My sexless relationship with Filipina. What to do?

[WorldTraveler]

One of the most traditional beliefs out there is that a man ought to take care of his family. If you have a son or daughter, it is you who is responsible to provide money to put food on the table. It is you who has the responsibility to set examples for him to follow, and to inspire him to make the most of his life. That is your responsibility as a man and a father. Regardless of your needs, you need to find a balance that works. Not for your own sake, but for the sake of your son. His needs outweigh the needs of you and Dianne both. Because you and Dianna are the past, and Angelo is the future. He is your only child after all.

I have to agree with Marcos. I’m from divorced parents and had an absent father. I think you owe it to your son to be a good father and set a good example.

My desires and lusts are for Chinese women and have been since 2012.

So will your parents be happy if you marry a Chinese girl? What are you looking for in Chinese girl? What age? So what are the Chinese girls like? What are they looking for in a man? I don’t think they are finding you website, unless they are already serious and they are investigating you.

[Cornfed]

One of the most traditional beliefs out there is that a man ought to take care of his family. If you have a son or daughter, it is you who is responsible to provide money to put food on the table. It is you who has the responsibility to set examples for him to follow, and to inspire him to make the most of his life. That is your responsibility as a man and a father.

Traditionally this only applied to married men having children with their wives. Men were not traditionally deemed responsible for the bastards of whores they had impregnated.

[Winston]

Important point:

Just wanted to state that the reason I'm seeking Chinese women is not just because they are more attractive than FIlipinas, though that's part of it. It's also because I share the same DNA and genes with Chinese women so a relationship feels more "natural and right" somehow, so there is a closeness and connection I sense with them that I can't get with other races. It's hard to explain because most of you guys cannot relate.

Plus I don't like having mixed kids either, so settling down with a Chinese woman seems like the best and most natural thing to do.

Also, my sexual appetite is stronger than most people so I suffer MORE when I'm deprived of it. So not every guy understands me. Some deep thinkers and intellectuals have insatiable sexual appetites. Benjamin Franklin did too, he was involved in orgies and sex houses in England and France. It's just that I have a hard time finding ways to satisfy my lust.

[zboy1]

Winston, no women will completely satisfy your sexual desires, so I think it's best that you don't ever get married--per Marcos. I think you're just not the marrying type, to be honest.

And if you do get married, you're going to be screwed when the Chinese women is going to demand a lot of things from you. So, again, maybe you should just be a monger-type and live your life that way. You should also take care of your son, Angelo--the best you can, as he will need fatherly guidance as he grows up.

[droid]

Also, my sexual appetite is stronger than most people so I suffer MORE when I'm deprived of it. So not every guy understands me. Some deep thinkers and intellectuals have insatiable sexual appetites. Benjamin Franklin did too, he was involved in orgies and sex houses in England and France. It's just that I have a hard time finding ways to satisfy my lust.

+1
I identify myself with this too.
But i think the appetite might be apparently stronger because of being deprived of it for long dry spells. I haven't myself experienced periods where i do the deed every single day.

Well you should have thought of that BEFORE you decided to get Dianne pregnant and have a half-Chinese

+1
pretty irresponsible stuff right there. from her part as well.

[Winston]

You sound like a typical western liberal, who believes that the man's needs are not important and only women and children's needs matter. Well sorry but you can't just neglect the needs of one side, such as the man's, and focus only on the other. Everyone has needs. Denying needs doesn't solve them. You seem to be very narrow and one sided in your focus.

A liberal, me? Lol.

One of the most traditional beliefs out there is that a man ought to take care of his family. If you have a son or daughter, it is you who is responsible to provide money to put food on the table. It is you who has the responsibility to set examples for him to follow, and to inspire him to make the most of his life. That is your responsibility as a man and a father. Regardless of your needs, you need to find a balance that works. Not for your own sake, but for the sake of your son. His needs outweigh the needs of you and Dianne both. Because you and Dianna are the past, and Angelo is the future. He is your only child after all.

