Why Language/Cultural barriers don't matter, it's all about Personality/Soul/Wavelength to me

[Winston]

On a sleep apnea forum, I gave this lengthy explanation to someone who asked about my language/cultural barrier in Taiwan, about why that's not the real problem, and the issue is something deeper than that. I don't know if the post will get deleted or not, because it's so outside the box, even though I wrote it in a very tactful polite manner. But in case it does, I wanted to post it here because I made some lengthy significant points and comparisons that I don't want to go to waste.

http://www.cpaptalk.com/viewtopic.php?f ... 3#p1348983

Yes, but you still have to do your homework re details with which you're more familiar than we are. And you sound like you might need a course in cultural differences - something maybe you should have had prior to going there. Life is complicated, but gets easier if you dive in. Consider if you were from Taiwan and just landed here recently... don't you think it would be a whole new world for you? Maybe take a crash course in Chinese so you can talk to people and see that they're not aliens, but potential friends.

Hi Julie,
I don't think you understand. I speak basic Chinese and Taiwanese. I am Asian American and Taiwanese by descent. I do understand the culture here, at least on paper and mentally, but I don't jive with it. It doesn't fit my own flow, rhythm and personality. I am more like an Italian soul, French soul or Latin American soul. More like a Latin/Slavic type soul. Not American or Asian, because American and Asian cultures tend to be workaholic and uptight and controlling and strict about following rules, and have a "live to work" attitude toward life, which I don't agree with. In contrast, I am more about cultivating one's soul, and having meaningful rich experiences, and living for romantic and passionate pursuits, like Europeans and Latins do.

Therefore, I thrive best in very freespirited, uninhibited countries like Mexico, Latin America, Eastern Europe, Southeast Asia, etc. But Northeast Asians are different. They are very reserved. Never outspoken or expressive or articulate or assertive. Thus it feels awkward for me to talk to them, they are on a different wavelength. It's not about language.

Imagine being in Seattle or Portland, where people are very reserved, like Finnish people, then times that by 10, and that is how it's like here in Taiwan (and also in Japan I've heard). 10x more reserved than the Pacific Northwest, which if you've been to, you'll know what I mean. But even if you haven't been there, I'm sure you've heard about the demeanor of Washingtonians and Oregonians. The thing is, I'm not reserved, so I don't jive well with people who are very reserved. It feels awkward talking to them. Sorry if I sound overly sensitive, but that's just the way I am. Some people are sensitive to things that others are not. We are all different, not just as individuals, but in different cultures and locations as well.

I know language has nothing to do with this, because when I was in Russia, even when I didn't speak any Russian at all, I was able to communicate with people easily. They were very expressive and skillful in communication, and I was able to connect on their wavelength well. And of course, they were not reserved at all, but the exact opposite - very expressive, brave, upfront, confident, strong and passionate - the exact qualities I love and connect with. We could relate and connect well, and almost read each other's minds. I even used my Pictionary skills to get points across, which worked well for me. So you see, I never believed in this "language barrier myth", as it never applied to me.

So you see, it's not the language barrier that's awkward. I feel awkward because the Taiwanese people's mannerisms, facial expressions, reserved nature, repressed nature, negative vibe, closed posture, sour/grim face, and uptight body language, simply turn me off and weird me out and CONFLICT with my soul, personality and demeanor. And vice versa too, because they also find me weird since I don't act the way an Asian is supposed to act by their standards. (they seem to hold white people and asian people to different standards) Being assertive, confident, blunt and outspoken here makes you a freak, and you stand out like a sore thumb, because no one here is like that. It's hard to explain. But basically I'm not allowed to be myself here, which I find suffocating.

Another problem is that in Asia, people are not assertive or articulate at all. For example, any Western expat in Asia will tell you that if you ask people for directions, usually they just point you in a direction with their hand. They never give you step by step directions. And YES this is even true if you speak their language or you are a local person. (Locals have told me they experience the same in their own country) This is a common complaint among expats in Asia, they all know what I mean when I bring this up. And it has nothing to do with language. For some reason, Asians just aren't as good at giving step by step directions as Americans and Europeans are. Maybe because they are trained not to think for themselves and to not be an individual, since they are a collectivist culture, and also they are taught not to have an opinion or express themselves and definitely not to be outspoken. Any sociologist can tell you that Asian cultures are more collectivist and people are never encouraged to express themselves or be outspoken or to have their own opinions. It's all about groupthink, similar to corporate America. Thus being articulate or assertive is not part of Asian culture or people. That's why when someone like me, who is very assertive and articulate, tries to talk to people here, it feels awkward. My style and theirs just doesn't jive well. We are like on a different frequency and wavelength. They and I are more like oil and water, rather than ketchup and fries.

I have heard though that Japan is an exception, and that the Japanese are much better at giving step by step directions than other parts of Asia, which would not be a surprise since Japan is the most advanced nation in Asia. I haven't spent enough time in Japan though, to verify this.

Anyway sorry for the lengthy explanation. I'm a very deep and intellectual person so I feel that I need to explain things in greater detail than just a short summary. I hope you get what I mean.

