Being a White Woman in Japan

[MrMan]

I see hardly any difference.

1 - She doesn't want a boyfriend
She rejects every man approaching her - She will be alone

2 - No Japanese man wants her
Why do they reject her, despite they are looking for a female friend? Despite Japanese men who are living with a foreign woman outnumber Japanese women who are living with a foreign man 2 : 1? Anyway, she will end up to be alone.

What is the evidence she has men approaching her that she rejects?

She's back in the US, now apparently, not making videos, so unless you know her or she's posting elsewhere, you cannot know if she is alone.

If she is traditional, she may want the man to ask her out, too. Do many Japanese men want foreign wives there? How does the potential mother-in-law feel about this? I know a Japanese man who married a Filipina and the relationship with the mother-in-law was always a concern.

I don't think, ordinary Japanese parents care so much about that as long as the foreign wife tries to integrate herself somehow. However nowadays in the cities most young couples do not want to live with their parents and rent a room somewhere away from them and in case of divorce they own nothing to each other, just sign a form in the ward office and move on...

In rural areas in Japan, on smaller islands which are only into fishing, in forest areas etc. now are often only old people living, and the daughter is moving away to the cities, prefers a more comfortable life - but to be honest life-style in Japanese rural areas is often really primitive however a Japanese young farmer is anything else but poor - they often have a fairly good income.

The oldest son of a Japanese farmer family cannot so easily disappear and he cannot find any Japanese wife as there is none living in such areas.
There are even TV documentaries going on in Japan about this strange situation. There are Japanese small villages where foreign wives outnumber the Japanese women living there -
If the foreign wife is willing to stay and to integrate, there is no problem ....many are from China, Korea, Vietnam, Philippines and even from SriLanka.

Asian, non-Japanese women, are generally welcome in Japanese remote areas if they are willing to stay

For example, this foreign woman is in Japan since more than 14 years.

https://english.kyodonews.net/news/2020 ... llage.html
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pse5d6upp_E
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[Yohan]

Here is that girl that lived in Japan for 10 years walking through Shibuya and at the end of the video she goes into a store that has sex toys!

I can only say it again, if a young Western female - and she does not look bad at all - is living in Tokyo 10 years, walking around in Shibuya, a place known for young people and cannot find a Japanese boyfriend, it is not because of these many young Japanese men passing by next to her and do not want her as a girlfriend - something must be wrong with her - she has to understand SHE is the problem and should think about why Japanese men avoid her.

[MrMan]

I can only say it again, if a young Western female - and she does not look bad at all - is living in Tokyo 10 years, walking around in Shibuya, a place known for young people and cannot find a Japanese boyfriend, it is not because of these many young Japanese men passing by next to her and do not want her as a girlfriend - something must be wrong with her - she has to understand SHE is the problem and should think about why Japanese men avoid her.

I am not so judgmental of people about that. It just doesn't happen right away for some people. And it could be there are types that Japanese men go for more than others for white women, a mold she doesn't fit into. Do Japanese men hit on strangers? If she never found one she wanted to date or met her criteria and did not give off any 'signals', I respect that. It's just like us men. Finding a woman isn't about finding any ol' female who will date or marry us. It about us finding one we want. Many men on this forum don't want fat, ugly, aggressive feminist types because they don't fit their criteria...and that's fine.

Did she whine about Japanese men not wanting her in one of her videos?

[flowerthief00]

It never seemed to me that there was a discernible difference between the interest Japanese women have in dating foreigners versus the interest Japanese men have in dating foreigners. Male or female, the majority of that population doesn't care. But there are always a few who have a fetish for the exotic. In the city at least (where I was).

Where the BIG difference lies is in the interest foreigners have for the Japanese. Blunty put, only a special kind of foreign woman is interested in Japanese men, whereas foreign men from everywhere on Earth are interested in Japanese women for some reason. White men, black men, yellow men, green men, purple men...they all love Japanese women. That I assume is why I did not see international couples of the former sort as often as the latter.

[flowerthief00]

Let me add that there is a thing called "teishu kanpaku" (亭主関白) which means a domineering controlling husband. I didn't believe it at first, but after speaking to some Japanese women who flatly admitted that this is exactly what they were looking for, I had to acknowledge there is some amount of demand on the part of Japanese women for such a thing.