So your solution is for me to be unhappy forever, never have sex again, and just live as a slave and servant to my son, in return for nothing? All the while wishing and dreaming I was somewhere else. Yeah right. Are you delusional? What are you smoking?

I am not saying you should be a slave and servant to your son, I am simply telling you that as a father you have a role to fulfil that is far more important, powerful and meaingful then you chasing Chinese ladies. If it's sex you want, you can continue to go on trips to Angeles for all I care - a lot cheaper and easier then Chinese ladies who, by your own admission, don't exactly put out. But at least find a compromise with Dianne that does not hurt your little boy. He's an innocent party in this, it's a matter between you and your girlfriend slash ex-lover.

You are not proposing a win-win solution here. You are a proposing a win-lose situation, one that would make me unhappy and dissatisfied forever. It's like forcing one to be something they're not, or forcing them to love someone they don't. Not possible.

A win-win solution would be for you to talk things over with Dianne. To admit your feelings, and for her to admit hers. Then you talk about how to move on from this. You could move in with them, be a father to Angelo, and whenever you have needs to fulfil you discreetly seek out a bargirl. You keep your desires for other women hidden - Dianne is not stupid, she will know, but you will not discuss it with her and never with others so she does not lose face. What's important is that you find a solution that is best for your son. Compare your ability to get laid in the Philippines to your ability to get laid in China; be realistic, and be honest. I know your lust and desire is directed at Chinese women, but don't make it an obsession - make your goals attainable.

What is wrong with your sense of reality? You are more preoccupied with "what should be" rather than what is. Do you realize that?

What should be, is important. Not just for you and Dianne, but for your son. Your only child. If you spend his childhood chasing Chinese women, how do you think that will make Angelo feel? How will it make him feel to know that his father desires other women more then his mother? If you stay close to him and act discreetly, he won't have to know and he will grow up having a positive image of you. If you remain a distant figure, he will grow up to resent you. This may not seem like a big deal to you know, but it will be when you are a lonely old man. You still have a chance to redeem yourself.

My letter was honest at least. Do you prefer that I lie and make false statements to her? You're not making sense.

No, but you could at least try not to hurt her feelings too much. There's no point in telling a woman "my lust and desire are for Chinese women now", that's like Dianne telling you "my lust and desire are for white men now", how would that make you feel? Chances are it would make you feel like less of a man, or insulted, or hurt. So to her, it will make her feel like less of a woman, insulted, hurt, in a similar way. You could have somply told her: "I do not feel physically attracted to you anymore", or "I feel like our chemistry is gone, what happened?", and then talk about it with her. Be subtle. Things you say in a moment of anger and frustration, you can never take back.

I had a child with her because it's in my genes to procreate and produce offspring. It's in our DNA. So I have desires in me that work against reason and logic too. We all do. And since I heavily into following my desires... I was also desperate too. Desperation causes people to do things that may be unwise or that they might later regret.

I know you were desperate. And that's okay, it happens, we're only human. But you did what you did, and you made a decision to create a child. Now that child needs a father, and that father is you. You said you want to reproduce, and you did, but if you don't stick around to set an example of how to live, who's example will he follow? Who will be his idol, who will inspire him? Who will teach him to be a man, and who will guide him on his journey to adulthood? You need to be present to make that positive impact on his life. If you don't, you will regret it for as long as you live, especially if he will remain your only child.

But hey, don't you believe that everything happens for a reason? Some philosophers and scientists would tell you that free will is an illusion, and if they are right, then my decisions to have a son with her were not out of free will, but predetermined according to some hidden order or destiny beyond our perception.

Who knows, it might be fate? But regardless of what drove you to do the things you did, you did them. And now you will have to deal with them. For better or for worse. Because not everything is about you. Being a father means making your children your biggest priority in life, over lust, over attraction, of desperation. Your legacy is at stake here. Your future. Think about that.

Ok I know what you mean. But what are you proposing? That I give up China and go back to Philippines and do all that? Then I'd regret and blame you for it and then go back to China again eventually, all of which would make me waste more time and money.

