Happier Abroad Forum Community

I found this on another discussion forum. They are talking about why Americans are so cliquish and anti social. Here is an excerpt from the original poster.

If you're like me, you never had anywhere to sit at lunch time in high school. When you were at a school dance, party, or any social gathering, you were standing alone with no one to talk to. Sure, you could sit at a table filled with people, but you wouldn't be participating in any discussion, just listening. Everyone just wondered why you were there in the first place.

It seems as if you are not part of a group or clique, you are completely alone. I remember college orientation where it was my first opportunity to meet new people and make new friends. When I walked into the huge room where all the new freshman had gathered, I became angry and depressed. Everyone was already in their own groups, their own cliques. They seemed to have known each other from high school. It was hard to find people like me who were alone.

American society is cliquish. It's not acceptable to talk to strangers anymroe. You walk up to someone on the street to have a conversation and they are immediately suspicious of you. I'm tired of walking everywhere and seeing people in groups. Groups are meant to block others. The point of a clique is to keep other people out. Everyone is in their own little tribes in America, people are not open.

Here is what other people on that forum have said regarding Americans cliquishness and anti social behavior.

It is hard to penetrate groups, and you can't just go up to people and approach them. It's usually understandable, but the hostility to lone individuals in our society is disturbing. Since making friends involves knowing at least one person and hanging out with one initial group, the starting point for that as a socially anxious person is quite difficult. Sometimes I don't know if I really want friends, but rather community.

So true, America really sucks sometimes. That happened to me to at college orientation everyone found there groups ands they could care less if your being attacked by tigers, if your alone, they don't want to even ackowlage your existence it's a sad mentality.

It's not just America. I experience the same thing in Australia. I also recall on my first orientation day at uni that everyone had already made friends. I don't know when or where. It's completely bizarre. But this happens everywhere I go. I am always being left out and left behind.

I found this explanation of America's 'anti social' behavior.' It makes a lot of sense.

There's another aspect to it too. Individualism. When I moved out of the US, I read that Australia was much more teamwork focused, less individual oriented, etc, and when I interviewed, I got the whole slew of questions to reinforce this. The US is probably one of the least socialist western nations. Every man for himself. They pride the entrepreneur, putting him on a pedestal of achievement.

Sure, other countries have the same thing with their sports/music/movie stars, but America makes this the everyman goal. Success in America is starting at the bottom and clawing and fighting your way to the top through any means necessary. This kind of behaviour gets rewarded financially and socially. It doesn't matter if you have to step on others on the way up... competition is the american way and the rebel is a cultural icon. America is the culture of the antisocial.


http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-p ... 15-90.html

I found this explanation of Americans unfriendly behavior towards others.

I think Americans are taught to mind their own business. This mean's not talking to anyone unless needed, ignore the problems of others, and to avoid conflict that draws attention to themselves. I've lived in a few different countries myself, and I've noticed that Americans are very "to the point" HAVE to be on time and make their schedules very strict. They don't greet each other the same way as any other country. Unless they have a relationship with you they ignore socializing with others at all costs just to get things done.

When I was on temporary assignment in France, everyone would shake everyone else's hand when they arrived in the morning. They even shook my hand and greeted me even though they knew I was only temporary. At the end of the day, everyone would make sure to say goodbye to everyone else before leaving. In America, we don't even want to make eye contact with other people if we pass them in the hall.


http://www.experienceproject.com/questi ... dly/338347

It is hard to penetrate groups, and you can't just go up to people and approach them. It's usually understandable, but the hostility to lone individuals in our society is disturbing. Since making friends involves knowing at least one person and hanging out with one initial group, the starting point for that as a socially anxious person is quite difficult. Sometimes I don't know if I really want friends, but rather community.

