Happier Abroad Forum Community

Hi everyone,
I was wondering, are any of you friends or buddies with your cousins? I mean not just say hi and be polite when you see them, but socialize with them and hang out? How come in the movies and TV shows, cousins look so warm and friendly and sociable? But in real life, most of mine ignore me and act cold and distant. I would say about 95 percent of them ignore me and act like I don't exist -- but not because of any language barrier or unfamiliarity, since some of them were friendly and social with me back in the 80s and 90s, so we aren't strangers and they do speak English. When I ask them for email or social media, it feels awkward and inappropriate like I am supposed to keep them at a distant. Very weird. Relatives definitely aren't as warm as they were in the 80s and 90s.

So I was wondering, what percentage of your cousins are warm and friendly to you? A few, some, or all of them are? When I asked around, it seems that most people are not friends with their cousins. Some are of course, but most aren't. Do any of you get the cold distant acquaintance treatment by them too? Do they reply to you on social media or ignore you like most of mine do?

Here is an email I sent to my cousin Dennis. I wonder if he will reply at all.

"Hi Dennis,
I was wondering something. Do you and your sisters dislike me or something? Why do you never want to talk to me and you seem to act like I don't exist? It's very strange, cold and awkward. Is there something personal going on? Or are you just antisocial in general? If so, how come cousins in TV and movies look so warm and friendly and sociable and close? I was just wondering.

I also get the sense that your family is very narrow and square and dislikes anyone different from them. Is that true? That's the impression I get. If so, isn't that wrong to dislike people for trivial reasons, especially your relatives, just because they are different or eccentric? Do you realize that? For sure, I'm pretty certain your sister Jessica dislikes me. Because I can tell that her personality is very petty and small minded and she is the type of person who dislikes others for petty reasons and loves to talk shit behind people's back. I've seen her act that way many times so I know it's her personality. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I did talk to Catherine on Messenger but she only replied once or twice then vanished. It was very odd and cold and unsociable, and a bit inhuman too, to be honest.

I also notice that your dad loves to live in fear and loves to convince others to live in fear too. He NEVER encourages anyone to be brave or confident. Every new age teaching says that's bad and lowers your vibration level and makes you weak, which is why the media loves to keep everyone in fear. What he and most Taiwanese don't get is the old saying that "fortune favors the bold" or "luck follows the brave". It's true, it does seem that if you are brave and bold, that the universe or God gives you an extra helping hand. I've experienced this personally. People like your dad don't understand that, they always live in fear and are obsessed with safety rather than feeling alive.

Anyway, I hope you can answer my honest questions. I know these questions may sound strange and too honest, which is taboo in modern USA and Taiwan, but I have a right to ask them and seek the truth right? Isn't it kind of rude to treat me like I don't exist, especially since your sisters and parents and I have had many good times in the 1990s?

Btw I hope we don't end up in a situation where we only see each other at weddings and funerals. That would suck. In the TV series "Little House on the Prairie" there was an episode where a woman faked her death to bring all her relatives to a fake funeral. When they arrived she explained to them that she faked her death to bring her relatives together, because families should get together just to be together, not just only for weddings and funerals. It was a good episode with a good message. Our relatives should all learn from that episode. Don't you think?

Thanks,
Winston"

Isn't my blunt honesty rude in modern America and modern Taiwan? lol. You aren't supposed to be this forward in the modern world unless it's business related. So strange. It's like business is all that matters, and human connection doesn't at all. Very weird and upside down.

No cousins because of the Holocaust.

Well there's a saying: "There are two types of families. The one you were born into and the one you find along the way."

Btw check out what my cousin Dennis replied to me a few years ago when I asked him why he and his sisters ignore me as if I don't exist. He didn't even answer my question. What a weird response.

Dennis:

"Try not be bitter. We don’t live for how other people view and see us. This is a busy world and everyone is somewhat selfish and try to survive unfortunately.
Live for yourself!"

Is he saying that i should be a cold selfish bastard and not care about anyone or need anyone? He knows that's not human nature right? We aren't meant to be hermits. That's unnatural. We are meant to need others and be tribal and interdependent and support each other. Even the Bible says so. So whats his point? Why did he get married then if u shouldn't need others and should only live for yourself??? Weird.

My cousins live far away. I grew up seeing the cousins on my mom's side on the weekend, and saw some of my other cousins, who were old enough to be aunts and uncles, on my dad's side once a year or so. I've got like 32 cousins on that side, so I don't really know them all. When I see them, we can talk and have good conversations, but we don't know each other that well. One of my first cousins had a son who moved to Malaysia, and I got to meet him and my kids meet his kids on a visa run.

The male cousin closest in age to me that I played with the most... I called him several years back. He got angry when I quoted a Bible verse. I didn't think I was being 'preachy', but he did. His mom was sick in a wheelchair when I saw him years later. I visited her at the retirement apartment she lived in. She had just gotten into the wheelchair since I'd been away in Asia and elsewhere for the many years since I'd seen her, so I wasn't used to it. I told him to spend time with her while he could. I didn't say it directly, but I meant I didn't know how much longer she had. He got angry about that. Apparently he had a problem with his temper and he's sensitive to anyone giving advice or feedback. I hear he drinks. He was raised apart from his dad except when he was small and then again for a little while he got to know him a bit as an adult, because his dad drank and beat his mom and they divorced. I hear he drinks now. His sister got upset because I repeated what she said about her kids not coming to see her as much as she'd like. My mom got back to me with that.

