Why is it taboo to say "people are closed and don't talk to strangers" even if it's obviously TRUE?

[gsjackson]

What? I did my first cold approach in 1980; hit pay dirt the next night. And in nightspots it's not even cold approaching -- you just ask them to dance and go from there; or start up a conversation. It's expected. If you're trying to say this was virgin territory, Winston, you're insane. It was a lot easier to approach American women back in the day and happened a lot more, in part because the culture hadn't yet taught them to assume that you're a rapist or serial killer. Men were usually raised to be men back then, and had a lot more going for them, including confidence.

Edit: Well, not "insane." Historically uninformed, and a bit on the solipsistic side.

[Outcast9428]

I've got a theory that may explain the answer to my question of:

"Why is it that since 1985 when Americans began being more and more antisocial, closed off, and paranoid, millions of Americans have traveled abroad, but no one says that people are more open, social and approachable overseas, except me and a small handlful of people. Isn't that inexplicable? How can millions of people fail to notice something obvious like that? I notice it first thing when I get off the plane overseas like in Russia for example. How can millions of Americans not notice it or talk about it?"

I guess the answer would be that: Normal people are conditioned to NOT even want to cold approach women or talk to strangers. So if they don't desire to even do that, they don't notice the difference. Only people who want to approach women, notice that you can't do it in America without feeling like a taboo creep, but you can overseas. But if you don't even want to do it, you won't notice the difference. Is that right? That would be one logical explanation. It is true that an average mainstream normie is not thinking "Gosh that chick is hot, I wish I could approach her and get her number and a date with her." Normies just don't think that way. They mind their own business and expect everyone else to do the same. Only freaks like us want to cold approach.

However, here's what I don't get. In American movies they show cold approach happening all the time. The protagonist male character usually meets an attractive woman randomly somewhere and later falls in love and has a relationship or love affair. When traveling, the main male character usually meets an attractive female and hit it off with her. So cold approach is shown in movies all the time. Also on TV sitcoms like Friends or Seinfeld, the main characters use cold approach to date hot women all the time.

So TV/movies make it look like cold approaching and picking up women is normal, acceptable and a common occurence in America. So why then are we the only ones who expect it to be the same in real life? Is it because normies are able to separate fantasy from reality and do not expect women in real life to be open and approachable as shown in the movies? Whereas people like me are fantasy prone and expect women in real life to be like they are in the movies? Is that the explanation?

What do you all think? @Outcast9428 what do you think?

It could have something to do with dropping testosterone levels.

Compared to 1980, men's testosterone levels are about 60% of what they were. As for testosterone levels before 1980, we're not sure, but what we do know is that testosterone levels have been dropping since 1980 and they've dropped significantly. Testosterone is important to sperm production and is going hand in hand with lower sperm counts now. When you have lower testosterone and a lower sperm count, your sex drive decreases.

One thing I have become increasingly aware of in the past year or so is that a shocking amount of social change that we see happening around us currently and has happened in the past actually has a biological/genetic basis to it. Human behavior, at least half of it if not more, comes from within us. Genetic differences or changes in our hormone structure can significantly alter not only our behavior but also our ideologies and beliefs.

One topic of conversation I often have with my friends is that we feel that there's a lot of guys out there these days, even guys who are in their teens and 20s who seem neutered. They have a bizarrely low libido. They don't check out girls as they walk by. If you point hot girls out to them, they say they weren't paying any attention. They complain about sexual fanservice in TV shows and video games, acting as if seeing a girl in a skimpy outfit is somehow unpleasant for them. There's an alarmingly large group of guys in their 20s now who genuinely seem like they would rather play video games all day then get a girlfriend. And not in the sense of boycotting Western women in favor of more traditional girls. I mean guys who legit seem like they barely think about sex and romance at all and would prefer to just endlessly play video games. Talk to these guys in person and they describe having issues getting erections even if they're in their 20s, that nothing turns them on, and regularly going a week or more without masturbating.

