Why there's no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

[MattHanson1990]

Plus in many places of the U.S., there's mainly fifty year old grandmas or high school girls. Not much with the 21 to 49 crowd especially when there's 20 percent more single men than women.

Where I'm at stateside, there are virtually no single women; and even the leftovers get snagged off the market. With that said, the social scene is extremely isolating that making new friends is definitely impossible. Even in churches, people still huddle in their cliques and ignore strangers. And even if you have connecting friends currently living in the area, it won't really open doors for you socially. The best scenario is making superficial acquaintances from a meetup.com event.

In contrast, I lived in Guanajuato, Mexico for a month, and it was like night and day from Los Alamos. People were more humble, down to earth, laid back and non-judgmental, but they tended to be a little reserved or shy. However, making friends was a cakewalk in most cases, and I got 3 dates in a span of less than a month. In fact, I didn't need social circle to make new friends or get dates where I was at in Mexico. But once I built social circles, it really opened doors for me socially.

[jamesbond]

Plus in many places of the U.S., there's mainly fifty year old grandmas or high school girls. Not much with the 21 to 49 crowd especially when there's 20 percent more single men than women.

Exactly, I live in the suburbs and all I see are married women (and the occasional single mother). I virtually see NO single women at all, it's like living in the twilight zone!

[droid]

Plus in many places of the U.S., there's mainly fifty year old grandmas or high school girls. Not much with the 21 to 49 crowd especially when there's 20 percent more single men than women.

Exactly, I live in the suburbs and all I see are married women (and the occasional single mother). I virtually see NO single women at all, it's like living in the twilight zone!

They turn 18 and instantly go into hiding, by making a burrow in the forest and webbing a silk cocoon around themselves (pupa). Then slowly meta-morph during 30 years to reach their final form and then hatch.

I'm not making this up

[Cornfed]

Or to put it another way, a lot of attractive young females go off to become corporate whores of various kinds in major cities, only re-entering suburbia when they are used-up middle-aged cat ladies.

[jamesbond]

Plus in many places of the U.S., there's mainly fifty year old grandmas or high school girls. Not much with the 21 to 49 crowd especially when there's 20 percent more single men than women.

Where I'm at stateside, there are virtually no single women; and even the leftovers get snagged off the market. With that said, the social scene is extremely isolating that making new friends is definitely impossible. Even in churches, people still huddle in their cliques and ignore strangers.

I have gone to some church events in the past and the people were not friendly and only hung out with their establish group of friends. This occurs in churches in America, it's unbelievable.

[droid]

Plus in many places of the U.S., there's mainly fifty year old grandmas or high school girls. Not much with the 21 to 49 crowd especially when there's 20 percent more single men than women.

Where I'm at stateside, there are virtually no single women; and even the leftovers get snagged off the market. With that said, the social scene is extremely isolating that making new friends is definitely impossible. Even in churches, people still huddle in their cliques and ignore strangers.

I have gone to some church events in the past and the people were not friendly and only hung out with their establish group of friends. This occurs in churches in America, it's unbelievable.

Exactly, i tried that a few times years back, to be a soul 'mark', and it sucked.
And of course, due to the country-wide surplus of chumps, any girl under 160 would easily have her jock, despite talk of spirituality, bible studies etc LMAO

Pack up dudes!

[Slick]

They turn 18 and instantly go into hiding, by making a burrow in the forest and webbing a silk cocoon around themselves

Or they hide in a world which they focus on their education and become corporate whores. They continue to hide in that world until they start having kids and start their families.

[Adama]

Plus in many places of the U.S., there's mainly fifty year old grandmas or high school girls. Not much with the 21 to 49 crowd especially when there's 20 percent more single men than women.

Where I'm at stateside, there are virtually no single women; and even the leftovers get snagged off the market. With that said, the social scene is extremely isolating that making new friends is definitely impossible. Even in churches, people still huddle in their cliques and ignore strangers.

I have gone to some church events in the past and the people were not friendly and only hung out with their establish group of friends. This occurs in churches in America, it's unbelievable.

That's because you're going to churches full of non-believers (they don't believe the Bible, only what their establishment tells them, which is wrong). Search out a Bible believing church which believes that faith alone in Jesus is what saves, that salvation can't be lost because it is a gift which by definition is not earned and therefore can't be lost, and that it isn't about works of self-righteousness or by keeping the law, but by faith in Christ's sacrifice that washes us free of sin. Go to a church filled with believers, not practitioners of the law.


