Do we all have low self-esteem, as my female friend says?

[PeterAndrewNolan]

Winston,
western women have chronic low self esteem while at the same time have hopelessly inflated views on the sort of man they should be able to land.

The two things put together drive them quite insane as is evidenced by their behaviour.

The #1 tactic of women to test men is to put them down. To criticise them. To try and undermine their confidence.

When Jennifer used to try and do this I would ask her why she would be trying to undermine me and my own self esteem when she had, and knew she had, chronic low self esteem herself. Of course it was about domination, control, resistance and avoidance. And that is just how women are. They like to see if they can dominate and control through lies and manipulation and if they can't do that they will try resistance and avoidance to try and make you chase after them.

The whole mind set is sick. It creates a competitive lose, lose zero sum game environment rather than a co-operative collaborative environment where both people can flourish and be happy.

I am glad I am not 21 and facing a world full of such women I can tell you.

[S_Parc]

western women have chronic low self esteem while at the same time have hopelessly inflated views on the sort of man they should be able to land.

The #1 tactic of women to test men is to put them down. To criticise them. To try and undermine their confidence.

Mel, being the *butch* (i.e male figure), in prior lesbian relationships has also relayed the above.

Thus, she's also gone cold turkey on dating women, ever again. She'd rather be with me and bang hoes, for her physical desires, instead of getting involved with women.

If an American lesbian hates other AWs, then why do guys need to justify their own distastes towards them?

[Teal Lantern]

western women have chronic low self esteem while at the same time have hopelessly inflated views on the sort of man they should be able to land.

The #1 tactic of women to test men is to put them down. To criticise them. To try and undermine their confidence.

Mel, being the *butch* (i.e male figure), in prior lesbian relationships has also relayed the above.

Thus, she's also gone cold turkey on dating women, ever again. She'd rather be with me and bang hoes, for her physical desires, instead of getting involved with women.

If an American lesbian hates other AWs, then why do guys need to justify their own distastes towards them?

AM are conditioned to validate themselves and each other by how many and how attractive the women around them are. Thank mass media for that one.
Even the idea of going overseas to get a woman easier to relate to is portrayed as 'weak' -- "can't handle a strong (cause she has DaddyGov's goons-in-blue on speed-dial) woman".
It takes a while, if ever, to break through that.
Ah, but once you break through ...

[S_Parc]

The #1 tactic of women to test men is to put them down. To criticise them. To try and undermine their confidence.

If an American lesbian hates other AWs, then why do guys need to justify their own distastes towards them?

AM are conditioned to validate themselves and each other by how many and how attractive the women around them are. Thank mass media for that one.
Even the idea of going overseas to get a woman easier to relate to is portrayed as 'weak' -- "can't handle a strong (cause she has DaddyGov's goons-in-blue on speed-dial) woman".
It takes a while, if ever, to break through that.
Ah, but once you break through ...

I think it helps to have grown up with a psycho sister. Then, it's a lot easier transitioning into adulthood where, *been there, seen that before*, starts to take hold a lot faster.

I was done with AWs at the age of 24. Been dating overseas, ever since then.

Since I'd met Mel before that age [and that she's a lesbian, so we'd been free of the hetero strangleholds during our formative years], she satisfies the grandfather clause and gets invited in as the AW, who advocates against them.

[NorthAmericanguy]

I failed to mention that if you're a quiet and reserved young gentleman, you will come off to many women as having low self esteem here in America.

American women respond to men who are loud, obnoxious, and aggressive. So if you're anything but that, then you're placed into the loser category, and women will think you have self esteem issues.

[CrazyCanuck944]

I failed to mention that if you're a quiet and reserved young gentleman, you will come off to many women as having low self esteem here in America.

American women respond to men who are loud, obnoxious, and aggressive. So if you're anything but that, then you're placed into the loser category, and women will think you have self esteem issues.

You may also come off as arrogant, cold, and stand-offish, which may be worse than being perceived as shy and introverted. When a woman feels a guy is rejecting HER, the hate arrows will fly.

[Devil Dog]

I failed to mention that if you're a quiet and reserved young gentleman, you will come off to many women as having low self esteem here in America.

That is not at all correct, not unless you are coupling a reserved attitude with weak body language. Ever heard of the strong silent type?

[mattyman]

" I failed to mention that if you're a quiet and reserved young gentleman, you will come off to many women as having low self esteem here in America.

