Why do women reject/dump Winston or lose their love for him?

[Banano]

Would normal girl work in such a bar where girls go with customers to have sex with them?
No need to sugarcoat, it is what it is.

[Winston]

Winston,

Ban me if you have to. I read in your post that Dianne worked in a bar. Now is she a stereotypical gogo bar girl. No I don't think she is . But she is the mother of you child so I understand you will get upset over that. I don't know if Dianne read these post or not but if that upset her I do apology .

Call me an asshole or nobody because you are right we never met so I don't know you and you don't really know me as person. I don't try to flame on purpose nor do I try to troll on purpose. Maybe in person your not a bad guy. Like I said we never met. Within the Asian American forum you have a negative reputation. You may not see it that way .

But before you ban me let me say this. I followed your journal way back when you were in Russia. I'm an Asian guy like you and I was able to relate to your struggles in the dating/social market in the states so I had compassion for you . I understood your motivation for going overseas. What I disagree with you was your approach in things but I understand that everyone is different.

When you were in Russia you did have opportunities to be with some decent Russian girls but it seems like you would have short attention span and see another hottie and want that one. It back fired on you.

You mentioned that you did not fail in the Philippines. Others people may think you did because you left the country. Again it's open to interpretation and it can be subjective. Try to see it from the opposite view point. Your right that in your mind set you didn't fail but others may interpret it differently. You also mentioned that your not a sexpat ..but romantic at heart. I don't know I'm going by reading your post. Again everything is subjective and people will think differently.

Regarding about women. You are right I'm no expert but I have enough common sense that looks ,age, and status does matter. It's like going on a job interview the first thing a interviewer will judge you on is your appearance but in order to clinch the job it's your skill set. It's the same with women. A women will judge you base upon how you look. If your not handsome you have to make it up with fashion to show status but in order to win the women it;s emotional connection which I do agree with.

Using the word "faith". To you faith means religion. To others it can also mean this is your lot in life or destiny in life. I'm not trying to hurt Winston believe it or not. I actually wish the best for you. But I think sometimes you mix things up. I mean I have to meet you to really know who you are. But from reading your post I feel like your walking contradiction and sometimes your own worst enemy.

Why you want me to ban you? Because you want to continue lying about Dianne? If you are a self righteous Christian can you explain why lying is ok in your book?

I didn't say Dianne worked in a bar. Don't put words in my mouth. I said she worked at Julianas and it was BEFORE I even met her. So no I didn't meet her there. There is no bar fine at Julianas. It has a stage with shows on it. Rock and I explained that to you already so what is wrong with your reading comprehension? Seriously.

So why you desperately want to believe that she's a bar girl? Because you see me as a punching bag and want an excuse to slam me? That's very dysfunctional. What kind of Christian are you?

Did you read my post to you here? It settles the matter. Do you understand it?

viewtopic.php?f=37&t=26690

If so why are you still hanging on to wanting to believe that Dianne is a bar girl? What's your agenda? Truth or slamming winston? The matter is clearly debunked.

Are you going to call me a factory worker or supermarket stocker too just because I worked as one for a few days and label me that for life?

As for my past history you simply say you are disgusted with me but you don't give any specific reasons why. Ethan sg thinks you guys are a bunch of negative wolves that want to bring others down too.

Tell me, what did I do wrong in Russia? I tried to get a wife. Yes that failed. I tried to get sex and that failed most of the time too. But my dating life there was a million times better than in the USA so in that sense I succeeded and I had many happy moments and memories where I felt more alive too. So it depends on how you define success.

Sure I used prostitutes there. I need sex. So if I can't get it, I have no choice. The ancient Romans and Greeks understood this. So did medieval Europeans and the Americans of the wild west. So why can't you?

I defnitely got a lot more sex in the Philippines. Yeah I dated low class girls there but most foreigners do too, including ladislav and Mr s. So that's nothing unusual.

So what did I do wrong in Russia? The first girl I was engaged to was a user and gold digger. The second one was a dud who didn't like sex and wasn't my physical type. So what do you expect me to do? Marry them? What are you faulting me for exactly? Please explain with facts and not rhetoric.

Yes I have a negative reputation on Asian American forums. So what? I have not lied or scammed anyone out there. I do not sell 1000 dollar PUA bootcamps either. So my conscience is clean. People hate me because I look like a punching bag. Not because I did anything wrong.

People hated Jesus too and crucified him, but not because he did something wrong. People just love to hate and will make up lies to do so. You give people too much credit. You side with bad people instead of honest authentic guys like me. That doesn't speak well of you.

I'm disappointed in you. How are you any better? I just demonstrated that you have tons of faults too. You appear to have an agenda in twisting the truth too. That's not good.

Finally just because I left the philippines doesn't mean I failed there. What kind of logic is that? Maybe I outgrew it or want to try somewhere else. Who says I have to stay there permanently to be considered successful? Weird logic.

