Biggest Mystery: If the USA dating scene is unwinnable, how does everyone have a wife and family?!

[publicduende]

1. Every Asian guy I know in the SF Bay Area married an Asian woman there, after going to a good university and getting a good job and being a good normie citizen. As you know, most Asian men are not good looking but kind of nerdy and dorky looking. How can that be?

You gave yourself your answer here, @Winston. If it weren't for affirmative action quotas, Asian-American kids would literally scoop up all the top scholarships at all the Ivy League colleges, all the Postgrad and PhD posts, all the law and med school spots. All of which would lead them to get most of the jobs that attract the highest social value: MD, lawyer, scientist, economist, software engineer, etc.

If the mainstream narrative weren't so obsessed about how racist the system is because Jamal and Shaheed can't get a full $150K/year scholarship just because they're black, they would probably notice that there is a story that screams "unfair" 1 million times more than that one.

Anyway the point is, for the relatively tiny Asian-american community you were born in, and then you decided to distance yourself from, the leverage effect is all on the kind of "normie citizens" they can become, once their dorkiness, and the hard work they put behind it, starts paying off and they walk into their cushy $250K jobs from the front door. Then it's quite obvious that every white woman of some brains will be happy to overlook the fact that they look like a plump version of Bruce Lee, or that Korean comedian whose name no-one remembers, and look at who they are. And I don't mean just the wallet but the very fact that they are the prototype of well-adjusted citizens: disciplined, well educated and well brought up, many still with a healthy dose of Asian-style traditional family values, less likely to cheat and more likely to be devoted hubbies and daddies.

Of all people, you, Winston, should know that you were given that chance by your family. You could have turned out like one of your cousins, the boring doctors and lawyers who got snapped up by an equally boring Asian community member and can only talk about work and their latest holidays at the ski resort.

You would have probably had a much better shot at the typical (Asian-)american upper class family: large house, 2 kids juggling 16 different extra-curricular activities since they are 5, a wife who works 12 hours a day, a dog you will perhaps see more than your wife and kids, etc.

You would have dated a nice Asian girl, maybe one who looks as good or better than the Filipinas or Chinese you found online, certainly a richer, better-adjusted and less of a psychopath one. You might have probably made your Mom & Dad happier, less worried about your present and your future. In some way, your stereotypical Asian-american future was a lot more of a straight rail track than you want to admit to yourself.

Given your preconditions, you were set to win the dating scene, and not just the dating scene. You could have won all that. But, in the process, you would have lost the most precious, essential thing of them all: the chance to be yourself.

Complaining about not getting what you could have gotten if you had been a completely different person is a logical non-sequitur. As we say in Italy, "if my granny had wheels, she would have been a bike".

I think the key here is not to ask yourself why you didn't win the Chad lottery, but what you can still do to find a woman who's good for you without having to completely lose yourself. As you approach your 50s (like I do), maybe a meek Filipina who can't engage with you on the latest conspiracy theories, yet can keep the house in order, keep you entertained in bed, and won't bitch every 30 seconds like many of those (Asian-)american "bananas" you dodged. OK, and so what? What's wrong with that?

Going against the grain, trying to live a life that doesn't belong to one's personality or identity, is never going to be easy. Complaining about it is, ultimately, useless. Why you didn't hit jackpot with a hot college blonde will always remain a mystery for you because you're not the kind of man those hot college blondes will usually mix with. I never knew it myself, in fact I couldn't even get to snogging distance with any of those hot British brunettes when I was in my primes and in the perfect community (postgrad student at University of London). One can wonder and complain, but eventually can stop wondering and complaining and move on, live with it.

Like I (and not only I) told you a few times in here, despite all of your bad qualities, you get quite a lot of respect simply because you chose to be yourself against all odds, and learned to accept the consequences, even if your inquisitive minds kept (and keeps) wondering and complaining. There is no answer, mate. There might have been one, and an obvious one, if you hadn't been the atypical, disenfranchised Asian-american you naturally grew to be.

I like to think that it took more guts to be you, than to be one of your cousins.

