Really GOOD SEX!
Posted: February 22nd, 2022, 7:46 am
I'll comment from a well-rounded perspective and a bit more 'hedonic' perspective. I want my whole life to be pleasing to God. It is what I was made for, to please God. I also believe that is where I will find my fulfillment in life--in doing what I was made for. My theory is working based on my experience so far. I don't want to put myself in a situation where it is hard to please God, where either decision I make. I don't want to make a moral mess of my life where it is hard to get back on track. The sex stuff is a little further down.
For example, as a single man, if I'd had sex with a woman who'd made a terrible mother for my children. On the one hand, for ethics, it might be right if I'd married her at least if she were a virgin (and if not), since we'd become one flesh together (and something in the Old Testament) and I'd ruined/defiled her if I don't marry her or contributed toward that (love thy neighbor). On the other hand, she'd make a terrible mother for my children, and if she is not a believer, I should not marry her. I abstained from sexual relations before marriage. I Thessalonians 4 says God gets vengence/punishes those who commit fornication (addressing Christians also, a passage where God punishes Christians.)
I married a woman who loves God, who was always sharing her faith, doing stuff like praying for the guy the bus she was riding was on. The man wasn't breathing. She gets down there and prays for him. The bus driver looks nervous, afraid that crowd of people might beat him up if the injured has friends as might happen on the streets of Jakarta. She commands his spirit to come back into him in the name of Jesus. He starts breathing. The bus driver looks so relieved and the bus takes off. Just the kind of girl I wanted. And for looks, a top tier girl, that 9 or 10 range where I really pay attention. Sweetness. A virgin it turns out.
Someone told me they'd had a vision of my future wife. I prayed, and I saw a vision, and a couple of features of the woman really stood out and helped me realize she was the one I was to marry. I prayed all kinds of stuff. I don't know if God foreordains these details of life or not, so I prayed for him to for me, to pick one out for me and to send me one. I wanted to be married. I wanted to have sex for the sensation, release and emotional connection appeal. I wanted to be a father, though that wasn't driving me as much at the time. I was a hairy-- presumably testosterone laden dude in my 20's. I was alone over the holidays when people leave and stuff slows down and felt a bit lonely.
So I upped my prayers for a wife. I prayed all kind of stuff. I prayed for a virgin, and if the woman I knew was dating someone, gently break them up. (Boyfriend does not mean having sex over there, and it did not use to mean that in the US. Our sexual, dating and marriage culture is messed up.) I read about Isaac and Rebecca getting together and asked God to send an angel ahead of me to find my wife. I prayed all kinds of things. Some of it hit the nail on the head I found out later.
I finally met my wife (I'd seen/met her before, really). I didn't know this, but she sensed the Lord telling me I was the one. She talked to her friend who I was talking to. I introduced myself-- which meant she didn't have to strike up a conversation with a man she didn't know. She invites me to her Bible study. I give her my number I had a sense of it, but when I got home, I was praying about whether this was the woman I'd been praying for to be my wife.
We talk on the phone. I am praying and I think God may be answering my prayer in my spirit when I ask if this is my wife with a 'yes' and later 'yes... why don't you believe Me?' Uh-oh. Then in prayer I get some details about her, and she says it on the phone. Okay. Still, I learned how to pray, trust God for wisdom, make decisions, have peace about them and be with peace with God about them. Since I believed I was hearing God, I would like to have had a prophetic confirmation of that. I'd been around all kinds of prophecy of specific details of people's lives, gotten super-specific stuff like that about other people when I'd been flowing in that earlier in my life. But this seemed more a matter of learning to pray and trust God to give me wisdom.
So we date, 'just friends' at first we said, but it turns into me taking her out to dinner every night when the rupiah is so cheap, church meetings on weekends, some home groups, spending so much time together. We don't know each other's language well, but we have this strong 'connection', right from the get-go really. We belong together.
