Funny Jokes thread

Share funny jokes, stories or comical content.
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Winston
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Funny Jokes thread

Post by Winston »

Here are some jokes I know to start off this board.

Q: How are blondes like screen doors?
A: The more you bang them, the looser they get.

Q: A smart blonde, smart brunette, and Santa Claus were walking along the road. Which one was in the lead?
A: The smart brunette, because the other two don't exist.

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympics team?
A: Because everyone who can run, jump or swim has left the country.

Q: What's the difference between anal sex and microwave ovens?
A: The microwave oven doesn't brown the meat.

- This couple just got married and afterward, the man tattooed his wife's name, Wendy, on his penis. When his penis was not erect, it only showed the letters Wy, but when it was erect, it showed the full name Wendy. They went on their honeymoon in Jamaica. There they went to this nude beach. When the man went to the snack vendor for a snack, he noticed that this black guy there also had "Wy" tattooed on his penis. So he asked the vendor, "I got the same letters tattooed on my penis too! Do you have a woman named Wendy too?" He replied, "Nah. Mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica. Please enjoy your stay'".

LOL

Alright, well there's my start!

Post any good ones that you know.
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Winston
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Funny Jokes thread

Post by Winston »

Feel free to add more jokes.

DADDY, HOW WAS I BORN?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers,
'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom
and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room,
and googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download
from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload,
we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
and since it was too late to hit the delete button,
nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
'You got Male'
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and SE Asia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!

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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne
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Winston
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Post by Winston »

Image
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and SE Asia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!

Join my Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne
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Zambales
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Re: Funny Jokes thread

Post by Zambales »

A couple are in their car driving along a country road one day when they come across a weasel lying in the middle of it.

The woman gets out the car.

"George, the poor things half dead. It's freezing cold, what shall we do?"

"Put it down your pants to warm it up"

"What about the smell?"

"Hold it's nose!"
Johnny1975
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Re: Funny Jokes thread

Post by Johnny1975 »

Cornfed.
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Zambales
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Re: Funny Jokes thread

Post by Zambales »

"I need to examine you" the chiropodist says to me

So I took my cock out.

"That's not a foot!" she shrieked

"I know, but it's not far off"
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Cornfed
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Re: Funny Jokes thread

Post by Cornfed »

A man is kneeling by the side of a cliff crying. Another man walks up to him and asks “Why are you crying?”. The first man replies “A busload of Japanese tourists just drove over this cliff”. The other man says “OK but why are you crying?”. The man replies “There were four empty seats”.
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Re: Funny Jokes thread

Post by Garmentprinting »

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
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Winston
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Re: Funny Jokes thread

Post by Winston »

A man receives a message from a neighbour....

"Sorry sir
I am using your wife...
day and night...
When you are not present at home...
In fact , much more than you do.
I confess this now because
I am feeling very guilty .
Hope you will accept my sincere apologies."

The man fell down with a heart attack
and admitted to hospital.

The next day
he receives another message

"Sorry sir
spelling mistake ,
it's not your wife
but it's your wifi ".

🤣🤣🤣. Careful of autotext.
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and SE Asia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!

Join my Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne
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Pixel--Dude
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Re: Funny Jokes thread

Post by Pixel--Dude »

A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.

'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.'

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you
You are free to make any decision you desire, but you are not free from the consequences of those decisions.
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Re: Funny Jokes thread

Post by MrMan »

Pixel--Dude wrote:
July 29th, 2023, 5:16 pm
A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.

'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.'

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you
Even faster than that is the Walmart manager. He gets off work at 7 PM, but he's already at home by 3:30.
MrMan
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Re: Funny Jokes thread

Post by MrMan »

There was this guy who gets pulled over on the highway, a juggler, on his way to juggle knives at a party. The policeman sees the bag of knives in the back seat, pulls out his gun, and sticks it in the jugglers face and says, "I know you. You are that knife serial killer. Get out of the car!"

The juggler explains that he's a knife juggler, manages to show his business card. The policeman, hoping for a free show, asks him to prove it by juggling knives. So the juggler gets the knives out and puts on a show for him right on the side of the freeway.

Along come two country boys in a pickup truck. One says to the other, "Hey Bubba, I told you you'd better quit drinking. Look over there. That drunk driving test gets harder every year."
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Pixel--Dude
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Re: Funny Jokes thread

Post by Pixel--Dude »

Did you guys hear the story of the guy nicknamed "Pun" who walked into a bar and killed ten people?

Pun in, ten dead.
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