[MrMan]

Hi all,
I've been wondering about this for a long time. It's perhaps one of the greatest mysteries and discrepancies about America that I can't figure out and which stumps everyone, and is taboo to even ask. I wonder if there is some variable I am missing or if reality is just a dream that makes no sense. The simple question is: If the dating scene in America is unwinnable for many reasons, and a no-win situation, then how is it that almost everyone in America has a wife and family to raise, or it's assumed that everyone does rather? Let me elaborate on what I mean so you see the big picture.

Why the dating scene is unwinnable in America and a no-win situation:

1. The women are not approachable at all. They look like they don't want to be bothered and that every guy they don't know is a creep or psycho. They look like they have ZERO interest in meeting men or making friends. They look 100 percent closed.

2. Every woman you meet in America claims to be married or taken. The few single women that supposedly exist, are SUPER picky. Even if you meet them, there is a 99.99 percent chance they will say "you are not my type" or be disinterested and act unavailable to you.

3. Flirtation is a TABOO in America. It's seen as creepy and perverted and immoral and a violation of a woman's boundaries and right to be left alone. You are only allowed to flirt with your wife or girlfriend, but not with any other females, especially female strangers. Yet oddly enough American movies make it look like flirting is normal in America when it is obviously NOT. (Aren't movies supposed to reflect the local culture?) You are supposed to have your own wife and not be seeking a woman or date or trying to meet women out in public. Because America assumes on creeps and psychos and dangerous people will approach female strangers or chat them up. You are supposed to keep to yourself and focus on business only. That's the American vibe you can feel all around you. Totally antisocial. You aren't allowed to talk about this though.

4. American women are very masculine, cold, uptight, and not feminine at all. There is a cold unfriendly wall around them. They are all business with no warmth, sweetness, closeness, sincerity or emotion. Hence you cannot naturally connect with them if you are a natural masculine man like real men of the old world. They also look spoiled ROTTEN with a bad attitude, and degenerate, not wholesome or sweet or natural (like women were in the 50s and 60s). They also look super cold, closed, antisocial, and ALL business, like you aren't supposed to talk to them unless its for business only. There is no free flowing social interaction in America. They don't even look like good friend material, let alone marriage material. And they do not seem decent either, just super spoiled and selfish and self-absorbed. So if they are not even decent people whom you can be friends with, how can you marry them? It doesn't make sense.

5. Even if you know women in America, you are supposed to be polite to them and treat them like a platonic friend or acquaintance. If you ask them out or show a natural romantic interest in them, it's seen as crossing the line and a violation of boundaries. So if you like someone, you can't do anything about it. Because you are expected to keep your distance and not get intimate or involved. You are expected to keep to yourself in other words. A man isn't allowed to be a man in modern America, in other words.

6. No woman in America today looks like good wife material, like they did in the 1950s. They all look spoiled and narcissistic and into themselves and antisocial. Like in a marriage they would only care about themselves and not merge into one with their partner. No traditional values, only liberalism and political correctness. It's nearly impossible to find a quality woman who isn't taken or super picky or unattractive or has a toxic personality.

7. America does not allow you to go out and get a date or seek love/romance. It only allows you to go out and buy consumer products. Hence there is no way to try to fulfill your needs for love, romance, female companionship, or even to get a wife. It's as if you were expected to marry your high school or college sweetheart and settle down for the rest of your life and never talk to any strangers again unless it's for business. It's very weird, but it seems that that's what America assumes and expects. If you didn't settle down early, you are an anomaly and an odd man out.

8. Every woman you see in America acts like she doesn't need you and doesn't need anyone. They all look like they have ZERO interest and ZERO enthusiasm in meeting men or making new friends. Totally different from women in other countries, who usually show some interest and enthusiam toward making new friends and meeting new people and have a more curious disposition. In America the women do not look curious at all, but totally self-absorbed. Hence impossible to connect with or befriend.

9. If you try to use dating sites in America, 99 percent of the women you write to do not reply. The few that do just write a few emails and then disappear for no reason, even if they sounded interested. So you end up wasting hours on dating sites with no return. Or you meet the lowest quality women there in terms of looks and personality, as if quality women don't exist in America. Furthermore, even when you meet women off of dating sites in the US and have a good time, they always blow you off later and don't want to meet again, even if they seemed to have a good time and got along with you well. So even when you have a positive experience, they still reject you and blow you off. In contrast, dating sites only seem to work well when you are in other countries, it seems. But not in America.

