Why does Dating in America/UK involve so much "Verbal Sparring" and "Figurative Language"?

[ArchibaultNew]

Hey guys,

I've been learning other languages and consider myself fluent a few and conversational in others as well as having a notion of how these cultures work(Dutch, German, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, French). One thing I've noticed is that Brits seem to have master the art of "figurative language." While other countries do have a figurative language they seem to use it much less. For instance, people express their feelings "directly." They will tell you, "I like this" or "I didn't like this." And when they have no issues with you they won't say anything. It seems a much more straightforward.

Meanwhile, in the Anglosphere many things are expressed indirectly. For instance, a girl will insult you, even if she likes you to see how you will react. An insightful commentator talked about "Attachment Theory" and I think it is closely related to this. For instance, people who have more "secure attachment" will be more direct with their feelings. While people who have a more "insecure attachment" will be much more indirect.

Some people might say, "Well, just learn figurative language and verbal sparring" and problem solved. This is not as easy as people might think. In fact, even if you know both figurative language and verbal sparring. You need a "High Level" of skill if you like to succeed at dating in the Anglosphere.

Note, this is not a critic but an observation.

[Lucas88]

Hey guys,

I've been learning other languages and consider myself fluent a few and conversational in others as well as having a notion of how these cultures work(Dutch, German, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, French). One thing I've noticed is that Brits seem to have master the art of "figurative language." While other countries do have a figurative language they seem to use it much less. For instance, people express their feelings "directly." They will tell you, "I like this" or "I didn't like this." And when they have no issues with you they won't say anything. It seems a much more straightforward.

Meanwhile, in the Anglosphere many things are expressed indirectly. For instance, a girl will insult you, even if she likes you to see how you will react. An insightful commentator talked about "Attachment Theory" and I think it is closely related to this. For instance, people who have more "secure attachment" will be more direct with their feelings. While people who have a more "insecure attachment" will be much more indirect.

Some people might say, "Well, just learn figurative language and verbal sparring" and problem solved. This is not as easy as people might think. In fact, even if you know both figurative language and verbal sparring. You need a "High Level" of skill if you like to succeed at dating in the Anglosphere.

Note, this is not a critic but an observation.

The British style of communication is certainly different to those of Continental European countries and elsewhere. It really is an outlier within the Western world. I was born and raised in the UK but I'm simply unable to manage "high-level" social interactions with most British people and especially with British females. I just feel as though I have a completely different style of communication and find myself out of place and absolutely incompatible with the majority of my interlocutors. Like you, I am also a language enthusiast and have a high level of Spanish. I feel much more comfortable conversing with Spanish speakers and would even go as far as saying that I despise interacting with British people. I'm more neutral when it comes to interactions with Americans. Whenever I speak with Spaniards and Latinos, the communication is more direct and feelings are expressed freely. There's no beating around the bush or worrying about whether what I've said will be perceived as "weird". I prefer Spanish to English and find that I can communicate better in a Spanish-speaking environment and even be myself a lot more. I actually have a phobia of British people and tend to avoid them whenever possible.

I've always thought that British people have a terrible style of communication. They tend to waffle on a lot and use all kinds of superfluous circumlocutions but at the same time say very little of substance. I've heard people say that the British style of communication is clever and sophisticated but I just find it tedious. Some people say that it's irrational to dislike a whole people group as I so oikophobically do with British people but I don't think that's the case. Hating a people group's language or style of communication is a good enough reason to dislike or actively avoid it - especially when it causes us discomfort or problems of incompatibility. I personally don't feel bad about avoiding British people because the sound of their variety of English disgusts me and their style of communication is often a problem for me.

I think that there's some truth to what you are saying about attachment styles. Anglo culture seems to foster insecure attachment styles with the idea that everybody must be completely independent and competitive or at least appear to be so. That's not the case in other cultures where forming genuine bonds with others is seen as desirable and actively encouraged.