I also notice that this type of guy has no sympathy whatsoever for men who have higher sexual needs. These are the types of guys who tend to be male feminists and get mad at other guys for daring to do things like go to parties with the intention of meeting girls or talk to girls with the intention of romance. These kind of guys act like any guy who thinks of women primarily as potential romantic partners is evil.

Theories for dropping testosterone come down to three things. One is that obesity rates are much higher now then they used to be. Fat cells in your body actually absorb testosterone out of your system and obesity definitely can lower your sex drive. The second is lack of exercise, people today just don't exercise as much as they used to. The third explanation is harmful chemicals in the environment. Personally the third one scares me the most because there's nothing that we can personally do about that. But I think we need to think about examining our water supply, our food content, and other sources to see if there's something that could effect testosterone levels.

[Winston]

But HouseMD, even before 8 years ago, we never saw anyone cold approaching in America. In 1992 when I started cold approaching in America, I was the only one. No one else was doing it. Everone was minding their own business. This isn't about dating apps or 8 years ago. I never seen anyone cold approach in America and many guys here agree and say they never seen it either. Only in movies, but never in real life and never in public places. Why? Even in nightclubs most guys don't have the guts to cold approach. Nowhere in America do women have an approachable vibe, unless they are trying to sell something. This has nothing to do with today or 8 years ago. I don't think you understand my question.

Where did you meet your wife? At a place where socializing was more acceptable? At a party? Not in a public place full of strangers right?

I don't want to get too into my life, but I'll just leave it at "you never saw it because you were never around the other side of it." Most of my friends are women, and I would see it plenty. I did my own approaching, but in a natural sort of way, as noted above. And I had some friends that were natural alpha types who would walk away with a new woman every night- no tactics, just them being them. Maybe you just didn't hang out with women or cool dudes?

Ok you have a point here, since usually any American woman that is decent looking at least, claims that guys are always hitting on them. Yet how can that be if we don't see anyone cold approaching in public unless its business related? Other guys here have reported the same. How do you explain that? When I do cold approach, I stick out like a sore thumb. Everyone else is just minding their own business like they are supposed to.

Maybe what women mean is that guys they pass by are always looking at them, staring at them, or making subtle passes? Or asking them out? I know that happens in LA but LA is not all of America. By cold approach I mean walking up to a stranger and starting a conversation with the intent being to get a date or phone number.

Either way, the average guy in America definitely does not do that. So you can't claim that most guys cold approach women.

What is the "natural way" of cold approaching that you mean?

Yes I've hung out with women and seen some guys hit on them. Btw, why would guys hit on women with you? Don't they assume you are her boyfriend? But that was mostly in places like LA. Or maybe big cities. In the suburbs no one does that it seems. It's all strip malls where everyone minds their own business and there is no eye contact with strangers.

[Winston]

What? I did my first cold approach in 1980; hit pay dirt the next night. And in nightspots it's not even cold approaching -- you just ask them to dance and go from there; or start up a conversation. It's expected. If you're trying to say this was virgin territory, Winston, you're insane. It was a lot easier to approach American women back in the day and happened a lot more, in part because the culture hadn't yet taught them to assume that you're a rapist or serial killer. Men were usually raised to be men back then, and had a lot more going for them, including confidence.

Edit: Well, not "insane." Historically uninformed, and a bit on the solipsistic side.

I guess cold approach was more acceptable and normal in 1980. What does "hit pay dirt" mean?

When was the last time you saw anyone do cold approach in America? What year? And how often have you seen it? Or done it yourself?

Even back in 1980 just because it was more common doesn't mean the majority of men did it right? Most men are gutless and taught by society that cold approach is creepy and taboo right? Even in Russia or the Philippines, most males do not cold approach.

[dancilley]

Black older men in Downtown L.A. hit on women. Also, black women who are in their 40's and overweight have hit on me many times over the years, but it is like once per year on average. I have seen like one young man start up a conversation with a group of women on a street corner before.