You also assume that I can put my son's needs before my own just like that (snapping fingers). It's not that simple. If your heart is not in it, then you don't care that much. Just like if you had to go to a job you don't like just because you need the money, your heart will not be in it and you will probably screw up or something will go wrong. You can't be something you're not.

Some men's hearts just don't care about children that much. Maybe a little, but not enough to put them before everything. My heart is all about romantic love. Kids don't fulfill me or move my heart or dominate my mind and heart, so I'm not moved to do what you say. To me, kids are "out of sight, out of mind". Not everyone is the same. I told you, I do not have a nurturing instinct that makes me want to live for others' needs.

Also men are not like women. Men get bored being around kids all day. They need some hobby or goal in their life. That's why child rearing has always been given to women, they are able to endure it better. Raising kids is boring to be doing everyday. Have you ever done it?

I also don't like doing things that aren't part of my goal, plan or dream. I don't like living for others. Not all guys are self-sacrificing like you and society and the media presume they are.

Also, what's the "right thing" is not always the best thing. And the "right thing" is not always what should be done either. Nature and the Gods that rule this universe do not often do the right thing either. Sometimes there is a higher destiny that trumps doing "the right thing". Let me explain.

For example, if Buddha had done "the right thing" and stayed with his wife and child and became a good father, instead of going on his spiritual quest for truth, then Buddhism would not exist. Buddhism has helped many people throughout history. You know that. So what do you think? Should Buddha have stayed and been a family man, since it was "the right thing"? Some people have a higher calling or purpose.

Same with nations. For example, it was NOT "the right thing" to do for America to steal all the lands from the Indians and wipe out most of their people and force them onto reservations. That was not right at all. It was morally wrong and cruel and a crime. But that's how history goes. The strong win against the weak. America obviously had a higher calling. It had a destiny to become the most powerful nation in the world and the new Rome or Atlantis. That's why God allowed it to commit so many wrongs like that. That's why America could get away with stealing land from Indians, Mexico, Spain, etc. without karmic retribution. Because it had a higher destiny that trumped such morality and karma.

So you see, there is no absolute law that says one must always do the "right thing". Sometimes there is a higher destiny or purpose involved. The universe, Gods, Nature, etc. are not fair and do not always do the right thing. That's how life is. Try to see the big picture. Look at all of history and you'll see what I mean.

Bottom line: If your heart is not in something, even if it's "the right thing" you won't last very long doing it. Not everyone is suited to be a parent. And you cannot be something you are not. Do you understand?

PS - I think you got something backwards. lol. Telling Dianne that "I'm not attracted to you" would be far hurtful than telling her that I'm not attracted to her race anymore. Come on think about it. The former is more personal. The latter is more impersonal. Think about it. If a girl told you "Marcos, I'm not attracted to you" wouldn't that hurt more than if she told you "I'm not attracted to white guys"? I think you had a mental slip up there and got it backwards. lol

Thank you all for the constructive advice and help. I'm glad none of you tried to use this thread as a chance to try to slam me or maliciously attack my character or defame me.

[Winston]

Winston, you won't understand this because you can't admit it. But you're wrong. There's nothing wrong with our reading comprehension. It's your writing that was incomplete and therefore misinterpreted. Until you finally decided to provide more information on what you were thinking, everyone replying on the thread made the same assumption that I did: That you didn't think it was fair that Dianne wasn't having sex with you even though you provided financial support for her and your son.

Think about your reputation on this board. All you cared about in the past was having the freedom to have fun and sex with as many women as possible. With this in mind, read what you wrote again and tell me how someone could not interpret it the way we did initially. You're just like a woman, thinking that a man should be a mind reader and know what's going on in your head at the time you're writing. Without the proper context, it's very easy to misinterpret what you wrote.

Well I wrote that letter to Dianne. I didn't write it with the forum audience in mind. Dianne knows what I mean. I assumed you would too, with the part where I mention that "there's no attraction or passion between us". Plus I've talked about this on the forum before, for the last few years, so I assumed you all knew what I was talking about.

