The sad thing about loneliness in America

[Winston]

The sad thing about loneliness in America

The sad thing about being lonely in America is not only that people are anti-social, isolated, and don't like to meet new people, but that it's taboo to complain about it.

You see, if you complain that you are lonely or dateless, people automatically assume that you must be the problem, that you lack the kind of qualities that attract people or that you lack social skills. Or that you have some problem that makes you unwanted and a reject.

Simply put, you will find very little sympathy if you complain about it openly, not even among therapists, teachers, church pastors, mentors or friends. Most of the time, they will insinuate that you're not doing something right.

In short, you're the problem, not everyone else. Forget that people in America are anti-social, isolationist, and generally not very friendly or inclusive at all, unless you're in their established clique, in comparison to most other countries. I mean sure people may give you fake smiles while passing by or be polite and give you the right of way in traffic, but they aren't easily going to invite you places or want to spend time with you. Not unless they are very lonely themselves of course.

Plus in America, you are supposed to enjoy being alone and independent anyway, as well as take pride that you don't need others. Being in an isolated bubble in your home is supposed to be something wonderful and comfortable that you love. Yet ironically, if you're seen alone in a movie theater or restaurant, you are considered a loser.

So, it's bad enough that you have to be lonely in accord with the flow of things, but the fact that you can't talk about it without being seen as a dysfuntional loser, adds insult to injury.

That's what's sad about America. You can't even be yourself. You have to pretend to be this perpetually happy person who fits in and has no problems. This means you can't even be honest with yourself.

So basically, if you're lonely in America, you have to keep quiet about it and pretend that you're not. I think that sucks.

[jamesbond]

I agree! It's been said that in America if you are seen by yourself on a Friday or Saturday night, say at a movie theater or restaurant people might consider you to be a loser who has no friends to go out with. On the other hand, if you tell people that you are lonely and don't have any dating life or social life, people might assume you are a loser. You just can't win, you have to act like you are always happy and have this great social life. If needed, you might even lie if someone asks you what you did over the weekend ("oh yeah, I went to this party Saturday night" when in reality you just stayed home and watched tv.)

In America, going out alone means staying alone. If you go out by yourself on a Friday or Saturday night to a bar or club, most likely you will remain alone as no one will say "hey, come join our group of friends and hang out with us." Americans don't like meeting new people and are anti-social and unfriendly. Women in America are especially this way and have a bubble around them that is very hard to penetrate. Most people in America only meet people through their friends, which is very limiting to say the least. The guys in America who are party animals seem to be the only ones meeting women on a regular basis but even they get rejected a lot by women.

[Grunt]

The value I assign to the opinions of most Americans has been limited for a long time. Now that I am married to a hot young Ukrainian girl, its even lower.

Most of the guys I grew up with said I was a loser because I joined the military. Most of them are now married to fat nagging cows or got slammed in an ugly divorce.

Why care what idiots think? And no I don't mean idiot as a generic term, I mean quantifiable idiot. Not because I said they are, but because their actions prove it.

[Ice-Inc]

[quote="WWu777"]
The sad thing about loneliness in America

The sad thing about being lonely in America is not only that people are anti-social, isolated, and don't like to meet new people, but that it's taboo to complain about it.
[/quote]

Winston, I have read this complaint from you for many years. Assuming for a moment you are correct then you can do one or more things to overcome this.

e.g. Find work, any type of work in a shopping mall, this would bring a lonely person amongst many other people, shoppers, co-workers and so on.

Or join a volunteer group, doing good deeds that group has tasked to itself. Again this would bring a lonely person into contact with others.

[Winston]

The sad thing about loneliness in America

The sad thing about being lonely in America is not only that people are anti-social, isolated, and don't like to meet new people, but that it's taboo to complain about it.

Winston, I have read this complaint from you for many years. Assuming for a moment you are correct then you can do one or more things to overcome this.

e.g. Find work, any type of work in a shopping mall, this would bring a lonely person amongst many other people, shoppers, co-workers and so on.

Or join a volunteer group, doing good deeds that group has tasked to itself. Again this would bring a lonely person into contact with others.