Besides I never said I left for good. I plan to go back there again. Why can't I try another country? I've been curious about China since 2008. What do you have against traveling? You are very weird and small minded.

I may be a whoremonger but the reason I say I'm not a typical sexpat is because I have feelings for the girls I do it with and try to maintain relationships with them. I have a caring soul too. I do not pump and dump.

[Winston]

Would normal girl work in such a bar where girls go with customers to have sex with them?
No need to sugarcoat, it is what it is.

Depends. But Dianne did not work in a go go bar, as explained. Julianas does not even have a barfine. This has been explained to you a million billion tines you god damn f***ing retarded imbecile. f**k you to hell!

You're a piece of scum who deliberately lies and is a pathological liar.

You and chanta76 will both receive another warning on your account for insinuating again that Dianne is a bar girl after its been debunked here.

viewtopic.php?f=37&t=26690

This is your last warning.

[chanta76]

Winston,
I m not trying to prove if dianne is a bar girl. I read your post that she worked in one that you wrote. Dont get me mixed up. Ok dianne never ever worked in a bar. Happy.

Why bring christianity into this? Shoot the last time i went to church was years ago. I wouldnt even consider myself a strong christian.

Regarding russia ...or even the philippines. Sigh..you win. Im not trying to flame you but giving my thoughts. I think if anything try to see what didnt workout in russia and in the philippines and not make the same mistake in china.

We could honestly go back and forth about your past trips and what went wrong. Good luck in your life.

Even though i never met you i appreciate your honesty but i think sometimes your all over the place. Again the real you can be different.

[Winston]

I wonder if he's already broken up with Dianne for good? He's out chasing Chinese women, I think he should just be honest with Dianne already and call it a day if he hasn't already, so he's not deceiving anyone any longer and can fully move on mentally.

You seem to think this is something new. But the truth is, I've been pursuing other girls since the beginning of our relationship in 2007. So its not something new. Only the location is different. Dianne just hangs on and hopes I change and become monogamous someday. That's what she has been doing for years.

[Winston]

But she seemed sweet, kind and considerate at the beginning. She even told me that she sensed I wasn't the marrying type from my vibe alone. So I thought she had good intuition and wasn't some gold digging bitch. It's like she's a Jekyll and Hyde. Weird.

This is the core of the issue. Besides her being a golddigger, the marriage thing is a major issue. A man's time is infinite, in a way, because biology ensures he's fertile until the day he dies. A woman's time is very much finite, meaning that if she hasn't found someone by her late thirties, she's screwed. Most Chinese women, unless they are married to their job and careers, will still want marriage and a family. If you do not seem like the marrying type, this will prevent things from getting more serious. Not because they dislike you but simply because time is too precious for them to waste their time on a man who is so fickle and full of doubt about what he wants. You change your mind too much, you are too restless and not stable enough.

These are women that to me, seem very goal driven. They have a one-track mind, go through life from A to B. Work, money, house, marriage, child(ren), support parents. You are a philoshopher and your attitude seems more that of a Latino or Filipino, easy-going, relaxed, going with the flow (or against the current!) and seeing where life takes you. They are rigid, you aren't. They are fixated on certain goals, you are flexible. So there's a fundamental difference in the way these girls and women think and operate, and the way you think and operate. They want a marriage no matter what, whereas you want a marriage "if the stars are right".

Your general mentality is not that of a Chinese man, Winston. In some ways you are, but you a very atypical East-Asian. This girl was a golddigger which is why things did not work out, but I foresee similar issues arising in the near future between you and Chinese women. Either you give and get roped into an unhappy marriage with one-sided benefits, or things come to an end well before you even arrive at that stage.

I should have at least gotten some sex out of this though. If Ethan_sg had dated her, he would have since his girls get intimate with him whereas mine make excuses.

What does Ethan have that you don't, Winston?

Yes that is a good point. How do you know so much about chinese people and culture and about me even though we never met? I have listed this problem before of Chinese people being too rigid and narrow. See here:

http://www.happierabroad.com/Winston_vs_Asians.pdf

http://www.happierabroad.com/Asian_Mentality.htm

Even though I am what I am, still there is family pressure to get married and settle down. I'm not supposed to have my cake and eat it too. Lol.

How do you know if I didn't find a hot chinese girl that I wouldn't be glad to settle down? I would for a while at least. But I never get the girls I want. I used to be monogamous too when i was in my early 20s. But I got nothing out of it and felt deprived so I decided to have as many girls as I could to make up for all the deprivation. It's what my hormones wanted too. So I decided to become polyamorous in about 1995.