The reason I'm here in Taiwan is because my parents retired here, because Taiwan gives them full national healthcare, at a small price, which is important to elderly people. So the healthcare system is far better than the US of course. Even though it doesn't pay for CPAP machines.

I came to visit my parents and also write some books and update my websites in a quiet environment for a month or two, but then the coronavirus pandemic started and stranded me here for a while, until who knows when.

So I'm here because of family, not because I fit in or love it or because it's the best place for me. No way. If I didn't have family here, I'd never come here, since I don't jive with the culture or people here at all. But I know the problem isn't me though, because when I'm in Thailand, Philippines, Cambodia, etc, and most other countries, even in mainland China, I don't have a problem connecting with people as much, and don't feel awkward like I do here. I feel a lot more normal as long as I'm not in NE Asia or West Coast America (which I don't jive with either). So that gets me off the hook, since if the problem was me then I'd feel the same everywhere, but I don't. I only feel weird in some places and cultures, but not others. Location is what makes the difference for me, not my attitude, as is commonly assumed, which I believe is a myth and doesn't apply to me.

Anyway sorry for the lengthy explanation. Hope you found it interesting. And I hope you understand where I'm coming from. If not, then nevermind. Not everyone can understand me, even if I explain myself very assertively and clearly, because we are all on different wavelengths. Some do understand me, some don't. That's just life and I accept that. Nothing I can do about that, except to be honest with myself and control what I can control, and let be what I cannot control. I'm sure you all know that. Thanks for listening.

[Winston]

Hi, good morning... wow, thanks for the explanation (and I get it because I also tend to overexplain things and drive some crazy). And I can see I was way off course - no 'ugly' American there! And not a good time to be navigating a culture you may understand but don't jibe with. Too bad you're having a lousy time just at a lousy time! I wasn't aware of the nuances on the West coast in the US regarding people, but did live/work for a short time in Minn, so know what you mean about Finnish. You sound more Zorba-ish, which is a great thing!

That little machine is strictly for travel and would not be appreciated full time - noisy, no useful data beyond maybe a bit of screen stuff and probably not that sturdy for full time either. What are the chances you could either get to or at least be in touch with e.g. better connections in e.g. Hong Kong or Singapore, etc? Though I suppose in a temporary pinch if you can afford it...

Maybe others will see your note today and have better ideas... good luck and stay safe.

I'm glad you understand me to a point. Well I'm ok here with family and in a nice area up in the mountains. But I don't go out much cause I don't connect with the people or vibe or culture here. It just feels weird. Have you ever felt like a fish out of water somewhere? Not everyone has. Some people are very positive and able to fit in anywhere they go and attract good people. I guess I'm not one of those. I'm an introvert, not extrovert, so I'm more particular about where I fit in and where I don't than an average extrovert would be.

I guess I could have just said that in a nutshell, it's not the language barrier that's awkward. I feel awkward because the Taiwanese people's mannerisms, facial expressions, reserved nature, repressed nature, negative vibe, closed posture, sour/grim face, and uptight body language, simply turn me off and weird me out and CONFLICT with my soul, personality and demeanor. And vice versa too, because they also find me weird since I don't act the way an Asian is supposed to act by their standards. (they seem to hold white people and asian people to different standards) Being assertive, confident, blunt and outspoken here makes you a freak, and you stand out like a sore thumb, because no one here is like that. It's hard to explain. But basically I'm not allowed to be myself here, which I find suffocating.

I know the western media considers Taiwan to be an icon of freedom and democracy in Asia, and also dub it as "the free face of China", but they are wrongly assuming that freedom is all about being able to vote and having political freedoms given to you by the government. That's simply not true, because a country's social culture and customs have just as much to do with freedom, if not more so, than government control. In fact, I'd say more so, because social culture is something you interact with everyday and have to conform to, but government is not something the average person interacts with everyday (unless they are breaking the law of course). So the social culture can definitely affect your freedom much more than government can. People don't get that for some reason. Everyone thinks freedom is all about the degree to which government controls you, which makes no sense and is weird. I don't get why I see so many obvious things like this that other people don't see. Sorry for the philosophical rant.

Btw, what is "Zorba-ish"? I'm not familiar with that term.

I like places like Texas or New Mexico or Utah where people are very down to earth and not afraid to talk to strangers. Unfortunately, CA and NY do not fit that bill. Neither does Taiwan or Hong Kong or Korea. I've never been to Singapore, but I heard it's the same. Super uptight and cliquish. Yes HK is close by, but according to my research, anywhere in Asia, a CPAP machine is gonna cost $2,000. Plus I think international flights are all on lockdown now aren't they? If you meant, would I connect better in HK? Oh no. HK is similar to NY city. People are cold, rushed, rude and workaholic, and everything is all about money. No down to earth vibe there at all. No old souls either.