W: I've worked in malls before. It is fun. But sometimes it's excruciating. You see so many hot girls and want them so bad, yet you can't have them and are left in withdrawal symptoms.

Besides, most of the conversations you have on the job are business related.

You shouldn't volunteer unless your heart is in it. You know that.

These things may get you company and male friends, but not necessarily dates with attractive females in the US.

I wonder why the quote brackets aren't working today. They should.

[momopi]

Most of the guys I grew up with said I was a loser because I joined the military. Most of them are now married to fat nagging cows or got slammed in an ugly divorce.

You're the one sticking your neck out to protect the country, and they think you're a loser??

There was a time when men like Elvis was respected for serving in the army instead of the "song and dance troop" for his draft. Guess that time is long gone.

[Shokkers]

Ice, the mall job is an excellent suggestion...with qualifiers. You don't want to hawk hot dogs or pretzels at a mall, you'll be viewed as a subservient drone. The same goes for any shoe store.

Most sales jobs FORCE you to interact with people, or you don't get paid.
Volunteering's also great...there's a housing charity here called NACA (Neighborhood Assistance Corporation of America) that'll give you an awesome, nothing-down mortgage for you first house IF YOU AGREE TO VOLUNTEER TO SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT THEM several times a year.

Winston, you just shot yourself in the foot again. The initial rant was loneliness/isolation. Then after Ice's suggestion, you said "These things might get you company and male friends, but not necessarily dates with attractive females in the US". AHA! Your poon-crazed mindset surfaces once again..."To hell with friends, I must have POON! And they must be attractive! Or I'm not leaving my house!"

Maybe company and male friends are an end in themselves, to quell this isolation. Maybe dates with attractive females are easier to get once you have a 'posse'. Just some perspective.

Piece out, K.K.

[Winston]

Shokkers,
I'm not trying to have a bad attitude. I've worked at the mall several times and loved it most of the time. The air is nice, you can people watch there, talk to people, eat Sbarro for lunch, etc.

But I'm just telling you the fact that it doesn't lead to quality dates. That's all.

I've tried almost every suggestion you can think of. Didn't work.

Sure working at the mall is fun. But doesn't accomplish my ultimate objectives and desires.

I've even worked at a modeling agency, where I met tons of girls. They were fun to talk to, but that was it.

Some of the guys on my list are professional photographers that shoot models in fact. One of them is close friends with me and now travels around Asia. Even he says that the notion that model photographers get laid a lot by models is only a myth. He is a blunt New Yorker from Manhattan who tells it like it is.

[Winston]

By the way, I just wanted to mention that two other commonly suggested ways to meet people in the US are churches and swing dance classes. I've tried them both.

In churches, the people are nice and introduce themselves. But you find that most of the niceness is fake and cliche because they are only nice cause they are supposed to be in a church. It's mostly just polite greetings anyway. It doesn't lead to deep friendships or quality dates.

Plus, it's mostly old people and little children that are the genuinely nicest there. Not the young girls.

But I did meet one young woman who became my best friend though, at Unity Church which is a New Age type church. Her name was Amber, if you remember. But that was an exception. Later on, for the next few years, she said she only liked me as a friend while she was having sex with other guys.

Plus, usually the single women there are much older and not very attractive.

Also, there is pressure on you by Christian churches to believe and convert. They expect you to believe some wacky things without any evidence or reason. The Christian churches especially are like that. I had the same experience at a Mormon Church once too.

I guess though, that when you are brainwashed to believe that something is "the truth" that you kind of expect that the truth speaks for itself and that other people will believe it upon hearing it. I was a Christian fundamentalist long ago, so I sort of understand that kind of fallacious thinking.

I have joined some New Age groups, and the people there were impressed at my knowledge of metaphysics and esoteric concepts. But only men and elderly women were nice and talked to me. Plus, young women don't tend to join such groups anyway.

Now, as to swing dances, yeah you get to hold hands with hot girls there while you swing dance, which is nice. But it gives you a high that leaves you in withdrawal afterward, when they leave you and return to their friends. Plus, if you aren't hot or a great dancer, the girls there will be reluctant to dance with you. I am not particularly talented at it. It doesn't come naturally for me at all.