Can you imagine a Western women saying she wanted a domineering husband? No no no never, that's PATRIARCHY! Burn it!
Could be another reason the Japanese man/foreigner woman dynamic doesn't always work out.

[MrMan]

Let me add that there is a thing called "teishu kanpaku" (亭主関白) which means a domineering controlling husband. I didn't believe it at first, but after speaking to some Japanese women who flatly admitted that this is exactly what they were looking for, I had to acknowledge there is some amount of demand on the part of Japanese women for such a thing.

Can you imagine a Western women saying she wanted a domineering husband? No no no never, that's PATRIARCHY! Burn it!
Could be another reason the Japanese man/foreigner woman dynamic doesn't always work out.

A Japanese friend of mine was rather domineering toward his wife. He said in Japan their were marriages with the king husband or with the queen wife.

I lived somewhere that had K-dramas playing with subtitles. I watched a couple of them. That seemed to be a theme. There would be these different families the show followed. One would have a domineering wife. Another would have the father in control. There was one where the decent man was married to a snobby wife who had a lot of faults. She was very conniving, but when he caught her, he'd demand she get in line and take control. She'd done something bad to someone, and he knelt down and apologized on behalf of his family and made his proud wife who had caused the problem to kneel down and apologize, too.

Is suspect there is something to this in real life, though movies and TV shows tend to be exaggerated.

[jamesbond]

This is what she did in a typical day at her job in Japan.

[Taco]

This is what she did in a typical day at her job in Japan.

She left out some important details...

1. Everyone at work ignores her
2. Her social life/sex life sucks
3. She'll still be single in 10 years

[jamesbond]

In this video she does her "Doggie Dance." She made this video right before she moved back to the USA.

[Lucas88]

Here is that girl that lived in Japan for 10 years walking through Shibuya and at the end of the video she goes into a store that has sex toys!

She's an attractive brunette. As soon as I began to watch the video I thought that she might have some Latina in her due to her swarthy phenotype. I think she is a Latina because in the "El baile del perrito" video she pronounced the name of the song like a native Spanish speaker. She also dances too good to be a White girl. Anyway, this girl is physically attractive, bubbly and has charisma. I find it hard to believe that she cannot get a boyfriend in Japan. And believe me, there is a subset of young Japanese men who would absolutely love to have an attractive American wife. It would be their dream come true.

But the truth is that she as a Western woman couldn't find a husband in Japan and her case isn't the only one. We have to ask why.

Some commenters have already postulated that she most likely has a bad attitude which repels any serious Japanese man. That might be the case.

I however would argue that the reason is cultural. Western men usually do fine with Japanese girls but Western girls have a hard time with Japanese men. Why is this? I think that the cultural traits and psychological constitution of the typical Westerner such as assertiveness, expressiveness and individualism make Western men more attractive in the eyes of Japanese women but conversely make Western women unattractive to Japanese men. @WilliamSmith mentioned in another thread that White guys tend to do well in Asia because our more assertive attitude comes across as more alpha to Asian females and turns them on. But it is obvious that when a Western female behaves the same way (and many of them do) it is a major turnoff for marriage-minded Japanese men.

In this case the girl might not even realize what is happening. She's so used to behaving that way since she grew up in America and doesn't understand that such female behavior isn't considered attractive in Japan. So maybe due to her Western way of being she fails to catch the attention of any eligible Japanese bachelor and then through a lack of self-awareness comes to the erroneous conclusion that all Japanese men are grass-eaters and that there's no suitable men in Japan. I'd be willing to bet that if she had self-awareness and consciously modified her behavior to be more modest and demure (even if it were just an act) she could easily get a Japanese man to take interest in her.

[jamesbond]

Here is that girl that lived in Japan for 10 years walking through Shibuya and at the end of the video she goes into a store that has sex toys!

She's an attractive brunette. As soon as I began to watch the video I thought that she might have some Latina in her due to her swarthy phenotype. I think she is a Latina because in the "El baile del perrito" video she pronounced the name of the song like a native Spanish speaker. She also dances too good to be a White girl. Anyway, this girl is physically attractive, bubbly and has charisma. I find it hard to believe that she cannot get a boyfriend in Japan. And believe me, there is a subset of young Japanese men who would absolutely love to have an attractive American wife. It would be their dream come true.

