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Discuss what's wrong with American women. Share problems, experiences and stories about them and why they suck so bad that you've had to resort to dating abroad and foreign women.
I was browsing through profiles in POF.com and found a woman who claims that men don't her out ( or other women) anymore. She claims that she puts effort into going out yet no luck from men.
In surprised by that because this goes against the idea that we get off this site and from others that America is a big Las Vegas for women. They choose and pick all the time and have men run after them like celeberties.
What do you think ?
Here's a link to her profile :
I just looked at her pictures and read her profile, she seems to be very picky about what kind of guys she dates. For example she says, "I'm a catch. Master's degree, good job in software, work out all the time (sometimes competitively) honest, loyal, kind, smart, funny, low maintenance, outdoorsy, fun. I'm looking for someone kind, thoughtful, intelligent, healthy, active, literate and social.
I generally only respond to guys who look around my age group, with a nice picture (Smile!) I'm not likely to respond if you're out of shape or have kids. I'm not totally against dating someone with kids but I'm not really a kid person. I'll then look at your profile and if it says you're not interested in a commitment or only casual dating, I won't be replying.
Whoever gets me should be lucky because nothing makes me happier than making someone I care about happy.
She ends her profile by saying this, "Prove you read these things. End your email with this phrase: purple monkey dishwasher. Please send more than a "sup?" "hi" or "sexy." Otherwise I won't respond and I'm gonna assume you're shotgunning."
To be honest, she is 32 and is average looking, maybe she shouldn't be so picky about what guys she dates.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
I agree, she's average at best. Only reason she's advertising is that she's holding out for perfection.
Exactly, just like a lot of American women, she is looking for "Mr. Right" which means, "Mr. Perfect."
Someone should tell American women that the perfect man does not exist. No one is perfect and why the hell would an average looking woman think that she deserves "the perfect man?"
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
For some reason, someone decided to link me to this forum, thinking it would be funny.
Yes, I agree that I'm average looking and, thanks so much for the self-esteem boost I don't see what any of you guys look like or whether you're above average yourself. However, I can't really afford plastic surgery, so I'm doing as best as I can with what I've got. I also work out a lot, but I didn't post any of my bikini pictures because I didn't want to attract guys that were just looking for sex. But, I do work very hard on sculpting my body and I attract a lot of very fit and hot men when I DO attract men (the problem with the recent fit attractive guy that was interested in me is that he's about to move to another state).
Really, I'm just a lonely person who wants another person in her life and I think I've done a lot to attract a decent man. And yes, a lot of the men I've dated were average looking as well, which was fine. I truly fell for some of them when they were showing a lot of kindness towards me, but it never worked out. One of them was asexual, another one was addicted to pot and one of them dumped me. I am actually not that picky. I literally just don't get approached that much or go on that many dates and when I ask men out, they say no. I date a wide variety of men outside my "type". Plus, I do try to raise my "value" as much as possible and try to be the best person I can and have skills/interests that would make other people want to know me or know things that can benefit other people. That's how I got into cooking. I just try to be a good person and the kind of person someone would want as a girlfriend. I never once said I wanted the PERFECT man. I said I'd like someone in shape (since I work out 5x a week) and without kids who is also looking for a relationship. Since I literally get multiple messages on POF on an HOURLY basis (and this is going on for months), I don't see any point with wanting to weed out a few, especially when the average guy who messages me is some 21 year old kid that puts one word in his email and has zero things in common with me. I've never dumped a decent guy that wanted to date me. I've only dumped guys for huge red flags that I think anyone would agree with (joblessness, celibacy, finding out about a history of felonies, finding out about a potentially violent temper, etc)
I'm not sure what's bad about 32 anyway. I'm at the point in my life where I can afford my own place, my own car, have my debts paid off, have a little extra and also have the typical raging sex drive of a woman in her early 30s. I don't have emotional problems, drama or kids from previous relationships. I don't see anything that should prevent me from wanting a decent guy.
She's a decent looking educated girl who seems to have a good job. That puts her a bit out of reach for the typical HA type. One of the goofy tenets of HA is that it is reasonable for men to have requirements of a mate but that women are being unreasonable when they do so.
Hi. I can see that you are the woman in that profile, and someone sent you a message on plenty of fish telling you that you are being talked about.
I have some comments about your profile.
Men don't approach women anymore, and they seem turned off when they are themselves approached by women. Why do men see dating as stressful?