And even when they dance with you, they don't talk to you afterward, they just go back to their friends and forget you. They might say "Nice meeting you" but that's all. No dates.

And if you happen to get a number, if you call it, they will just blow you off.

So as you can see, dead end and checkmate from every angle.

Sorry.

I guess the bottom line is that if you aren't attractive or appealing to American women, it doesn't matter where you meet them.

PS - Based on the above, you can bet that if you were to take cooking classes or yoga classes, which have a high percentage of women in them, you'd get the same results. Simply put, if you aren't attractive to American females, it doesn't matter where you go to meet them.

[Shokkers]

Pro photographers BETTER not date their models, if they want to keep their jobs. I can see that turning into a nuclear meltdown right when they start photographing model #17, but they're still dating model #9...Model #9 goes nuts and sets fire to all your cameras...

I suppose you could do it if you spaced 'em out chronologically...

Best, KK

[Winston]

Pro photographers BETTER not date their models, if they want to keep their jobs. I can see that turning into a nuclear meltdown right when they start photographing model #17, but they're still dating model #9...Model #9 goes nuts and sets fire to all your cameras...

I suppose you could do it if you spaced 'em out chronologically...

Best, KK

W: Sure that could be a consequence. But my friend was not talking about the ethics of dating models that you shoot. He was talking about the possibilities of it. The ethics are another matter. Simply put, if they want to date you, you can. If they don't, then you can't.

[MatureDJ]

In the early 1990's, I used to go to a lot of church dances (there was one Catholic parish that would put them on every 2 weeks or so.) Sure, most of the time there was nothing but unattractive or old women or young women with kid or two, but every once in a while there would be an appropriate and attractive young woman who would not be a regular, but would know someone who was a regular, and would happen to be tagging along. Aside from a few steady relationships, I was averaging a date every few months. This all seemed to end around 1995 or so as the supply of such desirable women seemed to dry up.

With the way that American women have the "eww" factor for men over 40, I cannot even think about pursuing American women anymore (which is no problem as I am comfortable spending a great deal of my free time in Eastern Europe.)

[polya]

I think we all know that american women suck, considering they can get child support & welfare at the drop of a hat, they can sit back & be picky, picky, picky. Really, why should they date at all unless you are Brad Pitt?

Don't worry, with the coming collapse the women will get off their high horse when the Governmnet can't pay welfare anymore. Just wait to then & date them (but why bother)!!

[Shokkers]

GAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here we go AGAIN!

This activity or that activity, it doesn't seem to matter.
I keep seeing the repetitive statement "...But the girls/women weren't attractive". (or too old, or whatever)

It's just as petty to hold women to a physical standard as it is for women to hold men to a financial standard.

I fully understand the power of beauty, but I don't think anyone needs to be a slave to it.

Someone once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right." Statements like "Checkmate/Game Over" will paint you into a corner you'll have trouble getting out of.

Just my two cents...
--KK

[Winston]

GAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here we go AGAIN!

This activity or that activity, it doesn't seem to matter.
I keep seeing the repetitive statement "...But the girls/women weren't attractive". (or too old, or whatever)

It's just as petty to hold women to a physical standard as it is for women to hold men to a financial standard.

I fully understand the power of beauty, but I don't think anyone needs to be a slave to it.

Someone once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right." Statements like "Checkmate/Game Over" will paint you into a corner you'll have trouble getting out of.

Just my two cents...
--KK

W: You're right, it's kind of shallow to be fixated on physical beauty. But so what? We live in a shallow world. And the bottom line is that most men would be happier if they were desirable and could get hot women, than if they weren't.

It's not true that if you think you can, you can and if you think you can't, you can't. Sure there's such a thing as a self fulfilling prophecy, but it has its limits. For instance, thinking you can fly or walk through walls isn't going to let you do that. Likewise, thinking that you're Tom Cruise isn't going to make women attracted to you.

Here in Angeles City, I can act like I have low self esteem and be humble and think that no one wants me, but in reality, many women see me as desirable and a great catch here.

See this essay I wrote that exposes the fallacious thought creates reality mantra:

http://www.happierabroad.com/Debunking_New_Age.htm