is true that Americans in general are very cliquey..and most women that I know find their partners in their group. Outsiders are generally overlooked.

I honestly would like to know how most men on here approach women? Do you go for the 9/10 chicks and expect to score everytime? Do you see them as a commodity or as a human being with their own likes/predilections/preferences?

If you have men approaching you on a daily basis, then just wait until you get older. From what older women are saying, that will come to a screeching halt. Don't you think there should be a line somewhere in protecting yourselves? There are only 2 reasons that I can think of for these guys feigning commitment for sex. The first is he is just plain screwed up from something in his past. The second is that he is thinking of how you are going to hurt him later on in life by using pro-female divorce laws against him if he does make the commitment.

Thank you for your honest question. Most of us on here wised up after seeing that approaching women doesn't work on this side of the world. Most of you want nothing to do with us for whatever reason you want to state. I stopped cold approaching women many years ago. Do we expect to score with 9/10 chicks every time? Whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. Regardless of what you look like, the only thing that I expect is for you to give me a chance. Unfortunately, since you AW are too busy overprotecting yourselves, I don't see that happening. For your last question, I see a misguided, misrepresented, misinformed, man-fearing, man-disdaining, overly picky female human being believing that I am supposed to be made of steel in order to get through her impossible barrier in order to get to know her. Any other questions?

I have personally been in two relationships. The last one ended up very badly and I am just taking time to heal and sort out ways in which I can improve before I jump into dating again. If I overlooked my own personal issues and opened up to a good guy...I wouldn't make for a very good partner, would I? I take responsibility for myself so that I don't hurt people unnecessarily. Isn't that fair? If I gave you a chance and let you down, wouldn't you be even more jaded?

My last question was just an honest one and it wasn't stated with baggage in hand. I just notice that some of the posters on here don't think that women are human. A lot of the time, the rejection is not particularly about you, although a lot of you take it that way. Men are just one aspect of my life. Aren't guys the same? Yes, my clock is ticking. But I'm not just an animal like biology says. I am human. I have a soul, emotions, thought, and spiritual lessons..and I am trying to sort them out. And I understand the fears of men and some of the unfair divorce laws. I do.

[loops77]

Why not seek to improve yourself as best as you can? Or, pick women that are more in your league? Fat chicks will go with fat guys...etc etc.

Wrong, Fat chicks get to go with ripped guys above their league.

But you can't be a wooden log either than burries his head in books all day. Take an effort to engage us.

And, you don't need to put any effort whatsoever. Each and every requirement falls on the man.

That was definitely not what I was implying.

[loops77]

You gotta consider that, and stop assuming that America is the world and that the only dating options are in America. They are not. Don't you get our message?

I'm not assuming. I know that there is a big world out there. I was just trying to pick your brains and gain a little perspective. I guess I wonder why there are still complaints about AW still since everyone seems to be over seas or trecking overseas. I personally shun away from dating American men and I have had good luck doing that. I guess I'm just trying to see the otherside of the coin.

But, In your post, you said that you see average guys with good looking women all of the time. Isn't that proof that, hey, AW don't always get with hot guys with money, status, and...whatever you guys think attracts women?

Well think about it. We all know that FW are better, but many guys can't just pick up and go overseas. They have jobs here, bills, low budget, etc. Also moving overseas is a huge step that most guys can't do. It takes a lot of will and resourcefulness to pull it off. You try it and you'll see what I mean.

People on the internet like to vent. A lot of us here are like movie critics. We love to nitpick things and judge. It gives us a sense of power in a world where we feel powerless.

Who do you date if you don't date American men? Do guys cold approach you? If so, how?

I think you misunderstood me. I never said that I see average guys with good looking women all the time in the US. (I do see that in Asia though) I said that I see couples everywhere in America. Usually they are either average joes with fat or trashy women, or very attractive tall guys with slightly cute girls.