If that's a serious question, there is a serious answer. The reason why men in western countries are increasingly disillusioned with dating is because it's a waste of time to date western women, for the most part. The quality of women in western countries has decreased to a level that is intolerable to an increasing number of men. If you'd like to find out more about this, there's plenty of information around, including here, not just here in the forum but on the main site (just click on HOME above). You might not like what you read but if you take heed, you might be one of the few western women who benefits from the information.
I'm a catch. Master's degree, good job in software, honest, loyal, kind, smart, funny, low maintenance, outdoorsy, fun. I also work out a lot, sometimes competitively. I've done bikini/bodybuilding, marathons and power lifting competitions.
You say that you're a catch. Then you go on to list things which in men's eyes, doesn't contribute to you being a catch. I'm referring to your masters degree, your job in software, your competitive workouts, your bodybuilding, marathons and power lifting competitions. Those things aren't attractive to men. They are either neutral or negative in terms of feminine attractiveness or in terms of being a catch. Men aren't looking for ambitious, career driven women. Men aren't looking for women who possess characteristics that are attractive in men. The bit about you being honest, loyal etc, that's all good stuff, but all the other stuff is not. If you wanted to list more stuff, you should have spent some time thinking about what is attractive to men, and then asked yourself if you have that quality. It's never too late to change your profile.
I'm not likely to respond if you're out of shape or have kids.
If a man were to put that on his dating profile, he would be seen as the big, bad, mean man. I'm just telling you that so you appreciate the fact that certain things are acceptable for women to say but not for men. Also, I personally get extremely turned off by a woman on a dating site who says phrases like "I'm unlikely to respond if..." There are better ways of phrasing it, ways which make you sound friendly, rather than hostile. It doesn't make a good impression.
I'm not really a kid person
You said that you are a catch, and yet you aren't that keen on kids. One of the things that is attractive to men is a woman with a maternal instinct. If you lack that (and that's the impression that you've given) then I'm afraid that doesn't make you a catch.
Prove you read these things. End your email with this phrase: purple monkey dishwasher. It's a trick I used in my last job to make sure people actually read my emails
This is one of the most annoying things that I see on women's profiles. Telling someone to quote something to prove that they read your profile is a huge turnoff and a massive red flag. I would never dream of sending a message to a woman who put that on her profile. I'm not even going to explain why, I'll let you think about what the reason might be. Telling someone to say purple monkey dishwasher makes you sound like an idiot.
I hope you will take the time to think about that. If you don't listen to what men want and like, you won't find someone, and even if you do, it won't last. But if you listen, you might.
I appreciate your responses.
I DO get hundreds of emails a day, so even if I'm not YOUR idea of a catch, I'm someone's idea of a catch. The five emails that came to my inbox when I got up to write this certainly prove that.
"Those things aren't attractive to men. They are either neutral or negative in terms of feminine attractiveness or in terms of being a catch"
That is your opinion and also the opinion of many ex-pats but I would definitely not say a woman being educated, with a fit and toned body and a good job is a turn off for men, especially in Austin, TX where the rate of living is very high (so if you don't have a good job you're not much fun to date) and most men here are also competitively athletic.
While a lot of men don't see career ambition as important and would rather want a mother to their kids, there are still LOTS of women in the U.S. who are struggling single mothers at my age. Most women my age are making half as much money as me, as the average I think is around $35k. Now, a man might want a woman to settle down and raise his kids but that requires a man to have MONEY. A good amount of it if he intends to support multiple people. My goal isn't to land a man to support me, however, it's to find someone to laugh, love and grow old with me. I don't think there are enough of these rich men to go around. If I were to limit myself only to the men who want to support a housewife and her children, I would find very few men in a pool to competitively pick from. So, all I want is a man who can support himself. I've had lots of men tell me that they don't want to support a woman because she has a job instead of a career and would stick him with all the bills. I've also had men tell me they've dumped a lot of women because those women were in debt, but my degree and everything is all paid off.
I will change the negative tone of my profile, however it's true that I don't want children. I don't believe most American men are fit to be fathers because that means staying with one woman the rest of their lives and paying for multiple people's livelihoods. The rate of single mothers makes me think I would also be a single mother if I had children, and then where would I be in terms of landing a boyfriend? Much worse off.
