Happier Abroad Forum Community

Great post.

I'm an INTJ. I frequently encounter people who give me crap about how I'm "shy" and feel the need to "take me out of my shell", that I have "low self-esteem", that I'm a "nice guy", etc, etc. Then they act shocked when they hear me use a curse word or when they find out about some of the more edgy interests that I have, my life accomplishments and circles of friends/acquaintances. Sometimes I wish everyone could see this in me right away, I've tried to be conscious of the image I put out and learn to articulate myself, but my personality is my orientation and I cannot alter it. Too bad, I guess it's their loss if they're to lazy to figure me out.

I'm also an INTJ. I am reserved, introverted, and relatively quiet. I believe people interpret me as shy, having low self-esteem, and the normal beliefs about an introvert.

Introverts might not be talkative but introverts are great listeners. It's a trade-off. A person can be a poor listener and talkative, a little of each, or not very talkative and a great listener.

Introverts like myself might be quiet and reserved, but I'm not inherently shy or a "nice guy." I won't be pushed around or walked upon. I never have to show how wrathful I can be, but if I was put in the position they would see just how furious I could be. I am not intimidated by anyone. In life there are usually two classes of people: those who seize the power they deserve and those who submit to the powerful. I might be quiet and reserved, but I am assertive and I won't be fearful of anyone.

Introverts are also believed to prefer being alone and being anti-social. That's completely false. Usually Introverts want to talk when they have something meaningful, important, or something of quality to say. Introverts want friends, but they find it more difficult to gain friends. I think Introverts focus more on the quality of friendships rather than the quantity of friendships.

America is an extroverted country, anti-social country, and it's overflowing with stereotypes. There isn't any question as to why introverts are misunderstood and mistreated in America.

Tsar wrote:Introverts might not be talkative but introverts are great listeners. It's a trade-off. A person can be a poor listener and talkative, a little of each, or not very talkative and a great listener.

This is another false stereotype of introverts. I'm a terrible listener. When people start rambling or talking about a topic that I don't find interesting, I'll drift off into space and find a more stimulating thought in my head pretty quickly! I have to make a conscious effort to stay focused most of the time. Listening is actually the key to good communication.

Some introverts may be good listeners, and we all appear to be good listeners since we don't talk much and more extroverted types think we're automatically listening while they're doing all the talking. I'm too busy with my inner world thought process to naturally stop and listen to other people unless it's something important/interesting.

fightforlove wrote:

Tsar wrote:Introverts might not be talkative but introverts are great listeners. It's a trade-off. A person can be a poor listener and talkative, a little of each, or not very talkative and a great listener.

This is another false stereotype of introverts. I'm a terrible listener. When people start rambling or talking about a topic that I don't find interesting, I'll drift off into space and find a more stimulating thought in my head pretty quickly! I have to make a conscious effort to stay focused most of the time. Listening is actually the key to good communication.

Some introverts may be good listeners, and we all appear to be good listeners since we don't talk much and more extroverted types think we're automatically listening while they're doing all the talking. I'm too busy with my inner world thought process to naturally stop and listen to other people unless it's something important/interesting.

I'm the same way. When I think the topic is boring or it doesn't hold my interest I think about other things and don't hear anything that was said. In general if an introvert cares deeply about someone, the topic is interesting, or they listen to acquire information to further their goals (Machiavellianism).

I'm not quiet or shy. I'm pretty talkative. But I don't like to get long winded. I prefer to be concise and get to the bottom line right away and not waste time.

The problem is, most people don't like to listen to me talk, unless they are fellow freethinkers. But mainstream conformist types shun me out and act appalled as though I've broken some "rules" in their head.