I approached women in Downtown L.A. and filmed it. This was in 2015-16.

I approached women in Rohnert Park (the Bay Area) in 2009 at Sonoma State University and got arrested because they searched my backpack and I had a knife in it that happened to be over 2.5" long which is not allowed on campus. But they searched me because girls were scared of me because I was talking about potentially interviewing people about social anxiety with my camera. Once I pulled out my small Canon camera, two girls fled the dorms, and called the authorities. Earlier, I was also kicked out of the dining hall because I told a girl she and all her friends were not good looking enough for me (but this was after she disrespected me similarly).

I feel that approaching women is dangerous because the woman may already be married or not single, and the boyfriend may be angered at your advances. Even if you get a woman's number, she may not tell you she already has a boyfriend. If later, he finds out you are trying to have sex with his girlfriend, when you go to a bar or other venue, you may encounter the boyfriend, who may be intoxicated, and will confront you and intimidate you and see if you will be intimidated enough to leave. This happened to me. Then, the same thing, with the same boyfriend, happened at a different bar across the street, on a different night. This was over 10 years ago. I have not gone to a bar since. At the same bar, many months before this, I was talking to a young woman outside of the bar, and a very intoxicated boyfriend came out of the bar and was acting like he was going to kill me. These experiences have taught me that bars and clubs are ridiculous. Women have to be 21+ to go to a bar anyway. Women who are 21 are already insanely sexually experienced by that age anyway. I have decided to only date virgins. I think that all women who are non-virgin are very uncooperative. I think all girls who are non-virgin are damaged and not worth pursuing. No man wants a non-virgin woman anyway.

I think many people regard cold approaching as socially awkward, because what is socially acceptable is meeting girls through your social circle, and you only want to date highly relevant, virgin girls anyway. So, when you approach women in public, it may indicate that you have no social circle, which is a red flag. And if you are by yourself, it's even worse. That being said though, I feel similarly to Winston, that society shouldn't be so uptight regarding cold approaching and talking to strangers. It just doesn't seem reasonable to have such a negative attitude regarding this matter. American people are weird.

[Outcast9428]

Black older men in Downtown L.A. hit on women. Also, black women who are in their 40's and overweight have hit on me many times over the years, but it is like once per year on average. I have seen like one young man start up a conversation with a group of women on a street corner before.

I approached women in Downtown L.A. and filmed it. This was in 2015-16.

I approached women in Rohnert Park (the Bay Area) in 2009 at Sonoma State University and got arrested because they searched my backpack and I had a knife in it that happened to be over 2.5" long which is not allowed on campus. But they searched me because girls were scared of me because I was talking about potentially interviewing people about social anxiety with my camera. Once I pulled out my small Canon camera, two girls fled the dorms, and called the authorities. Earlier, I was also kicked out of the dining hall because I told a girl she and all her friends were not good looking enough for me (but this was after she disrespected me similarly).

I feel that approaching women is dangerous because the woman may already be married or not single, and the boyfriend may be angered at your advances. Even if you get a woman's number, she may not tell you she already has a boyfriend. If later, he finds out you are trying to have sex with his girlfriend, when you go to a bar or other venue, you may encounter the boyfriend, who may be intoxicated, and will confront you and intimidate you and see if you will be intimidated enough to leave. This happened to me. Then, the same thing, with the same boyfriend, happened at a different bar across the street, on a different night. This was over 10 years ago. I have not gone to a bar since. At the same bar, many months before this, I was talking to a young woman outside of the bar, and a very intoxicated boyfriend came out of the bar and was acting like he was going to kill me. These experiences have taught me that bars and clubs are ridiculous. Women have to be 21+ to go to a bar anyway. Women who are 21 are already insanely sexually experienced by that age anyway. I have decided to only date virgins. I think that all women who are non-virgin are very uncooperative. I think all girls who are non-virgin are damaged and not worth pursuing. No man wants a non-virgin woman anyway.

