Why is it taboo to say "people are closed and don't talk to strangers" even if it's obviously TRUE?

[Winston]

Question to Everyone: There's something i don't get and haven't been able to figure out for years. Can anyone explain why?

Why is it that when i say that "people here are very closed and dont talk to strangers unless its business related, or that strangers dont make eye contact and arent open socially, or that the women arent approachable or open at all" etc, i feel like a freak and most people see me as a freak for saying that, even if its 100 percent true and obvious, as in the case of America or Taiwan? How can something as obvious as the blue sky make me feel like a freak and be so taboo to say openly? That is very baffling. I dont get it and never have. Totally illogical. Yet its consistent. Therein lies the mystery.

Why doesnt everyone say "thats very true" instead of looking at me awkward as if I'm a freak for stating the obvious? Very weird and twilight zone like. It seems that everyone must be under some kind of trance or mind control to think that someone who says something obvious (like the emperor has no clothes) is a freak.

I get the sense that I'm only allowed to lie and blame myself by saying something like "I'm too shy to meet people" or "i work too much and have no time to meet people" or some bullshit like that. (Which isnt even true) Blaming yourself is socially acceptable, even if u have to lie to do it. But saying that people are closed and dont talk to strangers, hence implying that its not my fault, feels very taboo and socially unacceptable. No one dares to do it. Even in alternative media no one dares to say that. Thus it makes me feel like the biggest freak to say that. Yet i would SWEAR on the Bible that its totally true, especially in the case of Taiwan or America.

So why should i lie and claim to be shy or too busy to meet people just because its more socially acceptable to say that? Especially since the real truth is that people are closed off and disconnected, which doesn't change no matter how outgoing u are? In that case then the problem isnt me then. So why am i obligated to lie so that i dont violate a taboo or unspoken rule? How can an obvious truth that i would swear to be so taboo to state directly or openly? Very baffling. I cant explain it.

Why cant anyone give me a logical explanation? Why is this such a mystery that no one will even dare to address except to try to blame me for being a freak in violating a taboo? How can an obvious truth be taboo?! Wtf?! Its kind of kafkaesque in a way, like a real mind f**k. Like in those kafkaesque thriller movies where youre not sure if u are crazy or everyone else is. (e.g. Shutter Island, The Tenant (1976))

I've been asking this question since the early 2000s. Why does no one have an answer? They either dodge the question or ignore it. Or they tell me im crazy and wrong and say something like "People here are very open and friendly. You are the only one who says that. The problem must be you." Wtf? What are they smoking?! Why are they denying what i KNOW i see with my own eyes???!!! Is everyone colluding in a lie because they are part of a hive mind or herd? Just like animals and insects are? If so it wouldnt surprise me.

Anyone wanna take a crack at this eternal mystery? Should i ask this question on Quora or Reddit? I'd probably get flamed on there for asking such a taboo question, which will yet again prove my point about this being taboo. Most people usually prefer to deny it for some reason (even though its obvious) and prefer to ridicule me instead or deny what i say. Very freaky and kafkaesque. Lol. I gotta wonder if everyone is friggin insane!? But that would be a taboo thing to ask too. So go figure.

As they say, truth is stranger than fiction. Because fiction has to be logical, but truth does not.

[HouseMD]

Probably because people actually are okay with meeting new people, but the demographic you want to talk with (young women) have no reason to want an older guy in their life so they aren't interested. The subtext of your statement is more, "why can't I impose myself on people that want nothing to do with me" and that's why it comes off as creepy.

[Winston]

Probably because people actually are okay with meeting new people, but the demographic you want to talk with (young women) have no reason to want an older guy in their life so they aren't interested. The subtext of your statement is more, "why can't I impose myself on people that want nothing to do with me" and that's why it comes off as creepy.

That doesnt make sense. In the 1990s americans and taiwanese were not open or social to me either. Definitely not strangers. Your explanation doesnt take into account all the data or see the big picture. Plus i cant even make friends my age in taiwan or america. Everyone is closed and cold. I swear. Even if im outgoing with good social skills, makes no difference. Swear to God.

