The core problem: Your mentality vs American mentality

[OTB]

What I'm going to talk about in this post is something that I realized as a teenager and I believe is why I only dated one American girl which wasn't until I was 24. It's something that is on my mind quite often. It's the reason why, I believe, four different people have told me they can't see me with an American girl.

It's because my mindset and personality are the complete opposite of the average American. Look, I'm not boasting or trying to put myself above anyone. I'm a man. Flesh and blood. However, I've always felt I didn't fit into this culture nor did I ever want to. American culture, if you want to say it has culture, I find to be boring and trendy. I've always felt like that. Yes the US has some nice spots but it's void of true culture. Some would debate this but this is my opinion. Now, the things that most Americans esteem to be so important I couldn't care less about. My way of thinking is just the total opposite. I don't care about American television, watching sports, attending sporting events, or main stream American music. I've never been a beer/hard liquor drinking type of guy nor do I like bars and clubs. I'm just not a fan of American pop culture AT ALL. The only thing I like are American films and I'm even selective with that.

I said all that to say, even if American women were great and the pick of good women were plentiful I would still have a difficult time being with one because my mindset is the complete opposite. I don't care about the country or the things it throws at me that it feels should be relished as some great thing. My personality is too different for American women. There are some that could appreciate a guy like me but it's very few. We live in the land of what....? CLONES AND SHEEP. And to have a relationship with most AW you would have to possess that predictable American mentality. Most of them, and MEN TOO, don't think outside the box. You see the type of men they gravitate towards. If you don't fall into one of those categories I've mentioned it'll be difficult establishing a relationship with one. Not in all cases but most. Enough said.

This post is not about bashing AW. It's about knowing that I'm different and I don't fit being with an American women. Most likely being with one, for even a few months, she'll pick up on that and may be intimidated or turned off. However, a real woman gravitates toward a real man and that's usually found in foreign women. They want someone true to who they are instead of allowing themselves to be molded by society so they can fit in and not feel socially isolated.

Now, I know some of you may be thinking...then why OTB are you considering giving American women a chance or that black girl you told us about? Well, like I said I have to learn through experience. Even though I know most AW will find me completely different from the average American guy I have to have experiences. People always tell me you need to get out there and start dating women. You're 30. You have to put yourself out there. My father says, there is someone about 15 minutes away from you looking for someone JUST...LIKE...YOU. We'll see. He's says you have to be more aggressive in finding a woman. I'm not because most of them just don't resonate with my personality. But like I said, I'll give it a shot. I say it but I have no energy in pursuing most of them I see. So it's not so much that AW are horrible mates. That is one reason, but it's also the feeling that I'm not compatible with most of them no matter what their ethnicity is. But you never know.

My question to you guys is, has anyone felt this way? Do you feel that your personality is just very different and that an AW just doesn't fit your personality or way of thinking?

[Falcon]

I also feel this way. See my thread here (especially the second post) viewtopic.php?t=11828 .

I do not care about sports, and do not enjoy mainstream American pop music, Hollywood movies, junk TV shows, or the latest "surfer dude" or "valley kid" fashions.

[Taco]

My question to you guys is, has anyone felt this way? Do you feel that your personality is just very different and that an AW just doesn't fit your personality or way of thinking?

Sure, I've felt this way my entire life, I dumped every American girlfriend I ever had. After a few weeks or a few months of dating I just lost interest in them, it takes a lot of testosterone to keep a guy interested in them and I just don't have it.

If your an optimist you date American women. If your a pesimist you date foreign women and if your really pesimistic you leave the country permanantly to date foreign women. However, theres nothing wrong with being a pesimist, it proves your intelligent.

Like Dave Chapelle(scroll down)

http://ballerwives.com/2009/07/03/comed ... doza-erfe/

[OTB]

If your an optimist you date American women. If your a pesimist you date foreign women and if your really pesimistic you leave the country permanantly to date foreign women. However, theres nothing wrong with being a pesimist, it proves your intelligent.

Taco, that is a good way to put it. I like that. I am a pessimist with the idea that there are some good apples out there. That's why I always say, you never know. I try to keep an open mind about the small number of eligible AW that may be compatible with me, but the large majority of them just don't fit my personality. I don't care what state you come from.

[asianwomaninamerica]

[edit]

[E_Irizarry]

@OTB,

Why do you have to be aggressive towards a woman? When I had gone to Brazil and the Philippines, I had women holler at me!!!!! Why do men always have to chase women down in this western piece of ca-ca U.S. of Gay?!
Yes, a man should be aggressive, but damn, in America, a man has to be aggressive ALL THE DAMN time in order to get what he wants. Most American women realize they don't have to work hard because captain save-a-ho's, manginas and simps
already have spoiled them with all the attention receiving they get from those douche-assclown bags.

