Why your cousins are not supposed to be your friends, and therefore it's not my fault if my cousins ignore me or are indifferent toward me.
@publicduende,
Thanks for your response and analysis. I'm not sure what your point is though. Do you even have a point or thesis? As usual you seem to have a lot of wrong and false assumptions, and you have things upside down. Let me explain. Please remember what I say so you don't keep making the same mistakes next time.
First, I did NOT start off as some great freethinker and nonconformist high on my horse and look down on everyone. No way. Of course I tried to fit in and be normal. I wanted to be liked and have friends and fun and be accepted and be normal. What young person doesn't? But I was rejected by the mainstream and normal world, ever since I moved to Fremont, CA in 1982. Not by choice. I wasn't liked or accepted. I never felt comfortable. People didn't like me and they didn't know why and neither did I. I didn't know how to be cool or popular. There was no logical way that I could see to be normal. People seem biased and predisposed to disdain me and treat me like a misfit, as though it were all pre-planned and pre-programmed. I had no choice in the matter.
So, being rejected by the normal world, I had nowhere to turn but to seek my own world and my own path. What other choice did I have? I was essentially forced to be a freethinker and nonconformist and find my own meaning and purpose in life. I had no choice. So you see,
I was disliked and rejected by the world BEFORE I ever became a freethinker or intellectual or nonconformist. I don't know why. But Mr S might have some theories as he explained above.
Second, you seem to have a false assumption that my cousins are normal and sociable, and that if I had something in common with them, they would be my friends and buddies and be very social with me. But it doesn't work that way. Let me explain why. Pay attention.
1. First,
mainstream normal people in California and Chinese countries like Taiwan, as well as Asian American communities in the US, do not talk to strangers, even if the strangers have a lot in common or are similar in looks, personality, beliefs and attitude. They only talk to people in their clique and to those introduced by mutual friends, and to people they work with or have a business association with. They do not believe in socializing outside of their clique and work or school. Did you know that?
Let's take a typical suburban neighborhood for instance in California. Even if everyone in that neighborhood was the same - white, middle class, Christian, loves football, baseball, basketball, and believes in equality and civil rights, and has the paranoid mentality that the media wants them to have, and all dress the same and think the same, etc. that doesn't mean everyone will be very social and open with each other, etc. like people in Eastern Europe, Russia and Latin America. NO WAY JOSE! (Perhaps you don't understand since you're not from the US) They will still ignore each other because they are strangers and have no business talking to each other, even if they live in the same neighborhood. It might have been different in the 1950s, 60s or 70s. But since the mid 1980s Americans have been that way - cold and closed toward strangers. (I know this because I remember in 1982 Americans were far more social with neighbors than today, which I experienced firsthand.)
You see, there's an unspoken rule there that everyone knows, which is that a stranger is a stranger and you are NOT supposed to talk to them, even if you have a lot in common with them. The only legitimate reason to talk to a stranger is if you have common friends or have a business-related reason to talk. Other than that, you are expected to ignore the stranger and treat them like they don't exist, and yes, even if you have a lot in common with him or her. It's an unspoken rule that people in North America knows and feels and obeys. The guys on the forum here who are from the US all know this too.
So you could go to Walmart in the US for instance, and see a lot of white trash types there. And rednecks too. Just because they are similar types of people, do you think they will all be open and social to each other? Hell no! They will still ignore each other, in accordance with the social rules. And of course, Asian Americans who are very conformist by nature, will adhere to such social rules the most, because of their Asian nature. This includes all my cousins as well of course.
It's not like this type of conversation exists in America between strangers:
Average American #1:
"I'm very closed and antisocial. I don't talk to strangers unless it's business related. It's abnormal to do so. I believe everything the media tells me. I think like everyone else around me. I'm paranoid of strangers. I'm very normal and ordinary. I dislike people who are abnormal."
Average American #2:
"Great. Me too. I'm the same way. We have a lot in common."
Average American #1:
"Cool. We should be friends and hang out. What's your name? We should exchange numbers so we can visit each other and invite each other over for dinner and go out together and have deep conversations together and share our deepest thoughts together like close friends."
LOL. It doesn't work that way dude! LOL. Come on. Get real publicduende. Even hot American women will not talk to each other, even if they are very similar and think the same way and believe the same things, etc. if they are strangers. In Taiwan I noticed that even though all girls there think alike and act alike, they will not talk to each other if they have no reason to. I took a photo of two female strangers standing next to each other waiting for a bus outside in Taiwan, and they both faced AWAY from each other as though it were too awkward to look toward each other, because that's what strangers are supposed to do! LOL. I will send you that photo on WhatsApp sometime. LOL.
2. Second,
cousins do not think it's normal or expected to try to be friends with each other. They usually see each other as people they have to force themselves to be friendly and polite to at family gatherings. or when their parents meet up and visit each other. They do not talk or hang out privately when their parents aren't around. So they do not think it's even normal to try to be buddies or talk as though they were real friends.