Also there are older men who claim people in taiwan and america are very open and social to them. And they have different experiences then me, they say. Even guys my age or older have said that. Including guys who arent even good looking. U also fail to take that into account too.

Also american women and taiwanese women dont like being approached by strangers anyway even if you're handsome. We all know that. Its taboo. Go out and cold approach and get some experience and u will see what i mean. Armchair explanations dont account for all the data and are very superficial and cursory.

Moreover u are falsely assuming that most people are open and sociable. I dont find that to be the case in america or NE asia. I know what i see. My eyes dont lie. Even if u tell me im crazy i know im not.

So this is very mysterious indeed. The thing is, all this is obvious. I know what i see. I dont see any guys doing cold approach in north america or northeast asia. So why is it taboo to say any of this? How can something obvious be taboo and make me a freak for exposing it? Thats the key question.

[HouseMD]

That doesnt make sense. In the 1990s americans and taiwanese were not open or social to me either. Definitely not strangers. Your explanation doesnt take into account all the data or see the big picture. Plus i cant even make friends my age in taiwan or america. Everyone is closed and cold. I swear. Even if im outgoing with good social skills, makes no difference. Swear to God.

Also there are older men who claim people in taiwan and america are very open and social to them. And they have different experiences then me, they say. Even guys my age or older have said that. Including guys who arent even good looking. U also fail to take that into account too.

Also american women and taiwanese women dont like being approached by strangers anyway even if you're handsome. We all know that. Its taboo. Go out and cold approach and get some experience and u will see what i mean. Armchair explanations dont account for all the data and are very superficial and cursory.

So this is very mysterious indeed. The thing is, all this is obvious. I know what i see. I dont see any guys doing cold approach in north america or northeast asia. So why is it taboo to say any of this? How can something obvious be taboo and make me a freak? Thats the key question.

With regard to older people, they usually already have their own lives, kids, families, etc. Time is limited, and new people must be carefully considered. I make most of my friends through pre-existing social contacts (parties and the like), work, or my volunteer endeavors, where it's easy to meet like-minded individuals.

With regard to women, cold approaches are stupid. You need to pick a hunting ground to become your home turf that you can meet women through. For me this was always parties and the like, big social gatherings where I was already friends with most of the women there so I'd been vetted and new women coming in knew I was safe. People always ask what the point of having women as friends is, and here's the deal: they can do almost all the same things as guys if you pick the right ones but they make far better wings and give you an aura of trust. Most of my friends are women because I just get along with them better, but socially there's a lot of benefits to having a social group that is as varied as possible, both with regard to interests and careers, as well a to gender and demeanor.

The reason it comes off as weird to bring up is that for many of us it isn't that way, so the problem is naturally viewed to be yourself. People are inherently tribal, by saying things like this you basically admit to having no tribe and people assume something is wrong with you. Even the more weird amongst us have found our fellow freaks, so the question becomes not "what is wrong with society," but rather "what is this guy's deal?"

[Winston]

Yeah i noticed that if u are in a group then strangers and other groups are more friendly and social to you. Cliquish countries like America and NE Asia are like that. U need a clique to meet other cliques. Weird.

However the average American doesn't have that many friends right? So why do they ridicule me or blame it on me or tell me I'm wrong?

I guess there is a loser stigma to saying that people are closed and cold and dont talk to strangers, even if its true. Other forums like the rooshv forum never say stuff like that because they dont want to be seen as losers. Thats a key difference between us and them.

However i know a German guy about my age who says that Taiwanese are more open and social to him than Germans are in Germany. He says women on dating sites will meet him too and see him more than once. Yet hes plain and not that handsome and doesnt look like he has money. So how do you explain that? Go figure. Not all white guys claim this. Also there are many Asians who claim Taiwan is a friendly country to them too, so it can't just be a race issue. Must be something deeper and intangible.

[Winston]

But HouseMD what if youre in another country like NE Asia and u have no clique? What do u usually do then? Or if the cliques dont like u or have nothing in common with u? What then?

