My girlfriend I just met is pregnant in Philippines

[globetrotter]

Globetrotter, I know you're angry, but come on now. Have some compassion. He came here for help and advice. Insulting him is NOT going to help any one. No good comes out of it. I wish you had the wisdom to see that. Remember that everyone is doing their best with what they know.

Oh and guys, if he is not in the PH how can he get a DNA test for her and monitor the results? She can find a doctor to fake a DNA test. All he can do is send her more money for a DNA test and he wouldn't even be sure she is really getting one.

Fruit, where do you live? What country?

This is a stretch, but if you can get your girl to Angeles, I can give her a pregnancy test and make sure that she is pregnant. I can use a test with a special marker on the vial to make sure she doesn't switch it and does it honestly.

I'm not angry, I'm DISGUSTED. He is a grown man and the Internet has thousands of stories like his that he could have read to warn him and yet he did not act prudently to lower his risk profile. He doesn't need a friend he needs his father, or a surrogate, to kick his ass.

All of my wisdom and advice is USELESS after the fact of pulling the trigger and blowing your head off.

[ladislav]

But hey, he may want an offspring. After all, we are all here because our parents did not withdraw and did not use a condom. All 6,200,000,000 of us. Some from married people, some not. The worst that can happen is that he is going to be a dad. So what? And if he wants freedom, he'd better make some more money. That will make things easier.

[ajushi]

Move to Thailand to lıve with your wife and kids there. Reunıte wıt them and renew yoru marriage vows.

[Winston]

Hi Fruit,
Thanks for the pics. She seems nice, simple, and sweet. But of course, honesty is another matter. Remember that in the Philippines, lying is not even considered wrong, but a normal tactic. I cannot tell how honest she is in the photos. She seems mostly honest though.

But if she is going to take care of a baby, she cannot go to school right, unless her mom takes care of the baby too. So your tuition money will no longer be necessary, or you can use it for the pregnancy care cost. Either way, you should not have to send her more for this situation.

When do you plan to go to the Philippines again?

If you only came in her once, it's unlikely that she's pregnant. The chances of getting pregnant after one time are very slim. The withdrawal method is not very reliable too of course.

I'd be careful and proceed with caution.

You should visit her a few more times before you commit.

So you did not notice any bad signs from her behaviors?

[fruit]

Haha we are barely talking at present, she was and still is extremely nasty so fortunately that is not an option.

Move to Thailand to lıve with your wife and kids there. Reunıte wıt them and renew yoru marriage vows.

She was supposed to graduate at the end of this year so there is still opportunity for her to graduate, but I'm not sure how motivated she is now. I think she's been skipping classes in her summer school since becoming pregnant.

I'll be back in Bangkok in 2 weeks and the plan is for her to come and see me there if she can get her passport on time. If she can't then I could go see her there instead, but I'm reluctant to get too involved with her family right now. She has made murmurings of getting married now she's pregnant, however I made it very clear that wasn't going to happen, which she has no option but to agree to of course.

I didn't notice any bad signs or behaviour with her at all. However since being pregnant, she has asked about marriage, buying a computer, and a bed.

Anyway I will take your advice, proceed with caution, and verify the paternity at the earliest opportunity, which I think is at 12 weeks by checking the amniotic fluid.

Hi Fruit,
Thanks for the pics. She seems nice, simple, and sweet. But of course, honesty is another matter. Remember that in the Philippines, lying is not even considered wrong, but a normal tactic. I cannot tell how honest she is in the photos. She seems mostly honest though.

But if she is going to take care of a baby, she cannot go to school right, unless her mom takes care of the baby too. So your tuition money will no longer be necessary, or you can use it for the pregnancy care cost. Either way, you should not have to send her more for this situation.

When do you plan to go to the Philippines again?

If you only came in her once, it's unlikely that she's pregnant. The chances of getting pregnant after one time are very slim. The withdrawal method is not very reliable too of course.

I'd be careful and proceed with caution.

You should visit her a few more times before you commit.

So you did not notice any bad signs from her behaviors?

[robincolorado]

Tell me its not true! I think all has been said here by men more well versed in this subject area than I, but I thought I would throw my two cents in. I don't want to be judgemental here, however, I believe there is a cultural and and economic thing surrounding females 8,000 miles away from a prospective husband, not exactly sharing information in a truthful way. From my own experience, I have heard some amazing "stories" from Filipinas. Some I really want to believe. I don't want to call them liars, but they do seem to have a way of either bending the truth or just not telling the whole story in a totally truthful way. I have also found that they do not seem to share information unless the specific information is asked for. In other words, what exactly did you ask? It may take several attempts to get the answer you wanted without it becoming an interrogation. Even then, if they do not want to share the specific information that you have asked them, they will tell a vague story. I have been lied to about, age, marital status, number of kids, ages of kids, family matters, employment, where they live and the list goes on. It could be the internet is a breeding ground for liars, it could be that economics just make people desparate, it could be that it is a female trait (male trait too for that matter), or it could be a cultural thing, that in order to "save face" you simply say whatever the listener wants to hear. So when it comes to pregnancy and the truth about paternity, my guess is that anything goes. Even if she has a pregnant cousin, sister or aunt, you could be the father, because chances are good you will not even see the birth. That DNA test is going to be critical. Like I said, just my two cents worth from my own experiences.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

If she is really pregnant and the child is yours, you focked up and she pulled the oldest trick in the book on you.