As to Ethan, well he is younger, taller and thinner. His face is more oval shaped, which girls prefer, whereas mine is more round. He also has a sort of a metrosexual look too, which Asian girls like. I cant say whether he is handsome or not because to me, handsome is like Pierce Brosnan or Sean Connery or Roger Moore when they played James Bond. The Chinese metrosexual look may be handsome to young Asian girls but it's not what I normally consider handsome. I guess I have a more traditional taste when it comes to what's handsome. Lol

[Winston]

Winston,
I m not trying to prove if dianne is a bar girl. I read your post that she worked in one that you wrote. Dont get me mixed up. Ok dianne never ever worked in a bar. Happy.

Why bring christianity into this? Shoot the last time i went to church was years ago. I wouldnt even consider myself a strong christian.

Regarding russia ...or even the philippines. Sigh..you win. Im not trying to flame you but giving my thoughts. I think if anything try to see what didnt workout in russia and in the philippines and not make the same mistake in china.

We could honestly go back and forth about your past trips and what went wrong. Good luck in your life.

Even though i never met you i appreciate your honesty but i think sometimes your all over the place. Again the real you can be different.

Where did I write that Dianne worked in a bar? Show me the post. Even if she had, a girl is not considered a bar girl unless she's been there a long time and went on barfines with customers. If they tried working in the bar and quit cause they didn't fit in, they should not be branded a bar girl for life just because dickheads like you want to shame them. That's not fair or objective.

I know guys who married bar girls and were successful because they got them out of the bar early before they were corrupted.

You still didn't answer my question of why you find my behavior despicable and repulsive. Anyone can say that without basis but does it create a legitimate argument? No it doesn't. I could say you are despicable too without any valid reason but would that make it true?

I'm still waiting for specifics. What would you have done differently if you were me? I explained everything I did clearly. So where is the fault exactly? Still waiting for an answer. I'm giving you a chance to explain yourself.

[Winston]

You seem to think this is something new. But the truth is, I've been pursuing other girls since the beginning of our relationship in 2007. So its not something new. Only the location is different. Dianne just hangs on and hopes I change and become monogamous someday. That's what she has been doing for years.

Oh I know it's not new, Winston, I've read enough of your old threads to know that it isn't. She used to fight it, used to drag you home from the night life according to Steve, but at some point she just gave up apparently. I just think that if you really don't love her anymore, it's kind of unfair to leave her hanging like that because she's wasting the best years of her life waiting for a man to commit to her who never will. Are you keeping her around as a "back up", or what?

A little observation: I don't think any Chinese girl will ever be as flexible and accepting of your nature as Dianne is, or other Filipina girls. They seem more flexible, more easy-going and relaxed, whereas Chinese girls are more calculating and pragmatic.

If you haven't yet made your decision on what to do, I think you should make up your mind soon.

I'm not keeping her as a backup. It's just that she and I are too relaxed and non-confrontational. So we just let things ride out without talking about serious things. We have a comfort zone where we just let things be. That's how its always been.

Also I enjoy Diannes easygoing personality and vibe. So I never felt the need to dump her. She's never been annoying or a negative influence.

Besides, like you said, I may not be compatible with Chinese women and this may just be a phase I'm going through. So why dump Dianne cause of it?

Dianne has already read the "my sexless relationship" thread. So she knows the situation and has now accepted the fact that we best separate. I showed it to her so that it would all be self explanatory and I wouldn't have to say anymore.

[chanta76]

Winston,

Here is the post where you say Dianne is working in the bar again.
It's on page 4 on the thread title "Problems with Dianne and her family". You have to scroll towards the middle end to find Winston post.
viewtopic.php?f=37&t=4082&start=45

Hi all,
Just a quick update.

Dianne is working at the bar again!

Last night me and my friends were out and when we went to the nicest one, Dianne was there, just as I thought. She looked hot and symmetrical in her bikini outfit. But her face was miserable as hell, totally unhappy and moody. But then again, she's always unhappy and moody. That's the way she's become now.

One of my friends felt sorry for her, so he called her down for a drink and talked to her a bit. But he didn't learn anything new that I didn't hear before.

Like I said before, low class Filipinas like her and her family are incapable of thinking or making observations and comments.

Anyhow, it's hard for me to go there again, even though it's one of the best bars with the best shows, cause it's hard for me to see her like that, so unhappy and miserable, for 10 hours a day. I guess she has to, since she has no other source of income, not just for her, but for her sisters too, as even her rich aunt has had enough of supporting all of them.

But what can I do? I can't do anything to help her. And she won't follow any of our agreements or solutions. She just doesn't give a sh** anymore about anything and won't listen to anything or anybody. You could put her in a Viet Cong concentration camp and she wouldn't listen to anybody. Her mind is completely closed and trapped in her primitive one dimensional thinking and paranoia (she suspected silly things about me and our landlady that turned out to be completely false) and she is probably the most stubborn girl I've ever met. She can't even keep promises, follow through on little things, or even discuss things out.