Sorry but I did not know that you are actively looking for a serious, long-term relationship with a Chinese woman and eventually marry her. Maybe you should make that clearer by posting a public message on your web site so that everyone knows. Maybe someone out there might even give you some good leads on potential Chinese spouses if your search was publicized more.

I did mention it before. I've been mentioning it since 2011. Remember? Where have you been? You must have missed it. Where on the forum did I say I was going to China to be a playboy? lol

Yeah you're right about not getting any casual sex in China. You're a beta male so I highly doubt that's going to happen. If you're desperate for sex and looking for P4P, then you might want to pay a visit to Macau or the area right across the border from Macau called Zhuhai. They may have cracked down in the rest of China but not there (yet).

But lots of guys have gotten casual sex in China. They are not alpha males either. So why can't I?

I was going to go to Zhuhai too. A chat mate of mine is there. How do you know there's still P4P there? Zboy1 told me that they cracked down on P4P in DongGuan. But yeah, I need to get sex out of my system. I'm addicted to sex so I suffer a lot if I don't get it.

It sounds like you've tried to establish relationships with women in China but you've been rejected so far. What exactly do you tell women when they ask you questions during the initial courtship phase? When they ask you what you do for a living, what do you say? Do you tell them that you own a web site and that's how you earn money? Or something else?

I only got rejected by one or two women. The first woman I came to see was friendly to me, but platonic. No chemistry and she was not sweet or affectionate as she was online. Later she told me that she saw my website before i came, so maybe she saw that and changed her mind about me, cause my site and photo collage make me look like a playboy.

The second girl liked me a lot and had a lot of good chemistry with me. I made her smile and laugh a lot and felt good energy with her. She seemed to dig me and was putting out a lot of good signs and body language. We even made out on our second date and she even whispered "I love" in my ear. All the signs were there that we were sure to be a couple. Everyone said we looked like a good match too.

Then she turned moody and cold and began looking for things to argue about and started throwing tantrums. When she used the dreaded line "We moved too fast" I knew something was wrong, because when a woman says that, it means she is trying to pull away from you, so it's a very bad sign. It's a long story but she kept distancing herself from me with excuses for several day, and then eventually said I wasn't her type. However, she was mentally unstable though and a bit psycho. I showed her messages to Rock and Ethan_sg and they both agreed that she obviously has mental issues and is a drama queen type.

The third lady I dated was very cold and materialistic. She was a taker and user type. She wanted me to marry her ASAP and take her to America. She did not care about me or about generating love or romance or chemistry. So it was obvious she was only in it for a visa. She was not into me or touching me or holding my hand. She did not like it when I touched her or tried to hold her hand too. She cringed away every time I tried. Yet oddly, she wanted to get married to me ASAP. WTF?

She had that kind of face that always looks angry and mean, the kind that old Chinese women have, even though she's only 33 she claims, which is not attractive. The vibe I got was that she was a user type, cold and calculating, and offered nothing in return. I thought she might use sex to incite me into marriage when she came to my room, but she didn't. So I had no use for her and dumped her. That's the first time I met a real visa whore. I didn't know they existed, I thought they were just a myth.

After that, I did a lot of cold approaching and got some numbers. But those girls are only friendly with me via talking on WeChat. They don't offer to meet up or anything, even though one of them is unemployed. They seem reluctant to go out for some reason. I don't know why.

As for what I tell them during the courtship stage, well I don't say anything bad to incriminate myself. I say all the right things that I should say, such as "I am willing to settle for the right person" etc. I do not talk about my work unless they ask. I just say I'm a writer and that's usually enough. Sometimes I mention an online business or that I make money from online advertising, but they don't ask any more details after that.

But look, I don't think it works as technical as you make it out to be. You do not get rejected for saying the wrong thing, nor do you get accepted for saying the right thing. It's not that formulaic.

Look at my friend Rock for example. I hear him telling Chinese women lots of things that incriminate us and makes us look bad. He talks to them the same way he talks on the forum, just as bluntly. He is not as tactful as I am in that regard. Yet women still like him and want to date him. On the other hand, I say the right things and am tactful and make sure I don't say anything to incriminate me. Yet I still get rejected a lot.

