Not particularly. The fact you have never been here, or you have only been here for a total of a few weeks, doesn't mean you are not entitled to an opinion, and that your opinion is not the product of some serious thinking. I appreciate the way you and a handful of others, including gsjackson and droid, engage on countless threads are all about me and my problems. Not so usual to find people who care at all, especially online. The fact their opinions and points of view differ from yours can only be a good thing: best things come from dialectics, clash of perspectives.Johnny1975 wrote:I know it must be frustrating listening to someone who's never been there, and who hasn't seen what you've seen, or knows what you know, and hearing me being simplistic. I get it. I'm sure there are lots of things that I've said that probably make you think wow, this guy really doesn't know what it's like over here.
This is something I would like to know more about. Who are the others who are "doing well"? What is your definition of doing well? If by doing well you mean having access to a lot of p***y at short notice, or getting a lot of (often unsolicited/unwanted) female attention and interest, or living la vida loca with young hotties who love to party with you, these are all attainable goals. Attainable, so long one doesn't pay too much attention to the quality of the women, which is the single most important element when looking for a serious, long-term relationship.Johnny1975 wrote:However, I keep thinking about the fact that although you're having bad luck, plenty of others are doing well. And no, I don't think it's always because they have very low standards or are just tourists or whatever. The way you talk about how things are for you is not something that I hear often.
Believe me, if you can. Whatever your definition of "doing well", finding a girl who ticks even just half of my boxes (young, pretty, well educated and reasonably ambitious, decent family, not so desperate to get a boyfriend, never married/no kids) is much, much harder than you can imagine.
Please review your online chat friends. If you are happy to disclose statistics, obviously without making any names, please tell me: how many of them are from metropolitan areas (Metro Manila, Metro Cebu, Davao, etc.) and how many of them from smaller cities and neck of the woods townships? I have only been on FC for a few short days ane received dozens of messages and "hearts" (expression of interest).
Despite making it very clear that I live in Davao, have a business in Davao, am serious about settling in Davao and "catch me, I'm in Davao", I have perhaps received 5 or 6 messages from women living here or around here. All of them were unattractive and in their late 30s to 40s. Where are the locals? I tell ya: they are too sophisticated for someone like me and you. They stick to their peers, who are certainly not scarce, despite the incredible number of gays and ladyboys I see around. The few who do have a fancy for foreign boys will be able to find much younger and better looking guys just by hitting a mall, going to a bar or the few decent clubs downtown.
So there's your solution: go date in smaller cities. A logistical nightmare, if you know how badly the Philippines are connected! Even to spend a day in uneventful Digos City, the closest decent-sized town outside Davao, one has to take a 2-to-3 hour ride, which times two, means you spend half of your day travelling. It might make sense if I already had a strong prospect, but I don't and doubt I ever will. Plus, as I realised with the girl from Dumaguete, girls found outside the cities are even less educated and more simpletons.
Yes they might be "gems" for those men who are convinced that they have to groom the girl like a father. I am not one of them. I am looking for somebody with a personality and a brain, not someone whom I need to teach the basics of English and the basics of life. Yes, of course I'll have to look for someone a bit more mature than 20 or 21...and that's where you see the ocean of single moms and seasoned spinster who take you 5 minutes to understand why they have so far remained loveless.
One more about your definition of success: I were to judge from the foreigners I know here who are with Filipinas, they are with far less than remarkable girls. The few young stud types I know know they can have it good and bed a different girl every night, if they are sober enough to remember!, and avoid commitment at all costs. The adult foreigners who have a Filipina gf are with uneducated, plain and poor looking girls. The few times I see them in their company, the girls seem more preoccupied with typing on her brand new phone than talking to their partners.
I have no idea if these men are happy and contented, but surely - knowing a few of them and their cultural levels - I must conclude they must have compromised quite a lot when looking for a girl. Or maybe hooked up with the first girl who was introduced to them by neighbours, acquaintances. All in all, I would personally think twice when calling them "success stories".
The expat experience thing is one of the things that fooled me, too, LOLJohnny1975 wrote:Also, I think about the fact that I've chatted to loads of filipinas on dating sites, and a reasonable number of them have been fairly articulate. When I say teach them english I don't mean from scratch, I just mean a few corrections here and there, if necessary.
I have no experience over there, so I can only speculate or go from my limited experience on dating sites, plus everything I've heard and read for the last few years. For the most part it's positive. Again, there has to be one or two significant reasons why you in particular are having bad luck.
I was in Davao a mere 4 years ago. Not more than a few weeks, but I clearly remember the city being more provincial than now and girls far more approachable. It might be the Duterte effect that instilled pride in Davaoenos and Davaoenas - and rightly so! - but this round of Davao life is presenting itself a lot more challenging. The humble girls are just as plain and un-interesting than before and the few pretty girls are more "maldita" (snobbish) than ever. I put that down to even more visual social media like Snapchat and Instagram, that took away even more of the textual/descriptive aspect in favour of pure selfie narcissism. But, as you know, this is a worldwide phenomenon. I can assure you it's well felt here and especially here.
Moral of the story...emerging societies like the Philippines are in tumultuous change and what is true or partly true on one foreign tourist or expat account in 2015 might no longer apply in 2017. I can definitely see that that window of opportunity for adult foreigners looking for a Filipina young gem is closing fast. Davao is already kaputt, Cebu has been for a long while. Metro Manila is more of a go, but simply because it's an awfully sprawling megalopolis where all walks of life can be found.
What I can, sadly, conclude is that unless I embark on a long journey through the Mindanao (or the Visayan) province, which is impossible given my work constraints, expressly looking for a pretty but semi-literate girl to extract from her family context and bring with me to Davao, I will always get diddy squat. That is perhaps my only way out of this.
The simple thing I am not doing is: I am not heading out for the province, the smaller towns, especially the university towns (like Koronadal, Iligan or Zamboanga) looking to "recruit" a girlfriend. That is the *only* thing that would work.Johnny1975 wrote:You've spent a lot of time and energy explaining why it's not working out for you. There's always a reason, always an explanation, and I'm not saying that you're making it up. But if it turns out that there's one simple thing that you're not doing, or one thing that you're not compromising on which perhaps you could, or just one thing that you might change, wouldn't it be a better use of your energy to try to figure out what it is?
It's simple at the end of the day. Either that country / region / city absolutely objectively does not have what you're looking for, or it does but you're not seeing it. If it doesn't, leave.
I can't leave now without killing the business, that's the problem. I have 15 staff and several projects, it would be incredibly selfish of me to leave everything just to give myself a (dubious) chance to find love in the deep province.