However, it depends on who you ask. Everyone seems to be in a different universe or dimension. There are people who go to NYC or HK and claim everyone there was very friendly and wonderful, and there are those who claim the opposite, that people there were cold and rude and grouchy to them, like me. Go figure. So it seems everyone is in a different universe, even if they go to the same place. I don't know how else to explain it. I know the New Agers will say that your attitude determines what kind of people you attract, but I disagree with that, because I've noticed I can have the same attitude everywhere I go and get vastly different results. Like I can have a very positive outgoing attitude but meet nothing but rude, grouchy, cold, unfriendly people too, and vice versa. That's happened many times. So I see no correlation at all between my attitude/personality and whether people are friendly to me or not. It's one of those New Age cliches that just doesn't hold water, but tries to give you the illusion that you can control things, because that's what sells, when in reality you cannot control many things, especially when it comes to other people.

Also, as we all know, modern society is very isolating now. Everyone is on their smart phones and people don't talk to others or interact much anymore. And that's sad. But no one talks about the social disconnect in modern society for some reason. It's a taboo subject. All everyone talks about is racial and gender equality, which is useless and over-emphasized to the point of obsession, as if that's all that matters. Very odd. If you ask someone who grew up in the 1970's and prior, they will tell you that America was a much friendlier social place, with lots more interaction, and more inclusive too, not awkward and isolating like today. It was easier and more natural to make friends and meet people just by going out. That all changed sometime in the 1980's for some reason. That old world friendliness still exists in some countries, like in most of Europe for instance, and in many poorer countries too, like Latin America and Southeast Asia. But not in America. I'm sure many of you know what I mean.

Anyway, sorry for being long-winded. Now, about using travel CPAP as an everyday machine, well I saw on YouTube that experts were saying that the Philipps Dreamstation Go was the ideal travel CPAP that could be used everyday. Have you heard of it? This is what it looks like.

https://www.cheapcpapsupplies.com/respi ... go-cpap-pb



Is that the best travel CPAP machine that can be used as a regular home device as well?

[Winston]

The lady I'm talking to in the CPAP forum seems sweet and open minded huh? See below. Have any of you heard of "Zorba the Greek"? Is that a good movie? It sounds interesting.

http://www.cpaptalk.com/viewtopic.php?f ... 6#p1349156

OMG - someone who doesn't know who Zorba is!

Rent, steal, buy, the movie Zorba the Greek somewhere... and then come back and let me know what you think/felt/awoke to ! It's a fabulous (and fabulously famous) movie (from the book, and eventual Broadway hit) from '64 about a studious Englishman who goes to Greece and hires Zorba - his total opposite - and learns you can be an intellectual but still love life. I don't want to tell you more and spoil anything, but seriously, how have you escaped hearing about it, seeing it, and loving Zorba?

For a taste though, go to YTube and go to https:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AzpHvLWFUM - I KNOW you'll recognize the music even if you haven't realized where it came from.

PS Loved your explanation above... and so sorry you're in that atmosphere... must be hard!

Oh that sounds familiar. I heard it somewhere before, maybe in a trivia game. lol. The music does sound familiar. Is it an old movie. I'll check it out sometime if it's good. I love old films, they are more original, romantic and have better stories and characters than modern films do. Modern films are all CGI nowadays and feel like video games with hollow characters. They feel cheap as if no one put any heart and soul into them. You know what I mean?

Yes it's true that you can be an intellectual and be passionate and enjoy life. That fits me. But there's this stigma that in America, intellectuals are nerdy or geeky and aren't cool or hip and don't enjoy life. However, if you go to Spain, France or Italy, you will see the opposite, that intellectuals enjoy life a lot and are very passionate and creative. Even 18 year olds are intellectual there and there's no negative stigma about it like in US culture. No one in Europe calls you a geek or a nerd if you are intellectual. But this is the Europe of before, I don't know about now though. I heard a lot of bad things about the new millenial generation and how things have changed. Oh well. I guess we can just hang out with older folks there then.

Yes the situation is a little hard, but ok. At least I'm in a comfortable house up here. Lots of things are harder and things could be worse. I could be hospitalized with coronavirus for example. In life, you just gotta stay centered when things get hard or unpleasant, and not take things too seriously. That's the key, unless you wanna go through years of Zen Buddhist training. lol. Just kidding of course. Thanks for being understanding. You sound very open minded and empathetic, which is great.

Btw did you mean Minnesota when you said Minn earlier? If so, then yeah I heard Minnesota is not a very social place either. Someone from there told me in that state, everyone keeps to themselves too and doesn't talk to anyone. But most Americans see that as normal nowadays anyway and think nothing of it. I remember a time before 1985 where that wasn't normal, but people seem to forget that. I mean that in the mid 80's, people began getting more and more closed off, mean spirited, and isolated, in the US. Maybe because of rampant materialism, superficiality and pretentiousness, I don't know. But others like me told me the 70's were a lot more down to earth. You can see it in the music videos of the 70's. The people in them were not as pretentious or superficial as in the 80's. There were also no teen drama movies either showing the shallowness or pretentiousness of high school until the 80's. I don't know if you were around during the 70's or not, but I remember a little of it.

Sorry for going off topic. lol

I guess a more on topic question would be: So what kind of CPAP machine do you use Julie?