But the truth is that she as a Western woman couldn't find a husband in Japan and her case isn't the only one. We have to ask why.

Some commenters have already postulated that she most likely has a bad attitude which repels any serious Japanese man. That might be the case.

In this case the girl might not even realize what is happening. She's so used to behaving that way since she grew up in America and doesn't understand that such female behavior isn't considered attractive in Japan. So maybe due to her Western way of being she fails to catch the attention of any eligible Japanese bachelor and then through a lack of self-awareness comes to the erroneous conclusion that all Japanese men are grass-eaters and that there's no suitable men in Japan. I'd be willing to bet that if she had self-awareness and consciously modified her behavior to be more modest and demure (even if it were just an act) she could easily get a Japanese man to take interest in her.

Here is the video she made back in 2016 saying that she has never had a boyfriend. She turns 38 this year and guess what? She STILL does not have a boyfriend and at her age, she probably never will. Another thing is, she is still living at home with her parents. She is originally from the Dominican Republic and moved to the US when she was a child. She stated in one of her videos that she wanted very badly to get married and have children. At her age, she most likely will never get married or have kids and probably will never get a boyfriend at this point.

[Lucas88]

Here is the video she made back in 2016 saying that she has never had a boyfriend. She turns 38 this year and guess what? She STILL does not have a boyfriend and at her age, she probably never will. Another thing is, she is still living at home with her parents. She is originally from the Dominican Republic and moved to the US when she was a child. She stated in one of her videos that she wanted very badly to get married and have children. At her age, she most likely will never get married or have kids and probably will never get a boyfriend at this point.

It is unusual that a girl like her can't get a boyfriend. She's pretty, sociable and charismatic. From the few phrases that I've heard her speak she seems to speak Japanese really well too. I wonder why she can't get a boyfriend. Some people have commented in this thread that she must have a bad attitude and for that reason she is alone but I think that they're just being judgmental. What evidence from her videos do they give to support their accusations? I think that some of the guys here just want to gloat at the dating failures of a Western girl in Japan simply because they were rejected by Western women before they moved abroad and are still resentful. Besides, since when does being a bitch preclude one from getting a boyfriend? I know girls who are total bitches with a diva complex and they still have guys wanting to be with them.

I watched her video about her never having had a boyfriend and then I found many similar videos by other girls in the related video section. People not being able to get a boyfriend/girlfriend seems to be a thing. Often the individuals affected by this look normal and show a nice personality and seem to be neurotypical too. Yet they remain alone nevertheless. I think that a subset of people just have a hard time with dating and relationships due to some unknown invisible factor. It's as though they are disabled in that regard at the level of the soul and cannot magnetize to themselves their romantic needs or as though they vibrate at an atypical frequency and find themselves energetically incompatible with most of the people they meet. Like maybe they belong to a different soul species and are therefore perceived as too different. I think this applies to me. I've always been in shape due to my martial arts training and was even called cute by some girls when I was in my early 20s but I was dateless for the longest time. Meanwhile most of the people I knew were constantly dating and it seemed like everybody had somebody for them except for me. Some people are just vastly different at the level of being, too different for most people's comfort. We find it difficult to connect with people because of this.

I hope that she finds somebody and gets what she desires. She still has a window of opportunity. I know cases of women who've got married and had a kid in their late 30s. Suerte, Ani!

[Yohan]

It is unusual that a girl like her can't get a boyfriend. She's pretty, sociable and charismatic. From the few phrases that I've heard her speak she seems to speak Japanese really well too. I wonder why she can't get a boyfriend. Some people have commented in this thread that she must have a bad attitude and for that reason she is alone but I think that they're just being judgmental. What evidence from her videos do they give to support their accusations?

Japan (same as South Korea and Taiwan) is no good place for a man (local Japanese or foreigner) to look for a girlfriend.

Japan is not India or China with a huge gender imbalance between young men and women, and it is also not like USA or UK with feminist hateful rhetoric and unfair divorce laws.

However if you look up just simple data from the Japanese census, you will notice that young men between 20 to 40 outnumber women of the same age about 105:100, and if you look up some polls from social media etc. you will see they come about to the same results, there are about 25 percent of young men refusing to contact women but 35 percent of women refusing to contact men and prefer to live alone...