As for the submissive part, yes, if a man wants to support me... he will get someone loyal, trustworthy, honest and adoring. I'd clean the house and cook him gourmet meals all the time. I'd keep in shape and attractive for him (as attractive as I can get, which is apparently not very attractive to you guys). I'd get plastic surgery if he'd pay for it. But the fact of the matter is I don't see this happening. Most men I meet won't even pay for the date- they insist on going dutch now.
Oh and if I leave out the negative stuff, I will get many more emails, but I will also get hundreds of emails to wade through from men who are much older or younger than me, obese and with children. You have no idea how many emails even average women get on this site. If you are turned off by my profile, that is fine, because we appear to be incompatible anyway. However, at the risk of having to wade through emails from incompatible people, I'll take your advice and omit some things and change my tone.
Of course no one has really talked about the reason this was posted: why men in America don't seem to want to date.
You should realise that we've had western women here many times, so there's not much you can say that will surprise us. We've heard a lot of it before already. It's nothing new.
You begin your post by thanking us for our responses. On the face of it, it sounds like a very noble gesture. But then in your next sentence you passive aggressively state that you get hundreds of messages a day, and that there are many men who for them, you are a catch.
And yet you're 32 and single. For a woman, that's not good news. It makes some women very bitter, as I'm sure you probably know.
So, either you are getting messagesfrom hundreds of good enough men who you regard as losers who are not good enough for you, or, you are indeed getting hundreds of messages from actual, real losers, in which case one has to ask themselves why am I attracting losers? What is it about me?
Not to mention the fact that men are programmed by nature to pursue women, therefore you are almost certainly not the only one that is being messaged by those hundreds of guys.
Masculine ambitions in a woman are not attractive to men. That's not just my opinion, that's the concensus of all men who would be honest with you.
No one here has any problem with a woman being educated. In fact women from eastern Europe and Asia and Latin America could wipe the floor with western women in that regard, as well as in other areas.
As for having a nice body, same deal. Women in many other countries eat natural food, lots of vegetables and fruit, and they live a healthy lifestyle. By contrast many western women really let themselves go, or overcompensate by moving into their local gym.
The reason why there are a lot of struggling single mothers in western countries is because by and large, western women either leave perfectly good men, or they go with the type of guy who will leave them and the kid(s). In other words, bad choices on the part of women is the main cause of single motherhood.
Where have all the good men gone? That's a common question among western women. Funny how foreign women mostly don't feel the need to ask that. If you think that most western men are unfit to be parents, you really need to read more. It is in fact mostly the other way around.
If you were to become a parent, you most likely would end up as a single mother. I make that educated guess based on the fact that after hundreds of guys messaging you on POF, you still haven't managed to choose one, which doesn't speak well of your ability to make a good decision.
What you say about submission shows how little you understand what men want. You say that you will be submissive for a guy who supports you. That's not how it works. A woman who puts on an act of submissiveness, in other words a woman who is not naturally respectful and submissive to men, that's not the kind of woman that a guy wants. If you go to certain other countries you will find that the women there don't act submissive, they are submissive. It's not an act.
Blame feminism for so many guys wanting to split the bill.
The reason why there is an increasing number of western men who don't want to date western women is because they are sick and tired of western women's bullshit.
Honestly, before I read any of the comments here, I clicked and viewed your profile and I thought that you are really attractive. No, you are definitely well above average. I like your first photo a lot! Every guy has his own scale, but you look really good to me. You also sound very genuine and no-nonsense in your write-up and your hobbies are very similiar to mine. If you weren't living on the other end of the country from me, I might have messaged you.
However, this would have given me pause:
Yes, this is a problem and I do speak for the majority of men when I say that we want a woman with a maternal/motherly instinct. It sounds like your lack of desire to have children is being driven by cynicism because of what you see around you: single mothers, irresponsible fathers, divorces, etc. Hypothetically, If you could have a loving faithful man and a family, would you take it? There is still a little time at your age to have children, or there is the option of adoption. Either way, you should be more positive. Having a negative attitude about it and saying you don't care much for kids is possibly an indicator of a general cynical/nasty vibe you're putting out that is repelling to most men. Take some time this weekend to ponder on how you came to have such a negative view of children, family and motherhood.
