Reasons Why Marriage Is Bullshit

[Prince of Cups]

Here are some reasons why I think marriage is bullshit. I will be blunt:

1. Because it doesn't change anything.

Marriage doesn't deepen your connection or mean anything, really. You either love each other, or you don't. Marriage will not change how you feel about a person deep down.

2. It's a contract between two parties and the state.

It just makes things messy when you realise you don't actually love each other and you have to go through the whole tedious process of divorce and all the rest of it. Its a legally binding contract that traps both parties unnecessarily and ties them together, whereas if they genuinely care and stay together this would be unnecessary.

3. It's expensive as f**k.

I'm lazy so I asked ChatGPT to dig up the costs on this and I provide below:

Sure! Here's a concise all-in-one list of typical wedding expenses for a full church wedding and reception, including all the bells and whistles:

Church rental and officiant: $800 – $2,800

Ceremony music and decor: $800 – $3,000

Wedding dress: $1,500 – $4,000

Dress alterations and accessories: $400 – $1,100

Hair and makeup for bride: $300 – $700

Groom’s attire: $300 – $1,000

Bridesmaids' dresses (4): $600 – $1,200

Groomsmen’s suits/tuxes (4): $600 – $1,200

Reception venue: $3,000 – $10,000

Catering for 100 guests: $10,000 – $20,000

Open bar: $2,000 – $6,000

Wedding cake: $500 – $1,000

DJ or live band: $1,000 – $5,000

Photographer and videographer: $3,000 – $6,000

Florals (bouquets, centerpieces, church): $2,500 – $6,600

Planner or coordinator: $2,000 – $6,000

Transportation (limo, shuttle, getaway car): $1,500 – $3,500

Invitations and RSVPs: $500 – $1,500

Marriage license: $50 – $150

Rehearsal dinner: $1,000 – $3,000

Post-wedding brunch: $500 – $2,000

Tips and gratuities: $500 – $1,000

Favors and gifts: $300 – $1,000

Total estimated cost: $35,000 – $100,000+

Imagine spending all that money on a f***ing wedding. What f***ing rubbish.

4. It's rigid and boring

A joining of the hands ceremony is much more exciting and fun than the boring and rigid church wedding where you all stand and sit singing hymns and listening to bullshit vows and prayers.

Choose a joining of the hands ceremony if you MuST get married. Then you can consumate your marriage in the forest for half an hour and spike the punch with psychedelics to ensure a decent time and an orgy thoroughly enjoyed by all.

These are just some reasons why mums shop at Iceland. And why you shouldn't get married. Because it's bullshit. Can you think of any more?