How to Temper Ambition + Perfectionism

[Eric]

Does anyone else struggle with this condition, of being? In recently seeking help for my perfectionistic tendencies...which I have needed to and wanted to do for some time now in my life, but haven't - I came across the idea of vulnerability and authentic living.
It means not being afraid to live, feel, strive and make mistakes.
I suddenly realized this competing drive for wanting to go do everything, and the inability to not do it all. So therefor what I do is sit and do nothing; this is what ends up happening.

I have struggled with this my entire life - and I want to change it. Does anyone have any suggestions on how one could work this problem out, or some ideas or observations or just a viewpoint on where you stand on it? I'd like some intelligent feedback on the matter. It's like putting your hand into a jelly bean jar. I realize that I want to do some things - that often, my ambition is overflowing...it makes madness in me I can't possibly attain it all - but if I were to go grasp that one thing. I may have a chance at it.
It's kind of like getting myself to just accept this and go after it. ..while accepting I can't do other things. It's having to go get that one thing while accepting a loss; this is realistic and it's life but I realize it's difficult.

Thanks for considering, and reading

[Russian1860]

If you are a middle age man, then perhaps you fell into midlife crisis. If you are a young man, your depression could be caused by some other events, which you didn’t mention in your essay. It could be related with a woman, or with other bummer, which ultimately made you feel unhappy.

Anyway, whatever it is, you should realize for yourself, that to be imperfect is normal. It’s naive to think, that life consists of black and white. In fact it is grey with multiple shades. You are unable to grab a star from the sky, though you still can seek for realistic targets, which you are capable to reach. As soon as you realize this simple thing, you will feel at ease. Enjoy what you possess for now and try to assess the state of affairs soberly. Is everything really as bad, as you think? Probably no. Many people on this earth are less lucky than you, and still they manage to enjoy the life. Think of that.

I will tell you a big secret. Almost every man in the world experienced depression. You are not alone. And most of us overcame it successfully. Are you worse than others? depression is just a temporary state. It will be gone sooner or later. Look back at your life and recall a moment, when you were truly happy. You will get that sensation again, it’s just a matter of time. Life is like zebra: bad alternates with good. Just move on.

[Eric]

Actually, it's more than that. It's not just some midlife thing that happened...although it may be that at 30 I'm finally realizing and making some decisions. Perfectionism or OCPD is a personality characteristic bordering on disorder, that is deeply engrained and it's usually taught from parenting. It's extremely, extremely damaging to the person who has it...I don't have to tell you just how awful it is, or how it can be. It is probably the most underrated form of suffering there is.
It's extremely painful, bordering on suicide, depression/anxiety...self abuse, missed life goals, emotionally underdeveloped and warped personal relationships and a damaged inner life, as well as work and achievement life.

I'm reading a book by a PHd. and very well known author on the subject now. I'm really trying to heal myself and change and turn it around in my life.
It's really hard but it's necessary. My Dad was the main culprit, or, taught me it's the way to be, or a way to think. Without a doubt in my mind. Everyone knew my Dad and he apparently wasn't liked by a lot of people, especially on my Mother's side. He actually didn't give us a choice and would beat us if we disobeyed him, he would yell at us...and became very angry and violent when we weren't extensions of him. We were made to do everything exactly as he saw it, the way he wanted it to be done. He made us do lots of things, growing up but everything he we did it was his idea - but he would tell us we were doing it together and that we were having fun. I basically grew up as a shadow of my father. There was a bad feeling of feeling ill at ease at home, whenever he was around. You never knew what would set him off, or had this feeling of having to be controlled at all times. My brother and I suffered, and my Mother also under this. We all adapted to it and that was just the way my family was.
I hated it and resented it and grew up stilted, messed up angry, and resentful, full of rage; because of it.
He nearly ruined my life; now that I think about it.

I feel there are possibly a great number of persons with this character on this board, that's just a hunch I have - or they have other mental issues.

[Kradmelder]

What you describe are most old school dads. In white culture anyway. Generations of kids grew up like that perfectly healthy, thank God for old school dads.

These days with no discipline, no risk of a hiding now and then, no condemnation from dad for not meeting expectations , it causes far more damage. Look at the spoilt brats of today calling ill discipline and bad upbringing ADD or whatever jew psycho babble. You should rather be grateful your dad cared enough to instill discipline, drive you to succeed etc. If you can get yourself to see it this way you will have pride and respect and gratitude to your father instead of ill will and depression. A father is not meant to be a pal or to let you do what you please. He is there to make you tough enough to succeed in the world when he is no longer around based on life lessons he learnt the hard way, and generally they do it for your benefit, whether you realise it or not. In time you will, like when you have to sacrifice your wants for your own kids and you realise the tools your father used actually worked rather well.

It is a symptom of youth to think the old people don't know anything, are old fashioned, clueless etc. But whatever you think they thought before you were born and they have far more experience, hence gave up on stupid ideas of youth that don't work. Wisdom starts when you realise they know far more than you and have learnt from life, not some book.

By the way, check the author of that book. If he is a jew, immediately dispose of it and treat it like you would the words of Satan.

