I had also created these threads strongly supporting HappierAbroad's basic tenets.
MEXICO: Success Story from an Asian-American College Student
My Mexican girlfriend vs. American college girls
RESEARCH: Mexican men prefer Mexico women over U.S. women
Thoughts on Moderation in HappierAbroad
Overall, I am impressed by this site and truly do believe many things mentioned here can and should be investigated from a sound academic perspective. That's why Steve Nesse's research page is so tremendously important, since it gives HappierAbroad legitimate credibility. http://www.happierabroad.com/Research.htm
But here are my thoughts on some things that can be improved at HappierAbroad if we are to sound more intelligent and coherent. This is intended to be friendly constructive criticism aimed at making all of us better, and making the most out of our lives. Many of us are highly educated, articulate, intelligent, and very thoughtful individuals. But as a whole, I'm sure we can do better.
Every movement has its fundamentalists and extremists, including ours. How to be a moderate HA'er:
(1) AVOID BLACK-AND-WHITE DICHOTOMIES: "ONLY AMERICA IS BAD"
- I know, many of us have been traumatized by the American dating scene and find it hard to see the good sides of America. But we need to use sound observational skills, rather than let those years of built-up anger and frustration completely take over our critical thinking. It's OK to feel like wounded pigs for a bit and rant non-stop about our troubles. But we need to move on from that quickly and start thinking like insightful sociologists and marriage counselors.
- The black-and-white dichotomies often mentioned here is way too simplistic. We need to think in terms of trends and transitions. In other words, think in shades of gray. In my posts, I try to emphasize that what I'm saying does not apply to all individuals of a certain group. The "American hell" vs. "Russian/Filipino paradise" model is not a sound one.
- Even worse is when we flip-flop between "100% good" and "100% bad." For example, the "Filipinas are the best" threads vs. "Filipinas are incredibly immature" threads. We need to be realistic and see them as they are.
- Here's a good description:
"The Philippines is a great place to find genuine romance which sharply contrasts with that of dating and social scenes in many First World countries. However, it can also be overcrowded, unsanitary, and corrupt at times. Their cheerful and friendly attitudes can be seen as adaptations of trying to make the most out of an environment that can oftentimes be harsh and difficult. Yet the adventurous challenges of finding love in this friendly yet tough country can be highly rewarding."
(2) ABOUT THE UNITED STATES
- The United States is still one of the best places to live in the world. The education, freedom, social services, and ethnic diversity are still quite amazing, even though we've gone downhill quite a bit. That's why so many people moved here in the first place. True, all this comes at the cost of social estrangement. But everything has its upsides and downsides (and people don't agree on what the upsides and downsides are).
- According to Alexa, about 25% of all our site traffic is from South Asian countries such as Pakistan and India. South Asians males are very sexually frustrated as well due to the social dynamics there. Don't forget China, where the gender imbalance is incredibly bad. Many Western Europeans and Australians also just have it as bad as the Americans.
- Let me emphasize again: Make sure to mention the downsides of foreign countries! Paint a balanced picture. The "going abroad" solution is challenging, but rewarding; prepare accordingly, not according to unrealistic expectations.
(3) AVOID OVER-FOCUSING ON WOMEN'S PHYSICAL APPEARANCES
- First of all, we should be focusing on women's personalities and inner traits, and other occasionally mention the looks. Looks come and go. The "hot girl" threads are disappointing, because a truly good woman is not the same as a "hot" one. They also make us look like dumb sex maniacs rather, rather insightful folks looking for the meaningful relationships that are so difficult to find in America.
- American women aren't that bad looking. Sure, the middle-age divorced American women can be out of shape, but many American women are still quite physically attractive. As a university student, I see plenty of very attractive American girls on campus. From my personal travels, I haven't seen gigantic differences in overall physical attractiveness (don't get me wrong, I'm not blind.). Each individual has unique looks that cannot be solely circumscribed or stereotyped according to a particular country.
- National origin does not completely determine a person's attractive. It's purely on an individual basis (at most, it runs in families). Claims like "Guatemalan women are ugly" and "Filipinas are all angels" do not make any sense at all.
- I don't believe this should be a sex tourism forum. For that, there are plenty of other forums that deal with it.
(4) BE REALISTIC
- "The checklist trap." Unrealistic expectations are dangerous. Especially when people have conceptions of the "perfect foreign wife" who need to fit into their checklist of preconceived notions about them. Once the two get together, they realize that people are far more than just that checklist and end up in big trouble. Instead, accept each other as who he/she is, and blend your two selves into each other.
- Someone who is "not your type" may end up being your life partner.
- Be considerate and family-oriented if you want a great foreign wife. Many foreign women might not be for you if you only like short-term relationships and hate having to take care of a family.
- Realize each relationship will have its up's and down's. It's not about avoiding troubles, since you'll always have them. It's about how to resolve the ones that life throws at you, as a mature and understanding couple.
(5) PLEASE, NO TROLLS AND NARCISSISTS
- Criticize constructively, and don't use ad hominem attacks
- Definitely post success stories as inspirations and examples, but not as ego feeders. Posting endless photos of a "hot" new Asian girlfriend won't help anyone.
Thank you everyone.