No LIttle Richard (in lieu of saying the adecuated "No Homo" slogan), but you are not an ugly dude. You need to take your Jack Napier-looking Julian St. Jox looking ass to Brazil and let the hot Brasilerinha's stick their fingers and/or
tongue up your prostate man while she is looking up at you sucking you off without batting an eye yo!! If you are secure with your manhood, you wouldn't mind a hot looking woman doing that to you and you both get off on that. It's a beautiful thing, dude!!

But don't let a man do it. GTFOH with that shit, but I'm digressing.

[S_Parc]

Most American women realize they don't have to work hard because captain save-a-ho's, manginas and simps
already have spoiled them with all the attention receiving they get from those douche-assclown bags.

Now that's a cool expression, take what was Captain America and now, he's a pussywhipped dufus, out to save Femi-Nazis from facing the truth

[Capster78]

What I'm going to talk about in this post is something that I realized as a teenager and I believe is why I only dated one American girl which wasn't until I was 24. It's something that is on my mind quite often. It's the reason why, I believe, four different people have told me they can't see me with an American girl.

It's because my mindset and personality are the complete opposite of the average American. Look, I'm not boasting or trying to put myself above anyone. I'm a man. Flesh and blood. However, I've always felt I didn't fit into this culture nor did I ever want to. American culture, if you want to say it has culture, I find to be boring and trendy. I've always felt like that. Yes the US has some nice spots but it's void of true culture. Some would debate this but this is my opinion. Now, the things that most Americans esteem to be so important I couldn't care less about. My way of thinking is just the total opposite. I don't care about American television, watching sports, attending sporting events, or main stream American music. I've never been a beer/hard liquor drinking type of guy nor do I like bars and clubs. I'm just not a fan of American pop culture AT ALL. The only thing I like are American films and I'm even selective with that.

I said all that to say, even if American women were great and the pick of good women were plentiful I would still have a difficult time being with one because my mindset is the complete opposite. I don't care about the country or the things it throws at me that it feels should be relished as some great thing. My personality is too different for American women. There are some that could appreciate a guy like me but it's very few. We live in the land of what....? CLONES AND SHEEP. And to have a relationship with most AW you would have to possess that predictable American mentality. Most of them, and MEN TOO, don't think outside the box. You see the type of men they gravitate towards. If you don't fall into one of those categories I've mentioned it'll be difficult establishing a relationship with one. Not in all cases but most. Enough said.

This post is not about bashing AW. It's about knowing that I'm different and I don't fit being with an American women. Most likely being with one, for even a few months, she'll pick up on that and may be intimidated or turned off. However, a real woman gravitates toward a real man and that's usually found in foreign women. They want someone true to who they are instead of allowing themselves to be molded by society so they can fit in and not feel socially isolated.

Now, I know some of you may be thinking...then why OTB are you considering giving American women a chance or that black girl you told us about? Well, like I said I have to learn through experience. Even though I know most AW will find me completely different from the average American guy I have to have experiences. People always tell me you need to get out there and start dating women. You're 30. You have to put yourself out there. My father says, there is someone about 15 minutes away from you looking for someone JUST...LIKE...YOU. We'll see. He's says you have to be more aggressive in finding a woman. I'm not because most of them just don't resonate with my personality. But like I said, I'll give it a shot. I say it but I have no energy in pursuing most of them I see. So it's not so much that AW are horrible mates. That is one reason, but it's also the feeling that I'm not compatible with most of them no matter what their ethnicity is. But you never know.

My question to you guys is, has anyone felt this way? Do you feel that your personality is just very different and that an AW just doesn't fit your personality or way of thinking?

From expirience, yes. I have had many failed relationships with american women and came to realize Im just different, or maybe its more accurate to say im indifferent to them. American women have to many demands and expectations. Many of them are centered around what they want with little regaurd to what you want. That was just not going to fly with me anymore. Once I realized that I don't need to change myself to please a woman, I stopped trying. When I lived overseas, I found that women there accepted me for who I was and did not try to model me to fit her list of expectations.

[OTB]

@Falcon and @Taco

You guys feel the same way I see. You know our personalities are not a good match for these women. Due to this feeling, it's another reason I don't have the energy to approach them, start a conversation, and feel like I have to perform to get her interested me. Most of them are predictable and just not compatible with the type of person I am. From experience foreign women gravitate towards me with no hesitation for a number of reasons. Not because I'm American as some may think. I always felt that in my travels I connected with the local women because of my mindset and personality and the fact that I speak Spanish. Being able to connect with them in their language automatically created an interest in me. It was like, wow, this American is different. He speaks Spanish. We instantly had a connection just because of the language. This reveals your personality. I've had the best experiences with women ABROAD because I feel like they "get me". American women don't "get me". I'm just different or, I should say, we're different in a positive way. Something that is frowned upon by most Americans regardless of gender.

@Falcon

At Southern California university campuses, most couples in relationships either have these features in common with each other, or are new immigrants with each other. These apply to ANY American-raised college kid, whether white, black, Asian, Hispanic, or mixed.