You find one of those churches and they will keep inviting you back to all kinds of events. I've had people I've known for a day invite me to become a camp counselor and other positions within the church. They are always getting together after church to eat together too. And the three that I have been to near me so far have single women in them (although I don't think any of them were made for me).

[re85with]

I guess in America, if a single guy wants to find a local girl, he would have to attend church, school, or a mall. Maybe he can befriend someone who can help him get a girlfriend. Another option is going on eHarmony or some other domestic dating website. Anyways, I say "good luck" to that single guy.

I, on the other hand, choose to go overseas and find a woman who is feminine, gorgeous, sweet, caring, etc. I can have a girlfriend, wife, or just be friends with different foreign women without any problems. But, if I do the same in America, I would have some problems indeed.

If you go abroad, you would have much freedom to date, marry, or even have sex with different women. Even if a foreign woman knows that you are involved with other women, she probably won't be jealous. Can an American woman do the same if a man is dating her and other women?

[Mercury]

Title: Why there is no real singles scene in America, only Abroad, and how I became the Columbus of the Dating Abroad World

In America everything is geared toward couples and families, not singles. All around you are shops, businesses, entertainment venues, and residential neighborhoods that are designed for couples and families. Even if you go to a restaurant alone, you will be out of place, because everyone else there is not eating alone.

You hit the nail right on the head! And there are even situations where singles are outright forbidden and bluntly turned away! At carnivals and county fairs, some rides, especially the highly popular Zipper, have "No Single Riders" written all over them! And truthfully, Chance Rides, Inc is the absolute most toxic, evil, callous, and cruel company in the Western Hemisphere! They've practically declared war on single people! And from the way they got many Facebook accounts disabled for reviewing them and being against their "No Single Riders" rules, Chance Rides, Inc will blast a single rider to pieces with an RPG attack and order an immediate full nationwide military lockdown before they'll even consider either letting single riders back on the Zipper or pairing the single rider up with someone. And Chance Rides, Inc is the biggest liar in the Western Hemisphere! I've gone as a single rider on the Zipper many times before and can easily say from personal experience that especially a full grown adult riding single on the Zipper can never turn sideways inside those cages and slip his/her legs out from under that lap bar. The extreme vast majority of American carnival ride enthusiasts are toxic, spoiled, and hateful little teenagers. And America is so toxic that God Himself could not pair especially an adult male single rider up with one of those toxic teenagers to go on the Zipper or any carnival ride nationwide.

In America, there is this underlying assumption that if you are an adult, then you already have a partner or family, and are not looking. To "seek a woman to date" is out of flow and against the grain. You are expected to ALREADY have a partner, not to be looking for one. To be in a "seeking mode" is out of place in America. It's weird I know, but that's how it is.

Thus, if you are a single guy in America, you are essentially out of place. Sadly, there is no real "singles scene" in America outside of high school (and fictional Hollywood movies). After high school, every girl seems to be taken, even in college.

In America, when especially women see a guy all by himself, they immediately think by default; "Rapist! Sex predator! Ted Bundy! John Wayne Gacy! Serial killer! Timothy McVeigh! The guys that crashed those planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on 9/11/01! Where there's smoke, there's fire!"

[britishguy19]

Its funny reading this, since here in the UK, people tend to think that Americans are more friendly and open. Yet the reality from people living there seems to be the opposite.

[Man With a Plan]

Its funny reading this, since here in the UK, people tend to think that Americans are more friendly and open. Yet the reality from people living there seems to be the opposite.

It's all subjective. I'm sure you and I both would say that the Brits are rather cold and aloof. The same way yanks say their countrymen are too unfriendly. It's just where the pieces fall on any given day.

[Eric]

What I have a problem with is I have no crew or friends to run with, guys to go out and get some adventures with. Everything I do is by myself.
Where do you meet people??
Its been said that you have to grow up with people here to know a circle of them. If you didnt, you're pretty much f***ed. I'm finding that to be true.

Just on the job is one way, organizations etc. The job thing has to come through..that's only way.

[jamesbond]

In America everything is geared toward couples and families, not singles. All around you are shops, businesses, entertainment venues, and residential neighborhoods that are designed for couples and families. Even if you go to a restaurant alone, you will be out of place, because everyone else there is not eating alone.

In America, there is this underlying assumption that if you are an adult, then you already have a partner or family, and are not looking. To "seek a woman to date" is out of flow and against the grain. You are expected to ALREADY have a partner, not to be looking for one. To be in a "seeking mode" is out of place in America. It's weird I know, but that's how it is.