So you see, what you say doesn't make or break a dating relationship. Women are not that formulaic. It's not like a job interview. You know, you can say all the right things to the wrong person, and it still will not work out. Likewise, you can say all the wrong things to the right person, and she will forgive you and still want to be with you. If you have some real experience in relationships, you would know that. Don't you?

Were all of the women you met so far, computer savvy? They could use an Internet browser? If yes, that might be part of the reason why you're getting rejected.

Have you ever searched on your name in Google? Type in "Winston Wu" in Google and see what comes back. It's not very flattering, especially the pictures that come back. In several pictures, you're with different Asian women and that immediately makes you look like a player. In other pictures, you look terrible. You'll also see links to unflattering reviews of you and the Happier Abroad web site.

And if a potential wife is smart enough to search and read the discussions on this web site, she will get a very good picture of who you are, how you think and how you treat people. They can easily find out that you have a son with a Filipina and you still have a relationship with them, e.g. you recently went on a trip to Hong Kong with them. Unfortunately your name, web site and infamy could really be working against you in the search for a Chinese spouse.

It's quite possible that when a woman rejects you with the excuse that "you're not her type" or "it's her, not you", it's actually because she's read a lot about you already and doesn't like what she's learned. It doesn't matter that you can provide an apartment in China or a home in the U.S. If she's going to marry you and live with you for the rest of her life, she has to love who you are as a person so it's very possible she doesn't like what she's read. If her initial research gives her a negative impression of you, she's not going to waste any more time with you.

P.S. I don't think Bill Clinton is a good role model for you to invoke, given your past history

Yeah some might. But not the girl who digged me a lot at first. She isn't that educated and quit middle school and never asked me about my work or business. Plus we were together for two days, 12 hours per day, so she had no time to Google or Yahoo me.

But yeah, some Chinese women have dropped me before after seeing my site. Others dropped for unknown reasons and never said why. Others just realized that I was too deep for them and felt intimidated by my deepness since they only cared about practical stuff.

You forget that Google doesn't work in China. I don't think most Chinese women know how to use a VPN. If they use Yahoo to search for me, or Bing or Baidu, they will only see my bio and site. Not all that other unflattering stuff.

Also, they will not know that I have a son unless they read the forum threads actively. I do not mention that I have a son on my home page or bio page or any of the other non-forum pages. You are jumping the gun there.

Chinese women read English slowly and have a hard time with it. So I doubt they will be actively scanning my forum. They do not like to think or read that much. They prefer to focus on simple practical necessities. lol

[Winston]

There are two possibilities.

1) She could give you sex, I mean quality sex, the kind that you want, but she chooses not to, and is using you. I don't know enough to speculate but I'll guess that she's probably not doing that. But only you can answer that. If this is the case, move on.

2) She really does want to be with you, and is not using you, but it feels one sided to you because of the lack of quality sex, and that makes you feel ripped off. If that's the case, then you can deal with that without talking about chinese women.

Neither one. She isn't a user. She's just a prude and non-sensual. She gets more joy out of other things than sex. She also says that she is not sexual to me because my dick is too small too and doesn't stay hard. But I can't get hard for her or get an erection for her because I feel no attraction to her. So it's a no-win situation.

Why is it that the only girl that truly loves me is the one I don't have sexual attraction for? Why can't the ones that I have attraction for love me? Again, f**k Murphy's Law. Everything is always Murphy's Law damn it!

[Winston]

I cannot have one night stands with Chinese women. They move too slowly and will not date a man unless he is considered marriage material. Plus I am supposed to be a beta male, and that means I can only get sex within a committed relationship or marriage, in general. Casual sex is only for alpha males.


I don't see while one of my dates can't just have sex with me while we are in the process of forming a serious relationship, such as during the dating phase, or during the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. That's what I don't get. Isn't that the way you're supposed to get sex with a normal girl? So why doesn't it work that way for me?