So you see, in America if you are single male who likes women, EVERYTHING is against you from EVERY angle. It's like having many swords pointed at you from 360 degrees all around you. It seems to be a totally cruel mindfuck by the universe. It's UNWINNABLE and a no-win situation. A LOSE-LOSE scenario so to speak. You'd have better luck winning the hardest video game than the dating scene in America. However, in spite of all that...

Everyone seems to have a wife and family and is settled down in America, or it's assumed to be so, as if getting a wife is the EASIEST and most NATURAL thing in the universe:

1. Turn on any mainstream TV network news like CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, or Fox News and you will see that the newscasters always assume that you are married and settled down. They always refer to "your family" and "your partner and spouse" etc as if everyone has a wife, as if getting a wife is the EASIEST thing in the world and not even an issue. Even on YouTube and independent media, most do the same, they talk to their audience as if they are all married and have a wife and family to raise, as if every normal person is married and finding a wife is something natural and universal that everyone has. They often say stuff like "Your spouse and loved ones" as if everyone is happily married and dating is not an issue. They will even say stuff like "Have more sex with your wife" as if everyone has a wife, as if a wife is something you are born with. So the assumption is definitely there.

2. In America, EVERYTHING seems geared toward couples and families. Nothing is geared toward singles. Especially in the suburbs. It's as if society assumes that everyone has a wife and family and no one is single. You don't even see people eating alone in restaurants, unlike in Europe and other countries where it's normal and not seen as strange. If you are a single male you feel out of place like an anomaly or odd man out. It's sad. Yet in most other countries you don't feel that way. Even bars and nightclubs seem geared toward couples and groups, not for singles to meet other singles, because America acts like singles don't exist, only couples exist. Hence if you are single in America, you supposedly don't exist! Lol

3. Every woman you meet claims to be married or taken, even if they aren't. So every woman in America claims to be unavailable. If you don't believe me, go approach them and ask. Yet how come in SE Asia, most women you meet claim to be single? Go figure. Americans must be very narrow if all they do is marry early and settle down into routine.

4. In suburban neighborhoods, if you look all around you, you see nothing but married couples, families, and people with live in partners even if not married. It's like everyone already has someone in America, even though the dating scene is unwinnable for the many reasons outlined above. Very odd. It's as if the universe is playing a cruel hoax or mindfuck on you. Even if you go to Walmart, you will see that 90 percent of the shoppers are with their significant other or with their kids or parents. No singles and no one looking to meet anyone. Everyone just minds their own business. No eye contact with others.

5. I heard that most Americans do not end up marrying their high school sweetheart and living happily ever after, like the movies show. If that's so, then you gotta wonder, how is everyone settling down so early and so easily with a long term partner in America?

Do you see what I mean now? This is like a 100000000 percent contradiction, oxymoron and discrepancy! How can something totally unwinnable and nearly impossible, be the easiest and most natural thing in the world to normies? Something must be missing from the equation here. What am I missing exactly? And why is everyone I ask about this STUMPED, even though this is a seemingly simple question? Very odd. (scratching head)

The only logical explanation I can think of, is that there is a HIDDEN hand and order to things, like a fate or destiny that we don't see but is definitely there. Even Einstein when asked about God, said that there must be a hidden intelligence in the universe that is beyond our senses which orders the universe. So basically, having a wife in America isn't something you choose or something you make happen. If it's in your destiny or fate, then it happens, as part of the natural flow of your life, without effort. It happens naturally in other words, if it's meant to be. This further evidenced by the fact that most people seem to be on auto pilot, as if they are running on some type of script or program. Therefore, they cannot possibly be "making things happen". The script they are on determines what happens. Especially since most people are simpletons and only know how to go with the flow. What this means is that if you are single or married in America, it was meant to be that way. You were not given a choice or menu to select what you want. Your life goes by what the universe has destined you for. If you think about it, this is the only explanation that makes sense and fits.

