Happier Abroad Forum Community

I'm 35 years old and lived in Asia for 7 years and recently just moved back to America. I lived in the Philippines and Thailand but did a little time in China too. Most if not all of the sex and even relationships I had in Asia were P4P arrangements of one kind or another. A couple times it took me a while to realize I was just getting used and ended up getting really hurt.

It really isn't about sex for me anymore. I just want a wholesome relationship with a woman who honestly loves me, and I was unable to find that in Asia. A lot of you guys only seem to be in it for the P4P and that's cool but what should I do at this point in my life? I feel like I'm having my midlife crisis a few years early.

MarcosZeitola wrote:You already know the answer, don't you?

Find a good woman and settle down. Become a one woman guy. It's the right thing to do and infinitely more satisfying.

I tried to do that in Asia for years and failed. If finding a good woman and settling down were that easy I would have done it years ago. Maybe I will have more luck now that I am back in America but I doubt it. Maybe I should try another part of the world, I don't know.

Im finding the good women in philippine are just sneaky gold diggers with an agenda. I thought my nurse girl was gonna be quality but it seems like she just wants lavish vacations and a ticket out of their ASAP and yet wants to bore the hell out of me with long conversations and no sex or kiss or hug? WTF? . And then the rest are ugly or scammers or bargirls. Where are the girls that are good and believe in love?

i have a girlfriend now that just mooches off me but i trust her but I have to wonder how she would feel about me if i stopped buying her food and sent her home. I think she would still like me cause she even one time said ok ill go home everyday. and she really doesn't demand a lot from me like some filipinas might for what i give in return (no promise of love or ocming back). So i guess bstyle would consider that p4p but i dont. You can sort of get a p4p vibe most relationshps the girl will be poor and mooch off you but that doesn't automatically mean p4p. Is that what you were trying to stay bstyle? Or did the girls try to ask for money and tons of expensive gifts and then cheat on your ass?

I hate to say it but i sort of agree with you. I may start looking for an american wife LOL


I think someone needs to create a forum called happier back in america again.

Bstyle wrote:I'm 35 years old and lived in Asia for 7 years and recently just moved back to America. I lived in the Philippines and Thailand but did a little time in China too. Most if not all of the sex and even relationships I had in Asia were P4P arrangements of one kind or another. A couple times it took me a while to realize I was just getting used and ended up getting really hurt.

It really isn't about sex for me anymore. I just want a wholesome relationship with a woman who honestly loves me, and I was unable to find that in Asia. A lot of you guys only seem to be in it for the P4P and that's cool but what should I do at this point in my life? I feel like I'm having my midlife crisis a few years early.

I think it would help if you told us what you tried but didn't work.

For example did you try use dating sites like cupid?

Did you try learning and speaking the local language?

Did you try meeting women through friends?

Stop believing in fairy tales

Bstyle wrote:It really isn't about sex for me anymore. I just want a wholesome relationship with a woman who honestly loves me, and I was unable to find that in Asia.

Some creatures such as cats and women generally become attached to situations rather than people. You would probably be happier if you accepted that. If you can't find a suitable female in Asia then your chances in the West are bleak.

newlifeinphilippines wrote:I hate to say it but i sort of agree with you. I may start looking for an american wife LOL


I think soemoen needs to create a forum called happier back in america again.

I think there needs to be more realistic information about what a white guy or any foreigner can expect in Asia. You will not find true love nor will you be the object of lust. In countries like the Philippines you can get mooching gold-diggers or do lots of P4P fairly cheap. The latter is a much better idea and will end up being cheaper. Expecting anything more than that will end in tears.

Bstyle wrote: You will not find true love nor will you be the object of lust.

If the English teaching market had been more stable I could probably have found true love at least to the extent that such a thing exists and I was certainly the object of lust, albeit generally from girls too young for me to reciprocate. It depends on a lot of things.

Well...I disagree with Bstyle: I find the women in China much better than American women, but the term AWALT (All Women are like that) applies everywhere: you won't find perfect women anywhere in the world, due to Westernization and increasing materialism in the world.

But, dude, if you couldn't succeed with women in Asia, then...no offense, you're pretty hopeless. Having said that, why don't you try Latin America, Eastern Europe or Africa? You know...Asia is not the only destination in the world to get women.

Bstyle wrote:

newlifeinphilippines wrote:I hate to say it but i sort of agree with you. I may start looking for an american wife LOL


I think soemoen needs to create a forum called happier back in america again.

I think there needs to be more realistic information about what a white guy or any foreigner can expect in Asia. You will not find true love nor will you be the object of lust. In countries like the Philippines you can get mooching gold-diggers or do lots of P4P fairly cheap. The latter is a much better idea and will end up being cheaper. Expecting anything more than that will end in tears.

A man can't let his d**k do his thinking for him. In all the posts you see on this and other sites, a fact that sometimes gets lost is that you have to demonstrate cultural compatibility with your would-be long-term partner. When you bond with a woman, you're not just getting her, or even her and her immediate/extended family. You're bringing along for the ride all of the perceptions, priorities, and taboos of her culture.

For example, are you adverse to hierarchical structures, preferring instead to deal with bosses eye-to-eye and feeling free to question things with which you don't agree? Further, would you characterize yourself as an individualist, or as a collectivist? If a man favors top-down organization and group identification, then a country like the Philippines might be for him. If, however, he prefers decentralization and tends to self-identify, then East Asian nations such as the Philippines might not be at all to his liking, at least not in the long term.