I think many people regard cold approaching as socially awkward, because what is socially acceptable is meeting girls through your social circle, and you only want to date highly relevant, virgin girls anyway. So, when you approach women in public, it may indicate that you have no social circle, which is a red flag. And if you are by yourself, it's even worse. That being said though, I feel similarly to Winston, that society shouldn't be so uptight regarding cold approaching and talking to strangers. It just doesn't seem reasonable to have such a negative attitude regarding this matter. American people are weird.

@Winston

Back in high school and early-mid college, I cold approached girls all the time. I am convinced this is an extremely inefficient, not to mention soul crushing way to try and meet girls. Not to mention, I think men cold approaching women is largely responsible for blowing up their egos in modern day society.

Imagine what would happen to y'alls egos if you had women walking up to you every day trying to have sex with you? There are good examples of what happens to men when these roles are reversed, they are called rockstars and rappers. Men who actually live like that become spoiled and unfulfilled. Too much attention from the opposite sex is not a good thing for anybody. It turns you into a pompous jerk who is incapable of appreciating the affection and loyalty you could gain from a truly good partner. The same thing happens to women if men are constantly walking up to them trying to sleep with them. The problem with today's society is that an increasingly large percentage of women are becoming unbearably vain and this is why no man can live up to their standards. Notice how urban women are infinitely worse then rural women are? This is because rural women are not accustomed to this environment of random men constantly offering them things in exchange for sex.

Ultimately, the best and most pure way for men and women to meet one another is an introduction through your parents. Parents arranging marriages for their kids leads to the best outcomes. Partners are selected for long term benefit rather then short term benefit. The "dating game" no longer exists and it becomes more about whether you enjoy the other person or not. The pressure of finding somebody is taken off your shoulders and nobody is forced to take the frightening step of approaching the other. And each person can flirt with one another, knowing that that's exactly what they were set up for. There's no ambiguity to the situation.

In the past, it wasn't seen as taboo for teenagers to have relationships either so parents didn't mind helping their 16 year old find a partner. But unfortunately, today's society is obsessed with delaying adulthood for as long as possible and stubbornly refuses to accept that forcibly extending childhood well beyond the biological age it is supposed to end is having negative psychological ramifications on young people today.

[HouseMD]

[media][/media]

Black older men in Downtown L.A. hit on women. Also, black women who are in their 40's and overweight have hit on me many times over the years, but it is like once per year on average. I have seen like one young man start up a conversation with a group of women on a street corner before.

I approached women in Downtown L.A. and filmed it. This was in 2015-16.

I approached women in Rohnert Park (the Bay Area) in 2009 at Sonoma State University and got arrested because they searched my backpack and I had a knife in it that happened to be over 2.5" long which is not allowed on campus. But they searched me because girls were scared of me because I was talking about potentially interviewing people about social anxiety with my camera. Once I pulled out my small Canon camera, two girls fled the dorms, and called the authorities. Earlier, I was also kicked out of the dining hall because I told a girl she and all her friends were not good looking enough for me (but this was after she disrespected me similarly).

I feel that approaching women is dangerous because the woman may already be married or not single, and the boyfriend may be angered at your advances. Even if you get a woman's number, she may not tell you she already has a boyfriend. If later, he finds out you are trying to have sex with his girlfriend, when you go to a bar or other venue, you may encounter the boyfriend, who may be intoxicated, and will confront you and intimidate you and see if you will be intimidated enough to leave. This happened to me. Then, the same thing, with the same boyfriend, happened at a different bar across the street, on a different night. This was over 10 years ago. I have not gone to a bar since. At the same bar, many months before this, I was talking to a young woman outside of the bar, and a very intoxicated boyfriend came out of the bar and was acting like he was going to kill me. These experiences have taught me that bars and clubs are ridiculous. Women have to be 21+ to go to a bar anyway. Women who are 21 are already insanely sexually experienced by that age anyway. I have decided to only date virgins. I think that all women who are non-virgin are very uncooperative. I think all girls who are non-virgin are damaged and not worth pursuing. No man wants a non-virgin woman anyway.