Of course another explanation is that we are simply in a shared dream or simulation where nothing adds up or makes sense, and hence is there to screw with your mind and make you confused. Or perhaps most people aren't even real and that's why they seem to be not all there? Like an NPC or organic portal? Or maybe we are just losers and misfits so the universe shuts us out of society and only tolerates us as long as we don't break any laws? lol

What do you all think? Have any of you pondered all the above too? Any explanations or insights? Isn't this the most baffling mystery in the universe or at least in America if you think about it? lol

I've made the point numerous times on the forum. If the dating situation were as bleak as some men make it out to be, we wouldn't see as many couples out there as there are. Even fat and unattractive people have partners.

Your posts jumps to a wild conclusion, that the world might be full of non-player characters because you are having difficulty finding a wife.

Here are some things that can help a man find a woman more easily, a menu, where not every woman is looking for the same thing:

- good looks
- fit body
- other women find him attractive
- masculine traits
----tough guy macho persona-- could be a street thug type or just strong/masculine
----can fix things
----in charge personality (could be obnoxious or polite about it.)
----leadership
- starts a conversation with her
- competence in some career or field
--charming personality (or whatever personality floats an individual woman's boat)
- good character and values

This is a menu. Some women want a street thug and don't pay attention to the values part. Finding a woman is easier at a younger age. If you've been married before, you put yourself in a different category where your pool of candidates is likely mainly divorcees-- high risk for divorcing you or single mothers. I suspect if you have become a baby daddy you put yourself in this category also.

The list above is a menu, probably not a complete one. Some women don't care about looks or weight as much as the next. And some men here like heftier women, or one man thinks one woman's face is really attractive and the other does not agree.

Also, I know that you had a relationship with a woman and had a child with her, but didn't experience the feelings you wanted. Could you have married her and settled down? Is she still available? If you dated and got to know a woman in the US, would she think you were high risk for a long-term commitment if you told her about this?

I am in the south. I don't see the 'witch shield' thing around here hardly ever, if ever at all. Maybe I'm too middle-aged and safe-looking, or maybe people tend to be kind of friendly and open all the time. I work around people in their early 20's. I have seen that. I remember several years ago, at a bus stop in Hawaii, asking a girl around 20 years old at a bus stop some innocuous question, probably how often the bus came. She didn't sound like she was around there. She answered but with this, "How dare you speak to me?" attitude. I'm guessing she was from the west coast. Maybe she was a from a place where it was odd to strike up conversations with strangers. She was also a pretty brunette with long curly hair, and maybe men were trying to strike up conversations with her all the time. I wonder if some of our posters live in a state full of people like that.

I went to northern California and Nevada last year, and didn't see this attitude from people, but I don't remember talking to any young women, and I had my family with me. I had a long conversation with a Mexican man in the pool area at the hotel we stayed in.

Be that as it may, I think you are overgeneralizing about attitudes in America. Some regions are probably more friendly than other. It has been years, but back in the early 2000's, I am pretty sure I could strike up conversations with males or females in Hawaii. Maybe I was already giving off a safe dad vibe back then. Or maybe I was good-looking enough so that women didn't care.

When I was single, I was looking for someone with the same faith I had, so I was mainly looking at church or other places where I could find Christians. I wanted someone sexually moral, specially a virgin. I haven't found a wife in America, and I think it is more difficult than where I met mine, in Indonesia. But it still took some looking, mainly to find someone who met my criteria for looks, values, and character. I was very picky on the looks front, and values and character can be hard to find.

Was it foreordained that we should marry? I don't know if it was eternally foreordained. But within about a year before I met my wife and within about a year and seven months of our first real conversation that started our relationship, I was praying. Someone had said she'd seen a vision of my future wife, so I argued a case in prayer that I be allowed to see her, too. So I had what I consider a vision. I've never had the type that was 3-D, where it fell I was there where I could see, hear, smell everything. This was more of a word picture dropped into my mind. It is difficult for me to think in pictures, even if I try. I see this picture of a young Asian woman. It was really brief and I focused in on her eye. It was gone really quickly, before I could memorize her face, and I tried. I remembered certain details. After we started seeing each other, after I saw an photo of my wife before she started plucking her eyebrows, it clicked for me.