Along these lines, I recommend that you consult the Geert-Hofstede web site for more information about where various nations stand in regards to hierarchy, individualism, masculinity, personal indulgence, and so forth. Here's the link to the Philippines web page:

http://geert-hofstede.com/philippines.html

I understand your frustration. I lived in Malaysia for six months, a country whose Geert-Hofstede scores for both hierarchy (power distance) and individualism were even more extreme than those for the Philippines. However, I never viewed that country as the place where I wanted to spend the rest of my days - it was a "pit stop" along the road, a place where I could learn things about both myself and the surrounding culture. Accordingly, my relationships with women there were short-term and mutually beneficial.

Do your homework to find out where you'll best fit in. Doing so will give you your best chance to exit your midlife crisis as quickly and as smoothly as possible.

bstyle were things better a few years ago? Cause some are saying maybe 4 or 5 years ago cebu for example was easy to score. Or do you think its always been the same p4p and poor moocher and gold digger story?

Eventually it goes off-world, Inter-dimensional and manipulation. Being from a country of 1.2 billion, One would think finding the love of his life would be quite easy....Conversely, I thought people in developed world would find the love easily as they have more money to travel around to find the one. At the beginning no one wants P4P, sleeping around, when we are innocent and young, we just want pure love and settle down with the one.

I remember growing up in India, falling in love with the one girl I really really liked, nothing else mattered no looks, no religion, no money, no race, no education background etc ..It was pure bliiss for few months and then it was taken away from me...She moved to another town and one barrier after another kept me from meeting her...

Our life circumstances make us go into P4P and sleep around, but deep inside, we all are looking for the ONE. There is some external force that makes us NOT wanna meet the ONE. Our Twin Flame is distributed across the planet for most not to be together easily. Even billions can't find you true love.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/201 ... ement.html

Russian Billionaire with the costliest divorce in history. He had all the money to get the ONE..yet he failed.

However, This force is not stupid, It gives few to find their love so that others are kept in perpetual limbo with HOPE and then their is this Never Ending Debate and argument on who is right and wrong and its usually all our fault not the society.

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My point is we shouldn't blame people who are not able to find the women they are seeking...and get into P4P, endless dating cycle.

If sleeping around was the end of humanity, People wouldn't be writing here...would they?...Most here are writing to find love and settle down eventually. Even after sleeping around, we are left with this feeling of emptiness, a void.

Also, Just because, someone is not able to find true love, does not mean, we need to force him to settle down for what he does not like so that he comes out of endless dating cycles and one night stands. A sort of Compromise on who he really is.....Whats the point in that...He will cheat again, if forced to settle down...and we have countless stories of it...That's not the solution and what happens for the true love out there, thats waiting for it to be found..It would never be found, when we compromise.

Isn't it the point of this whole website and what Winston Truly is and was able to achieve as he refuse to settle down, he explored what HE IS...

We all have experienced the feeling of TRUE LOVE at some point in our life...The moment we get that, nothing else will matter...The entire environment around us changes the moment we are with the ONE. There is no longer a strong sex drive to sleep around..Everything negative just vanishes away. This feeling is so strong, everything becomes Natural ..You don't have to try hard...Its just is...

Its not your fault..Even P4P, dating around has very deep meaning for your life...This force just don't want you to find your true love and be an evolved stronger being, so that you can help others find their way as well. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND.

BE WARE....Everyone..Those who are into P4P, dating around and one night stands etc...Be Ware of people finding fault in you, and saying take responsibility for your actions, IMPROVE YOURSELF ETC ETC ETC....They just don't understand you fully.

Finding Fault in a human being is one of THE greatest tragedies of our society and rubbing it further with saying take responsibility for your actions and improve..When people say that...They really don't have a clue..What humanity really is..Why they were created and whats their true mission is and what kind of hell they are going through in this phase in their evolutionary period. Finding fault in a human being just gives more fuel for the Evil to manipulate us further..There is no tough love in it...Seriously, People really really really DO NOT HAVE A CLUE WHO YOU ARE ....that's why they say things that devolves us further...


We are trying our best...Dude..You are perfect...Its not your fault...

More power to you....You will find your true love eventually. Guaranteed. Just go on what you are doing. There is nothing wrong with you at all. Even thinking that is a sin for the reason you are here. You are a Perfect Being, meant to Evolve and Go Beyond...

[quote="newlifeinphilippines"]bstyle were things better a few years ago? Cause some are saying maybe 4 or 5 years ago cebu for example was easy to score. Or do you think its always been the same p4p and poor moocher and gold digger story?[/quote]
My first visit to the Philippines was to a small city in Iloilo province in 2008. I went there to meet a woman who I met on a dating website and she ended up robbing me. Tried to talk to some other girls there but couldn't find one interested in me. I went to Manila after that and ended up going on a P4P spree. I probably nailed like 50 prostitutes. Before that I thought P4P was beneath me, but after being a desert dick for 4 years I just said f**k it. I left to go back to Thailand but then I came back in 2009 to Cebu where I got a job teaching English to Korean students. Stayed for a year and did a little bit of traveling around the country before going back to Thailand again. I went back to the Philippines a couple more times for short visits, the last was in 2012 but I never went back to Cebu city after I left in 2010. I doubt Cebu changed that much since then though, at least as far as women and gold digging goes. The smaller cities were no different in that regard either.