I think many people regard cold approaching as socially awkward, because what is socially acceptable is meeting girls through your social circle, and you only want to date highly relevant, virgin girls anyway. So, when you approach women in public, it may indicate that you have no social circle, which is a red flag. And if you are by yourself, it's even worse. That being said though, I feel similarly to Winston, that society shouldn't be so uptight regarding cold approaching and talking to strangers. It just doesn't seem reasonable to have such a negative attitude regarding this matter. American people are weird.

@Winston

Back in high school and early-mid college, I cold approached girls all the time. I am convinced this is an extremely inefficient, not to mention soul crushing way to try and meet girls. Not to mention, I think men cold approaching women is largely responsible for blowing up their egos in modern day society.

Imagine what would happen to y'alls egos if you had women walking up to you every day trying to have sex with you? There are good examples of what happens to men when these roles are reversed, they are called rockstars and rappers. Men who actually live like that become spoiled and unfulfilled. Too much attention from the opposite sex is not a good thing for anybody. It turns you into a pompous jerk who is incapable of appreciating the affection and loyalty you could gain from a truly good partner. The same thing happens to women if men are constantly walking up to them trying to sleep with them. The problem with today's society is that an increasingly large percentage of women are becoming unbearably vain and this is why no man can live up to their standards. Notice how urban women are infinitely worse then rural women are? This is because rural women are not accustomed to this environment of random men constantly offering them things in exchange for sex.

Ultimately, the best and most pure way for men and women to meet one another is an introduction through your parents. Parents arranging marriages for their kids leads to the best outcomes. Partners are selected for long term benefit rather then short term benefit. The "dating game" no longer exists and it becomes more about whether you enjoy the other person or not. The pressure of finding somebody is taken off your shoulders and nobody is forced to take the frightening step of approaching the other. And each person can flirt with one another, knowing that that's exactly what they were set up for. There's no ambiguity to the situation.

In the past, it wasn't seen as taboo for teenagers to have relationships either so parents didn't mind helping their 16 year old find a partner. But unfortunately, today's society is obsessed with delaying adulthood for as long as possible and stubbornly refuses to accept that forcibly extending childhood well beyond the biological age it is supposed to end is having negative psychological ramifications on young people today.

Arranged marriages are only as good as the culture that produces them. If my parents tried picking someone for me it would end nightmarishly, as it also would for my sisters. In the past arranged marriages were more about securing resources for the rest of the family than anything else. Happiness of the parties involved was a tertiary concern at best.

I think one thing that has made me soften on the way marriage shakes out today is that everyone I know who is married actually loves their spouse, unlike in the days of boomers, where marrying someone you resent was the norm for both men and women. Look at all the jokes about men and women disliking their spouses that were so common back in the day, they're basically dead to millenials because we would rather be alone than with someone we don't like.

I think dating apps have really f***ed up the dynamic of things, however, as any woman can get instant validation at the press of a button. With endless validation and choice comes the misery of the Secretary Problem, in which every next swipe may have a better candidate but you never know when to stop. This, combined with the fear of missing out culture of social media, has created the perfect storm of misery for some that get wrapped up in it. I know several women in their 30s who are lamenting their prior choices but still unable to settle down with the remaining options because they are such a downgrade compared to their past

[HouseMD]

Black older men in Downtown L.A. hit on women. Also, black women who are in their 40's and overweight have hit on me many times over the years, but it is like once per year on average. I have seen like one young man start up a conversation with a group of women on a street corner before.

I approached women in Downtown L.A. and filmed it. This was in 2015-16.

I approached women in Rohnert Park (the Bay Area) in 2009 at Sonoma State University and got arrested because they searched my backpack and I had a knife in it that happened to be over 2.5" long which is not allowed on campus. But they searched me because girls were scared of me because I was talking about potentially interviewing people about social anxiety with my camera. Once I pulled out my small Canon camera, two girls fled the dorms, and called the authorities. Earlier, I was also kicked out of the dining hall because I told a girl she and all her friends were not good looking enough for me (but this was after she disrespected me similarly).