This means, about 80 young men are facing 65 young women willing to date each other.

The census also offers data about Japanese married to foreign nationals, Japanese men who married foreign women (mostly from Asia) outnumber Japanese women married to foreign men (just from everywhere worldwide) by more than 2:1.

Japanese men nowadays are not against dating foreign women.

I think that some of the guys here just want to gloat at the dating failures of a Western girl in Japan simply because they were rejected by Western women before they moved abroad and are still resentful.

You can say that about me too, I find the criteria how Western women choose their men as appalling and I am not alone with that opinion, there are also other reasons to avoid women living in Western countries, like legal concern.
I am living now 45 years away from Europe, never came back and have no intention even to visit it again in my life.

It is just much easier for a woman in Japan to choose from various men than for men in Japan to look for a female partner.
I have two daughters who are 50/50 European/Japanese (one looking more Western, the other one more Japanese) and they never had any problem to date local Japanese men, same also what their female friends told me, regardless if Japanese or foreign, regardless if Asians (Philippines, China) or even from Iran and Nepal.

If you are a foreign woman in Japan - even with moderate looks - and you cannot find any local Japanese man who wants to be your friend, there must be a problem with yourself. Something must be totally wrong with your expectations. I cannot say what exactly is wrong with this woman, but something is not right with her, obviously unfit to a relationship within Japan.

[kangarunner]

I think that some of the guys here just want to gloat at the dating failures of a Western girl in Japan simply because they were rejected by Western women before they moved abroad and are still resentful.

Western women can all go to hell. They deserve it. THEY DESERVE IT.

[Lucas88]

I think that some of the guys here just want to gloat at the dating failures of a Western girl in Japan simply because they were rejected by Western women before they moved abroad and are still resentful.

You can say that about me too, I find the criteria how Western women choose their men as appalling and I am not alone with that opinion, there are also other reasons to avoid women living in Western countries, like legal concern.

I'm not a fan of the Anglosphere or Western women either and also recognize that the dating culture in the US and much of Western Europe is extremely toxic but at the same time I don't wish to tar all Western women with the same brush since I believe that there are cases of good people who simply suffer due to the toxic culture which surrounds them. I was also rejected by women in my home country but I don't hold that against all Western women and certainly don't want them all to suffer because of it. I see no need to be that petty.

If you are a foreign woman in Japan - even with moderate looks - and you cannot find any local Japanese man who wants to be your friend, there must be a problem with yourself. Something must be totally wrong with your expectations. I cannot say what exactly is wrong with this woman, but something is not right with her, obviously unfit to a relationship with in Japan.

I initially proposed that her American way of carrying herself might make her unattractive to Japanese men. I'm talking about things like body language, levels of assertiveness and over-the-top expressiveness. It may be that most Japanese men simply don't know how to take a girl like that since they are used to dealing with Japanese women who tend to be much more reserved and are simply put off by Ani's effusive personality before any romance can take off. As I mentioned in my original post, Ani might not even be aware of this factor. She might be blind to cultural differences surrounding dating and expected male and female behavior. This might have left her at a severe disadvantage when it comes to dating relationship-minded Japanese men despite her attractive appearance.

But it seems like Ani has never been able to find a boyfriend in the US either. In the last video which @jamesbond posted she says that she never had a relationship in high school or college. Ever since she returned to the US some five years ago she still hasn't found a boyfriend. In her most recent video from 2019 she talks about how she found Jesus and how Jesus on the cross always has his arms open to welcome her in a loving embrace but her demeanor reeks of loneliness. She seems like a misfit who cannot find romance anywhere. I've watched a handful of her videos and it seems obvious to me that she has quite an eccentric personality even by US standards. In my experience most people tend not to like eccentricity. They find eccentric individuals strange or too over the top or too difficult to understand and therefore prefer to keep some degree of distance. This might be the real reason for which Ani is unable to find a boyfriend.

Some people might argue that the girl must be a bitch and have some sort of personality disorder if she is unable to find a boyfriend even in the US but I don't think that that's a good argument. Many women in the US are total bitches and treat everybody around them like complete garbage but they are still able to attract men who will put up with them out of desperation. That even includes women in their 30s. For me the undesirable eccentricity argument makes more sense. Ani mostly likely cannot attract a guy because she is just too different and weird for most people.