I was 100% sure about marrying her and had settled it with God in prayer--- and it was unshakeable, and I just knew it, and this was the right path. No cold feet for me. This is the end of a multi-week trip for her, and I pick her up. I think all these events are the same day, maybe over two days, as when this was settled in prayer. Then I get to church, and after the meeting the guest speaker calls the two of us up and prophesies about us stuff that implied we would be together long term, going to many places and ministering to many people. It has happened, but I think it will happen a lot more. I told her I was meeting with this man, an older guy from church about something-- an excuse not to eat with her and buy a ring. We did. I took her out some place nice, to a beautiful place, proposed, then a month later the real proposal, meeting her parents and getting their agreement (her dad's was important for me, Biblically.) Then extended family issues with their marriage rituals. Then marrying anyway even if that uncle couldn't plan the wedding. Taking her to see my parents.
Trigger warning for those with Victorian mores. I think young men can benefit from learning about good, righteous sex in marriage, and this is anonymous, so here goes. We were both virgins. I'd read up on sex. My philosophy was to give her multiple orgasms and wear her out. And we are supposed to render 'due benevolence' if not fasting, as much as the other one wants. That latter part is still my moral philosophy. Wear her out with multi-o's I think is the best unless the wife wants otherwise. Within however many days or weeks, we former virgins were there.
My point here is to point out the hedonic side to young men craving sex. It can be fulfilled in marriage, probably better than through sin. if it isn't, marriage is still better. There are all those God saw it and it was good. He made male and female-- the two individuals who can have sex with each other be fruitful and multiply. Making male and female is good. Them having sex is good. Having babies and filling the earth is good. It is good stuff. Therefore sex is good. it is morally good, in the right context. It is in marriage. So I will right about it as good.
Sexual pleasure is morally good... in the right context. And it should be fulfilled in a context that pleases God. And I have had plenty of it. I love sex. My wife loves sex after it starts. If she put it off or didn't want it and then decided to roll with it, after it's started you wouldn't know she didn't want it, and doesn't want it to stop. Sometimes I have to talk her into it or wait her out. But as newly weds, I had enough sexual release to satisfy what I thought was normal-- once a day or so. I thought married couples on average having sex two or three times a week is crazy low. Abstaining from periods has to be taken into account for that, but 20 or 21 times a month seemed-- and still does if you aren't too old or sick-- normal for me. For Biblical reasons (my understanding of Leviticus 18 plus Acts 15) we did not do intercourse during periods. We can decide to fast and abstain then. The part about mutual agreement on that hasn't sunk in deeply enough in my wife's understanding of scripture, IMO, but we learned to negotiate that out, and I can handle that better as I age.
But still lots of great sex. So as newly weds, I would try to keep things going as long as possible, go for a long time, wear her out. if she was exhausted, I'd coax her to take more. We'd have really long sessions. Maybe that's why she wasn't always as excited for the next day. I learned slow and gentle if I could help it to keep things from getting sore. She doesn't complain about very vigorous if warmed up, but I consciously save that for if the next day is very unlikely, if I think I know when her period would start or maybe if I were going to take a trip or something. Sex in marriage is good. I want to have as much of it as I reasonably can without interfering with other areas of our lives.
I realize when the 'due benevolence' issue is considered-- yes I think that is as much as the partner wants, giving in love. I also realize people can have health, emotional, soreness-from-too-much, etc. issues. My wife doesn't quite get this understanding of 'due benevolence' and sometimes doesn't feel like it. I don't get what 'in the mood' should have to do with it. Normal mood is fine for me. She doesn't say 'in the mood'-- I hate that phrase anyway. But a woman might need to be warmed up with emotional connection, talking, kindness, and then kind of 'trick her' by showing her enough affection or verbal teasing over time until she decides she is the one who wants it. There can still be some 'game' to it. For us though, it's more 'let's do it' now, plop down on the bed, and get to it. I want to have sex if we aren't fasting and she's not on her period, emotionally. I don't feel like I ___have to____ have it physically down below like I did in my 20's if I missed so many days or hours or whatever.