I'm Nigerian-American and my last two relationships were with South American men. I don't have any hard and fast rules about not dating American men...it just seems that I am more attracted to foreign men or men that have family roots from other countries. As a black woman, I tend to attract the black thug types or white men that take on the black American culture more than other types of men. It is these type of men that cold approach me and hit on me in a disrespectful way. The higher quality American men, both white and black, I've met in school, church, and through work. White American men may look, but there is a racial stigma and they are often not bold enough to cold approach me.

[djfourmoney]

There is no paradox here the answers are fairly simple and even Loops is right to a degree.

As I said recently, what worked for White men especially in the 1960's and early 1970's before the Disco explosion was easy; have a job with a decent wage (still possible then), be clean cut (not always needed, regional preferences impact this), responsible (no criminal record) and be a gentlemen.

Where did I mention college degree? Did I mention being below 12% body fat? Where do I mention having a belt or headboard with 50 or more notches on it?

I didn't! That's your key to starting to understand the problem. The requirements on men and the cost of being a man have increased dramatically and over a short amount of time.

Loops gives some insight and it seem many of you ignore this. You have to meet a min standard and when somebody in another post threw out some random numbers like $45K in wages, college degree (somebody mentioned having a Ph.D = Overkill) and joining all sorts of social groups yet it still didn't work, tells you much more than you think it does.

Define "in-shape"? There are basically two types of people: Those who should wear a shirt because you are 14% or higher body fat (you have a gut) and they guys you see at Football games in Dec with no shirt on; if neither of you have a shirt on, by the majority of the population you're going to be seen as a douche bag.

Not a Alpha douche bag but an idiot "Dumber and Dumber" douche bag. So you can say "I don't give a fug" but do you have a GF or wife? Maybe its time for a reality/behavior check....

Disco music and Club culture changed men forever. You should be freshly showered, shaved and smell nice almost at all times. Women who like beards and mustaches are as rare as women that will accept you as you are and be attractive.

But you say you don't go to clubs or even the local watering hole? It doesn't matter, why do you think the men's care section has doubled in size in only a few years at WalMart and Target?

Women in North America (and Europe) expect you to be well-groomed. European men know and this why you seldom see them with tennis shoes on even in a casual setting.

You'll notice men who have regular dates dress nicely, GQ/Men's Health style. I can't stress this enough. I don't spend money on clothes, I get them when I need them, I wear stuff until it wears out. I don't care for attracting American women, its a massive failure. I have unshaven the majority of the time as well.

I am just abiding my time and try to save what little money I have coming in.

Notice I haven't even touched thorny issues like race, but I will talk about that now.

Winston and other Asian men, you struggle in Anglo culture because you are not seen as masculine men. This is why you see in-shape, chiseled (low body fat) Asian men are able to date not only the best looking Asian women but also White women. Go back to that blog and find the post about racial preferences and an experiment the blog owner made on Plenty of Fish (POF).

If are dumpy looking or very short (under 5'4 below the national average for White women in America) you are going to struggle period. I don't make the rules so don't get mad at me. I have Asian friends that don't struggle dating and have had long term attractive girlfriends.

What do they have in common?

Low body fat (sticking to cultural norm diet, rich, fish, chicken, etc). Solidly middle class/upper middle class (45-50-60K a year) and well-groomed.

As I have said before, my boy Ob is Thai, he even lives at home, though his mother is hardly there (always with her boyfriend). Do women throw him under the bus? No because unlike Anglo Protestant culture, memo to White people in America (connected to Winston's Why Aren't Anglo Families that close?) stop kicking your children out before they are ready. Our society spends WAY too much time talking about college students in deep debt returning back to their parents home to live, they can't afford to live alone and pay the debts you idiots!

However AW don't care, why? Because those with well-paying jobs or multiple jobs, they pay down their school debts and still manage to live alone. IE if you're not able to do this, you are seen as a wuss. They will date men in a similar position though....