When I was in my child and teens, when my parents would visit their friends, me and their friends' children or teens would watch a movie together or play video games. Even if we had something in common, we were "family friends only" not personal friends. We did not talk or socialize outside of the times our parents meet or visited each other. That's how it was. That's what was normal. At least with Asian Americans in California. Many here have experienced the same as well, even if they are white. Ask the other forum members.
So you see publicduende, the bottom line is this:
Even if I was very NORMAL and had a stable job and career, a stable wife and family, a stable home and routine, etc. my cousins would STILL likely ignore me and treat me like I don't exist and act indifferent toward me, because they have no business talking to me or socializing with me. I am not seen as a friend. I am seen as a relative, and relatives are not buddies, they are people you act polite and superficial with at family gatherings only. But nothing beyond that. And yes this would be true EVEN if me and my cousins had a lot in common with me. Because we are not friends, we do not have mutual social circles, and we do not work together. Hence they have NO REASON to talk to me or be my friend or hang out together privately, because we aren't supposed to and they don't expect to. They don't need me. We don't work together. We aren't in the same social circles. We don't have mutual friends. Etc. All they expect from me is a superficial greeting at family gatherings, and nothing more.
Now, if my cousins were freethinkers, counter-culture types, nonconformists, hippies, New Agers, spiritual seekers, UFO buffs, conspiracy buffs, Truthers, the types that go to Rainbow Gatherings, total misfits, or HAers like us, etc then that would be a different matter of course. As mentioned in other threads, misfits and freethinkers tend to be more open to talking to strangers, and they will have an INSTANT connection when they first meet, as though they were old friends already. Because such types usually understand each other and vibe well and bond well right away, even if they just met. Conformists just don't have that kind of connection, even if they are similar or the same as each other. Nonconformists are more open and approachable with strangers than conformists are, and do not have that ice wall around them that conformist people do in first world countries. I'm sure you probably know that. We mentioned this in another thread here:
viewtopic.php?f=32&t=13232
Here's an example of what I mean. Check out this freespirit hippie YouTuber named Koi Fresco. He's a hippie type with long hair, looks like Jesus, a spiritual seeker, and New Age type. Very bohemian and nonconformist obviously. The type of guy you would see at a Rainbow Gathering. Look at him below.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=koi+fresco
As you can see, if you saw that guy out in public, he would be very approachable and open and glad to talk to you. There would be no ice wall or awkwardness to talk to him. You could talk to him freely and openly, as if he were an old buddy you've known for years. But of course, you cannot do that with mainstream Americans or Chinese who are much more strict and narrow minded, and trying to be "normal". See what I mean?
However, if one of us, or both of us, were mainstream conformists who believe that one should not talk to strangers, and are uncomfortable talking to strangers, and are closed and paranoid like the mainstream are in USA and Taiwan, then there would be that boundary between us. Outside of family gatherings, we would be strangers and not try to be friends. We would not talk like you and I do on WhatsApp publicduende. If we were mainstream people and not in the same clique, we would not talk as freely to each other as we do right? Because mainstream people don't do that. They only socialize with those in their clique. That's what they are comfortable with. They aren't comfortable speaking their mind to people outside their clique, like I'm doing with you right now. No way! LOL
Now I don't know about Italy, but this is how it is in the US and in Chinese based cultures like Taiwan and Hong Kong. Do you understand what I mean? What I said above makes a lot more sense than your analysis, because you assumed wrongly and upside down and didn't look deeper into the matter like I've done above.
Now, sure some people are real friends or buddies with their cousins. Some people even date their cousins and fall in love with them and marry them (See the movie Godfather 3 lol). But I don't think most people are buddies or personal friends with their cousins. And for sure, most people do not date their cousins either, even if they have a crush on them.
Are you personal friends with your cousins? Do you talk to them freely and openly like you talk to me or your other buddies? How about the rest of you here?
Anyway, do you understand the situation and reality now? Do you see how I'm not at fault? This is just the way things are in the US and in Chinese dominated cultures. But outside of that in other countries that are not dominated by Americans, Chinese, Japanese or Koreans, things are probably different. For example, if my cousins were European, they'd probably be a lot more friendly and social and personal with me. There wouldn't be that strict line or ice wall that Americans and Chinese put up around them. Because in Europe, people are far more authentic and soulful in comparison and in general, and thus easier to talk to too, just like the nonconformist/freethinker/freespirit types I mentioned above. Also in the Philippines cousins are more likely to hang out as friends too because it doesn't have such strict boundaries about those things.
Do you get my drift?
Finally,
@El_Caudillo told me that he thinks that people don't dislike me personally, they are just indifferent toward me because they have nothing to say or don't know what to say to me. He said that his New Zealand white cousins only greet him superficially at family gatherings too, but not outside that.
So you see, it's not normal to be friends with your cousin right? Therefore, it's not my fault if my cousins ignore me or are indifferent toward me right?
Thus if one of your cousins died tomorrow, why would you even shed a tear or feel anything? They aren't your friends. They don't care about you. They have no feelings for you either. So why should you care? It would be as sad as if a total stranger died right?
Besides, my cousins are not even cool or fun to hang out with anyway. They are very prudish and square and have no charisma or magnetism or any colorful personality at all.