For the white guys here with asian girlfriend or wives

[The_Adventurer]

I have mixed feelings and China is so large that it's tough to generalize. I really like Chinese women and the food and the fact that is is so different but my enthusiasm has waned over the years and it is time to go home and take my wife back to the US of Gay. South and West China are much better than the north; cleaner, friendlier and more laid back. That article was written from a guy living in Changchun, a northern industrial city. It is much better in places like Chengdu, Chongqing and Shenzhen. Yunnan province is great at the foothills of the Himalayas; just fabulous. I am now in dirty Beijing and having to deal with the aggressive northern Chinese men who I have almost fought with on 2 occasions. Rich assholes who will run over you if you aren't careful. It's affecting my perspective. I was much more optimistic when I lived in SW China.

I totally get that. I was extremely optimistic when I arrived, and my feelings have degraded over the years. I still do, and always will, love the food. I haven't had better anywhere in the world. I usually live in Guizhou province, in beautiful country, with a somewhat laid back atmosphere and pace of life. I sometimes work in Shanghai. Since I ain't looking for women, I like the big city vibe and all the conveniences. Both can be very cool places.

I do, however, find the women to be way to materialistic and money focused, and "keeping up with the Joneses" seems to be a huge problem here, largely because of face. I also find them to be too confrontational, often seeming to like to disagree just for the sake of disagreeing and finding something to fight about. Also, this "tiger mom" type of reverse psychology they employ can get on my nerves. How they treat their children is even worse. On the other hand, I am a foreigner and some of these things are cultural. Clearly, people here don't see it that way and don't have a problem with it. I often see two women raising their voices and talking fast and I think they are fighting, but they actually aren't. I often think my wife is treating someone like shit, but that person seems happy to keep coming back and hanging out with her, so it must just be my misinterpretation.

There are other big issues which have destroyed my feelings for this place though.

Internet Access
I do internet business. I am just sick and tired of the pitiful internet services here. Most locals will never notice it because they only visit Chinese sites. This is fine. You can stream HD video in realtime on a phone and it's all good. My business requires 90% connection to outside sites.Thus, I also need a VPN for just about everything. Even if I get super fast 20Mbps service, it may work as advertised inside China and at 4:00 AM, but connecting to foreign sites and during primetime evening hours it is literally unusable. I do most of my work in the middle of the night now.

Visa Issues
The hassles with visas make me feel they really just don't want me here. I don't teach, so I don't have a school to do this stuff for me. I don't work for a large company that could probably easily handle such things. I am largely independent. Even being married to a local is no guarantee because, in the end, it is largely up to the officer you happen to be standing in front of when you present your papers. Even with my friend, who owns a small to mid-sized company in Shanghai, helping me, the amount of hassle is outrageous, and I will probably have to waste time and money flying to HK and back for the second time since I have been here. My visa expires this month. If I successfully handle it, it will be for the last time, and then I am done.

I won't be taking my wife and kid back to USA though. Especially, not this week, as I think some of Taco's stuff will happen, though to what level I don't know. I would rather keep them somewhere in Asia. I would love to move to Philippines, but since relations between China and Phils are so bad, that wouldn't be good for my wife. Singapore would be good for everyone, but once again, I wouldn't be working for some big company, so visa issues would abound. Korea would work for me, but I don't know how it would be for her visa wise. I still have to find the right place.

[tjh14]

I lucked out in the wife department as she doesn't have the excessive materialism or the bad temper I hear guys talking about. She is perpetually sweet and calm while I am the more volatile one. Good thing too, as I would just get on a plane and leave a difficult woman like that behind. I have encountered these women at work though and there is no placating them so I resign myself to just having an enemy.
The only VPN I use reliably is ExpressVPN using the TCP setting. I am sure there are others. Had a bad experience with Strong Vpn. For business, I can imagine that this would be a pain.
I need to go back home for a few years and then retire, hopefully in the Phils if I can get my wife to live there. I like it much better than China but it is not easy to make money in the Phils, at least I didn't know how. Easy to make and save money in China maybe easier than in America.
If all hell breaks loose I'm not sure where a safe place would be.
I know a couple of guys living easily on 7,000 rmb a month social security in Yunnan province so that is a good second choice to the Phils.

[The_Adventurer]

You definitely got lucky. I only know one woman, in all my years here, who is not like that. She was my first ever translator and the sweetest person I know in any country. Most other women are little firecracker, especially at the office. They even talk to the boss of the company that way. He's a local Shanghai man. They would be fired instantly if it were me. But clearly there is also something cultural at play because there is never any real anger or animosity after such "heated" exchanges.

Were it not for having a kid, I would have gotten on a plane already. Although I could easily live on 7000 rmb a month in Guizhou or Yunnan, these places have no international schools for my kid. Such schools also cost 7000, or so, per month and are usually in larger expensive cities. The best are, of course, in Shanghai and Beijing. That's why I am seriously looking at Phils again. It's sad really. Guizhou and Yunnan type places have been largely untouched by all major world events. Even the Japanese never made it into Guizhou during WWII. People grow a lot of their own food and can be pretty self sufficient. If all hell breaks loose, I think they would be great places to ride it out. (Unless America attacks China and they start hating all Americans. Then again, I can pass for African.)

There are many things in China I like better than Phils. There are also things in Phils I like better than China. In the end, I think Phils offers more freedom for the expat and more control over one's time. Time is extremely important to me. Time and freedom are what got me into his HA movement.

[mentor]

I don't think Asian guys appreciate what they have. Just live with a bitchy white woman in America for 20+ yrs. then you understand why we have yellow fever. Am I grateful, Oh yes.

True words.

[chanta76]

Mentor and Lorenzo,

I think it depends on the Asian girl you marry or date not all Asian girls are a God send and at the same time it;s a stereotype to say that Asian men don't appreciate their own women. It actually comes out as a racial statement. It's like me saying white men don't appreciate their own white women.

[tjh14]

It actually comes out as a racial statement. It's like me saying white men don't appreciate their own white women.

I know that there are differences between the races and generalizations often do fit, although never completely. I can't imagine someone who has experienced many places and cultures thinking that descriptions of groups is racist, the most often misused accusation I know. Some would have you believe that there are no differences or outstanding characteristics between racial groups or sexes of any sort, nor any clearly defined characteristics. Maybe it's only a tendency based on culture and not race but some are so blinded by their PC ideology that any description of any group which might be considered unflattering is claimed to be racist.
Russians and Irish drink too much? Racist
Filipinas are promiscuous? Racist
Chinese men are loud and spit in public? Racist
etc., etc.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... stead.html

[mentor]

I don't think the discussion point is about superiority for most men.
It is about to find a simple decent girl, with all the features that women of western societies 'forgot' or lost.
I am not telling that there are not guys who just want to f@@k and boost their ego, but I think that most western men who deal with asia girls, want just a nice girl as I said.

[Tenn]

It has nothing to do with Asian men.

I dated a Korean girl and Asian men never entered my mind. She was just a very pretty girl with a bad attitude. Worth it for awhile though. I did feel superior to my white friends with their white girlfriends. Messed up and married what I thought was a sweet blonde. Bleh.