I do wish my wife had the same understanding of 'due benevolence' I do. It is more extreme that most people think, I realize. She would have been probably overloaded and exhausted physically and emotionally throughout our marriage, maybe, or it might have turned out better. She'd have had to make all kinds of work a low priority, and emotionally that is tough for her. Jesus was willing to die for the church. I have to be willing to sacrifice for her. I have a higher drive. she has physical limitations as a human being and a woman. She's probably done very well overall when compared to marriage sexual frequency stats-- which I do not care for because they are so low. At this point it is not generally a me-not-getting-enough-physically issue, since I love the feelings but just want more of that experience with the loving connection. We did the more common understanding of meet in the middle. It turns into an emotional fulfillment issue as you age.
Physically, with aging, I don't feel like I 'need' sex every night physically, but I am down for it. I did not need it to perform, but I had gotten to the point where she had to 'kiss me first' or hug or or caress sometimes. instead of going at 'let's do it', I wasn't always 'ready for action.' At least if I thought about the night before or what was going to happen later, I wasn't have something in my pants to hide while walking around at this point in my life. It wasn't like in middle or high school where something could spring up with no mental stimuli, even, in class. That's rare in middle age. But I could go every night. Since I wasn't ready at the drop of a hat-- before the hat dropped, down there, I let a doctor give me a testosterone shot when he said my T and vitamin D was low. I thought it might make me chase my wife more, be ready without any kissing or whatever, and hopefully lose weight. I don't think it helped. I heard it can shrink stuff. Probably little more interest in sex, but that was there already.
For the hedonistic perspective I'm talking about, you young men who just want sex, think morals, ethics, and long term. I don't know about everyone, but sensitivity drops down. Parts where you feel the sensitivity in the part become way less sensitive. You may get to the point where being 'played with' after it is over for you as a fun game isn't even almost-painfully as sensitive any more. That general feeling that sex feels good is still there, and it can still feel good. But there is this emotional connection with sex, which is probably what I am really craving to have so frequently with my wife, that is strong and overpowering.
The physical sensations are so intense when you are younger, you may not pay as much attention to the emotional bonding. But with a wife who loves you, and this affection-love is going back and forth during the sex-- how in the world is a man supposed to enjoy that sinning with a prostitute? I understand immoral versions of that are probably there with LTRs, long-term fornication, even adultery. Other sinful sex situations might induce such feelings. But I don't think these short-term LTRs are going to have that same connection, or the same benefit from it, that you will get with a wife you rightly marry, in a just way. You get her hand in marriage from her father. She is not bound to another man nor you to another woman. You commit for wife. You take responsibility to care for her and provide for her. You love her. She obeys you and submits to you. That's the right order. For Christians, two becoming one flesh is a mystery that relates to the relationship between Christ and the church. I might even say there might be something mystical about righteous married sex, certainly between redeemed believers in Christ. It's a physical act, an emotional act. But it is good. It is morally good. A morally good thing to do, while also having hedonic pleasure, fully enjoying each other's bodies, and whatever of your wife's soul and she yours, while your bodies are entwined.
And I just had sex or I am going to with a clean conscience. I can have ___sex___ without sinning against God. Not just that, but it was good. I was doing right by God by giving it good to my wife. She is doing right by God when she was satisfying my sexual urges. Those emotions, that connection that binds us together where we can feel that love from each other that feels so nurturing, almost intoxicating....that is good. It is morally good. Nothing sleazy, just GOOD SEX. Morally good sex. It would be wrong not to give it to her, and it would be unethical not to give it to her good if I can and decide not to. I was doing right by God by getting her pregnant back when we were young and having babies.