I can attest to this. For years, I had been told that I was the one with social problems; I'd been admonished to "reach out", "You have to take the initiative" and so on. Well-meaning relatives and teachers, professors, etc., flat-out disbelieved that I was doing just that, constantly, only to be treated like I was either a leper or psychotic just for going up to people and trying to chat casually, inviting them to hang out sometime and things like that. There was just this impenetrable culture of ice-cold disdain for anybody who didn't know you already for years and years. People would tell me that I had to know people in order to meet people. It was totally circular.

I blamed myself, and racked my brain trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I dressed and talked like anybody else; I wasn't some smelly, bearded loon caked in mud and vodka or anything. I was friendly, yet low-key and not at all pushy or overdoing anything at any point. I was in a local area where I'd lived for most of my life. There was nothing about me that should have pegged me as such a pariah.

It took me until I was WELL into my mid-twenties, maybe even late twenties IIRC, to figure out that it really could be that they were the weirdos with the problem, and not me, despite their huge numerical majority over me. Realizing this simple fact for the first time blew my mind; and while it made me fairly angry, disillusioned and disgusted with them, it also set me free in a lot of good ways.

So true, America really sucks sometimes. That happened to me to at college orientation everyone found there groups ands they could care less if your being attacked by tigers, if your alone, they don't want to even ackowlage your existence it's a sad mentality.

I don't even want to begin describing here the two decades of American indifference to medical challenges of mine, nor the callousness with which they treated a certain friend of mine who is no longer with us today.

It's not just America. I experience the same thing in Australia. I also recall on my first orientation day at uni that everyone had already made friends. I don't know when or where. It's completely bizarre. But this happens everywhere I go. I am always being left out and left behind.

People in major UK cities have sat in huge crowds on their public buses and tube (subway in the US) trains, staring resolutely at their feet during beatings and stabbings in progress.

Anglo-Saxons are psychopaths, and I no longer give a shit who thinks me racist toward them for saying so point-blank. The stereotype is true. They're cold-blooded and different from other people; they really are.

I got it now! I think i know now why people form cliques naturally and I can't which none of u could answer. A Jewish scholar I've been listening to named Dr. Shmuel Asher said that social cliques form because the members process data and the world around them the same way, so they are more alike than unalike.

If u think about it that makes sense. So friendships and cliques are not really about common interests or agreement after all. Nor are they about being nice and kind to others. If u think about it those u resonate with the most process data the same way u do.

Thats why Asperger's people tend to relate well to each other with a comfort zone that they cant with normies. Not because the aspies agree on politics, religion or social issues. But because they process info the same way. So u see shared interests are not enough. Thats why when u go to church the people there don't feel like your real friends. Because religion doesn't create resonance or genuine friendship. It just brainwashes you.

This explains why feral cats form together and feral dogs form packs with other feral dogs. They process data similarly.

So u see i was right. Its not about social skills or being kind or nice or verbal or communication skills. You can be the most outgoing guy but if u dont process info the same way others do they will feel awkward around u and vice versa.

What do u think? Is this the solution ive been looking for? So basically I can be as open and outgoing as i want. But if i don't process data and the world like others they will not resonate with me even if we agree on stuff.

The sad part is that even if I am super unique and process data different from everyone else then i will have few or no friends regardless of how open or outgoing or social i am. This is why most people are awkward and impossible to connect with right? Because they process info differently than me. So American culture is wrong to presume that only shy or introverted or aspie people have few or no friends. Being talkative has nothing to do with it after all, just as I expected.

So the old adage is not true then that says "to have a friend you must be a friend". Being a loyal friend isn't enough. There has to be resonance in that u both process data the same way.

What do u think? Is this the key to understanding why normies dont like me?

If you go to Germany and other Germanic countries like the Nordic countries you will notice this same kind of behavior except maybe three or four times worse. They simply don't speak to people in any social manner unless you're known personally. British culture and language is really seeded from ancient Germany. American culture gets most of its roots from Britain. Same with Australia. This is a distinct western European cultural trait that is only worsening with all of the new technology. Don't expect it to ever get better.