[Eric]

I understand what you're saying. But I do not agree for one second that it is normal or healthy to grow up that way. The stuff you're saying to me sounds a lot like the stuff I've heard over again to hide or denial the pain away...or rationalize a problem. Loving dads are tough - you're right. But they aren't pathological....they don't have clinical OCPD.


That's not normal. I knew it's not. It may be 'common'...but it's not normal. It's not healthy, I don't know too many people who grew up okay, happy or balanced later in life from an environment like that. What you're talking about is a successful bell-curve. These people raised like this grow up very successful on the outside initially early in life; they are achievers. Inside they are rended inside day and night, and these are the people who are never happy in their careers, lead isolating and lonely lives full of misery and depression. Anger is their companion, and they are the heart attacks and drug addicts, alcoholics and misers.


That's just speaking the truth. The bullshit stops here. I had to put an end to the bullshit that you're spewing out here on this thread, I've heard it all my life, and it's destructive.

[starchild5]

Stop blaming yourself Eric...Its not your fault.

We all have character flaws due to ...chemtrails, DNA manipulation, bad food etc

What you need is HEALING. We all need to be healed.

go to meetup.com and join some community, you will feel better...you need to mix with imperfect people majority of us are....you will be healed...I agree...This perfection is a disease...Even I had it once...

it goes away after few years but not before making you go crazy with it....This perfection disease is trying to give your bad experience in life..because life is not perfect..its broken....so there will always be clash in your mind..its very difficult to get out of it....

I only came out of it by making friends with all kinds of people...since you are in China, mingle will everyone ....from Food cart lady to sales person to work mates...it will distract your mind...aka ENGAGE more with your imperfect surroundings...good luck

[Shemp]

Have you studied sexual kung fu? The sex drive is a powerful force in young men. It will destroy you if it is repressed too strongly, but it will destroyed you if you let it run wild, as happens with some PUAs and out-of-control mongers. "Kung fu" literally means "time spent in effortful training", thus sexual kung fu can be translated as "disciplining of the sex drive". Taoist sexual kung fu is closely related to and almost certainly derived from Tantra (since pre-Aryan India is the source of all wisdom) but parts of the knowledge has also been independently discovered elsewhere. The ultimate goal of sexual kung fu is to channel the sexual energy up the backbone instead of letting it flow outwards in the form of peak orgasms and ejaculations, so that the man become overflowing with sexual energy at all times, and yet fully in control of this energy. Men who have too many peak orgasms become weak and angry. This is especially true for older men (weakness manifests as impotence, need to urinate constantly, inability to show self-control, constantly complaining, etc). A man my age (56) should have give up peak orgasms entirely, but even a man in his 20's like you should try to have as few as possible. Master Mantak Chia has written a number of books revealing the ancient secrets of sexual kung fu. He was my guru. The only thing I would add to Master Chia's teaching regards the problem of anal blockages. Men raised in conservative families are often violently homophobic and terrified of being anally raped, which causes them to tense up the anus, and this tension blocks sexual energy from moving between genitals and backbone. (It also causes constipation and hemorrhoids.) To remove the blockage, penetrate yourself with a dildo. The more the idea of being anally penetrated by a dildo freaks you out, the more you need it and the bigger the dildo you should use. You also need to perform kegel exercises. Master Chia recommends hanging weights from the genitals and then lifting them, but I find isometrics sufficient (performed as part of my morning yoga, while sitting in lotus position).

Needless to say, you also need a daily exercise program. Start with the basics of pushups, pullups and one-legged bodyweight squats (6 minutes/day total is sufficient if you push yourself hard during that 6 minutes, without any resting). Later on, add some yoga stretching. 30 minutes/day exercise is more than enough. That includes the kegels, the calistenics, the yoga stretching, cool down at the end.

[Eric]

Great. So, all I have to do is stick a huge dildo up my ass. Seriously, though, this is a huge problem on many levels I can see it is touching others as well. It's a sensitive issue for sure. The fact is Kradmelder that it happened - to a degree - it is normal and it is healthy. But not the degree my father carried it to, no way - no how. Not at all.
Dad's shouldn't be dehumanized to raise sons and children and a family, this is wrong. Any child knows this.




I did a lot of f***ed up shit in my life trying to cope with this.




A Dad should be loving, caring & firm first and foremost. He should be able to lovingly guide his children in the right ways and be gentle & stern. It's not that hard, I don't know why so many Anglo fathers f**k it up and have a problem. It does seem to be an Anglo white father problem. It's like there's zero emotion room. Zero, none. I don't know why it's this way. Something in anglo society - the man is supposed to be sturdy and strong, work hard and never express weakness. Except this is physically impossible and incredibly, extremely unhealthy. I think it also had something to do with the Industrial Revolution - it had dehumanizing effect
I think the lack of emotion/ restriction... causes many things like perfectionism later on, because there is a void. And what else are you going to do with a hollow vacuum where your emotions used to be. We have to start saying we need to cultivate emotions and emotional expression. it is healthy. It is okay to... we need to be allowed to plant the seeds, not just say that it's bad.

It's very painful.
This has nothing to do with Jewish bullshit. I felt this way, as a child, long before I ever knew about this shit.
We need to stop doing this to our fathers, and sons.