White women understand that Black men might make less money over their lifetime, but as I keep saying, they don't date Black men for money. Let me say that again, White women in Western Society do not date Black men based on assets accumulated. Go to any IR site and more often than not the only requirement for a Black men is to have a job (any job) and not have children from a previous relationship. The problem is our ghetto fabulous, no snitch, twerking culture.

Example?

Philko who somebody posted one of his videos, I started following. He has other videos especially about Russia most of you guys should check out. Anyway he explained a story of how he was living in the projects in BK (Brooklyn) and while ghetto ass BP would mad-dog him (mean looks) like he didn't belong there (because he didn't talk like them, Ebonics) started to give him props (the men) when he started bringing around Polish, Russian and German women back to his pad.

They would ask him how he got those women and being the nice guy he is (I am the same) he tried to hook them up. It was a massive failure because all the men knew was BK Ghetto culture, street slang/Ebonics! How is that going to fly with a cultured White woman from Europe? Its not, so you can stop with that thinly veiled racist nonsense about Black men only getting what White men don't want. The opposite is true, deal with it or maybe that's why so many White men are angry?

How many times I gotta tell you that I know four or five Black men, normal middle class guys, nothing terribly special except for Law Jackson who is very much physically fit/in-shape; are married to Russian/Ukrainian White women who are NOT UGLY and NOT FAT! How about Tommy Sotomayor who is dating Lana who is Armenian and Russian, in-shape and is a five star chief in LA?

Black men in America need to stop complaining about Feminism and American Women like White men because you're problems are not the same and you have nothing to gain from the Men's Rights Movement as its currently constructed, I don't know how many times I have to explain it too you.

Asian men have a whole different set of problems and it has much to do with perception. Do you really think Anglo culture saying that Black men are oversexed and hyper masculine hurts them in a culture that no longer values time honored virtues of being a White men (him being the default you must follow)?

As my buddy Sam loves to say, both Black women and White women want their backs blown out in bed, if you can't even muster enough confidence to say you can accomplish that, then why would the majority of White women bother with you?

This is why men like Tsar and the other guy waxing on about virgins is really pointless. The culture has changed, you need to change with it or try something else.

I am puzzled why this subject constantly comes, the same question is being asked but in different ways and somehow the answer is going to be different?

I think not!

[djfourmoney]

You gotta consider that, and stop assuming that America is the world and that the only dating options are in America. They are not. Don't you get our message?

I'm not assuming. I know that there is a big world out there. I was just trying to pick your brains and gain a little perspective. I guess I wonder why there are still complaints about AW still since everyone seems to be over seas or trecking overseas. I personally shun away from dating American men and I have had good luck doing that. I guess I'm just trying to see the otherside of the coin.

But, In your post, you said that you see average guys with good looking women all of the time. Isn't that proof that, hey, AW don't always get with hot guys with money, status, and...whatever you guys think attracts women?

Well think about it. We all know that FW are better, but many guys can't just pick up and go overseas. They have jobs here, bills, low budget, etc. Also moving overseas is a huge step that most guys can't do. It takes a lot of will and resourcefulness to pull it off. You try it and you'll see what I mean.

People on the internet like to vent. A lot of us here are like movie critics. We love to nitpick things and judge. It gives us a sense of power in a world where we feel powerless.

Who do you date if you don't date American men? Do guys cold approach you? If so, how?

I think you misunderstood me. I never said that I see average guys with good looking women all the time in the US. (I do see that in Asia though) I said that I see couples everywhere in America. Usually they are either average joes with fat or trashy women, or very attractive tall guys with slightly cute girls.

I'm Nigerian-American and my last two relationships were with South American men. I don't have any hard and fast rules about not dating American men...it just seems that I am more attracted to foreign men or men that have family roots from other countries. As a black woman, I tend to attract the black thug types or white men that take on the black American culture more than other types of men. It is these type of men that cold approach me and hit on me in a disrespectful way. The higher quality American men, both white and black, I've met in school, church, and through work. White American men may look, but there is a racial stigma and they are often not bold enough to cold approach me.