I was teaching, and this happened right before the school year. During the school year, I was in the teacher's lounge, where they had tables lined up as if they were one long table. I looked over at the end and saw this beautiful Indonesian woman, and I remember wondering if one day God would give me a woman that beautiful to be my wife. She had a church bumper sticker on her brief case. I remembered that. I didn't make the connection, but earlier, I'd run into a class where I'd just taught to get something I'd left and the teacher introduced me to an assistant who had been in the back of the room. It was just an introduction, and that was it. She was the beautiful woman in the teacher's room. A year or so later, after my future-wife and I were getting to know each other (as 'friends' first, though each of us had an idea we would marry) we figured out that we had met before. I was the only white guy at the school. I was wearing a batik, which I had done before, and she had had the brief case with that bumper sticker on it. The job hadn't worked with her college schedule, so she hadn't pursued it.

Also, before we met and actually started to get to know each other, I'd really increased the prayer for the woman I'd married. And one of the things I'd prayed for that led to our being able to date had happened. Also, when she met me that time, she said the Lord spoke to her and let her know I was the man she would marry. She responded to Him (silently) that she was a shy Asian girl, and didn't want to come up to me and start a conversation. So she set next to the guy I was talking with who had a guitar, her classmate, and asked him to play a song she knew. I struck up a conversation with her.

I went home wondering if this was the woman I was to marry that I'd been praying about, that I'd believed the Lord had told me I would meet that month. I thought the Lord was speaking to me when I asked if she was my wife, at first 'yes' and then as I continued, 'Yes, why don't you believe Me?" which I took as a rebuke. Then she got a little upset during a phone conversation, I prayed about it, and got in response this story about something that had happened to her, and she told me the story on our next phone call.

I ticked off a lot of boxes she'd been praying for, apparently. Someone reminded her that she had once said she wanted to marry a white man. Living in Asia, I was a bit self-conscious of my hairy arms and legs. She confided in me as we got close to my proposing that she liked that. And of course, she wanted a Christian who loved the Lord.

I had a bit of a leg up on some men on the forum. I am reconciled to God through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. And as such an individual, I can go boldly before the throne of grace and pray for grace to help in time of need. I can pray for all kinds of things and ask God to work in my life. I definitely prayed for to meet my wife.

No matter what country you live in, it can be tough to find a suitable wife, especially if you are picky like me. It's hard to find someone with the character looks, and in my case, to find a virgin with all that. And then I only a small percentage of women were attractive enough to me for me to be interested in marriage. Maybe that's not a good thing, but I couldn't help not being that attractive. I wonder if I was made that way or developed that way through 'nurture' for a reason, so that I could be with a specific woman who fit my criteria. Or maybe that is just a sort of unfortunate, maybe even 'shallow' part of my personality. Whatever it was, it worked out okay for me.

[MrMan]

Forgive me if I'm getting too Dickensy and mushy as Christmas approaches, but I honestly don't get why so many longtime members who keep coming back to this forum for years on end put such a high priority of trashing on and insulting @Winston???
I don't personally agree with various points in the article I skimmed (but will read more carefully in a minute and respond to that next), but damn... @MarcosZeitola, why do you this so often? I find it very strange.
I couldn't care less what other people say or think about me either, and (without disrespect to him) I don't care if Winston thinks I'm too antisemitic or homophobic or whatever, but.... the point I'm curious about is why so many longtime members continuously come in to insult him and his ideas on his own forum that he's built that the rest of us have taken such a liking to?

@Pixel--dude
@Lucas88
@Outcast9428
@gsjackson
@Tsar
@publicduende
@Yohan
@MrMan

What do you think about the above?

Just curious guys!

I don't remember ever trashing Winston. I think the idea that it is as hopeless as Winston makes it out to be for dating, etc. in the US is a bit extreme. I have a more moderate view that the US is a difficult culture to find a wife, and some cultures are better. I think we disagree on the degree of hopelessness. The three M guys who are into incel 'blackpill' stuff are suggest an even more dystopic situation from Winston on this.

When I joined the forum, the US culture was the willing victim of the sexual revolution. But it has gotten worse since. We've seen the second wave of perversion with the LGB junk, calling unions of man-man and woman-woman 'marriage' and the SCOTUS deciding that nonsense was in the 14th amendment all along, and now this weird move to normalize pumping people, including children, full of hormones and chopping their genitals off and ostracism for those who do not support it.

I disagree with Winston's embrace of New Agey ocultic stuff, and I do not agree with his lifestyle choices. I consider hiring prostitutes to be immoral, for example, and I recall Winston posted a thread on getting ripped off in one such transaction. Winston does seem tolerant of those who disagree with him.