[HouseMD]

Yeah i noticed that if u are in a group then strangers and other groups are more friendly and social to you. Cliquish countries like America and NE Asia are like that. U need a clique to meet other cliques. Weird.

However the average American doesn't have that many friends right? So why do they ridicule me or blame it on me or tell me I'm wrong?

However i know a German guy about my age who says that Taiwanese are more open and social to him than Germans are in Germany. He says women on dating sites will meet him too and see him more than once. Yet hes plain and not that handsome and doesnt look like he has money. So how do you explain that? Go figure. Not all white guys claim this. Also there are many Asians who claim Taiwan is a friendly country to them too, so it cant just be a race issue. Must be something deeper and intangible.

It's the exotic effect. I was absolutely slaying overseas but back home I am just some guy that does okay with women but not amazing. I used to be on the better side of average but age is starting to hit me, yet I still seem to do alright.

With regard to groups- the ones who are in groups are the ones that are more social to begin with, so when you approach them you're viewed as weird for not having one. Those without a group are less social to begin with and don't want anything to do with you because they're not social to begin with.

[Winston]

But HouseMD, thats a myth. I find that loners tend to talk to me more because they are lonely and want some company. One time i met a guy in a wheelchair in Canada who talked my ear off for hours. He had a lot of interesting things to say. Lonely people seem to have richer inner lives. Those in groups will ignore me and see me as a loser or loner and uncool.

[Winston]

Also HouseMD. Keep in mind that no one likes to be lonely. We all long to be in a group or tribe and have camaraderie. The problem is that if u dont connect with a group then u dont fit in. So its not about being social. Its about being able to connect with those in the group. Are u able to connect with every social group u meet HouseMD?

Im sure if everyone in this forum met up in one place we'd have good camaraderie. Because we relate to each other. So u see its not about being social or unsocial. Its about whether u get along and connect with the group or not. if not it doesnt make you a loser right?

Plus u do know that the majority are not always right, right HouseMD?

I dont think most guys on this forum have a group or clique. does that make them losers? Isnt it shallow and judgmental to jump to conclusions like that and label people as "winners and losers" especially if u dont even know them?

Keep in mind that whether you connect with others or not, is NOT a choice. The chemistry and resonance is either there or it isn't right? So it's not a choice. So how does it make you a loser if you don't connect with others? Isn't that shallow herd-like thinking?

Plus keep in mind that when you are in a group for long, you eventually merge into the hive mind or melting pot of the group. You lose your sense of "I" in other words. So you better find a group that reflects your true self and doesn't contradict it, otherwise you will feel an inner conflict and struggle. No one can last long if he's not allowed to be himself.

[Winston]

One more question HouseMD. You said you live in California right? Like southern Cal? If so, then that area more than anywhere fits what I mean. Anytime you step outside you will see that people are closed and don't talk to strangers unless it's business related, right? That's what you see everyday with your own eyes. You can confirm that right? Ok, so then, if it's that obvious as the blue sky, then WHY is it so taboo to mention and makes you feel like a loser and freak for doing so? Try asking my question on Reddit or Quora and you will see what I mean, you will be ridiculed and belittled and denied for saying that people are closed and don't talk to strangers. How can something super obvious be taboo, like the Emperor that has no clothes?

We all instinctively know when we've violated a taboo, because the social mores of the society we are in, even if we are a tourist or visitor, can be FELT instinctively. Especially if you are sensitive and attuned and empathic and have reasonable social IQ or EQ. You sort of can pick up on what's appropriate and inappropriate, even if you're a visitor or foreigner. So it's not my imagination when I say that it's taboo to point this out. You can feel that it is. Plus if you post about it on mainstream forums like City Data or Reddit, you will be flamed and ridiculed and told you are wrong, as I've experienced personally, so I know that too. The question is: WHY???????

[HouseMD]

One more question HouseMD. You said you live in California right? Like southern Cal? If so, then that area more than anywhere fits what I mean. Anytime you step outside you will see that people are closed and don't talk to strangers unless it's business related, right? That's what you see everyday with your own eyes. You can confirm that right? Ok, so then, if it's that obvious as the blue sky, then WHY is it so taboo to mention and makes you feel like a loser and freak for doing so? Try asking my question on Reddit or Quora and you will see what I mean, you will be ridiculed and belittled and denied for saying that people are closed and don't talk to strangers. How can something super obvious be taboo, like the Emperor that has no clothes?