Yeah, like Johnny said, edit out the negative stuff. You partially answered your question about why men don't date/ask out women in your previous statement above. Online dating is a soul-crushing experience for most men! Yes, there are lots of weirdos and players bombarding your inbox. So if a decent guy who could be a good match sends you a message, you're likely to not even read it. This is why the kind of man you want to meet probably doesn't even bother with online dating. Other reasons why men don't date so much these days range from the low amount of quality, feminine women to the completely emasculating dating dynamics brought about by the hook-up culture and female hypergamy. Men are starting to realize there's no use in trying when the cards are stacked against us and there's little incentive for a man to be a gentleman and approach, date and commit to a woman in America nowdays.
Anyways, you're an attractive-looking woman with a stable job and some cool interests. But if you're ever going to find a quality man to do life with, in this day and age, you're going to have to do some of the ground work yourself. Listen to what we're telling you and change your tune a bit. Be smarter in the way you go about attracting/meeting men online and in RL. Examine your past and find out why you have a pattern of failed relationships and fix the problem that is causing it. With a little spit and elbow grease, I think you still have a chance to land a good guy.
Last edited by fightforlove on March 28th, 2014, 8:55 pm, edited 9 times in total.
I agree. I think she has a chance.
I think online dating for women is very easy, as long as they don't abuse the position that they're in.
If she's getting loads of messages, what she should do is :
1 - Wade through every single one of them, and have a quick look at the guy's profile. If he seems ok, make a note and get back to him later. If all he said was hi, don't write him off. She should realise that men are the pursuers, and when you send well thought out messages again and again and you get nowhere due to pickiness from women, it's easy to say f**k it, I'll just say hi. So just because he says hello and not much else, that's no reason to assume that he's got nothing to say. It's just a conversation starter. The obvious implication is : hey, I want to chat with you, check out my profile and if you think I seem ok, let's chat. Women should know this. If a guy walks up to a woman in person and says hi, it's considered confident. When he does it online, the woman thinks he's an idiot or a loser with nothing to say. Not true. Women are missing out by being so fixated on being wowed in a first message. Rapport has to be earned over time. When filipinas initiate chats with me, guess what they say? Hello, or hi. That's it. And that's good enough for me.
2 - One by one, have a chat with the ones that seem alright.
3 - Make a choice.
4 - If it doesn't work out, rinse and repeat.
In a way I can understand women's overwhelm at getting so many messages and not knowing who to chat with. But women should understand that men have limited lifespans too and we can't be racking our brains for every single woman in the first message. If he says hi, check his profile, look at his pictures, and get a feel for him.
It's like being in a candy store for women. But no matter how many options you have, none of it means a thing is you don't make a choice. Nearly all women have options. What they don't have is choice because they don't ever make one. And then the narcissistic enjoyment of all that adulation takes over, and then they start wondering if maybe they are worth more and more. You're not. You're just a woman. Make a choice, or stay alone.
So, there is a balance between looking for ways to better myself and being told "if you're such a catch, why are you alone?/if you're so great, why are you single?"
Really, the "what's wrong with you" line of questioning is as soul-crushing as anything else. How can someone be with me if I'm not single in the first place to be with? At some point, everyone is single or newly single, no matter how great they are. Plus, I live in a town that appears to be more dominated by women than men and I've heard it's much different in Dallas or Houston than it is my city. I don't think there is anything wrong with me, but I do think I am exhausted from being online so long and it's gotten me a little negative, yes, and I'm not putting forth the effort to make the most of it as I should. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I got stood up over two dozen times last year and the fact that a few men showed up to dates hung over or texting the whole time... just not present at all. Sometimes I feel like I'm putting in all the work (including paying for my half of the dinner) and getting nothing out of it. I understand that almost everyone goes through something like this though and I have to keep my chin up and be more positive. It's much easier for me to just get another job, another hobby, spend more time with friends or get a friends with benefit, but it just helps for the short term and keeps me single in the long term.
I edited my profile a bit. I also edited my profile on okcupid as well.
The sad thing is that if I met the right guy, I would have his children, but with the rate of divorce and single motherhood, I'm just not willing to make that gamble... not easily by any means anyway. I met a guy online two years ago who I thought was perfect for me, and I would have changed my mind about motherhood for him, but he dumped me... well, I still don't ever know if I got the real reason.. he said I was too into sex and he thought I was faking it. He accused me of faking all my feelings for him and said I was incapable of a deep connection with him and then threw me out. I'm still heartbroken over it. Maybe I'm holding out because I just don't want to go through that again.