[ArchibaultNew]

Hey guys,

I've been learning other languages and consider myself fluent a few and conversational in others as well as having a notion of how these cultures work(Dutch, German, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, French). One thing I've noticed is that Brits seem to have master the art of "figurative language." While other countries do have a figurative language they seem to use it much less. For instance, people express their feelings "directly." They will tell you, "I like this" or "I didn't like this." And when they have no issues with you they won't say anything. It seems a much more straightforward.

Meanwhile, in the Anglosphere many things are expressed indirectly. For instance, a girl will insult you, even if she likes you to see how you will react. An insightful commentator talked about "Attachment Theory" and I think it is closely related to this. For instance, people who have more "secure attachment" will be more direct with their feelings. While people who have a more "insecure attachment" will be much more indirect.

Some people might say, "Well, just learn figurative language and verbal sparring" and problem solved. This is not as easy as people might think. In fact, even if you know both figurative language and verbal sparring. You need a "High Level" of skill if you like to succeed at dating in the Anglosphere.

Note, this is not a critic but an observation.

The British style of communication is certainly different to those of Continental European countries and elsewhere. It really is an outlier within the Western world. I was born and raised in the UK but I'm simply unable to manage "high-level" social interactions with most British people and especially with British females. I just feel as though I have a completely different style of communication and find myself out of place and absolutely incompatible with the majority of my interlocutors. Like you, I am also a language enthusiast and have a high level of Spanish. I feel much more comfortable conversing with Spanish speakers and would even go as far as saying that I despise interacting with British people. I'm more neutral when it comes to interactions with Americans. Whenever I speak with Spaniards and Latinos, the communication is more direct and feelings are expressed freely. There's no beating around the bush or worrying about whether what I've said will be perceived as "weird". I prefer Spanish to English and find that I can communicate better in a Spanish-speaking environment and even be myself a lot more. I actually have a phobia of British people and tend to avoid them whenever possible.

I've always thought that British people have a terrible style of communication. They tend to waffle on a lot and use all kinds of superfluous circumlocutions but at the same time say very little of substance. I've heard people say that the British style of communication is clever and sophisticated but I just find it tedious. Some people say that it's irrational to dislike a whole people group as I so oikophobically do with British people but I don't think that's the case. Hating a people group's language or style of communication is a good enough reason to dislike or actively avoid it - especially when it causes us discomfort or problems of incompatibility. I personally don't feel bad about avoiding British people because the sound of their variety of English disgusts me and their style of communication is often a problem for me.

I think that there's some truth to what you are saying about attachment styles. Anglo culture seems to foster insecure attachment styles with the idea that everybody must be completely independent and competitive or at least appear to be so. That's not the case in other cultures where forming genuine bonds with others is seen as desirable and actively encouraged.

Hey man, I agree with some of your observations. At the same time, I would like to add that I don't have a "emotional dislike" that some people have towards American and British culture, I like both cultures but for other reasons like their literature or filmmakers. I find the some people in the manosphere have this strong emotional responses to some of these topics. Not saying that's you, just saying that I tried to talk with people from the BP, TRP, MGTOW and others about these topics and they have a strong emotional responses. Like they've been wrong by the "Matrix" the term they use.

My observations and sometimes critiques are more about helping average people to see how different "systems" work. Thereby, they can make the right decisions for themselves. For instance, given how difficult it is dating in the Anglosphere. The smart move is to travel for instance, where people are not "hyper competitive" about dating or have a lot of hang up's about sex. For example, Brazil seems to be one of those more "male friendly" countries.

Unfortunately, "Feminism" truly is a "negative force" that whichever country it is instituted becomes riddled with "Misandry." But I'll leave this topic for another thread.

[Lucas88]

Hey man, I agree with some of your observations. At the same time, I would like to add that I don't have a "emotional dislike" that some people have towards American and British culture, I like both cultures but for other reasons like their literature or filmmakers. I find the some people in the manosphere have this strong emotional responses to some of these topics. Not saying that's you, just saying that I tried to talk with people from the BP, TRP, MGTOW and others about these topics and they have a strong emotional responses. Like they've been wrong by the "Matrix" the term they use.