Unfortunately this is how it works if you're a beta male in China. You're too used to the Philippines where you can easily have unprotected sex with many women that you desire and want. Maybe one of the reasons why you can't get casual sex during the boyfriend/girlfriend stage (Have you ever even gotten to this stage yet?) like most men would, is because you are a public figure.

Even after a first date, a Chinese woman can easily learn more about you by Googling your name and finding this site. If you use Bing, you also get links labeled: Winston Wu Exposed, Winston Wu is a Loser, Winston Wu is Creepy, etc. She (or her friends) can easily search the HappierAbroad web site and eventually learn about your sordid history with Dianne.

How you met Dianne when she was 18 and got her pregnant within a year. A Chinese woman would also read about the many, many problems that you had with her and her family and how Dianne forced a miscarriage upon herself when you got her pregnant again, because she couldn't handle having another baby with you. A woman would learn about all your exploits with women from Russia and the Philippines, your P4P troubles in the U.S., your thoughts on UFOs, conspiracy theories. And on and on and on ....

Your web site is public record and I think it's an albatross around your neck, especially if you're searching for a Chinese wife. I think most traditional Chinese families would be repulsed and shun a man with a history like yours. But that's just my opinion.

If you directly confront a woman after she's rejected you and ask her if she has read about you on this web site, she might say "No, no, no. It's not that. It's just me, not you." She's just being polite to you. You of all people should know that most Chinese women are not confrontational like that and don't want to be in a situation where someone loses face.

No. Yahoo and Bing don't return bad pages about me for my name. They just show my bio or home page. I addressed that in a previous post above. At least that's true in China. I tested them both.

Yeah maybe my site is a detriment. Fortunately not many women ask about it. Rock says I should use my Chinese name only from now on. Or should I start using another name, like William or Vincent?

[smallcheese]

No. Yahoo and Bing don't return bad pages about me for my name. They just show my bio or home page. I addressed that in a previous post above. At least that's true in China. I tested them both.

Yeah maybe my site is a detriment. Fortunately not many women ask about it. Rock says I should use my Chinese name only from now on. Or should I start using another name, like William or Vincent?

Hmm I don't know what things look like from inside China. But here in Hong Kong (which is part of China) using Bing, I get URLs like: Winston Wu is a loser, Winston Wu Exposed, Winston Wu is Creepy. Ask someone you trust to verify this and you'll see that I'm right. Google and Yahoo are a little better but both show images of you with many different women. Again, the number of photos make you look like a player who's been with many women.

Just because a woman doesn't ask about it, it doesn't mean that she (or a friend) didn't do a search on your name. If I met a stranger, I know what he/she looks like and I got his/her name, the easiest thing to do is to search for the name on a search engine. The world is full of crazy people so one can never be too careful. And if a woman turns cold suddenly with no explanation, all I'm saying is that your web site might have something to do with it. You were asking for opinions on why you were getting rejected and that was part of my hypothesis.

I guess in the beginning of courtship, you can use your Chinese name. But sooner or later if things get serious, it would be wise to divulge your English name, your web site and everything else in your personal history. After all, wouldn't it be better to have any potential negatives out first before you get married to someone? Or would you prefer for it to come out after you got married?

[Winston]

MarcosZeitola,
You are making a big logic fallacy in assuming that I'm like you. I'm not. Your whole post was based on that false assumption. The truth is, I simply don't care about raising kids. I mean I do a little, but it's not a big priority to me. And no, it's not something I'll regret. In my old age, I will regret not loving enough women or not loving better women or not going to better countries where I might have gotten better romance and love, etc. That's what I regret now in fact. So no, I'm not like you. My regrets are different than yours too. In old age, we will all regret many things, not just being a father. That's how life is. Even now, I can think of hundreds of things I regret. So your warning doesn't make any sense.

And yes, I am like a Buddha, in that I'm trying to wake up and enlighten people to get out of the US matrix. Duh. Didn't you know that? Have you been to the US? Go to any US city or suburb and you will see depressed men everywhere with hopeless faces, like they have nothing to live for. Don't you want to help those men? That's my calling. So yes, I am similar to Buddha in that I'm trying to wake people up, not just to life outside the US Matrix, but to exposing materialism and liberalism and bullshit lies as well.