I feel that approaching women is dangerous because the woman may already be married or not single, and the boyfriend may be angered at your advances. Even if you get a woman's number, she may not tell you she already has a boyfriend. If later, he finds out you are trying to have sex with his girlfriend, when you go to a bar or other venue, you may encounter the boyfriend, who may be intoxicated, and will confront you and intimidate you and see if you will be intimidated enough to leave. This happened to me. Then, the same thing, with the same boyfriend, happened at a different bar across the street, on a different night. This was over 10 years ago. I have not gone to a bar since. At the same bar, many months before this, I was talking to a young woman outside of the bar, and a very intoxicated boyfriend came out of the bar and was acting like he was going to kill me. These experiences have taught me that bars and clubs are ridiculous. Women have to be 21+ to go to a bar anyway. Women who are 21 are already insanely sexually experienced by that age anyway. I have decided to only date virgins. I think that all women who are non-virgin are very uncooperative. I think all girls who are non-virgin are damaged and not worth pursuing. No man wants a non-virgin woman anyway.

I think many people regard cold approaching as socially awkward, because what is socially acceptable is meeting girls through your social circle, and you only want to date highly relevant, virgin girls anyway. So, when you approach women in public, it may indicate that you have no social circle, which is a red flag. And if you are by yourself, it's even worse. That being said though, I feel similarly to Winston, that society shouldn't be so uptight regarding cold approaching and talking to strangers. It just doesn't seem reasonable to have such a negative attitude regarding this matter. American people are weird.

I mean, approaching a woman you don't know with a camera and a backpack sets off all sorts of red flags. If someone popped up in a park and talked to my daughter like that I would be quite concerned. As for getting rebuffed, you clearly don't know how to play the game. They were being honest with you, getting upset by honesty isn't a good way to handle dating. I've hit on and been deflected by many women that subsequently became some of my best friends because I took it in good spirits. And you know what the thing about women is? Their friends are also often other women. By making friends in genuine ways and without ulterior motives, you can actually meet other people down the line in more natural ways through parties and other events that may end up as potential partners.

With regard to the virgin thing, well, it's gotta be hard for a guy in his mid-30s to meet a decent virgin that is interested in him. Ironic given that one of your interests is "polygyny." Personally, I'm not intimidated by prior partners as I'm generally the best **** a woman has ever had unless I'm drunk and sloppy about it. A lot of men are insecure because, quite frankly, they have no idea what they're doing once they actually get a woman in bed aside from getting themselves off. Generally the virgin-obsessed are either highly insecure men or pedophiles that use "oh you can't find a virgin under X age" as some sort of justification for their deranged perversions. There are healthy cultures that have men which value virginity for more normal reasons, but any guy coming out of the West with the same fixation tends to be as damaged by the culture as the purported sluts he loathes.

[Outcast9428]

[media][/media]

Black older men in Downtown L.A. hit on women. Also, black women who are in their 40's and overweight have hit on me many times over the years, but it is like once per year on average. I have seen like one young man start up a conversation with a group of women on a street corner before.

I approached women in Downtown L.A. and filmed it. This was in 2015-16.

I approached women in Rohnert Park (the Bay Area) in 2009 at Sonoma State University and got arrested because they searched my backpack and I had a knife in it that happened to be over 2.5" long which is not allowed on campus. But they searched me because girls were scared of me because I was talking about potentially interviewing people about social anxiety with my camera. Once I pulled out my small Canon camera, two girls fled the dorms, and called the authorities. Earlier, I was also kicked out of the dining hall because I told a girl she and all her friends were not good looking enough for me (but this was after she disrespected me similarly).

