Happier Abroad Forum Community

Why is it that of any place I've been, there is the most disharmony here. It's like at family gatherings it seems when everyone's around chatting around the dinner table - it's just a really nasty competitive vibe that goes around. You won't be just loved unconditionally for who you are, if you want to be happy and chime in - unless you sound and say the right thing, you will be chastised. Is this just American families that are like this?
It also seems like the females get more of a chance to speak - and can say anything no matter how attention seeking they are; but the moment I do the same thing, even a little. It's like everyone stares at me scornfully. Like I've messed up. It feels like I can't say anything, why?
Why this double standard. Why are females allowed to say and do anything and get away with everything....and it's accepted. Why can't men do the same?

It also seems like the style you learn in abrasive American society won't win you any points at the dinner table - unless you are, of course, a female. In which anything you can and do say will be alright, exhalted, laughed at and praised. I tried to just jump in the conversation excitedly and got a glare from my step - dad, for doing so, while he continued to beam at the females talking.
Wtf? Like, in school we learn to be loud and obnoxious to get attention. That was "praised", however weird it sounds it's just how it was. So why do we get punished when we just act like this.
It's not like I'm being bad, just excited and wanted to contribute to the convo. I'm trying to think of this rationally. Is it maybe - that I have a problem with *butting in, somewhat abrasively, and the reactions are justified? Or is it, that how I really feel, is that my step dad is just a major dick and hates me for some reason. That I'm not allowed to ever get excited in his presence, be myself or anything? I'm trying to think it's the first one.
He always seems to make me edgy and feel uncomfortable every time he's around.
Bottom line: Why can females do and say everything and it be okay?
Why can't we just talk normally and be excited (god forbid) without being judged, and thought of as "attention seeking".


I feel all I can really do to be respected at family gatherings is to shut up. That's when people like me. I just feel that America has this culture of individualism - which isn't the family, at all, and this greatly destroys our cohesion. It's really sad. Most cultures don't have this, and that's why I feel they get along so well, and you can get along at family gatherings peacefully, and in society in general.

As an adjunct: I also feel that this American "individuality" where everyone's opinion must be heard and expressed - they must be loud and state their opinion, is way, WAY overrated. It's clear it's destructive, even though we keep lauding it - refusing to give it up. It's clear most people have nothing to say, whatsoever, most people are just sounding completely dumb and spout nonsense, just to be heard.

I wonder when this got so badly, to the point where you'd suffer low self-esteem for not speaking up all the time? I feel like most other obnoxiously American things, this got bad after the "Cultural revolution" of the 60's. Americans have always loved free speech, but I feel we had more class in how we used it, dealt with it...more civility in the past, and didn't feel the need to be "always heard", a weirdo, a rebel, different from the flock, etc., like we do now.
I feel this really started after the 60's, when Marxists tried to break up the society.
I can picture this individuality and freedom manifesting in a quiet and civil confidence at the table of our founding fathers as they all met and sat, discussed issues of their day. It must have been wonderful then, a unique combination.
But the truth is, getting along and expressing your individuality are combative and mutually exclusive ideas. Overall, I'd always choose mutual commonality over individuality. Always, hands down - it just has more fruit to offer - the other is barren. I also say it "individuality" makes people distrust another and sows deceit, lies, backstabbing and contempt. Also, You can say whatever you want in Australia, Poland, New Zealand, the UK, whatever... so why's America "free" somehow.
I feel the Masonic individuality which this country was founded upon, is a quiet/internal one that doesn't need verbal external validation. I've met Masons, I've been around them. They are some of the quietest, calmest people I know. I feel this "individuality" we have now is a gross exaggeration and distortion of an ideal.
What do you all think? Is this true? Anyone who's been alive all this time to see if it's actually true - has it always been this way?


Why would the elites want us to be loud/outspoken and "individual" in the first place? We know we are just serfdom of Britain... so what could elites possibly gain by letting us be like this? Maybe it just disrupts societies.
I'm sorry to be a part of this country. I really truly, Am. This is the only forum where I could openly express such feelings.

Other Americans apparently like to ramble on about pointless things...

I figure that it's REAL common for Americans tend to think "agreement equals defeat." I did a thread on this a while back, if you feel like looking into it. I've recently heard about America having a "negative identity," meaning that they think about what they're not instead of what they are. Seems to have a "downcasting" effect, since it certainly doesn't stop anyone from imposing what they would prefer if they were in the same situation as someone else.

As for saying what you want, it seems there's more & more potential for getting locked-up in at least the UK for what you say (stories abound & seem to generally involve muslims). America is getting like this, too. People getting fired for putting their views on Twitter & such. Not "I'm planning on killing everyone at work" stuff, either.

Dragon wrote:Other Americans apparently like to ramble on about pointless things...

Apparently, some people can't contribute anything worthwhile, and are incredibly useless.

.

Not only do Americans love to argue, but more and more, Americans love to shoot and kill everyone who doesn't agree with them!

Ghost wrote:I imagine it has to do with lack of identity and community, something of an overcompensation for not having any substance in your life.

Most Americans have no life outside of their job and do not get involved with their community or have any hobbies or do anything else that is worthwhile. No wonder why so many in the US have no identity, they have no life.

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AW Warning wrote:Not only do Americans love to argue, but more and more, Americans love to shoot and kill everyone who doesn't agree with them!

There are two ways to get rid of bullies.
1: Try to stop people from being bullies, that obviously hasn't worked.
2: Stop people from being faggy little twats. Best way to do that. Bullies.

Your message reminded me of that bit.
2 ways to gain agreement. 1: Discuss things which doesn't work, 2: shoot anyone who disagrees.

Or we could just try creating a better culture. ..

Eric wrote:Or we could just try creating a better culture. ..

I am with Harry Browne on this one.

In regarding any campaign for change. This is from memory.

1: Am I actually right and will I have these same views say 10 years from now. Will these changes have other unforeseen effects that make a change worse than the current situation.
2: Even if I am right, will said change have any chance of happening. Other people have other views.
3: Even if I do succeed, will things be done in the way I want them to be done, or will things get hijacked in some negative way.

Also being a bit of a lazy selfish cunt adjacent guy.
Do I have the connections and personal charisma to have any effect what so ever on the issue. If I don't, why bother if it has no chance of happening or if said change is pretty much inevitable no matter what I do.

A college or university, I believe in Vermont banned plastic water bottles.
1: People switched from water to soft drinks. Not healthy.
2: Even more plastic waste was produced because water bottles are thinner than other bottles.
Unintended consequences.