My observations and sometimes critiques are more about helping average people to see how different "systems" work. Thereby, they can make the right decisions for themselves. For instance, given how difficult it is dating in the Anglosphere. The smart move is to travel for instance, where people are not "hyper competitive" about dating or have a lot of hang up's about sex. For example, Brazil seems to be one of those more "male friendly" countries.

Unfortunately, "Feminism" truly is a "negative force" that whichever country it is instituted becomes riddled with "Misandry." But I'll leave this topic for another thread.

My views regarding the UK aren't informed by any online "RedPill" philosophy or even the terrible dating scene. The truth is that I've always despised the UK, its garbage culture, its ugly language, and its weird, uptight people despite having been born there. I'm a major misfit in the UK and feel like I was born in the wrong country. I suffer from what is called "oikophobia" - an aversion towards one's own native culture.

I'm an avid Hispanophile on the other hand. I've always been absolutely obsessed with Spain and Latin America, speak Spanish fluently and overwhelmingly prefer speaking it rather than English, have lived in various Hispanic countries for extended periods of time, and only date Latin American women. I also have a high level of admiration for other Mediterranean countries such as Italy as well as Lusophone countries such as Brazil, but the Hispanic world is my true love. I'm convinced that on the inside I'm a Mediterranean/Latin soul. I feel much more at home with Latin people and in a Spanish-speaking environment and absolutely feel out of place with British people/Anglos, hence my need to avoid them barring a small handful of family members and Pixel--Dude who is a childhood friend from my hometown.

Whenever I respond to your questions, I always try to give you an objective and clinical comparison of different cultures. I too consider myself a kind of scholar of cultures and societies and like to come up with theories of why things are the way they are based on trends and social phenomena that I've observed. Of course, my own negative emotions with regard to British culture will come out from time to time. I was always miserable there and didn't begin to truly live until I had several extended stints in Spain and Latin America and so I still harbor some degree of bitterness and resentment towards British culture and certainly a large dose of contempt. I'm actually quite phobic of British people and culture and don't even want to be associated with that culture preferring to consider myself an honorary Mediterranean. This is an idiosyncrasy of mine.

Here's a thread where I talk at length about my oikophobic sentiments: viewtopic.php?f=1&t=45399&hilit=hatred+of+Britain

I couldn't agree more about the better dating scene in more male-friendly cultures. It's much easier to date and find a girlfriend in most of Latin America where feminism is much less widespread and misandry is almost nonexistent. I've had extremely positive experiences with Brazilian, Colombian, Peruvian and other kinds of Latin American women. ¡Soy amante de las latinas de por vida!

[Jsport]

To me women are the same everywhere. I personally haven't found women of other countries to be any different from American women. The only thing is that foreign women are a little easier to talk to, but to date them, I find them to be just as difficult. The truth is that some guys are just naturally good with women and others are not, and the ones who are not, just have to be patient with eventually finding a woman who will give them a chance. That's my personal opinion.

[TechnoTristan]

Dating in the US is complicated. I always found it hard to talk to American women like I have to put on a mask and can't even be myself. Costa Rica was a completely different story though. I went there a few years ago and found the women a lot easier to date and make conversation with. And my Spanish isn't even that great either. The Costa Rican women just seemed more interested in talking to men and weren't as self-absorbed as American broads. Not to mention they were sexier and actually acted like women. I think there's something to what you're saying. But you've got to experience other cultures to realize it. Just my 2 cents.

[Jsport]

There is some truth to what you say about how complicated it is to date in the US, and maybe I'm just talking from a different perspective as a Paraguayan American who is familiar with Latin American cultures and other cultures around the world. But what I have found is that Latin American women and foreign women in general, when you really get to know them are not much different from American women. The only difference is that as a westerner or as a foreigner it's easier to get your foot in the door with foreign women. But once you get to know them, you are just as prone to being flaked out and being disrespected by them if they don't like you. They"l give you the same negative treatment that an American woman would or even worse. I have dated both foreign and American women in the past, and deep down I prefer American women, because I feel that myself as an American , I can be more of myself around them than a foreign woman. I also feel that my sense of humor matches more with American women. I have also been to Paraguay. I haven't found the women there to be any different from American women when it came to approachability. What's Ironic is that the only woman I hooked up with was a Paraguayan American woman. So at the end she was American. With that being said, It all depends what works for you, some guys are more suitable for foreign women and some guys are more suitable for women of their own nationality.