Karmic retribution does not always happen. America has been doing bad things to Indians since the 1600's. So it wronged them for 300 years. That's a long time. Yet in spite of 300 years of wrongdoings toward the Indians and others, America went on to become the richest and most powerful nation in the world by the end of the 19th Century and now is the leader of the world in power, technology and influence. So no, sorry, no karmic retribution there. Your theory of "delayed karmic retribution" is just a copout. Sorry but the universe isn't fair or just. Your morality may be just an illusion for the masses.

I'm just trying to make you think outside the box because you are thinking in absolutes.

My son may want me around, but he doesn't obey my commands and he won't allow me to take him to school. So much for respect. He watches trashy TV shows and has no taste either.

You also seem to be under the fallacy that a son's life is ALWAYS more important and worth more than his father's. That makes no sense. Look at the greatest men in history. In every case, their children did NOT go on to do the same great things or even unique things, that their fathers did. You can say this about any great man in history, such as Benjamin Franklin for example. Or Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Leonardo Da Vinci, Nikola Tesla, Buddha, etc. Most of them had sons who became ordinary men.

So no, it is not true that the son's life is always worth more than the father's. Think about it. You seem to believe everything society tells you.

[smallcheese]

Well I wrote that letter to Dianne. I didn't write it with the forum audience in mind. Dianne knows what I mean. I assumed you would too, with the part where I mention that "there's no attraction or passion between us". Plus I've talked about this on the forum before, for the last few years, so I assumed you all knew what I was talking about.

If I was the only person who made the wrong assumption, you would be correct. But I wasn't the only one. Everyone else replying in the forum thought the same thing.

I did mention it before. I've been mentioning it since 2011. Remember? Where have you been? You must have missed it. Where on the forum did I say I was going to China to be a playboy? lol

You've been talking about it since 2011 but it's 4 years later and now you're finally in China? As the site owner, you would remember more about your forum and what you said in the last 4 years than I would. All I remember is that you planned on going to China to meet women and other people kept asking you when and you never gave a specific time. Like I said, I didn't know you were looking for a wife in China.

I was going to go to Zhuhai too. A chat mate of mine is there. How do you know there's still P4P there? Zboy1 told me that they cracked down on P4P in DongGuan. But yeah, I need to get sex out of my system. I'm addicted to sex so I suffer a lot if I don't get it.

There is P4P in Zhuhai if you know where to look. But coming from Hong Kong, I have to go thru Macau anyway so why bother? Just go to one of the massage parlors in Macau, e.g. 18, Senado, Emperor's, Darlings and you will DEFINITELY get sex out of your system.

After that, I did a lot of cold approaching and got some numbers. But those girls are only friendly with me via talking on WeChat. They don't offer to meet up or anything, even though one of them is unemployed. They seem reluctant to go out for some reason. I don't know why.

As for what I tell them during the courtship stage, well I don't say anything bad to incriminate myself. I say all the right things that I should say, such as "I am willing to settle for the right person" etc. I do not talk about my work unless they ask. I just say I'm a writer and that's usually enough. Sometimes I mention an online business or that I make money from online advertising, but they don't ask any more details after that.

But look, I don't think it works as technical as you make it out to be. You do not get rejected for saying the wrong thing, nor do you get accepted for saying the right thing. It's not that formulaic.

Look at my friend Rock for example. I hear him telling Chinese women lots of things that incriminate us and makes us look bad. He talks to them the same way he talks on the forum, just as bluntly. He is not as tactful as I am in that regard. Yet women still like him and want to date him. On the other hand, I say the right things and am tactful and make sure I don't say anything to incriminate me. Yet I still get rejected a lot.

So you see, what you say doesn't make or break a dating relationship. Women are not that formulaic. It's not like a job interview. You know, you can say all the right things to the wrong person, and it still will not work out. Likewise, you can say all the wrong things to the right person, and she will forgive you and still want to be with you. If you have some real experience in relationships, you would know that. Don't you?