Make a decision. Leave that country and don't look back, or raise and finance the child there.

When you allow yourself to be duped, be prepared to pay the consequences.

[starkeep]

If that child isnt yours why should you pay for a lifetime of child support? Seems you are holding the bag for paying for someone elses child. Thats one thing i have noticed in the pi plenty of illegitimate children. I would say the rate is probobly 80 percent. Get that dna test. If i get remarried i am getting a prenuptual. a life of alimony and child support is not something anyone should look forward to.

[brndette21]

You can use the pregnancy test kit to make sure if your girlfriend is pregnant or not. If you are not sure if the baby is yours, then you can have it for a DNA test after giving birth. You can bring the baby in your country and give him a good future.

[LarryElterman]

first of all i think there is a good chance she is lying as a means to try and "get" you.

Assuming its true:

What you want to depends a lot on your moral outlook and whether or not you want to be selfish and do whats best for you, or you have an internal need to do the right thing. I will not make judgement here, only state the facts.

If you so choose you can ignore her and there is not a thing she can do. There is nothing setup in the philippines to help her collect money from you. If you want to ignore her, she is screwed. Right or wrong this is what most men would do.

If you feel a need to do the right thing, the first thing i would do is investigate if the child is really yours, which would entail a dna test as soon as possible, and dont let her do the test hehe! you have to make sure it gets done legitimately.

[The_Adventurer]

I'm also not so quick to jump on the negative bandwagon. I've been with my share of bad girls and liars, but you would be surprised how many genuine girls are running around out there, and they far outnumber the scammers and bad ones, unless, of course, you're looking in the bars.

I've been with girls so inexperienced it is hard to believe they had even one boyfriend before me. Putting a girl through school is nothing. I've done it plenty of times. I have put them through for, like, 2500 peso per year. That was $50 at the time. You'd spend that on a decent meal for two in L.A. Also go the school and pay them directly. Don't hand the money to the girl. If she is asking for outrageous amounts, she is lying. But the reaction you get from the girl, and possibly her family, is priceless.

I will say that I was living out in no man's land in not in Manila though. I wouldn't trust the city girl as far as I could throw me.

[keius]

Do the right thing for you. The right thing does not necessarily need to be marriage. Repeat what i just typed to yourself 1000x's.

YOU DON'T NEED TO GET MARRIED.

Chances are you probably don't know her as well as you think you do. Sounds like your an upright kind of guy so if i were you, i'd do what i originally promised, until you find out the results of the paternity test.

I must admit though, the entire situation sounds fishy. To me it sounds like not using protection was her plan all along to get knocked up. Why else would she be using pregnancy tests only 2 or 3 weeks after that one occasion? When my wife was pregnant, she had no inkling or sign til about the 2 month+ mark, and that's when we did the pregnancy tests. Sometimes girls aren't totally regular (ontime) and like i said, just sounds a bit off to me. It's very very difficult to develop any real level of trust in your situation.
Also, if your going to do a DNA test after the birth, you don't need to tell her about it. Get the swabs when you have any alone time with the kid.

And hire an investigator to follow her around for a bit while your not there, just to make sure she isn't seeing anyone else on the side. It's not that expensive and will be worth it in the long run. Just make sure you find a reputable service.

One thing though, if your both healthy, knocking a girl up is really really easy. When my girl got pregnant, we were always using protection. AND only messing around during the safe period. Neither of us wanted the baby at the time. Somehow it happened despite the protection. Nothing is 100%. Never needed any DNA tests. My kids a virtual carbon copy of me.

[marice]

Some men merely need to gain peace of mind regarding their relationship to a child and Fruit falls on this phase. One of the benefits of DNA testing is being able to conclusively establish or exclude a relationship. DNA paternity testing is available for the public. It could be to confirm a suspicion, to provide proof to a Court or simply to satisfy your curiosity.

I don't mean to be judgmental here but practically speaking, that's what you need to do to erase all the doubt and will surely give you peace of mind.

[ErikHeaven]

Please and i do say please learn from your mistakes and do not do them again. Please dont be a sucker. I am trying to pick my words carefully. Wake up and dont be taken for a ride.

[ErikHeaven]

Get an Aids test for real. I get one every year. Do not have unprotected sex with a foreigner or anybody for that matter. I got my yearly Aids test today and the other tests too. Be smart and please do not create anymore broken families. Peace and be safe.