And the wife intentionally doing stuff to really make her husband enjoy it physically, and the man doing the same to her-- multiple orgasms and... and intercourse stuff that's too graphic and fun that I am not going to post about... it is all morally good. No babies running around without parents. I am not going to have that knock on my door saying, "Your my dad, and I grew up and you did not raise me" or if I did, it's a lie and I know it.
Celibacy for God may be better. The one who does this is _sacrificing something big__ in life to please the Lord. May God bless them. May the saints who do this have their reward. We each have our gift, 'one after this manner, another after that. Life-long celibates can be celibate because God gave them the ability. Not having sex with a woman while using porn to think lustful thoughts, peeking at bikini women to desire them and never having sex with a woman, but wanting to is not a higher path.
I've talked a lot about the sex part. There is so much emotional fulfillment to having someone else in your life. If you are cut out for marriage, there are spiritual benefits as well for believers being married. Life is fuller. I cannot say when the last time I felt lonely was since I married, maybe when she had to be away for a while, I might have felt it briefly. We have kids. There is always something going on because there is someone else-- other people. Life is not boring. You can't or shouldn't be lazy in a family. Laziness is immoral anyway. Doing productive stuff is morally good and makes you a better person. Marriage isn't that tiring. Maybe just a bit for a traditional wife who does all the cooking or the man who takes on more work responsibility to support two, but with modern conveniences, it comes with fun, companionship and sex. When the diapers and sleepless nights come along, there are sacrifices for this valuable human being.
These are my thoughts, mainly about sex, from a man with a high sex drive who loves sex, who abstained before marriage whose wife was a virgin. I have had a life with lots of great sex, probably much more than the average. The first two years + of newly wed sex were way over on the right end of the bell curve for frequency for us, I think. And ongoing sex, and sex into middle age. Good sex, morally good sex. Trying to do sex in a way that pleases God, a way that fits overall into the 'good' big picture.
No one-off sex experiences with a prostitute or a girl you meet one night at a bar. No, good, moral sex done to the best of your ability, an expression of wisdom and love, as good as you can give her, over and over again, for a while lifetime until one of you dies as long as you are able, full of love and unity-- in a good marriage, joined rightly, and all morally good and pleasing to God.
I'd like to throw a mention of@@Tsar out there because he is single.
For example, as a single man, if I'd had sex with a woman who'd made a terrible mother for my children. On the one hand, for ethics, it might be right if I'd married her at least if she were a virgin (and if not), since we'd become one flesh together (and something in the Old Testament) and I'd ruined/defiled her if I don't marry her or contributed toward that (love thy neighbor). On the other hand, she'd make a terrible mother for my children, and if she is not a believer, I should not marry her. I abstained from sexual relations before marriage. I Thessalonians 4 says God gets vengence/punishes those who commit fornication (addressing Christians also, a passage where God punishes Christians.)
I married a woman who loves God, who was always sharing her faith, doing stuff like praying for the guy the bus she was riding was on. The man wasn't breathing. She gets down there and prays for him. The bus driver looks nervous, afraid that crowd of people might beat him up if the injured has friends as might happen on the streets of Jakarta. She commands his spirit to come back into him in the name of Jesus. He starts breathing. The bus driver looks so relieved and the bus takes off. Just the kind of girl I wanted. And for looks, a top tier girl, that 9 or 10 range where I really pay attention. Sweetness. A virgin it turns out.
Someone told me they'd had a vision of my future wife. I prayed, and I saw a vision, and a couple of features of the woman really stood out and helped me realize she was the one I was to marry. I prayed all kinds of stuff. I don't know if God foreordains these details of life or not, so I prayed for him to for me, to pick one out for me and to send me one. I wanted to be married. I wanted to have sex for the sensation, release and emotional connection appeal. I wanted to be a father, though that wasn't driving me as much at the time. I was a hairy-- presumably testosterone laden dude in my 20's. I was alone over the holidays when people leave and stuff slows down and felt a bit lonely.