How to make the most out of your introversion.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWTwbaNLdzw[/youtube]

This video is BS. I'm an introvert yet I'm outgoing and talk to strangers easily. But most Americans are extroverts yet they have a cold wall and don't talk to strangers unless it's business related. They keep to themselves and don't even make friends with their neighbors. So this video and concept of introversion/extroversion makes no sense. The thing is though, I prefer to talk to strangers about deep intellectual topics and sometimes that intimidates them or puts them off, because I' not politically correct or superficial. So many shy away from me. lol

How to pick up girls for introverts.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UZXdGDMShk[/youtube]

I don't know what's the difference. I always sort of felt here that there's something 'different' about me, and it has to do with how I interact. It seems as if there's some issue with feeling normal, feeling emotions, having the right things to say, maybe I'm too nervous or anxious - that's why I'm blank. But I don't know. I just always seemed to be quiet and shy in high school and middle school, but was naturally talkative before... Maybe I became conscious and worried too much about what I'm saying - probably that's it. I also came from an environment where a parent was very extremely critical of me - I'm sure that has something major to do with it. I think way too much. But, sometimes I get weird reactions from others, as if they are talking to a thing or an alien or something.

I had terrible self-confidence growing up, and I was extremely anxious and had terrible, terrible social anxiety. I had about the lowest self-confidence and esteem there was; I was particularly sensitive or something, like that - I don't know quite what it was. Maybe I had some very bad experiences early on that shaped me when I was sensitive, but do know I was picked on a lot when young, what I thought for no reason. Anyway, maybe that stuck and feel that I just don't deserve anything. It's weird, because people around me don't say that they see anything, just that I seem depressed. I think there are two types of depression, chemical and normal. When you're chemically depressed you'll just feel off, have to wait for it to pass. Sometimes, I feel different from others. As far as girls go, I think I'm so used to just being away and apart, and single - that I'm almost just not used to coming into contact. I'm just phobic like that, I just don't feel like I deserve anything, but it always really did seem like I deserved more. I have a hard time coming out of my shell, and like I said the hardest thing is 'giving myself something.'
I don't know why. I almost feel guilty or something about it.

Maybe it's that I don't fit into this modern world. Maybe, and probably, it's that I didn't get a lot of outgoing enforcement when younger,but training in how to be disciplined, mannered, polite etc. I found it very hard to open up and be spontaneous, etc, most of the time that behavior has been punished - whether in school or home, in public especially. I don't really believe in the introvert/extrovert thing, I believe social conditioning shapes a lot of how we are, and our habits and our natural temperaments play a factor.
I'm well mannered and polite/behaved, but...sometimes I wish and feel like I'm at an ironic disadvantage in this day and age - it sort of pays off to be a zoo animal who's raised by a single mother or parents who don't care or took it easy on you, much easier socially I gather, they can and do interact frequently and easily. You have to ask yourself what your advantages and adaptabilities are. If it's a world where people interact freely and are more liberal/sexual.....then I guess I'm at a huge disadvantage that way. I'd be a great married partner though. Who knows.

Introverts are misunderstood by extroverts. Here is a good video going into detail about life as an introvert in an extroverts world.

jamesbond wrote: ↑

October 19th, 2020, 9:53 pm

Introverts are misunderstood by extroverts. Here is a good video going into detail about life as an introvert in an extroverts world.

Introversion is one of the most misunderstood concepts in the West for some reason. Only when I understood it well myself, I was able to design my life in the way best suited to me.

That young lady is Lana Blakely, a Swedish model and a very polished and thoughtful person for her age. She explained the nature of it decently. I have seen some of her videos and she is right on some things, very wrong on others, but for her age, she is quite impressive. I can't wait to see what she produces 20 years from now when the wisdom of life experience kicks in.

Why introverts feel misunderstood by most people.

Five things never say to introverts.

Introverts are often asked, "Why are you so quiet?"

Mr S wrote: ↑

May 1st, 2012, 9:30 am

One reason I moved overseas is because living in a foreign culture I can be my true self without always having to pretend like extroverts do regarding social BS. This is why I cannot succeed in America working for a large company, too much extrovert BS to have to deal with and it's getting worse.

Well said. I also feel like America is ideally suited for extroverts. It's just how business is done in America. Of course you can be successful being an introverted. There really is no way to get ahead in the world unless you have good social skills, social calibration, and can make new friends. I'm INFP, it literally took me many years to lose the social anxiety. The best thing to do for introverts is to develop social confidence.