Young American guy living in Asia for the past 3 years

[Repatriate]

I wouldn't recommend trying to find a Chinese girl in a nightclub or bar. And it was much harder getting one-night stands in Dalian than it was pursuing girlfriends. I think the best way to meet decent quality girls is through your work. I worked in one office in Dalian for 1.5 years, and I can think of at least 5 different girls that were very clearly interested in dating me. I already had a girlfriend, so I never pursued those opportunities, but all the girls were in their 20's and slim and gorgeous, even to Chinese standards. I'm not at all the "playboy" type, and I'm actually a rather quiet and reserved person, yet I still had a significant number of girls pursuing me. It was all a big tease though, because I wasn't and still am not interested in having a second girlfriend. But you also have to careful dating someone from your work - gossip travels at the speed of light in a Chinese office.

This situation is much like Thailand but I don't need to tell you that since you are also in Thailand lol. I think one suggestion I would give that you haven't mentioned yet is to hold off on finding a real girlfriend until a person knows the lay of the land thoroughly. Concentrating on one night stands and partying it up in clubs is a huge waste too because there's plenty of fantastic girls you can have a real relationship with. There's just so many decent girls in countries like Bangkok and everywhere in China that a lot of guys jump all over the first slim, young, and somewhat alright looking girl to come their way. Most western guys marry some truly wretched looking women though. It's better to hold off until you've dated a lot to know when a girl is really really special in personality and looks.

A lot of middle and upper middle class Chinese and Thai guys have second and third girlfriends. It's ridiculous how common philandering is. Some girls accept it or at least are resigned to that fact. Some girls break up immediately but find themselves in their 30's with no husband in sight destined to become an aging old maid.

[Everdred]

I really don't think you'd get a whole lot of success trying to find a quality woman in Asia while on vacation. Even though it's much harder to do, I think it's best to just live in the country where you want to hook a girl. Sure, this process will be much slower, but in the long run, it's a much better way of finding a quality woman. If you are a decent person, it's quite likely you'd start getting offers sooner or later. You probably won't be getting the cream of the crop, but you'll surely get women that are much better quality than what you'd be getting back in the United States.

I also want to say a little bit more about my impression of Vietnamese women. They seem to carry a lot of the good traits of women from all over Asia. They are very devoted to their education like the Chinese, they are very slim, feminine, and petite like many women in southeast Asia, they tend to have lighter skin than other other southeast Asian women (such as Cambodian or Filipino), and they're much more humble than Thai, Chinese, Korean, or Japanese women. Now I don't have any personal experiences with Vietnamese women, but I'd imagine they'd make pretty decent wives. I definitely think they'd make better wives than Korean, Thai, Filipino, or Japanese women.

I think Chinese (preferably Cantonese) or Vietnamese women are the way to go if you are really wanting an Asian wife. Don't forget, women are women, so you can't expect any of them to be perfect, but I think Chinese and Vietnamese women are the best you're going to find in Asia. I should also emphasize that it's always a bad idea to get involved with a woman that is or was a prostitute - they most certainly aren't going to make good wives, regardless of the country they're from.

[Jacaré]

Just saw this thread and I have to say, first of all, Everdred welcome to the forum!
I really loved reading all your insights about China, chinese women and living in China and in Thailand. I also lived for a few months between 2010 and 2011 in BKK, a city I simply love. Besides teaching English, what other options are available to westerners there? I mean we've all heard and read about China booming like crazy and it being THE place to be to make contacts for biz and to get ahead faster in a career than in the West. Any suggestions for other options besides teaching English?

Also, how was safety in Dalian? I mean, did you feel in danger or a negative vibe from the local men while chatting or walking with local women? I am really seriously considering going to China for a few months to a few years depending on how it goes next year and I'm reading your posts with a lot of interest. Please share more with us about China and living in China but also on Chinese women.

[Jacaré]

Eurobrat,
18000 RMB is about 2850$ which is not bad for China specially for a teaching position. Was that for Shanghai or Beijing where the cost of living is higher than the rest of China? Also, do you have any previous teaching experience or advanced degrees to get that kind of offer? From my understanding, the average pay for a westerner to teach English in China with no experience is about 8-9k/month.

[Everdred]

Just saw this thread and I have to say, first of all, Everdred welcome to the forum!
I really loved reading all your insights about China, chinese women and living in China and in Thailand. I also lived for a few months between 2010 and 2011 in BKK, a city I simply love. Besides teaching English, what other options are available to westerners there? I mean we've all heard and read about China booming like crazy and it being THE place to be to make contacts for biz and to get ahead faster in a career than in the West. Any suggestions for other options besides teaching English?

Also, how was safety in Dalian? I mean, did you feel in danger or a negative vibe from the local men while chatting or walking with local women? I am really seriously considering going to China for a few months to a few years depending on how it goes next year and I'm reading your posts with a lot of interest. Please share more with us about China and living in China but also on Chinese women.

All the work I was doing in China was related to English, so I don't really have any other suggestions concerning work. Sorry. This might sound kinda negative, but I would never open a business as a foreigner in China. There's so much red tape to go through, wall-to-wall corruption, and your business is highly likely to fail. Every now and then I would run across foreigners in Dalian who had just opened new nightclubs, bars, or restaurants, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for them. 90% of their potential business would have had to be from foreigners, but there were very few foreigners in Dalian to begin with. The cards were very much stacked against them. Any kind of business in Dalian that was related to foreign food or foreign goods almost always failed within a year (if it was run by a foreigner). Who knows - some day things might change.

Safety in Dalian was never a concern to me. I don't think I ever felt that I was in physical danger. The only bad incident I can think of is when I went to the supermarket one day and some crazy old lady followed me around the store while shouting at me to get the hell out of China (in Mandarin). I was completely alone and minding my own business, so I have no idea what made her do that. That only happened to me once in two and a half years though. You have to worry much more about pickpockets and scams than you do about violent crime, and that can also be said about many other developing Asian countries too.

The social atmosphere in Dalian was somewhat tense. The general public was quite rude and crude most of the time, and sometimes I got mean looks from people (especially older people). Get used to hearing people launch spit bombs every minute or so (I mean that literally), and get used to seeing people using the bathroom in public. Everybody always seemed like they were in a huge hurry, and people often shoved one another and got in loud arguing matches in public. Expect a LOT of staring as well, especially if you're outside Beijing or Shanghai. Sometimes it was fun to get stared at so much, but most of the time it just wore me out and felt like an invasion of my privacy.

Don't assume you can just approach random women in public, because that's unheard of in China. There were a handful of times where I got approached out of the blue by Chinese women, but not often. By far the best way to meet Chinese women would be through your work or by using QQ (a Chinese instant messenger). On QQ you can search for local people in your city, but good luck finding any that speak English! I also think the majority of Chinese people aren't bothered by a foreigner-Chinese couple. Just expect the occasional judgmental looks from people.

Day to day life in China was quite rough, but I have fond memories of my time in China, and I'm very happy I chose to live there. It was one big adventure. Just not sure if I'd ever go back though. Maybe some day.

[Jackal]

Welcome, Everdred!

It definitely sounds like you're on the right path!

I can't say much about China, except that I found Chengdu quite pleasant.