[WilliamSmith]

Forgive me if I'm getting too Dickensy and mushy as Christmas approaches, but I honestly don't get why so many longtime members who keep coming back to this forum for years on end put such a high priority of trashing on and insulting @Winston???
I don't personally agree with various points in the article I skimmed (but will read more carefully in a minute and respond to that next), but damn... @MarcosZeitola, why do you this so often? I find it very strange.
I couldn't care less what other people say or think about me either, and (without disrespect to him) I don't care if Winston thinks I'm too antisemitic or homophobic or whatever, but.... the point I'm curious about is why so many longtime members continuously come in to insult him and his ideas on his own forum that he's built that the rest of us have taken such a liking to?

@Pixel--dude
@Lucas88
@Outcast9428
@gsjackson
@Tsar
@publicduende
@Yohan
@MrMan

What do you think about the above?

Just curious guys!

I don't remember ever trashing Winston. I think the idea that it is as hopeless as Winston makes it out to be for dating, etc. in the US is a bit extreme. I have a more moderate view that the US is a difficult culture to find a wife, and some cultures are better. I think we disagree on the degree of hopelessness. The three M guys who are into incel 'blackpill' stuff are suggest an even more dystopic situation from Winston on this.

When I joined the forum, the US culture was the willing victim of the sexual revolution. But it has gotten worse since. We've seen the second wave of perversion with the LGB junk, calling unions of man-man and woman-woman 'marriage' and the SCOTUS deciding that nonsense was in the 14th amendment all along, and now this weird move to normalize pumping people, including children, full of hormones and chopping their genitals off and ostracism for those who do not support it.

I disagree with Winston's embrace of New Agey ocultic stuff, and I do not agree with his lifestyle choices. I consider hiring prostitutes to be immoral, for example, and I recall Winston posted a thread on getting ripped off in one such transaction. Winston does seem tolerant of those who disagree with him.

@MrMan

Thanks, I agree with pretty much everything you said there. But just in case I was unclear: I did not mean to suggest you (or the others I tagged) had trashed Winston! I was only asking your and their opinions, since you've been a member here for a long time. I never noticed you trashing on Winston either. I'll edit my post a bit for clarity.


Edit: There, I added the following tactful words above the specific names I tagged:

Edit for clarity: I tagged the following users because I was interested in their opinion, not implying they specifically had ever trashed on Winston. I deliberately left out names like Cornfed, ContrarianExpat (or is that Cornfed's sock-puppet troll account to larp as a pompous asshole talking yet more !@#$ about black women for no good reason while boasting of his alleged triumphs poaching feeble-minded Ukrainian slavic hobgoblins?), and Shemp, for obvious reasons, since they openly indulge in their trolling.

[kangarunner]

Being a jerk in America will get you women. There's nothing worse than being an overly nice guy. They hate that.

[Winston]

Being a jerk in America will get you women. There's nothing worse than being an overly nice guy. They hate that.

I think that's a stereotype. Because if a woman likes you, she will be glad if you are nice. It's only if she doesn't like you, that your niceness is used against you. See what MZ and PD said above. If you have qualities that attract women, then niceness is not a negative quality. Think about it, if a restaurant waiter is nice to you, do you hold it against them or are you glad and you give them more tips? Of course the latter. People don't dislike niceness.

Also if we misfits became jerks it wouldn't make us more attractive. It would be used against us because we are already disliked and so it would be used against us. Ask yourself this: If someone you disliked became a jerk, would he or she become more attractive to you? Of course not because you already dislike them. Likewise if you are a woman's dream man, there's nothing more she would like than for you to be nice to her. If she isn't into you, then being nice gets you nowhere, that's true, but that's because she wasn't into you in the first place.

[Winston]

Another key point I forgot to add to the first post:

The big IRONY here is that if you are not even allowed to go out and get dates or approach women -- because talking to female strangers in America is seen as taboo, inappropriate, and violating -- then how are you supposed to win at the dating scene? That's like expecting you to score in baseball, but not being allowed to get up to bat. Or expecting you to win in chess but not being allowed to even play. Etc. You get the idea. It's highly illogical and self-contradictory. But of course, America does not admit that women are unapproachable, even though they obviously are, and anyone who goes out in public can see that. Because America always denies the truth since everything seems to be Satanically inversed in America. Hence the US dating scene is unwinnable, self-defeating, and self-contradictory too. A total mindfuck basically.

