Pain of Separation or Pain of Destructive Marriage

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JamesSa
Freshman Poster
Posts: 62
Joined: February 19th, 2009, 9:04 am

Pain of Separation or Pain of Destructive Marriage

Post by JamesSa »

Some of you may have read my accounts from a few months ago when I was booted from my house by my wife:

http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/vie ... php?t=4964

Upon being kicked out, I set a goal to visit several countries in hopes of pursuing an active social/dating life abroad. I had decided to visit Brazil, Colombia and the Dominican Republic. I also wanted to visit Germany and the Philippines. But this never came to pass, which I'll explain below.

Why did I move back in with my wife? Well, it was the pain of separation and loneliness that overwhelmed me, and I pleaded and begged my wife to give me another chance - as if I were the sole cause for the rupture in our relationship. Also, my desperate feelings were in large part due to jealousy: I had discovered my wife's facebook account and witnessed the many men flirting with her. Yes, my wife treated me like sh$%, but the passage of time began to erase my nightmarish memories associated with her, replaced instead by what few positive characteristics I liked about her (they were actually dating facades and not inherent in her character). What sealed the deal to reunite with the "Queen" was a company's extension of a job offer back in NYC, which I gleefully accepted. I assured my wife I would become a "better man" and that our marriage would no longer be what it was.

Skipping a few months ahead after moving back in, and the living hell our marriage once was has returned. My wife talks to other men (she locks her phone now so I can't check), parties all night without telling me where she's been while leving me or my mother-in-law with my son, flat out lies to me over just about everything, steals, smokes weed everyday, and doesn't do jack-shit as a "wife". Oh, and she told me to get a higher paying job, yet she blows through her money on herself. Whenever I try to have a serious talk with her, I'm greeted with threats.

I am not sure what is worse: experiencing the pain of separation or being tortured in an abusive, destructive marriage. In the meantime, I will continue to live with her while I save my money to get the $%#^ out of here and go overseas.

I did sort of get revenge on my wife, btw. I'll save that for a different post!


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icarus
Freshman Poster
Posts: 123
Joined: March 20th, 2009, 11:12 am

Re: Pain of Separation or Pain of Destructive Marriage

Post by icarus »

JamesSa wrote:Some of you may have read my accounts from a few months ago when I was booted from my house by my wife:

http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/vie ... php?t=4964

Upon being kicked out, I set a goal to visit several countries in hopes of pursuing an active social/dating life abroad. I had decided to visit Brazil, Colombia and the Dominican Republic. I also wanted to visit Germany and the Philippines. But this never came to pass, which I'll explain below.

Why did I move back in with my wife? Well, it was the pain of separation and loneliness that overwhelmed me, and I pleaded and begged my wife to give me another chance - as if I were the sole cause for the rupture in our relationship. Also, my desperate feelings were in large part due to jealousy: I had discovered my wife's facebook account and witnessed the many men flirting with her. Yes, my wife treated me like sh$%, but the passage of time began to erase my nightmarish memories associated with her, replaced instead by what few positive characteristics I liked about her (they were actually dating facades and not inherent in her character). What sealed the deal to reunite with the "Queen" was a company's extension of a job offer back in NYC, which I gleefully accepted. I assured my wife I would become a "better man" and that our marriage would no longer be what it was.

Skipping a few months ahead after moving back in, and the living hell our marriage once was has returned. My wife talks to other men (she locks her phone now so I can't check), parties all night without telling me where she's been while leving me or my mother-in-law with my son, flat out lies to me over just about everything, steals, smokes weed everyday, and doesn't do jack-shit as a "wife". Oh, and she told me to get a higher paying job, yet she blows through her money on herself. Whenever I try to have a serious talk with her, I'm greeted with threats.

I am not sure what is worse: experiencing the pain of separation or being tortured in an abusive, destructive marriage. In the meantime, I will continue to live with her while I save my money to get the $%#^ out of here and go overseas.

I did sort of get revenge on my wife, btw. I'll save that for a different post!
Eblaster software. Put it on your computer man, get the dirt.
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." -- Albert Einstein
momopi
Elite Upper Class Poster
Posts: 4898
Joined: August 31st, 2007, 9:44 pm
Location: Orange County, California

Post by momopi »

You need to start collecting and documenting these incidents with your wife. There may be a day when she decides to file for divorce and try to make it look like it's all your fault. Get a good lawyer and learn how to protect yourself.

If a women breaks up with you and you dip your head to get back with her, she'd have no respect for you. The only way to have respect is to put yourself in a position where she regrets having left you and return by her own will.

As the Chinese would say, a good horse doesn't turn its head to eat grass -- there's plenty of good, green grass ahead, no point in making a U-turn.
Repatriate
Veteran Poster
Posts: 2533
Joined: June 15th, 2008, 11:39 am

Post by Repatriate »

Once you go back your relationship has become irreconcilable. The last thing women respect is a guy who feels they can't exist without their presence. If it was already an emotionally abusive relationship then expect the worse. To put it frankly she's not into you anymore and the only reason you're around is to maintain a comfort level that she's used to. She'll still go around and f**k other men and live out her "life" on her own terms. People like this should be single. Now it's time to plan how to move on and make sure you have a good way out that will minimalize financial damage.
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