The Ideal of Marriage

[fightforlove]

This may be a little random and erratic, but this is the rant n rave forum, so here goes...

Are men supposed to get married? Are we losers/invalids/left-overs if we don't marry by, say 30? I was very shy growing up in my teens/20s and missed out on the whole college dating scene. I finally broke into the dating world with several dates last year and have been dating a fun, lovely woman for several months now. I am getting hammered right and left by friends/family over it. One of them recently insulted me in front of my girl, saying "I'm glad you've got a significant other, you were always the 5th wheel". Other friends pressure me with questions like "are you guys going to marry soon?" "does your gf want kids?" My mom is seriously pissed off at me because my girl is 1) not white/caucasian like me and 2) she's 7 years older than me (I'm 30, she's 37). She keeps giving me these blantantly racist, pressuring comments about how I'm supposed to come back home, marry a caucasian american girl 2-4 years younger than me and start a family.

Of course, several decades ago marriage and family *was* the perfect idea for the regular American man: work hard, marry young, have 2.5 kids, keep working hard and enjoy the reward of a faithful, quality wife and respect from your community. But is this life still the ideal? Is this idea worth pursuing or even compatible with today's America? Is there any "community" today? Are American women really worth it? Is marriage itself even worth it anymore? And if we do marry, what do we marry for? Love? Pro-creation? Economics? Social Reputation/Respect?

I'm not ready to get married right now, maybe later but at this point I'm just happy to be dating and want to enjoy it for what it is. I'm getting a lot of resistance from the people around me, which gives me a guilty feeling as if taking your time and casually dating is wrong and that I owe it to them to get married and submit to this age-old ideal. Does anyone else have friends and relatives like this? Have you ever struggled with getting married versus just taking your time and enjoying an independent/single dating life?

[Andrewww]

Think about it, there are plenty of people in their 30s who are divorced, in debt and with child support on their bills. Who's the loser in that situation ? Right now I'm 24 and there's no way I would marry before 30. Plus I've worked as a clerk for a government job that required screening and more than half of the people I was looking at were either single or in a relationship outside marriage. It's not common anymore to get married at 25.

[fschmidt]

There is a community/culture today in America and it is a culture of evil called liberalism. In any civilized culture, people do get married. This makes sure that there is someone for everyone and that children grow up in a sound family. America is no longer a civilized culture. What you do is your choice. If you want to be a member of a civilized culture, then find a wife abroad and join a patriarchal religion that keeps sound values. If you want to be hedonistic, then travel as much as possible abroad to countries where sex is easy.

[Jacaré]

Don't worry man, just smile at them and change the topic. I am 31 and the only signle guy in my entire family/circle of friends and i get drilled all the time about when am i going to settle down, that i should stop wasting my time/youth travelling the world solo as it's much better to do so with a significant other and other similar bs. Ain't happening. And after seeing and having been with the women overseas, there's no way in hell i'm going to 1) get married to a western girl and 2) do it in canada/us. If/when I do settle down, it'll be with an Asian (preferably Japanese) or European or South American (Brasilian) and live overseas. For now, I'm enjoying every second of my youth and freedom!