So I upped my prayers for a wife. I prayed all kind of stuff. I prayed for a virgin, and if the woman I knew was dating someone, gently break them up. (Boyfriend does not mean having sex over there, and it did not use to mean that in the US. Our sexual, dating and marriage culture is messed up.) I read about Isaac and Rebecca getting together and asked God to send an angel ahead of me to find my wife. I prayed all kinds of things. Some of it hit the nail on the head I found out later.
I finally met my wife (I'd seen/met her before, really). I didn't know this, but she sensed the Lord telling me I was the one. She talked to her friend who I was talking to. I introduced myself-- which meant she didn't have to strike up a conversation with a man she didn't know. She invites me to her Bible study. I give her my number I had a sense of it, but when I got home, I was praying about whether this was the woman I'd been praying for to be my wife.
We talk on the phone. I am praying and I think God may be answering my prayer in my spirit when I ask if this is my wife with a 'yes' and later 'yes... why don't you believe Me?' Uh-oh. Then in prayer I get some details about her, and she says it on the phone. Okay. Still, I learned how to pray, trust God for wisdom, make decisions, have peace about them and be with peace with God about them. Since I believed I was hearing God, I would like to have had a prophetic confirmation of that. I'd been around all kinds of prophecy of specific details of people's lives, gotten super-specific stuff like that about other people when I'd been flowing in that earlier in my life. But this seemed more a matter of learning to pray and trust God to give me wisdom.
So we date, 'just friends' at first we said, but it turns into me taking her out to dinner every night when the rupiah is so cheap, church meetings on weekends, some home groups, spending so much time together. We don't know each other's language well, but we have this strong 'connection', right from the get-go really. We belong together.
I was 100% sure about marrying her and had settled it with God in prayer--- and it was unshakeable, and I just knew it, and this was the right path. No cold feet for me. This is the end of a multi-week trip for her, and I pick her up. I think all these events are the same day, maybe over two days, as when this was settled in prayer. Then I get to church, and after the meeting the guest speaker calls the two of us up and prophesies about us stuff that implied we would be together long term, going to many places and ministering to many people. It has happened, but I think it will happen a lot more. I told her I was meeting with this man, an older guy from church about something-- an excuse not to eat with her and buy a ring. We did. I took her out some place nice, to a beautiful place, proposed, then a month later the real proposal, meeting her parents and getting their agreement (her dad's was important for me, Biblically.) Then extended family issues with their marriage rituals. Then marrying anyway even if that uncle couldn't plan the wedding. Taking her to see my parents.
Trigger warning for those with Victorian mores. I think young men can benefit from learning about good, righteous sex in marriage, and this is anonymous, so here goes. We were both virgins. I'd read up on sex. My philosophy was to give her multiple orgasms and wear her out. And we are supposed to render 'due benevolence' if not fasting, as much as the other one wants. That latter part is still my moral philosophy. Wear her out with multi-o's I think is the best unless the wife wants otherwise. Within however many days or weeks, we former virgins were there.
My point here is to point out the hedonic side to young men craving sex. It can be fulfilled in marriage, probably better than through sin. if it isn't, marriage is still better. There are all those God saw it and it was good. He made male and female-- the two individuals who can have sex with each other be fruitful and multiply. Making male and female is good. Them having sex is good. Having babies and filling the earth is good. It is good stuff. Therefore sex is good. it is morally good, in the right context. It is in marriage. So I will right about it as good.
Sexual pleasure is morally good... in the right context. And it should be fulfilled in a context that pleases God. And I have had plenty of it. I love sex. My wife loves sex after it starts. If she put it off or didn't want it and then decided to roll with it, after it's started you wouldn't know she didn't want it, and doesn't want it to stop. Sometimes I have to talk her into it or wait her out. But as newly weds, I had enough sexual release to satisfy what I thought was normal-- once a day or so. I thought married couples on average having sex two or three times a week is crazy low. Abstaining from periods has to be taken into account for that, but 20 or 21 times a month seemed-- and still does if you aren't too old or sick-- normal for me. For Biblical reasons (my understanding of Leviticus 18 plus Acts 15) we did not do intercourse during periods. We can decide to fast and abstain then. The part about mutual agreement on that hasn't sunk in deeply enough in my wife's understanding of scripture, IMO, but we learned to negotiate that out, and I can handle that better as I age.