I sympathize with you and agree that too many men are not worthy of relationships with ANYBODY let alone America woman and fail to understand that the rules have been changed and its not longer acceptable to be a idiot/class clown or out of shape, unshaven dude.

Simultaneously standards of women went up and standard of men (for themselves) went down. The Black Community has serious, serious problems and I am not going to spend my life trying to crack that nut and I see you're not trying to do that either, good on you.

As long as we're in the Black Diaspora, any child a different race has with us will be seen by society which is controlled by White People as Black, so it largely doesn't matter who we married or date if they get to say which group our children belong too. Until the mass of people reject this pigeonholing of people along racial lines, this nonsense will continue.

[loops77]

You gotta consider that, and stop assuming that America is the world and that the only dating options are in America. They are not. Don't you get our message?

I'm not assuming. I know that there is a big world out there. I was just trying to pick your brains and gain a little perspective. I guess I wonder why there are still complaints about AW still since everyone seems to be over seas or trecking overseas. I personally shun away from dating American men and I have had good luck doing that. I guess I'm just trying to see the otherside of the coin.

But, In your post, you said that you see average guys with good looking women all of the time. Isn't that proof that, hey, AW don't always get with hot guys with money, status, and...whatever you guys think attracts women?

Well think about it. We all know that FW are better, but many guys can't just pick up and go overseas. They have jobs here, bills, low budget, etc. Also moving overseas is a huge step that most guys can't do. It takes a lot of will and resourcefulness to pull it off. You try it and you'll see what I mean.

People on the internet like to vent. A lot of us here are like movie critics. We love to nitpick things and judge. It gives us a sense of power in a world where we feel powerless.

Who do you date if you don't date American men? Do guys cold approach you? If so, how?

I think you misunderstood me. I never said that I see average guys with good looking women all the time in the US. (I do see that in Asia though) I said that I see couples everywhere in America. Usually they are either average joes with fat or trashy women, or very attractive tall guys with slightly cute girls.

I'm Nigerian-American and my last two relationships were with South American men. I don't have any hard and fast rules about not dating American men...it just seems that I am more attracted to foreign men or men that have family roots from other countries. As a black woman, I tend to attract the black thug types or white men that take on the black American culture more than other types of men. It is these type of men that cold approach me and hit on me in a disrespectful way. The higher quality American men, both white and black, I've met in school, church, and through work. White American men may look, but there is a racial stigma and they are often not bold enough to cold approach me.

I sympathize with you and agree that too many men are not worthy of relationships with ANYBODY let alone America woman and fail to understand that the rules have been changed and its not longer acceptable to be a idiot/class clown or out of shape, unshaven dude.

Simultaneously standards of women went up and standard of men (for themselves) went down. The Black Community has serious, serious problems and I am not going to spend my life trying to crack that nut and I see you're not trying to do that either, good on you.

As long as we're in the Black Diaspora, any child a different race has with us will be seen by society which is controlled by White People as Black, so it largely doesn't matter who we married or date if they get to say which group our children belong too. Until the mass of people reject this pigeonholing of people along racial lines, this nonsense will continue.

Thanks for the empathy

Excellent post. I definitely agree. I do believe that it is okay to broaden your horizons. There is no need to feel particularly loyal to black men or black women...whoever you marry, your children will be black anyway. LOL.

[polya]

Once again, our female members are getting much of the attention and many responses, while most guys are getting ignored and treated like sh!t here.

[targetguy]

I asked this gal on a us dateing site a few questions and here reply was I am playing detective and no conversation. I had invited her many times to talk on a messenger. I think some of the gals out there have a lot of things to hide and can pick and choose and don't really want to get married or even talk. Most overseas gals seem to be happy to tell people about themselves and happier if someone will help them a lttle also.