Growing up too fast

[BellaRuth]

I've long wanted to move out of the UK for various reasons, but since last night my eyes were really opened and I feel pretty damn depressed. There's no way I am ever having children here, in this environment.

I'm only 25 but so much has changed so fast. I am still in a little cosy bubble, I think, of creative-type middle-classes and students, so I don't see the worst of it.

Basically, when I was 11, I didn't care what I looked like at all. I dressed for comfort only, unless it was a school disco or something. I spent my time playing with my dog, hanging out with my friends in the park just talking and messing around being the child I was, reading, going to school, whatever. I was just a little girl. I would never have ever contemplated makeup at that age and the idea of looking 'hot' would have been alien. I remember what me and my friends said we wanted to be when we grew up- a marine biologist, an air stewardess, a teacher, a writer. We didn't really think about being rich or famous, just having a happy normal life.

I have a niece who is now 11. I hadn't had chance to spend much time with her until recently as we lived far away. She acts and looks like an 18 year old at least. She wears makeup and 'smokey eyes' all the time no matter what she is doing or where she is going, chooses clothes based on what she thinks makes her look hotter and has adopted this odd, breathy, dopey kind of accent (she thinks it's like the girls from The Only Way is Essex, an awful UK show based on materialistic airheads). She wants to be famous and rich as some sort of dancer or celebrity and has no 'realistic' career aspirations. She says she thinks everyone from Peter Andre (a man old enough to be her father) to Justin Beiber is 'sooo sexy, oh my goddd'. She knows lots of people in her school who have already had sex.

What the hell? Me and my older sister were really aghast at this. At her age, I knew about sex, what it involved, etc., but I knew it wasn't for kids my age. If anyone had said they had had sex that young they would have been met with a mixture of pity and revulsion. But now it's 'normal' to have sex at 11. I bet most of these girls haven't had their periods yet.

Really shocked and depressed.

[Rock]

I've long wanted to move out of the UK for various reasons, but since last night my eyes were really opened and I feel pretty damn depressed. There's no way I am ever having children here, in this environment.

I'm only 25 but so much has changed so fast. I am still in a little cosy bubble, I think, of creative-type middle-classes and students, so I don't see the worst of it.

Basically, when I was 11, I didn't care what I looked like at all. I dressed for comfort only, unless it was a school disco or something. I spent my time playing with my dog, hanging out with my friends in the park just talking and messing around being the child I was, reading, going to school, whatever. I was just a little girl. I would never have ever contemplated makeup at that age and the idea of looking 'hot' would have been alien. I remember what me and my friends said we wanted to be when we grew up- a marine biologist, an air stewardess, a teacher, a writer. We didn't really think about being rich or famous, just having a happy normal life.

I have a niece who is now 11. I hadn't had chance to spend much time with her until recently as we lived far away. She acts and looks like an 18 year old at least. She wears makeup and 'smokey eyes' all the time no matter what she is doing or where she is going, chooses clothes based on what she thinks makes her look hotter and has adopted this odd, breathy, dopey kind of accent (she thinks it's like the girls from The Only Way is Essex, an awful UK show based on materialistic airheads). She wants to be famous and rich as some sort of dancer or celebrity and has no 'realistic' career aspirations. She says she thinks everyone from Peter Andre (a man old enough to be her father) to Justin Beiber is 'sooo sexy, oh my goddd'. She knows lots of people in her school who have already had sex.

What the hell? Me and my older sister were really aghast at this. At her age, I knew about sex, what it involved, etc., but I knew it wasn't for kids my age. If anyone had said they had had sex that young they would have been met with a mixture of pity and revulsion. But now it's 'normal' to have sex at 11. I bet most of these girls haven't had their periods yet.

Really shocked and depressed.

I know what you are saying. The stereotype always seems to be the older generation being shocked at how open and crazy the younger generation is. But I think in reality, these things go in cycles. American kids in 50s and early 60s were fairly conservative. But by late 60s and 70s, they went crazy with drugs and casual sex with many partners. And this behavior extended to many younger teenagers as well. Then AIDS hit big time and behavior got a lot more restrained again, the free and easy sex disappeared, and Reagan initiated a war on drugs. Likewise, roaring 20s was probably a much wilder time than the depression 30s.

In last 10 years or so, Internet and other social devices and trends have globalized American style consumerism and pop culture. Media has brainwashed kids to worship money and sex appeal in many parts of the world including many so-called emerging markets. Its contaminated their thinking and what they value. I would expect at some stage, there will be a backlash though. Usually, it requires some sort of big catalyst to push the cycle into the next phase. When the crisis of 2008 hit, I thought that maybe we were there. But that seems to have blown-over. Richest 0.1% are still consolidating their power and its business as usual.

Sorry to hear you are depressed about what's going on now. Perhaps at least you can spend a bit more time with your niece and provide some balance to her perspective.

[keius]

Kid's are so easily influenced by their environment.
That's always been a problem, but with the advent of social media as it's developed, it's really become a HUGE factor on how our kids learn and interact.
I'm a bit worried about the world my kid will grow up in. What parent isn't?
All i can do is cultivate a very close, open, and supporting relationship with my son so that when he does have questions, he will come to me for advice and support. Hopefully, he'll actually listen to me and not the more corrupting influences of our messed up society. In other words, keep him grounded.