But still lots of great sex. So as newly weds, I would try to keep things going as long as possible, go for a long time, wear her out. if she was exhausted, I'd coax her to take more. We'd have really long sessions. Maybe that's why she wasn't always as excited for the next day. I learned slow and gentle if I could help it to keep things from getting sore. She doesn't complain about very vigorous if warmed up, but I consciously save that for if the next day is very unlikely, if I think I know when her period would start or maybe if I were going to take a trip or something. Sex in marriage is good. I want to have as much of it as I reasonably can without interfering with other areas of our lives.
I realize when the 'due benevolence' issue is considered-- yes I think that is as much as the partner wants, giving in love. I also realize people can have health, emotional, soreness-from-too-much, etc. issues. My wife doesn't quite get this understanding of 'due benevolence' and sometimes doesn't feel like it. I don't get what 'in the mood' should have to do with it. Normal mood is fine for me. She doesn't say 'in the mood'-- I hate that phrase anyway. But a woman might need to be warmed up with emotional connection, talking, kindness, and then kind of 'trick her' by showing her enough affection or verbal teasing over time until she decides she is the one who wants it. There can still be some 'game' to it. For us though, it's more 'let's do it' now, plop down on the bed, and get to it. I want to have sex if we aren't fasting and she's not on her period, emotionally. I don't feel like I ___have to____ have it physically down below like I did in my 20's if I missed so many days or hours or whatever.
I do wish my wife had the same understanding of 'due benevolence' I do. It is more extreme that most people think, I realize. She would have been probably overloaded and exhausted physically and emotionally throughout our marriage, maybe, or it might have turned out better. She'd have had to make all kinds of work a low priority, and emotionally that is tough for her. Jesus was willing to die for the church. I have to be willing to sacrifice for her. I have a higher drive. she has physical limitations as a human being and a woman. She's probably done very well overall when compared to marriage sexual frequency stats-- which I do not care for because they are so low. At this point it is not generally a me-not-getting-enough-physically issue, since I love the feelings but just want more of that experience with the loving connection. We did the more common understanding of meet in the middle. It turns into an emotional fulfillment issue as you age.
Physically, with aging, I don't feel like I 'need' sex every night physically, but I am down for it. I did not need it to perform, but I had gotten to the point where she had to 'kiss me first' or hug or or caress sometimes. instead of going at 'let's do it', I wasn't always 'ready for action.' At least if I thought about the night before or what was going to happen later, I wasn't have something in my pants to hide while walking around at this point in my life. It wasn't like in middle or high school where something could spring up with no mental stimuli, even, in class. That's rare in middle age. But I could go every night. Since I wasn't ready at the drop of a hat-- before the hat dropped, down there, I let a doctor give me a testosterone shot when he said my T and vitamin D was low. I thought it might make me chase my wife more, be ready without any kissing or whatever, and hopefully lose weight. I don't think it helped. I heard it can shrink stuff. Probably little more interest in sex, but that was there already.
For the hedonistic perspective I'm talking about, you young men who just want sex, think morals, ethics, and long term. I don't know about everyone, but sensitivity drops down. Parts where you feel the sensitivity in the part become way less sensitive. You may get to the point where being 'played with' after it is over for you as a fun game isn't even almost-painfully as sensitive any more. That general feeling that sex feels good is still there, and it can still feel good. But there is this emotional connection with sex, which is probably what I am really craving to have so frequently with my wife, that is strong and overpowering.