[WanderingProtagonist]

Hey guys,

I've been learning other languages and consider myself fluent a few and conversational in others as well as having a notion of how these cultures work(Dutch, German, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, French). One thing I've noticed is that Brits seem to have master the art of "figurative language." While other countries do have a figurative language they seem to use it much less. For instance, people express their feelings "directly." They will tell you, "I like this" or "I didn't like this." And when they have no issues with you they won't say anything. It seems a much more straightforward.

Meanwhile, in the Anglosphere many things are expressed indirectly. For instance, a girl will insult you, even if she likes you to see how you will react. An insightful commentator talked about "Attachment Theory" and I think it is closely related to this. For instance, people who have more "secure attachment" will be more direct with their feelings. While people who have a more "insecure attachment" will be much more indirect.

Some people might say, "Well, just learn figurative language and verbal sparring" and problem solved. This is not as easy as people might think. In fact, even if you know both figurative language and verbal sparring. You need a "High Level" of skill if you like to succeed at dating in the Anglosphere.

Note, this is not a critic but an observation.

The British style of communication is certainly different to those of Continental European countries and elsewhere. It really is an outlier within the Western world. I was born and raised in the UK but I'm simply unable to manage "high-level" social interactions with most British people and especially with British females. I just feel as though I have a completely different style of communication and find myself out of place and absolutely incompatible with the majority of my interlocutors. Like you, I am also a language enthusiast and have a high level of Spanish. I feel much more comfortable conversing with Spanish speakers and would even go as far as saying that I despise interacting with British people. I'm more neutral when it comes to interactions with Americans. Whenever I speak with Spaniards and Latinos, the communication is more direct and feelings are expressed freely. There's no beating around the bush or worrying about whether what I've said will be perceived as "weird". I prefer Spanish to English and find that I can communicate better in a Spanish-speaking environment and even be myself a lot more. I actually have a phobia of British people and tend to avoid them whenever possible.

I've always thought that British people have a terrible style of communication. They tend to waffle on a lot and use all kinds of superfluous circumlocutions but at the same time say very little of substance. I've heard people say that the British style of communication is clever and sophisticated but I just find it tedious. Some people say that it's irrational to dislike a whole people group as I so oikophobically do with British people but I don't think that's the case. Hating a people group's language or style of communication is a good enough reason to dislike or actively avoid it - especially when it causes us discomfort or problems of incompatibility. I personally don't feel bad about avoiding British people because the sound of their variety of English disgusts me and their style of communication is often a problem for me.

I think that there's some truth to what you are saying about attachment styles. Anglo culture seems to foster insecure attachment styles with the idea that everybody must be completely independent and competitive or at least appear to be so. That's not the case in other cultures where forming genuine bonds with others is seen as desirable and actively encouraged.

Hey man, I agree with some of your observations. At the same time, I would like to add that I don't have a "emotional dislike" that some people have towards American and British culture, I like both cultures but for other reasons like their literature or filmmakers. I find the some people in the manosphere have this strong emotional responses to some of these topics. Not saying that's you, just saying that I tried to talk with people from the BP, TRP, MGTOW and others about these topics and they have a strong emotional responses. Like they've been wrong by the "Matrix" the term they use.

My observations and sometimes critiques are more about helping average people to see how different "systems" work. Thereby, they can make the right decisions for themselves. For instance, given how difficult it is dating in the Anglosphere. The smart move is to travel for instance, where people are not "hyper competitive" about dating or have a lot of hang up's about sex. For example, Brazil seems to be one of those more "male friendly" countries.

Unfortunately, "Feminism" truly is a "negative force" that whichever country it is instituted becomes riddled with "Misandry." But I'll leave this topic for another thread.

Cant see how anybody would like America and it's culture unless you're talking about Native American culture or Western culture of the past before it turned to pure suck ass.