Thus, if you are a single guy in America, you are essentially out of place. Sadly, there is no real "singles scene" in America outside of high school (and fictional Hollywood movies). After high school, every girl seems to be taken, even in college.

Essentially, there is nothing for a single guy to do, and nowhere to go to meet people. In a typical American town, there isn't a place where a single guy can go to meet available single girls that want to meet men. There are no friendly options to pick up girls that are natural and socially acceptable. Even in bars and clubs, people still huddle into cliques and ignore strangers. They are there to be social with people in their clique, not with strangers.

It does seem as if everything in the US is geared towards married people and children. Other than bars and nightclubs, there is no place for single people to go and meet other people.

[jdean922]

Winston,

I'm an American that's been living in Mexico for several years now, and based on my experiences, you're overall assessment of Mexico is not true.

You claim that Mexico is a more "open" and "passionate" culture, and while this is somewhat true as there does exist an element of romanticism down here that's obviously been absent in the US, a lot of the negative aspects that you mention with regards to American culture or lack thereof do exist down here as well, especially amongst the wealthy segment of the country's population. For instance, you claim that American women are cliquish and that you need to have some sort of preexisting social link pertaining to whatever circles they role in to have a chance with them, but down here in Mexico I've noticed this to be the case as well.

To be quite honest, the nightclub scene down here in general is just horrendous. The women role in cliques and if you lack social proof with regards to whatever realm of society they hang out it, you're pretty much screwed regardless of your looks, personality, personal achievements, etc. The women down here are also very sycophantic and easily succumb to peer pressure. Cockblocking and immature macho behavior are also rampant and at times quite implacable. So even if a girl finds you attractive and enjoys your company, it's quite common for her clique of friends to push you away, sometimes with the threat of violence from the local men. I've endured quite a few scenarios in which the girl was interested in me, only to have her girlfriends rudely interfere with the interaction or to have some pugilistic guy threaten me. I've noticed this mentality outside of the bar and club scene as well. Also, Mexican women are so easily swayed and behave similar to a flock of sheep blindly following one another. There seems to be no sense of individual spirit here. So what you say about conformity is rampant here as well. Sorry, but this doesn't coincide with your theory that people abroad are more "inclusive" and "accepting" of the real "you".

Unfortunately, while Mexicans do in general place more of an emphasis on family and personal enjoyment as opposed to mass consumerism, Mexican society can be extremely hierarchical and nepotistic in which favoritism and snobbery amongst the social classes (i.e. the wealthier Spanish descended populace vs. the poorer mestizo populace) is rife and insurmountable. Mexicans in general judge people based on who they know and the social circles in which they hang in, and this seems to be true regarding the local job market as well, as social connections appear to be more important then personal merit. This crony mentality seems to apply to the dating scene as well, as the girls judge and assess your "value" based upon your status within a particular group while seldom regarding your individual vibe, persona, etc.

Most of the white foreign men down here appear to game the women in lower end venues where being "guero" (white) gives you an advantage, because the women in these less exclusive establishments tend to be of the darker skinned and less economically franchised mestizo variety that view anything white and foreign as some sort of prize. Personally I find these types of women to be distasteful and highly duplicitous as I've seen these women throw themselves at men that lacked any charisma whatsoever just because they were "guero" and foreign. Disgusting indeed.

So in a nutshell, the dating scene has been surprisingly bad here because the affluent women from the nice and secure neighborhoods will usually blow you off unless you have some kind of connection or predominant influence regarding that particular niche (i.e. the son of a local influential family, etc.), and the poorer girls that come from the more marginal and sometimes unsafe areas usually throw themselves at anything that's white, which is just too nefarious for my tastes. So therefore, you'll pretty much have to lowball it and settle for someone who might not have your level of income or education or worse; someone who's just looking to roll some unsuspecting and ingenuous foreigner who doesn't understand the local street culture.

My main complaint with your website is that while I do agree with virtually all of your negative opinions and commentaries pertaining to US society, I feel as if those inconveniences and calamites exist abroad as well, not just in America. You give the impression that anyone who walks off US soil will be automatically living some hedonistic existence free of any snobbery, cliquishness, exclusion, etc, and unfortunately this is just not a true assessment. Furthermore, I get the impression based on your biographical background that the only place where you've personally traveled in Mexico was Tijuana, which is an extremely poor representation of what Mexico is like as a country. I have the impression that you're quite familiar with Eastern Europe and SE Asia, and not so much acquainted with Latin America, so therefore, your evaluation of Mexico is severely skewed and not accurate.

Just my two cents after reading your material. I'm curious to read your response whenever you can respond.