We all instinctively know when we've violated a taboo, because the social mores of the society we are in, even if we are a tourist or visitor, can be FELT instinctively. Especially if you are sensitive and attuned and empathic and have reasonable social IQ or EQ. You sort of can pick up on what's appropriate and inappropriate, even if you're a visitor or foreigner. So it's not my imagination when I say that it's taboo to point this out. You can feel that it is. Plus if you post about it on mainstream forums like City Data or Reddit, you will be flamed and ridiculed and told you are wrong, as I've experienced personally, so I know that too. The question is: WHY???????

I think it is probably the way you say it more than what you're saying. I have lived all over and California and NYC are about the worst with regard to this, as are parts of New England. I've talked about it with many other transplants in these areas, and never been given the vibe that I'd crossed any sort of line. I usually just joke about how cold people are, that sort of thing. But from there you have to be able to turn it into a conversation. The thing about people in these areas is that they are slow to befriend but friendships tend to be extremely strong. Compare this with the South, which is kind of the opposite- people are extremely friendly but superficial, and rarely do they make strong friends after their high school years. I'm used to the icy interpersonal relationships and have learned how to navigate them pretty well, and honestly I'll take them over the shallow but outwardly pleasant relationships of the South

[mattyman]

I think "why does meeting new people have to be restricted to people you already know, what if you don't have big social circle or know people who know billions of people" would be a better way of putting this.

This expectation to have a massive social circle, tons of friends, tons of people who know tons of people. It doesn't occur to the (lucky bastards) who have this that not everyone is as lucky to have a big social circle.

[Winston]

I think "why does meeting new people have to be restricted to people you already know, what if you don't have big social circle or know people who know billions of people" would be a better way of putting this.

This expectation to have a massive social circle, tons of friends, tons of people who know tons of people. It doesn't occur to the (lucky bastards) who have this that not everyone is as lucky to have a big social circle.

But mattyman, even if you meet people it doesn't mean they will be your friends. Most people you meet are just acquaintances. So meeting is not the issue. The issue is how do you find a good CLIQUE of friends that care about you and love you like you see on TV in sitcoms like "Friends" in the 1990's. In that kind of clique, the whole clique is close and cares about you and will do anything to help you. Most groups in America are loosely connected. A good traditional high school clique like those of the 70's and 80's mean that you spend all your free time with the clique and they care about you almost like family. That's what we are missing. Not a group of loosely connected friends that dissipate later.

Plus if you meet superficial people like in US and NE Asia, they are just polite but not your friends. What does that accomplish? Why is there no interest in making friends?

Of course those who have cliques of cool people and are in the in crowd, know that they are lucky and look down on us as "losers". Thus we serve a function to them, in that in order for there to be winners, there has to be losers, like the ying and yang. So losers serve a userful function too, they make the winners and cool people feel better about themselves. So of course they know that losers aren't as lucky as they are, and they take advantage of it.

[Winston]

@HouseMD

Btw, you never answered my other question. What if you are in another state or overseas and don't know anyone? How do you usually meet people then without a clique? Do you have natural charisma that attracts people? Even total strangers?

What if you don't fit into the culture? Are you one of those cool people who fit into every culture he goes to? Like the people on the Travel Channel, unlike us losers who only fit into third world or second world countries?

Have you ever been in a culture you totally do not fit into before? If so, what did you do about it?

[Mercury]

Question to Everyone: There's something i don't get and haven't been able to figure out for years. Can anyone explain why?

Why is it that when i say that "people here are very closed and dont talk to strangers unless its business related, or that strangers dont make eye contact and arent open socially, or that the women arent approachable or open at all" etc, i feel like a freak and most people see me as a freak for saying that, even if its 100 percent true and obvious, as in the case of America or Taiwan? How can something as obvious as the blue sky make me feel like a freak and be so taboo to say openly? That is very baffling. I dont get it and never have. Totally illogical. Yet its consistent. Therein lies the mystery.