These aren't crude stereotypes, but are actual observations I've made through living in Southern California. They're such common norms that people here don't even realize that they're actually features of an American consumerist culture that some folks may have trouble adapting to; they're just "default." This is what nearly all the American college girls here have in common, except for the new immigrants of course. If you don't have at least some of the following, you're simply not going to "click" with the other girls on campus, EVEN if you're very good-looking or have a great personality.

- Valley girl accent
- Social networking addiction, especially Facebook
- Use "like" in many of your sentences
- The typical SoCal suburban wear, such as Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle
- Own an iPhone, iPod, SmartPhone, BlackBerry, or at least some other related gadget so you won't appear "technologically behind"
- Be obsessed with American entertainment - e.g., pop songs, movies
- Participate in the college drinking and partying scene, and maybe also the notorious hookup scene
- Go to Las Vegas or San Francisco for vacation
- Know about California sports, such as basketball, baseball, football tournaments
- "Hang out" with a group of friends by going shopping or to the movies, and text them before you do. Take lots of pics with everyone so you can post them all on Facebook later.

Alas, I don't have ANY of the above. I do different things and have different interests. I don't own any Apple or portable music devices, not even a TV. I've never worn Abercrombie before in my life either. Don't get me wrong - I'm not a boring person. I visit ethnic neighborhoods, hike, bike, read interesting books, drive around the countryside, meet new folks, and so on.

People point out that there are so many girls on campus, so why on earth would I eschew them and go to Mexico instead? I just don't have any of the features listed above. No one will ever say it out loud, but you'll be "different" or perhaps even "weird" if you don't.

EXACTLY FALCON!! You see it. It's so obvious.

[momopi]

If you don't like Abercrombie & Fitch, try shopping at Buffalo Exchange stores instead. Inventory changes daily, every visit can be a surprise.

http://www.buffaloexchange.com/

[leavingusa]

"I don't care about American television, watching sports, attending sporting events, or main stream American music. I've never been a beer/hard liquor drinking type of guy nor do I like bars and clubs. I'm just not a fan of American pop culture AT ALL. The only thing I like are American films and I'm even selective with that. "

Man, if you don't like doing any of those things you're going to be spending a lot of time alone.

I only know because I do as well.

Another thing - if you don't spend all your paycheck on status symbols people assume you are poor and unsuccessful.

I saw this kid filling up his lexus a while back wearing a Giant food uniform...I was thinking man I make over 100k and I can't keep up with the competition from 20 year olds. Of course I could pay cash for that car tomorrow and that dude can barely afford gas but nobody knows that.

[S_Parc]

I only know because I do as well.

Another thing - if you don't spend all your paycheck on status symbols people assume you are poor and unsuccessful.

I saw this kid filling up his lexus a while back wearing a Giant food uniform...I was thinking man I make over 100k and I can't keep up with the competition from 20 year olds. Of course I could pay cash for that car tomorrow and that dude can barely afford gas but nobody knows that.

Can always rent a status symbol, like a Lexus, for a weekend or whenever you want to make a splash. Otherwise, keep that old Camry/Accord/Corolla/Altima for your daily needs. When you sell 'em in 7-8 years, they usually still have 40% of their original sticker value.

[leavingusa]

I only know because I do as well.

Another thing - if you don't spend all your paycheck on status symbols people assume you are poor and unsuccessful.

I saw this kid filling up his lexus a while back wearing a Giant food uniform...I was thinking man I make over 100k and I can't keep up with the competition from 20 year olds. Of course I could pay cash for that car tomorrow and that dude can barely afford gas but nobody knows that.

Can always rent a status symbol, like a Lexus, for a weekend or whenever you want to make a splash. Otherwise, keep that old Camry/Accord/Corolla/Altima for your daily needs. When you sell 'em in 7-8 years, they usually still have 40% of their original sticker value.

The problem is I don't care about making a splashm we are on different wavelengths. They think I'm losing the game but I'm not playing that particular game.

I tend to judge other people and myself more on things like talent, ability, knowledge or character.

[S_Parc]

I only know because I do as well.

Another thing - if you don't spend all your paycheck on status symbols people assume you are poor and unsuccessful.

I saw this kid filling up his lexus a while back wearing a Giant food uniform...I was thinking man I make over 100k and I can't keep up with the competition from 20 year olds. Of course I could pay cash for that car tomorrow and that dude can barely afford gas but nobody knows that.

Can always rent a status symbol, like a Lexus, for a weekend or whenever you want to make a splash. Otherwise, keep that old Camry/Accord/Corolla/Altima for your daily needs. When you sell 'em in 7-8 years, they usually still have 40% of their original sticker value.

The problem is I don't care about making a splashm we are on different wavelengths. They think I'm losing the game but I'm not playing that particular game.

I tend to judge other people and myself more on things like talent, ability, knowledge or character.

Sorry, my mistake. I was referring to taking potential clients out, after a conference, using a rented Lexus SUV, etc. Rather than an older Camry/Altima/Corolla.

As for impressing AWs, f'k them. One's better off, spending that cash on a Montreal GFE escort.

[eurobrat]

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