I have a cousin who lives 40 miles away who I called when I moved out here. I've never been to see the. But I was expecting them to invite me since I moved here. I'd still like to call her and catch up with her and her husband. We lived under the same roof briefly when I was a teenager.

While I will say the letter was a bit blunt, the overall sentiment is correct. As my grandparents have gotten older on my mom's side my family has gotten together less. Even when my cousins visited my part of the country (my state) they did not really say anything. I did get an invite to one of my cousin's wedding so I guess there is that. I do hang with my one cousin when I am in town but I am thousands of miles away so it is harder and he works on the road. I am still close with my grandparents, mom, (love her but is a bit nutty), one sister (kinda), and my one aunt. I also keep in touch with two friends from ten but the one friend is hard to get in touch with despite hanging with him and him being unemployed. I wanted to work on business ventures and maybe a podcast. It just seems like after 25 nobody wants to do anything anymore.

MarcosZeitola wrote: ↑

January 3rd, 2023, 4:49 am

Winston wrote: ↑

January 3rd, 2023, 4:43 am

Well there's a saying: "There are two types of families. The one you were born into and the one you find along the way."

Btw check out what my cousin Dennis replied to me a few years ago when I asked him why he and his sisters ignore me as if I don't exist. He didn't even answer my question. What a weird response.

Dennis:

"Try not be bitter. We don’t live for how other people view and see us. This is a busy world and everyone is somewhat selfish and try to survive unfortunately.
Live for yourself!"

Is he saying that i should be a cold selfish bastard and not care about anyone or need anyone? He knows that's not human nature right? We aren't meant to be hermits. That's unnatural. We are meant to need others and be tribal and interdependent and support each other. Even the Bible says so. So whats his point? Why did he get married then if u shouldn't need others and should only live for yourself??? Weird.

If my cousin was the sort of guy who would share my personal messages to him on a public forum full of antisemites who believe the earth is flat, you better believe I would ignore him, too.

That makes no sense. If me and that cousin had good relations of course I wouldn't do that. But since he treats me like i don't exist, I have nothing to lose right? If he doesn't respect me then why should I respect him?

My other cousin that visited Vegas told me to my face that being materialistic is normal and that if I am not, then I am the one different from everyone. People like that receive no divine help when they are in trouble usually. They don't have protection and guidance from higher powers. Furthermore, once they have an argument with another relative, they never talk to them again for life. He and his sister had some argument and never talk for example. That's how materialistic people are. Spiritual people don't hold grudges for life against their siblings. They hug and make up, just like you see in the movies. My mom's sister who was also super materialistic, never talked to my mom again after a big argument in 1989 for the rest of her life. Again, had she been spiritual, that wouldn't have happened. Only narrow materialistic people do that. So you see there are benefits to being spiritual. It's not useless. Plus when you are spiritual you have an inner peace and refuge that non-spiritual people don't have, because you have discovered a part of you beyond time and space.

My cousin Alice told me that her son, who is wealthy and successful, buys shoes for 500 dollars so he would have nothing in common with me. What a strange thing to say. Very shallow.

Why am I the only Asian who isn't materialistic or shallow or narrow?

@MarcosZeitola are all your Dutch cousins friendly and warm and sociable to you?

My message to my cousin John, who is a cynical atheist/agnostic type, about why spirituality is not as useless and impractical as he thinks. What do you all think?

"Btw John. Being spiritual is not as useless or impractical as you think. Let me give u some examples. If u and your sister were spiritual people for example, you would have hugged and made up long ago and forgave all past grievances, like the happy endings u see in movies. Only super materialistic people hold grudges for life. Likewise, our 9th aunt, aunt Lucy, had some argument with my mom and your mom back in 1989. After that she never talked to our moms again for the rest of her life. Very sad. As u know aunt Lucy was super materialistic and hateful and resentful. Again, had she been a spiritual type she would have forgave and made amends years ago and patched up her relationship with our moms. Just like happy endings in movies. You see the difference? So u see, materialistic people are not always better.

Furthermore spiritual people have an inner refuge and oasis in the divine part of themselves that they can retreat to and draw strength from in times of trouble or stress. Materialistic do not and are extroverted, so they rise and fall in accord with their circumstances. I discovered the divine part of myself that was beyond time and space in 1987. After that I've always had an inner refuge that soaked up my suffering like a sponge whenever I needed it. It's something beyond words. Those who have it know what I mean. Those who don't, will not know what I mean. This is something beyond the practical. So don't fall into the trap that this is an atheistic materialistic world just because mainstream science and the establishment say so. It isn't.

So u see, being spiritual does have many benefits, tangible and intangible, and is not as useless as u imagine. Think about it."

Two good points I made to my cousin Alice about people who dislike me and why it's in my favor:

Btw Alice. Two things I have going for me are:

1. First, people who dislike me usually dislike most people if not all people they meet, I've noticed. I've never seen a case where someone who liked everyone and was cool and friendly to everyone, like Sylvester Stallone or Morgan Freeman for example, decided they didn't like me. If u can find someone who likes everyone that dislikes me, then that would indicate that there must be something wrong with me.

However if someone who dislikes everyone or most people, dislikes me too, then it doesn't mean anything. It would be like the rain falling on everyone falling on me too. It's nothing personal and proves nothing. It would only prove something if someone cool and popular and friendly to everyone, decided they didn't like me. Then that would mean something. But so far I've never seen that happen. You see what I mean?

2. Secondly people who judge others on character and integrity usually like me and have positive things to say about me and get a good impression of me. But people who judge on shallow standards usually dislike me instantly for some reason, even without meeting me too. This bodes positively in my favor I think. Don't u agree?