When i was growing up, i saw my parents...maybe half an hour a day, and we NEVER really talked. My interaction with them involved taking orders and being punished when they felt it was needed. I think i've only had one "real" talk with my dad my entire life. And that was about how my mom couldn't change and to just put up with her BS.

I was actually raised by books (bibliophile). I ate up books at a rate of 1 a day. That gave me a much better education than schools ever did. I was considered something of a nerd though

[mattyman]

I must admit, it angers me to see young girls dressing like tarts and become image-conscious at such a young age. It seems as if 10-year olds these days act like 15-year olds 10 years ago. Kids at that age should not be obsessed with their body image and their sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Kids have no childhood anymore.

Likewise when I was 11, none of the girls I knew would be obsessed with fashion, body image, leggings, boob tubes and having the latest bling, no way hoozay. This topic has hit an alarm bell. It just goes to illustrate how much things have changed for the worst in such a short time.

I suspect that one of the reasons for rising rates of anorexia is due to this excessive pressure on girls at such a young age. I also suspect that, enforcing consumerism, image-conscioussness and so-forth into kids that age can have all sorts of mental health consequences as well as narcissism, shallowness and lack of respect for others. This generation is bad enough, god knows what this generation of pre-teens will be like when they reach their early 20's.

I have a niece who is now 11. I hadn't had chance to spend much time with her until recently as we lived far away. She acts and looks like an 18 year old at least. She wears makeup and 'smokey eyes' all the time no matter what she is doing or where she is going, chooses clothes based on what she thinks makes her look hotter and has adopted this odd, breathy, dopey kind of accent (she thinks it's like the girls from The Only Way is Essex, an awful UK show based on materialistic airheads). She wants to be famous and rich as some sort of dancer or celebrity and has no 'realistic' career aspirations. She says she thinks everyone from Peter Andre (a man old enough to be her father) to Justin Beiber is 'sooo sexy, oh my goddd'. She knows lots of people in her school who have already had sex.

I'm really sorry to hear about your neice. If I had a cousin or niece that age being brought into all that shit then I would feel pretty angry and upset. I find it upsetting enough when in town to see girls acting like that at that age. I think you're very sensible not to want to bring up kids in this environment. Celebrity saturation, pressures to conform to images, appalling role models, active encouragement of precosciousness etc. It's a highly TOXIC environment to bring up kids. The 11 year old of today is like the 16 year old 10 years ago.

Also, about the career aspirations of kids, what can I say? It's sad really that kids nowadays want to be celebrities, footballers, wags, pop stars, models and all that load of jazz. It's gotten so severe now in some places, that if you want to be say, a doctor or a scientist, you're viewed as a nerd, geek or whatever. That's the impression I've got from conversations between school kids on public transport.

Bear in mind that where I live is a fairly rough, working-class seaside resort with a high teenage pregnancy, so I see the worst of that sort of thing all the time. I'm exposed to some pretty awful examples of this (and of the chav culture). Because of that, I like to take long drives into the countryside and forget all of that stuff exists.

When I get to the point of raising a family I certainly don't want my offspring raised in this environment (by the time that happens I will be out of here).

[Truthville]

Sorry to hear about your niece BellaRuth.

I remember this kind of stuff going on in the 80's also. I think it can kind of be cyclical. It does seem to be targeting younger and younger kids, though.

I have this theory.

In America, because of the advertising maxim "Sex sells," Americans have been exposed to all kinds of deceptive mass advertising using sex to sell a product or service. It used to be, when I was growing up, that this kind of advertising was used to sell things, such as perfume or clothing, that actually had a relevance to the product. NOW it seems that it's used to sell everything and anything.

With such an overload of "sexy" advertising, the American consumer has become jaded to a certain degree. So what is a advertising agency supposed to do? Well, start using children in these ads! Nothing gets a client's product noticed like little kids acting sexy and "grown-up, while using their product." Also, "Tweeners", that magical age between childhood and adolensce is PRIME marketing ground for advertisers. When I was growing up, advertisers, with the expection of toy/game makers, ignored me. Thankfully, I realize now!

I remember an ad for a popular brand of cheese slices a few years back.

A school lunchroom, a lone boy eating his sandwhich with aforementioned cheese slices. Enter: cute little girl slinking towards the boy. CUE: Marvin Gayes "Let's Get It On." Cut to : Little boy sharing his cheese slices with little girl.

Cute, huh?

Another thing I have noticed sometimes is the sexier/trashier a little girl dresses, the sexier/trahier her mom dresses. I remember seeing a little girl, about maybe 8-9?, a few years back wearing a tub tob, belly showing, with a barely there mini-skirt and high heels. Quite a bit of the "smokey eyes," full make-up if I remember and such. I said to myself, "That isn't right, she looks like a little prostitute, and "where is her mother?" Then I see mom.

Mom had on the exact same outfit, make-up and all!

Maybe you can try to influence your niece a little BellaRuth? You seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

TruthVille