The physical sensations are so intense when you are younger, you may not pay as much attention to the emotional bonding. But with a wife who loves you, and this affection-love is going back and forth during the sex-- how in the world is a man supposed to enjoy that sinning with a prostitute? I understand immoral versions of that are probably there with LTRs, long-term fornication, even adultery. Other sinful sex situations might induce such feelings. But I don't think these short-term LTRs are going to have that same connection, or the same benefit from it, that you will get with a wife you rightly marry, in a just way. You get her hand in marriage from her father. She is not bound to another man nor you to another woman. You commit for wife. You take responsibility to care for her and provide for her. You love her. She obeys you and submits to you. That's the right order. For Christians, two becoming one flesh is a mystery that relates to the relationship between Christ and the church. I might even say there might be something mystical about righteous married sex, certainly between redeemed believers in Christ. It's a physical act, an emotional act. But it is good. It is morally good. A morally good thing to do, while also having hedonic pleasure, fully enjoying each other's bodies, and whatever of your wife's soul and she yours, while your bodies are entwined.
And I just had sex or I am going to with a clean conscience. I can have ___sex___ without sinning against God. Not just that, but it was good. I was doing right by God by giving it good to my wife. She is doing right by God when she was satisfying my sexual urges. Those emotions, that connection that binds us together where we can feel that love from each other that feels so nurturing, almost intoxicating....that is good. It is morally good. Nothing sleazy, just GOOD SEX. Morally good sex. It would be wrong not to give it to her, and it would be unethical not to give it to her good if I can and decide not to. I was doing right by God by getting her pregnant back when we were young and having babies.
And the wife intentionally doing stuff to really make her husband enjoy it physically, and the man doing the same to her-- multiple orgasms and... and intercourse stuff that's too graphic and fun that I am not going to post about... it is all morally good. No babies running around without parents. I am not going to have that knock on my door saying, "Your my dad, and I grew up and you did not raise me" or if I did, it's a lie and I know it.
Celibacy for God may be better. The one who does this is _sacrificing something big__ in life to please the Lord. May God bless them. May the saints who do this have their reward. We each have our gift, 'one after this manner, another after that. Life-long celibates can be celibate because God gave them the ability. Not having sex with a woman while using porn to think lustful thoughts, peeking at bikini women to desire them and never having sex with a woman, but wanting to is not a higher path.
I've talked a lot about the sex part. There is so much emotional fulfillment to having someone else in your life. If you are cut out for marriage, there are spiritual benefits as well for believers being married. Life is fuller. I cannot say when the last time I felt lonely was since I married, maybe when she had to be away for a while, I might have felt it briefly. We have kids. There is always something going on because there is someone else-- other people. Life is not boring. You can't or shouldn't be lazy in a family. Laziness is immoral anyway. Doing productive stuff is morally good and makes you a better person. Marriage isn't that tiring. Maybe just a bit for a traditional wife who does all the cooking or the man who takes on more work responsibility to support two, but with modern conveniences, it comes with fun, companionship and sex. When the diapers and sleepless nights come along, there are sacrifices for this valuable human being.
These are my thoughts, mainly about sex, from a man with a high sex drive who loves sex, who abstained before marriage whose wife was a virgin. I have had a life with lots of great sex, probably much more than the average. The first two years + of newly wed sex were way over on the right end of the bell curve for frequency for us, I think. And ongoing sex, and sex into middle age. Good sex, morally good sex. Trying to do sex in a way that pleases God, a way that fits overall into the 'good' big picture.
No one-off sex experiences with a prostitute or a girl you meet one night at a bar. No, good, moral sex done to the best of your ability, an expression of wisdom and love, as good as you can give her, over and over again, for a while lifetime until one of you dies as long as you are able, full of love and unity-- in a good marriage, joined rightly, and all morally good and pleasing to God.
I'd like to throw a mention of@@Tsar out there because he is single.