I feel that approaching women is dangerous because the woman may already be married or not single, and the boyfriend may be angered at your advances. Even if you get a woman's number, she may not tell you she already has a boyfriend. If later, he finds out you are trying to have sex with his girlfriend, when you go to a bar or other venue, you may encounter the boyfriend, who may be intoxicated, and will confront you and intimidate you and see if you will be intimidated enough to leave. This happened to me. Then, the same thing, with the same boyfriend, happened at a different bar across the street, on a different night. This was over 10 years ago. I have not gone to a bar since. At the same bar, many months before this, I was talking to a young woman outside of the bar, and a very intoxicated boyfriend came out of the bar and was acting like he was going to kill me. These experiences have taught me that bars and clubs are ridiculous. Women have to be 21+ to go to a bar anyway. Women who are 21 are already insanely sexually experienced by that age anyway. I have decided to only date virgins. I think that all women who are non-virgin are very uncooperative. I think all girls who are non-virgin are damaged and not worth pursuing. No man wants a non-virgin woman anyway.

I think many people regard cold approaching as socially awkward, because what is socially acceptable is meeting girls through your social circle, and you only want to date highly relevant, virgin girls anyway. So, when you approach women in public, it may indicate that you have no social circle, which is a red flag. And if you are by yourself, it's even worse. That being said though, I feel similarly to Winston, that society shouldn't be so uptight regarding cold approaching and talking to strangers. It just doesn't seem reasonable to have such a negative attitude regarding this matter. American people are weird.

@Winston

Back in high school and early-mid college, I cold approached girls all the time. I am convinced this is an extremely inefficient, not to mention soul crushing way to try and meet girls. Not to mention, I think men cold approaching women is largely responsible for blowing up their egos in modern day society.

Imagine what would happen to y'alls egos if you had women walking up to you every day trying to have sex with you? There are good examples of what happens to men when these roles are reversed, they are called rockstars and rappers. Men who actually live like that become spoiled and unfulfilled. Too much attention from the opposite sex is not a good thing for anybody. It turns you into a pompous jerk who is incapable of appreciating the affection and loyalty you could gain from a truly good partner. The same thing happens to women if men are constantly walking up to them trying to sleep with them. The problem with today's society is that an increasingly large percentage of women are becoming unbearably vain and this is why no man can live up to their standards. Notice how urban women are infinitely worse then rural women are? This is because rural women are not accustomed to this environment of random men constantly offering them things in exchange for sex.

Ultimately, the best and most pure way for men and women to meet one another is an introduction through your parents. Parents arranging marriages for their kids leads to the best outcomes. Partners are selected for long term benefit rather then short term benefit. The "dating game" no longer exists and it becomes more about whether you enjoy the other person or not. The pressure of finding somebody is taken off your shoulders and nobody is forced to take the frightening step of approaching the other. And each person can flirt with one another, knowing that that's exactly what they were set up for. There's no ambiguity to the situation.

In the past, it wasn't seen as taboo for teenagers to have relationships either so parents didn't mind helping their 16 year old find a partner. But unfortunately, today's society is obsessed with delaying adulthood for as long as possible and stubbornly refuses to accept that forcibly extending childhood well beyond the biological age it is supposed to end is having negative psychological ramifications on young people today.

Arranged marriages are only as good as the culture that produces them. If my parents tried picking someone for me it would end nightmarishly, as it also would for my sisters. In the past arranged marriages were more about securing resources for the rest of the family than anything else. Happiness of the parties involved was a tertiary concern at best.

I think one thing that has made me soften on the way marriage shakes out today is that everyone I know who is married actually loves their spouse, unlike in the days of boomers, where marrying someone you resent was the norm for both men and women. Look at all the jokes about men and women disliking their spouses that were so common back in the day, they're basically dead to millenials because we would rather be alone than with someone we don't like.