Right now, we are really mad at each other and haven't seen each other or talked for several days. I've just been hanging out with my friends, including some from the list, organizing them into group outings, and seeing this sweet 28 year old girl that I met (no she's not from the bar, she's starting work at a call center).

But in case we don't end up back together, (and it's probably best we don't cause I can't deal with someone who is always moody and unhappy and bitchy all the time) I've made arrangements to talk to a lawyer to find out what my rights really are in regard to custody and/or visitation rights. My rich Filipino CEO friend is arranging it right now, for a consultation with one of his corporate lawyers.

One more thing that I realized is that Dianne could very well have some type of bipolar disorder or some other disorder. Remember in the beginning of our relationship, she would often go into these phases where she would be very moody and say hurtful rude things, as though she were a different person? Well perhaps that got worse with the hormone changes, and life stresses, since mental disorders that are dormant are usually triggered by stressful events, as psychology says. And that's why she's very moody and bitchy a high percentage of the time now.

Thus there's no way to discuss or compromise with someone who won't listen and can't even think.

She can't follow through on shit, is unstable and changeable, and is incapable of thinking. And she comes from a family of survivalists with no concept of right or wrong or of civility, ethics or fairness. Thus you can't sit down and have a fair rational civilized discussion with her or her kind.

Oh and no I haven't barfined anybody in the past few days. I've kind of outgrown that, and prefer real relationships and focusing on inner issues or intellectual interests.

[chanta76]

Winston,

Since you have control you might re-word everything or delete your previous thread but I read your history and you had problems with Dianne and her family. After the baby was born they demanded too much money or Dianne was too controlling..etc.,...etc..at the same time even you admitted that you CANNOT be in a monogamous relationship. Which contradicts being a true romantic or true lover. If you truly love someone you stay faithful to that the person..but if you cannot because if LUST dictates you....You will always have the same RESULTS where every you go . This includes China . I'm not saying your repulsive but a walking contradiction that makes ALLOT of excuses for yourself.

You mentioned to me about specifics ...SIGH...where do you want me to start?? OK let's look at your brief biography http://www.happierabroad.com/biography.htm
Towards the last you say your HAPPY WITH DIANNE...but look at what your doing now. That is misleading information to newbies who don't really know you. There are American men who are social outcast who come to this site after reading your bio or your essay thinking ..."Hmmm...according to Winston ebooks in Russia and the Philippines life can be great",,but it's misleading because you don't have a great relationship with Dianne and you left Russia and also the Philippines but you do online business to sell the ebook that is misleading.

Winston..again I'm not your enemy. Honestly I never met you. I think in some ways I agree with what you want to do but in other things I think your a mess sometimes.

[Traveler]

You act too needy around women. One example is you having your hands and mouth all over a woman you just started dating in a public park in China. A guy who is regularly banging hotties would not behave that way. You behave like a desperate loser who doesn't get laid very often. Women sense that and it turns them off. You need to develop some self control and learn to delay instant gratification.

"End conversations early. Cancel dates. Be late. Appear disinterested. Don’t lean in. Stop trying to kiss her all the time. Don’t tell her when you’ll contact her. Don’t say you’ve been in love. Don’t talk longingly about your exes. Don’t console her. Take days to call her back after first time sex. Don’t ask for her opinions. Be insensitive.

"All these behaviors show you’re not needy, that you don’t give a f*ck. They convey to the girl that you can get away with doing these things because you’re probably already banging and she better shape up if she wants her vagina to be demolished as well. There’s no shortcut to this: you can’t just tell a girl you’ve f*cked a lot of girls and expect her to be turned on. Insinuate instead, and be rewarded handsomely."
http://www.rooshv.com/stop-being-needy

[Banano]

I predicted long time ago that Winston will fail in China, he doesnt realize how low his SMV is outside places like AC and Pataya.

All of you guys are giving Him useless advices such as change city, change clothes, do this do that and chicks will flock to him, these things might help if you already have something going for you, something to work with, things like height, physique, being white, blue eyes, long nose, face etc

Winston you are delusional about your smv, you are in bottom 20% and you wondering why you cant score

[Traveler]

Years of easy lays in Angeles haven't improved Winston's game.

[Mr. Q]

W

OK let me explain what I mean by your faith. I mean you first started in Russia , then the Philippines and now thinking of China (correct me if I'm wrong) . I mean I wouldn't be surprise if China doesn't work out for you. What I mean by faith is that maybe if there is God this is what God dealt you.

I think you mean "fate."

[chanta76]

Mr. Q,

Yes fate sorry my mistake. I don't want this to become lets gang up on Winston Wu. I never met him and maybe his a decent guy but I think sometimes his all over the place and contradicts himself. I think sometimes Winston doesn't even know Winston.