[kangarunner]

Another key point I forgot to add to the first post:

The big IRONY here is that if you are not even allowed to go out and get dates or approach women -- because talking to female strangers in America is seen as taboo, inappropriate, and violating -- then how are you supposed to win at the dating scene? That's like expecting you to score in baseball, but not being allowed to get up to bat. Or expecting you to win in chess but not being allowed to even play. Etc. You get the idea. It's highly illogical and self-contradictory. But of course, America does not admit that women are unapproachable, even though they obviously are, and anyone who goes out in public can see that. Because America always denies the truth since everything seems to be Satanically inversed in America. Hence the US dating scene is unwinnable, self-defeating, and self-contradictory too. A total mindfuck basically.

@Winston I went back and read your original post and every single one of your points in your original post was critical of the women in America. While you didn't consider that it may be unwinnable for you because there is something wrong with you. You can divert from the truth all you want. You can talk AROUND the truth all you want. Once again, ever heard the saying, "The Truth Hurts"?

Your profile photo is you pointing the finger. Why not try pointing the finger at yourself. Judge yourself before you judge the women in America.

[Cornfed]

The situation is pretty simple. If you are favored by the system then things are handed to you on a silver platter. If not, you are screwed. You are no longer supposed to be able to take stock of your situation and improve things through your own efforts. That would be seen as a failure of the system by the evil forces currently in charge.

[kangarunner]

@Winston I got an answer to why dating is unwinnable......

YOURE NOT THAT GUY PAL.....TRUST ME.....YOURE NOT THAT GUY.

[MrMan]

Another key point I forgot to add to the first post:

The big IRONY here is that if you are not even allowed to go out and get dates or approach women -- because talking to female strangers in America is seen as taboo, inappropriate, and violating -- then how are you supposed to win at the dating scene? That's like expecting you to score in baseball, but not being allowed to get up to bat. Or expecting you to win in chess but not being allowed to even play. Etc. You get the idea. It's highly illogical and self-contradictory. But of course, America does not admit that women are unapproachable, even though they obviously are, and anyone who goes out in public can see that. Because America always denies the truth since everything seems to be Satanically inversed in America. Hence the US dating scene is unwinnable, self-defeating, and self-contradictory too. A total mindfuck basically.

If I were single and looking for a woman, I'd get involved at church, which I do already, and see if there were any single women there, and maybe even ask around through Christian friends if they knew anyone who was single who met my criteria. I could say I was looking for a Christian, and maybe even get away with saying I was looking for a virgin with no tattoos. I'm not sure how people would respond to the freakishly beautiful criteria.

A man can also meet women through volunteering at charities, civic organizations, or whatever. If you have friends, you can ask to be set up with their cousins.

We have people over for dinner from church. When we lived away from my family, we'd invite singles over for Thanksgiving dinner. With two or three different men, my wife ended up showing them pictures of her single friends and cousins on Facebook. The bachelor had to impress her as being a man who was ready to marry, able to support a woman, with character, good values. She probably considered looks also.

My wife had a female friend who had a daughter in Singapore who had just graduated college in the US, a pretty young woman in her early 20's. She tried to set him up with one of these bachelors. He wanted to insist on calling her on the phone rather than Facebook, thinking she was rejecting him with that suggestion. I explained that you have to pay cell phone rates for incoming calls and Facebook was cheap there. Plus she'd get to see his face. But apparently she was busy or not that interested or he didn't pursue her enough. He was expecting her to just start talking with him and to move toward marriage. I told him at 40 something he might have been a bit more eager to get on with this part of her life than she was in her early 20's.

She's had no real successes with matchmaking that I can think of yet. But it illustrates how people from some Asian cultures might be willing to set you up or make an introduction if you seem like a decent guy.

[Natural_Born_Cynic]

Winston, your guess is good as mine.
I don't know how everyone else gets girlfriends and wives in this country. I tried getting girls in church, but even they say they have boyfriends or taken. Same thing at my job and at the bar. I guess they import women from abroad to America (which will inevitably turn woman into a 300 pound, man hating, feminist shrew) or their family or religious organization arranges the dates.