I think dating apps have really f***ed up the dynamic of things, however, as any woman can get instant validation at the press of a button. With endless validation and choice comes the misery of the Secretary Problem, in which every next swipe may have a better candidate but you never know when to stop. This, combined with the fear of missing out culture of social media, has created the perfect storm of misery for some that get wrapped up in it. I know several women in their 30s who are lamenting their prior choices but still unable to settle down with the remaining options because they are such a downgrade compared to their past

I don’t think that’s a good trade off. Being alone for the rest of your life is much worse then getting to experience a honey moon period that eventually turns sour. What you’re telling me basically is that people are no longer failing at step 2 because they couldn’t even pass step 1. That’s not a step in the right direction. A step in the right direction is figuring out why marriages are going badly and try to raise the next generation to not repeat those particular mistakes. The solution is not to tell them to give up on marriage entirely if they can’t find the most perfect prince/princess charming to be their spouse.

[jamesbond]

I have never seen a guy cold approach a woman, whether in high school, college or all the years since I graduated from college. Cold approaching only occurs in bars and clubs and never out in random places in public.

Now guys in the Philippines and Thailand do cold approach women because it's not taboo in those countries to do that. In the US, men cold approaching women is considered "creepy" by women, so men don't do it.

[mattyman]

The answer to the OP is very simple; people TAKE THE IT PERSONALLY. They think the assertion 'people are don't talk to strangers/are anti-social/cliquey' is aimed at them personally & view it as a criticism of them (because they're frankly, very insecure).

Also, try not to view meeting new women as a 'chat-up'. There's a difference between striking up friendly convo & trying to chat someone-up. The best way to meet and get to know people is not to focus on chatting them up.

[Gali]

How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes - Audiobook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE5wJFRWawo

[mattyman]

@ House MD

Probably because people actually are okay with meeting new people, but the demographic you want to talk with (young women) have no reason to want an older guy in their life so they aren't interested. The subtext of your statement is more, "why can't I impose myself on people that want nothing to do with me" and that's why it comes off as creepy.

What Winston's complaining about is true of 20's and 30's people.

@ Winston
People can't talk to strangers because they're taught; EVERYONE they don't know are all horrible, only after sex, getting something out of you (contributing to the loneliness epidemic). That's why people don't talk to strangers.

They're taught that everyone they don't know is a threat, they want something. Guys are taught all guys want to pick a fight, girls are taught guys only want to talk to you for sex. It should be 'I want to get to know you for you'.

[Gali]

It comes from exprience most times you talk to strangers it is just bad ROI. So why do it then except you are very thirsty or have some special traits. If you like a different culture you would go for it and not complain. If you want your cake and eat it then it is difficult.

[Winston]

@ House MD

Probably because people actually are okay with meeting new people, but the demographic you want to talk with (young women) have no reason to want an older guy in their life so they aren't interested. The subtext of your statement is more, "why can't I impose myself on people that want nothing to do with me" and that's why it comes off as creepy.

What Winston's complaining about is true of 20's and 30's people.

@ Winston
People can't talk to strangers because they're taught; EVERYONE they don't know are all horrible, only after sex, getting something out of you (contributing to the loneliness epidemic). That's why people don't talk to strangers.

They're taught that everyone they don't know is a threat, they want something. Guys are taught all guys want to pick a fight, girls are taught guys only want to talk to you for sex. It should be 'I want to get to know you for you'.

I agree but why does everyone on YouTube, including intellectuals claim that everyone is open and social and that making friends is easy if you want to, and that all you have to do is go out and talk to people? Is everyone in a different universe or dimension than we are? Here's an example of what I mean below:

Why does this Euro guy claim that in Asia, everyone wants to hang out with him and no one will leave him alone, as if everyone is open and social and wants to make friends with others? Is he living in a different universe or dimension? How can this be when people are cold and closed and don't talk to strangers unless it's business related? I don't get it. Am I cursed by the gods or does the oversoul (collective consciousness) of people dislike me or am I not connected to the oversoul that everyone else is so I'm not part of their species? How else can you explain this? Am I missing something? What do normal people have or see that I don't have or see? Nothing makes any sense in this world. Am I in a dream or simulation that's trying to f**k with my mind? Is this a cosmic joke?

The Dilemma of Loneliness

Solitude has its dark sides. But so has socializing.