American women respond to men who are loud, obnoxious, and aggressive. So if you're anything but that, then you're placed into the loser category, and women will think you have self esteem issues.

" It sounds like you're dealing with exceedingly shallow people. As for women who think like that, it to me sounds like an exceedingly immature and childish way of sizing people-up.

"You may also come off as arrogant, cold, and stand-offish, which may be worse than being perceived as shy and introverted. When a woman feels a guy is rejecting HER, the hate arrows will fly."

That's quite likely scenario, though I don't necessarily think people are hated for making this mistake. Even so, for some people who describe themselves as shy, there could be the very fear of making the wrong impression.

Get rid of this idea that quietness, reservedness and introversion is unattractive. We mostly here this from American sources. All this emphasis of being loud, tough, obnoxious, it's a largely American mentality.

"That is not at all correct, not unless you are coupling a reserved attitude with weak body language. Ever heard of the strong silent type?"
I certainly have heard of that; though I don't think it's to do with body language hacks or silly game rubbish, more to do with simply feeling comfortable and confident enough in the said situations for this to flow naturally.

[NorthAmericanguy]

As for the last 2 posters, your points have been noted. I only want to say that what I said seems to work for women between 18 and 28. For women over 30, yes, the strong silent vibe is attractive to those women.

[TheAustralianMan]

It's easy to have low self-esteem if you don't agree with a lot of society, or don't feel you are achieving your purpose in life.

[ChampionKaji]

It's easy to have low self-esteem if you don't agree with a lot of society, or don't feel you are achieving your purpose in life.

This exactly.

[PeterAndrewNolan]

It's easy to have low self-esteem if you don't agree with a lot of society, or don't feel you are achieving your purpose in life.

A man gives himself his own purpose in life. And the best purpose in life you can give yourself is to listen intently to hear what you have been chosen or called to do.

[OutWest]

Hi all,
I've been talking to my close friend Elizabeth, who now lives in Reno, NV. I saw her when I was there and I've known her since 2001 when I was an actor in Reno. She insists that the reason why AW have always rejected me is because I have low self-esteem. When I refer her to the fact that 95 percent of AW on AOL rejected me online in the 1990's, after I sent them my best picture that I am proud of, she still insisted on this claim. I guess she thinks that low self-esteem can be transmitted online too. lol

I don't understand her basis. She is well meaning, honest, intelligent and a freethinker too. She's not the kind of woman that BSes or likes to shame others. And she agrees with many of our cultural comparisons of America vs. Abroad. So she is very aware. But she has a lot of New Age views as well.

Yet she honestly believes that low self-esteem is our problem, rather than looks or the spoiled ridiculous standards of AW. This is her honest view, not a shaming tactic.

So where does she and many other women get this idea that guys who are rejected by AW must have low self-esteem? What is the basis of this claim? What is the evidence for it? And why does she cling to it religiously? Does she know something that we don't?

She is somewhat New Ageish in her views and beliefs though. So could that be it? A lot of New Agers believe that there are no victims and that everything happens to you is a result of your attitude and thoughts drawing them to you. So someone who is always rejected by AW must be creating this rejection in their subconscious mind and drawing this rejection in a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's the logic of New Agers. They call it the "Law of Attraction" and take it very literally.

She has no explanation for why foreign women are friendlier to us, and why every guy does better abroad. She only says that in America, women see men as "all or nothing", so that if they are not romantically interested in you, then they want nothing to do with you, not even as friends. She acknowledges that in Europe, women are far more social toward men and are cool with going out with a guy as friends, even if she's not into him romantically. So she is well aware of such cultural differences. She's been to Hungary too. But she insists that low self-esteem is the cause of not being able to get dates in America.

At least she isn't one of those women who claim that foreign women are only friendly because they want your money and a green card. She is more evolved and aware than that.

Here is a photo of her and me when we were at a mall plaza in Orange County, CA. As you can see, she is attractive and obviously cannot relate to being dateless or rejected all the time. She is Eurasian - half Chinese and half Hungarian.

Winston- Why care very much about what women think about an issue that they will never remotely understand anyway?

[Grunt]

I agree with OutWest. Why would you care what any American female thinks or says? What is next, asking why birds crap on cars? Why do dogs sniff each other? The question is absurd, and any answer would be pointless.

[S_Parc]

Let's lighten up this subject. Here's the Offspring's "Self Esteem"