[dancilley]

you are not even allowed to go out and get dates or approach women -- because talking to female strangers in America is seen as taboo, inappropriate, and violating

I am quitting the internet very soon. What I am going to do, is go out and start to talk to people around me. I am going to refuse to believe in such limiting beliefs, that it is taboo to talk to females. I am just going to assume it's natural and normal, and I am also going to convince people to quit the internet also. I am going to explain to them that they are grumpy and irritable because they are addicted to their phone. My healthy and happy personality will, in the end, convince them to quit the internet and electronic screen use because everyone knows subconsciously that these technologies are anti-romance, geeky, nerdy, distracting, an addiction, ungodly, unhealthy, promote sedentary lifestyles, make you lazy, etc. and they believe deep down that they want to get rid of them and live without them, anyway.

[WilliamSmith]

Being a jerk in America will get you women. There's nothing worse than being an overly nice guy. They hate that.

I know you're right that many guys have a strategy of being a "bad boy" or a jerk that does get them some kinds of women, so I'm not delusional in denying that, even though I am not crazy about that approach, but I am 100% certain from watching dozens of other types of guys getting good-looking women (not just from my personal experience) that the men being "nice" or kind isn't the actual root of the problem.

Some of the guys I've noticed with very attractive girls who wouldn't be my type of girls, but were still objectively really hot, were definitely "nice."

For example, little civilized middle class guys in silk shirts with rather annoyingly high voices with hot girlfriends, not the type I'd have had any interest in myself, but they were definitely objectively hot, especially from the POV of the many men out who like slender pretty women who have a more "soft" take on feminity.

That's on the far side of nice guys who aren't even all that masculine at all though.

Other guys who have a relaxed masculine sense of confidence (I've especially noticed that with older men) also aren't doing anything that's not "nice," even if they're not falling into the trap of supplicating or coming across like they're seeking women's approval too much.

So I don't think there's anything stopping manlier men from getting away with being "nice" overall, in a gentlemanly sense. @Outcast9428 don't you agree on this? He's heavily on the idealistic side (not that that is a bad thing), likes being romantic, but he still gets women.

This did remind me of the scene in Army of One though, where the Italian chick is breaking up with her handsome but (from her POV) "too nice" boyfriend Michael:
Italian Chick: "I'm sorry Michael, you're just too nice... too comfortable."
Michael: "What's wrong with nice? What's wrong with comfortable?"

Poor Michael, it made me sad for him, even though it was, you know, kind of a funny scene.

[Lucas88]

So I don't think there's anything stopping manlier men from getting away with being "nice" overall, in a gentlemanly sense. @Outcast9428 don't you agree on this? He's heavily on the idealistic side (not that that is a bad thing), likes being romantic, but he still gets women.

This did remind me of the scene in Army of One though, where the Italian chick is breaking up with her handsome but (from her POV) "too nice" boyfriend Michael:
Italian Chick: "I'm sorry Michael, you're just too nice... too comfortable."
Michael: "What's wrong with nice? What's wrong with comfortable?"

Poor Michael, it made me sad for him, even though it was, you know, kind of a funny scene.

I understand what you mean. I'm generally nice to women in the sense that I never intentionally act like a complete jerk with them but at the same time I'm never too nice with them and will always act dominant and sometimes playfully tease them. Women actually love this. It makes them giggle and see you as an alpha who isn't afraid to assert dominance in a totally healthy and playful way. You come across as fun and they don't perceive you as a boring-ass simp "nice guy".

Today I did something that reminded me of the above reflection. I owed my momma some money and decided to pay her back. Rather than handing the money to her like a normal person, instead like the crazy joker that I am I told her to open wide and then proceeded to place each of the bank notes sideways in her mouth. She just let me do it and even thought that it was hilarious. It reminded me of something that I'd do to one of my Latin American girlfriends. I'd always play tricks on them and do funny things to make them laugh while at the same time coming across as a bit of a jerk in a playful manner. The truth is that they always loved it. It's best to be fun and a bit roguish in the sense of a loveable rogue.

That's how my stud uncle is. I like to imitate his behavior since he's always been extremely popular with the ladies.