Why doesnt everyone say "thats very true" instead of looking at me awkward as if I'm a freak for stating the obvious? Very weird and twilight zone like. It seems that everyone must be under some kind of trance or mind control to think that someone who says something obvious (like the emperor has no clothes) is a freak.

I get the sense that I'm only allowed to lie and blame myself by saying something like "I'm too shy to meet people" or "i work too much and have no time to meet people" or some bullshit like that. (Which isnt even true) Blaming yourself is socially acceptable, even if u have to lie to do it. But saying that people are closed and dont talk to strangers, hence implying that its not my fault, feels very taboo and socially unacceptable. No one dares to do it. Even in alternative media no one dares to say that. Thus it makes me feel like the biggest freak to say that. Yet i would SWEAR on the Bible that its totally true, especially in the case of Taiwan or America.

So why should i lie and claim to be shy or too busy to meet people just because its more socially acceptable to say that? Especially since the real truth is that people are closed off and disconnected, which doesn't change no matter how outgoing u are? In that case then the problem isnt me then. So why am i obligated to lie so that i dont violate a taboo or unspoken rule? How can an obvious truth that i would swear to be so taboo to state directly or openly? Very baffling. I cant explain it.

Why cant anyone give me a logical explanation? Why is this such a mystery that no one will even dare to address except to try to blame me for being a freak in violating a taboo? How can an obvious truth be taboo?! Wtf?! Its kind of kafkaesque in a way, like a real mind f**k. Like in those kafkaesque thriller movies where youre not sure if u are crazy or everyone else is. (e.g. Shutter Island, The Tenant (1976))

I've been asking this question since the early 2000s. Why does no one have an answer? They either dodge the question or ignore it. Or they tell me im crazy and wrong and say something like "People here are very open and friendly. You are the only one who says that. The problem must be you." Wtf? What are they smoking?! Why are they denying what i KNOW i see with my own eyes???!!! Is everyone colluding in a lie because they are part of a hive mind or herd? Just like animals and insects are? If so it wouldnt surprise me.

Anyone wanna take a crack at this eternal mystery? Should i ask this question on Quora or Reddit? I'd probably get flamed on there for asking such a taboo question, which will yet again prove my point about this being taboo. Most people usually prefer to deny it for some reason (even though its obvious) and prefer to ridicule me instead or deny what i say. Very freaky and kafkaesque. Lol. I gotta wonder if everyone is friggin insane!? But that would be a taboo thing to ask too. So go figure.

As they say, truth is stranger than fiction. Because fiction has to be logical, but truth does not.

Because it's a capital felony under Federal law in America to talk to strangers, and in America, talking to strangers is even a form of terrorism. Because in America, talking to strangers except for business reasons is worse than statutory rape, and because in America, talking to strangers is statutory stalking which is investigated by the FBI, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, the U.S. Marshals, the U.S. Supreme Court, and punishable by three hundred (300) years to life in prison and/or the death penalty for all involved.

Because Americans are so egotistical and spoiled rotten with a bad attitude that, if you broadcast that Americans don't talk to strangers except for business reasons, to them, you're worse than a cop killer. To them, you even blew up the biggest, most crowded building in town with a truck bomb, resulting in a 4-figure casualty count. To them, you perpetrated 9/11, the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing, the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing; to them, you perpetrated every single act of terrorism that ever occurred on American soil. Because in America, there's a storm coming, but the chainsaw and stump grinder are already gassed up and laid to the base of the tree, and any tree that loses a branch in a storm is immediately and promptly cut down and hauled away. To Americans, saying that Americans are closed and don't talk to strangers except for business reasons is considered treason, even as big as high treason to the crown.

Because America herself is bent on cleansing it's entire population of all outcasts and permanently institutionalizing all outcasts, locking them away like terrorists and traitors. In America, if you even look like an outcast, America herself wants you immediately locked away like Timothy McVeigh after he blew up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995.