Like I said, men and women both lie. Looks do matter when you're making a first impression on someone. If women are only chatting with you after you got their number, then I have to assume that when they first saw you and assessed you, they made up their minds that they wouldn't want to date you. As many others on the forum have advised, you need to work on your appearance. But you already know this.

If I remember correctly Rock is not Asian? If yes, then he can probably get away with saying things that a Chinese guy like you couldn't get away with saying. Especially with Asian women.

You're right that what you say doesn't make or break a dating relationship. There are many intangibles that can't be quantified that go into whether or not a woman likes you or not.

I don't know if I have any real experience in relationships. I was married before for 15+ years with a westernized Chinese woman and after carefully going through many relationships since I divorced her, I am happily married again to a teacher (and ex-model) 25+ years younger than me. So I guess maybe I have a little bit of real experience with women.

[smallcheese]

I would not maliciously attack your character, Winston, but I do believe that what you are doing is immoral and that your son deserves better then this. So on this matter, my opinion on you has become lowered. I understand you have your needs and that your dreams and goals matter too, but I am suggesting you think over things a little deeper and try to still find a workable compromise. I know you disagree with me on this, but I do believe that when you father a child you are supposed to be a father to that child as well.

Ultimately whatever you do is up to you. But think of the impact your actions have on the lives of others, and how it will affect your own life.

+1

I totally agree with what you said Marcos. Your replies were well written, passionate and thoughtful.

However, I don't think you'll change Winston. It's like talking to a brick wall. You're just going to keep banging your head over and over and over again.

For better or for worse, Winston is who he is. And the choices he makes in life are his own. Even though his choices may negatively impact the lives of others, I don't think he cares about that unless it negatively impacts him first. If you've read all of his writings on this forum over the years, you already know what kind of a person Winston is.

I'm not smart enough to tell anyone how to live their life, nor would I ever try to impose my morals on someone else. I don't have the right to do that.

You and others have tried to advise and guide him as best you could but in the end, Winston has to decide what he wants to do with his life. He has to decide what he can and cannot live with.

If anything, you should be thankful that you don't have to make the difficult choices that Winston faces today and in the future. You have already made choices for you and your family that leave you feeling blessed, happy, fulfilled and hopeful for the future. And that's all anyone could ever hope for, don't you think?

[Cornfed]

While as I have said, traditionally men were not responsible for bastards resulting from them impregnating whores, I can't help but think that Winston sounds a bit like your typical Western woman. It is surprising they don't like him more than they do, since they have so much in common. Both he and they don't seem to have been introduced to the concept of "responsibility". You know, the one where you do something even when it doesn't fit in with your idle, mindless whims because it is the right thing to do by other people. No really, Winston and AW - this does actually happen.

[smallcheese]

My son may want me around, but he doesn't obey my commands and he won't allow me to take him to school. So much for respect. He watches trashy TV shows and has no taste either.

For Christ sake, man, he's a 7 year old boy...

A 40+ year old father dissing his 7 year old son. Classy, Winston, real classy.

Why do you expect your son to respect you when you're almost never around? Angelo doesn't know you from a hole in the wall. Obviously he disdains you as much as you dislike him.

It makes me wonder though how Winston gets along with his father. Do you have a good, loving relationship with your father, Winston? Do you respect the choices and sacrifices he made for you and your family while you were growing up? Does your father read this forum and know about your views on his grandson? What does he think of the choices you're making now in life?

Obviously Winston doesn't care if Angelo grows up to hate his guts. He probably does already. The best thing Winston could do is provide financial support for his son until he's finished college but I suspect that this will be the very bare minimum. If he gives any money at all.

To marry a woman in China, most women will demand a dowry, e.g. a house/apartment and/or car. Winston will need to save up his money to get married to a Chinese woman so that he can live happily ever after. Or so he thinks. Take it from someone who's been burned before by Chinese women, you shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch.