My son is like a monster from hell, what to do?

[odbo]

Without a father-figure around he's going to be another emasculated bitch boy (or perhaps an over-compensating thug) and once of dating age also very likely to have homosexual tendencies like many other "totally natural" homos and bi-sexuals who coincidentally got no love from their fathers.

[Truthville]

(Sigh) Winston Winston Winston..................

Listen to these people, people you seem to "admire" when they agree with you YET then call names and insult when they don't.

But you won't because:

YOU DO NOT LISTEN!

YOU DO NOT LEARN!

YOU DO NOT CARE!

So then WHY do you continue to post the details of your private life, ask for advice, and then get defensive when you don't hear what you want? I am not interested in your silly retarded personal problems.

You seem to have this childish, infantile need for validation. The truth is, IF you contacted all these people whom you use as "truth" of your "specialness" and "free-thinking" ways about the problems with your son, would they still "praise" you? I doubt it!

It's funny how "American" you are Winston. Narassitic, petty, sex-obsessed, selfish, self-absorbed, low empathy, crude, stubborn, etc....


So I'll answer your "questions," but you won't be getting a validation "hit" from me!

Truthville,
What would you rather I do? Lie and act fake and tell people what they want to hear? Isn't it better to be honest and truthful, even if it paints you in an unfavorable light?

Answer:I don't recall ANYONE asking you about your child-rearing style. Somethings Winston, and with you that's most things, are better kept to oneself.

Or would it be better, in your view, if I lie and say what I am supposed to, such as, "I love my kids. They are my life and my world. I wouldn't hesitate to give up my life to save theirs." Should I say that? Would that make everyone happy, since it's what I am supposed to say?

Answer:No, but then again why go the opposite way and pretty much tell the whole world that you "hate" your kid? That you "punch" your kid? That you don't have any place in your life for your "kid?"

Isn't the fact that I tell the truth and don't give a f**k about what others say, why people admire me?

Nope! People admired, notice the past tense, because you hopped on a plane and travel to a foriegn country looking for "love." Well, it, according to your "stories," was more about getting sex, BUT most people can't or won't do what you did. You having been riding the "praise" from the first act for a long time now. Please tell me what you have done since then that merits "admiration?"

Did you consider that Truthville? Yep! Considered and dismissed!

Is it better to lie just to put myself in a favorable light? Think about it.

Answer:Perhaps not, BUT the real question is "Why even write such things and THEN wait for some kind of validation from strangers?

The truth is, no one has given any solutions here to a constantly whining and troublesome baby who is totally inconsiderate and a narcissist. All people are doing here is making asshole asinine remarks and attacks that only make things worse and piss me off further. What good is that? Why are people so stupid? I thought we were focused on solutions here?

Remark: YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN SOLUTIONS TO YOUR PROBLEM WITH YOUR SON. YOU REFUSE TO EVEN CONSIDER THEM BECAUSE, ONCE AGAIN, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR. Which begs the question? What did you want to hear Winston? It's not your fault? Ahh, just beat the kid down! Ahh, just ignore him and keep "living" your life? Ahh, just leave until he's older?

Anyway, here's a tough question for you:

Is it better to have your freedom and life, yet be a deadbeat dad that your kid will resent? Or is it better to give up the rest of you life and freedom and center your life around your kid, so he can grow and thank you for being a good father, even though your life will already be over and behind you? By then, you will be too old to date young girls, or have fun, or even exercise. All you can do is wait to die and receive "thanks" from your offspring for being a good father.

Is that really worth it? You tell me

Answer" YES! As I suggested to you before. Ask your very own father if it was "worth it?" The bond between father and son CAN be stronger than your bond with cheap whores! You think the cheap whores are going love you like your very own flesh and blood can? Do you think that living a life of cheap sex will EVER compare with watching your own son grow and mature as a person? Living life where it's all about you WILL, and I am sure about this, in the end leave you a very regretful, lonely old man.

In the end Winston, for better or worse, you are stuck with each other. Running away is the coward's way. And to blame a 3-year old and treat him like he's an adult is so moronic, it's sad!

You seriously need some major therapy Winston! You have so many issues that need addressing.


TruthVille

[keius]

Truthville,
What would you rather I do? Lie and act fake and tell people what they want to hear? Isn't it better to be honest and truthful, even if it paints you in an unfavorable light?

-Honest and truthful works best. I agree. I can actually understand why you are doing what you are doing...and why you did what you did. I thought much the same as you did at one point....with the big exception that i would never have had a child, if i wasn't willing to be there for him.
-The problem is that many here on the board don't feel that you really have any legitimate right to complain and bitch so much about it (and point fingers/blame).

The truth is, no one has given any solutions here to a constantly whining and troublesome baby who is totally inconsiderate and a narcissist. All people are doing here is making asshole asinine remarks and attacks that only make things worse and piss me off further. What good is that? Why are people so stupid? I thought we were focused on solutions here?

-Solutions were discussed. They involved things that you probably didn't want to do or find worth your time. Spend more time with your kid. Talk to Diane and family and make them understand that Angelo needs discipline. You must be CONSISTENT with behavioral reinforcement. Both positive and negative reinforcement work. Make him both fear and love you. Just don't traumatize him. Punishments to deal with bad behavior are nec. In my case, my 2 year old understand that if he misbehaves, he'll have to stand in a corner without moving. If he refuses to do that, he gets locked in a dark room...which we never have to do anymore. Sometimes you have to drain all that excess energy from them and let them cry and scream until they are exhausted. Don't give in to their unreasonable demands. It will only reinforce the bad behavior. The list of little things go on and on....

Is it better to have your freedom and life, yet be a deadbeat dad that your kid will resent? Or is it better to give up the rest of you life and freedom and center your life around your kid, so he can grow and thank you for being a good father, even though your life will already be over and behind you? By then, you will be too old to date young girls, or have fun, or even exercise. All you can do is wait to die and receive "thanks" from your offspring for being a good father.
Is that really worth it? You tell me.

-There is a middle ground. It's not always black or white. I'm pretty sure you know that already. I have a hard time with this myself sometimes.
-Anyway, I think everyone agrees that it was a bad idea for you to have had a child. You wanted to procreate BUT you didn't want the responsibility for rearing a child yourself. That in itself is an incredibly selfish thing to do. (although you do at least support him financially, which does count for something). If you had Angelo by accident, then it'd be a totally different situation, but like you said yourself, it was premeditated.
-There's a chance Angelo may grow up to be a fine young man. Who knows. BUT it won't be because of your influence.
-Sooooo many young PHI women have had kids from foreigners, and natives...without the benefit of marriage, or a stable paternal presence. It's a huge problem there....at least it sure seems to be. Contributing to the problem just didn't seem like the smartest thing to do. Based on what i know about you, my personal thought is that having Angelo was really more about giving a boost to your ego, rather than about you actually "wanting" a child. I may be off base there but that's just the vibe that i get.

[momopi]

As a son, what are/were your expectations for your father?

[swincor]

For now, I'm removing your posts here that are very obstructive and sick.

My post was "obstructive and sick"? I thought it was actually quite reasonable and sensible, given the fact that you suck as a father, Winston. You are truly, hopelessly out of your league as a parent, as even you admit, and one logical and beneficial solution is to prevent such people from having children in the first place. I see no logical reason for having such a view censored. As the courageous truth seeker you make yourself out to be, you should welcome all views, no matter how unconventional or uncomfortably close to home they hit. I think even you can see, reading yourself honestly, dispassionately, and objectively, that someone like you should be sterilized and disallowed from having children.

[Jackal]

@Truthville's April 20 post: Great post! I couldn't agree more. You live up to your screen name.

Answer:I don't recall ANYONE asking you about your child-rearing style. Somethings Winston, and with you that's most things, are better kept to oneself.

I agree. These threads are just another thing which damage the image of this forum.

You cannot control your self around a 3 year old? You are not worth another second of my life.

I sincerely hope that your website fails and that you are the victim of crime at the hands of a boy reared by a single mother and a terrible father like you.

It would be more proactive if you created a similar forum of your own.

[keius]

Quote Jackal "I agree. These threads are just another thing which damage the image of this forum. "

True enough. Nothing constructive has been achieved through this thread. Winston was never willing to follow up on the advice that he solicited since it was beyond the original scope of his intentions (with regard to Angelo) and his ability, since he can't really control those raising his son.

Nuke the thread. Enough already. /sigh

[swincor]

Winston was never willing to follow up on the advice that he solicited

Haha He NEVER follows up on ANY advice he solicits. Truthville got him down right.


EDIT:

Nope! People admired, notice the past tense, because you hopped on a plane and travel to a foriegn country looking for "love." Well, it, according to your "stories," was more about getting sex, BUT most people can't or won't do what you did. You having been riding the "praise" from the first act for a long time now. Please tell me what you have done since then that merits "admiration?"

Yes, he has been riding a long time now from the praise of past deeds of many years ago.

Phoenix, I'd say you've given him quite a good verbal raping. I wouldn't hold out hope about his growing up however, especially now that he's 38.

And Winston: what you have written here the last day or so shatters all records in terms of dumbness, lowness, and just all round utter brain-f***ed-ness. Holy God, you really take the cake!

[odbo]

One of the ideas that comes to mind is perpetual adolescence. Winston will never grow up. Children are not supposed to have children of their own. It's not like all of this is his fault, we're all victim of the times, but when push came to shove he had a decision to make about who he really is. We can clearly see he's a man with garbage character. This is nothing new, but I think he had himself and other people fooled for a long time that he was a "great guy."

It is not right (but completely understandable) for people like OutWest and Globetrotter to decide to leave the forum just because they realized how imperfect Winston is. I'm against this trend of hypocritical crusaders of idealism online. If you watch any video on youtube, there will be nothing but comments about how the person is doing it wrong, as if the commenter is some kind of authority figure and should be telling other people how to hold their rifles, feed their cats, or live their lives.

What really ticked me off is that I remember reading what Winston wrote about his childhood. How he was the sweetest child but the other children were evil, his parents inept, the world not good enough. How do you think you appear to us Winston, when we contrast your childhood complaints that the world didn't match up to the reality in Disney films, versus you ignoring, masturbating in front of, and beating the shit out of, your son! Were you expecting praise? The one thing I will praise you for is your [attempted] honesty.

But the idea that you're a truth-seeker is a joke. Being a truth-seeker to you is:
1) Finding reasons to blame external things (mostly people) for your lack of fulfillment.
2) Discrediting ideas, sometimes thousands of years old, just so you don't have to live by them.

And your view of a free-thinker equates to a social parasite using his thinking power, to create a self-delusion where he is immune to guilt for his own glutinous and self-centered behavior.

I think you'd make a great satanist. Ask ErikHeaven for more details.

[odbo]

"What ever happened to grown-ups"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKru3Hed2A0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wvFkfgmjmk

[keius]

One of the ideas that comes to mind is perpetual adolescence. Winston will never grow up. Children are not supposed to have children of their own. It's not like all of this is his fault, we're all victim of the times, but when push came to shove he had a decision to make about who he really is. We can clearly see he's a man with garbage character. This is nothing new, but I think he had himself and other people fooled for a long time that he was a "great guy."

It is not right (but completely understandable) for people like OutWest and Globetrotter to decide to leave the forum just because they realized how imperfect Winston is. I'm against this trend of hypocritical crusaders of idealism online. If you watch any video on youtube, there will be nothing but comments about how the person is doing it wrong, as if the commenter is some kind of authority figure and should be telling other people how to hold their rifles, feed their cats, or live their lives.

What really ticked me off is that I remember reading what Winston wrote about his childhood. How he was the sweetest child but the other children were evil, his parents inept, the world not good enough. How do you think you appear to us Winston, when we contrast your childhood complaints that the world didn't match up to the reality in Disney films, versus you ignoring, masturbating in front of, and beating the shit out of, your son! Were you expecting praise? The one thing I will praise you for is your [attempted] honesty.

But the idea that you're a truth-seeker is a joke. Being a truth-seeker to you is:
1) Finding reasons to blame external things (mostly people) for your lack of fulfillment.
2) Discrediting ideas, sometimes thousands of years old, just so you don't have to live by them.

And your view of a free-thinker equates to a social parasite using his thinking power, to create a self-delusion where he is immune to guilt for his own glutinous and self-centered behavior.

I think you'd make a great satanist. Ask ErikHeaven for more details.

No one who's been on this forum for any length of time can possibly deceive themselves about Winston's character. He's got issues. That's a given. Most people do. He's got a HUGE ego ok. He doesn't like it when people poke at it and he's got problems accepting his own faults. I've learned to do that a long time ago. I can be a real Ahole at times. Sometimes i really want to beat myself over the head for not being the husband/provider that i can be....for my family. But unlike Winston, i'll deal with those issues on my own because i can recognize my faults. That's why i still respond to these advice posts from Winston. I figure one of these days, he'll wake up a bit Based on his last couple posts on this thread though, i think Winston recognizes that he does have a "selfish" streak, and that he is living for himself... mostly. At least he's being honest with himself about that. If he doesn't want to change that about himself, then that's up to him.

Which is why i don't think the personal attacks are either constructive or helpful. It's frustrating when Winston just ignores or disregards good advice after he's asked for it, BUT getting pissed off and ripping Winston a new one just ends up starting another "war?" See a pattern here? I think we've seen this before.

But this forum has alot of value i think. I agree with you that bailing on the forum just because of Winston doesn't help the cause. I'm against the "trend" as well, even though it's very understandable. I almost bailed myself during the last "war" LOL. It was pretty frustrating at first. Now, when someone asks for advice, and ignores it, i'm like "whatever".
A good example is the whole dieting/fat thing. He say's that no matter what he does, he can't lose the weight and get in shape. Yet he admits that he doesn't work out, and he likes to eat cakes, etc, etc. That's what i call "denial". He should have just said that he has a very hard time maintaining the discipline needed to get in much better shape. That's what i say all the time.

No ones perfect. I have people i associate with sometimes that make Winston look like a saint. Winston seems like a genuinely nice guy...with some hefty issues.
That's no reason to bail though. They wouldn't be bailing if this wasn't "Winston's forum" though. I give Winston props for allowing all the criticism directed towards him though. If he started nuking every little thing, we'd probably all have bailed by now.

A loss for this forum if Globe really is gone though.

[Jackal]

No one who's been on this forum for any length of time can possibly deceive themselves about Winston's character.

Yeah, when I first came to this forum, I had no idea why so many people hung around just to bash Winston. I used to think, "Eh, if he pissed off some people on some trips in foreign countries 10 years ago, what do I care?" But with threads like this, he's pretty much showing off all of his worst qualities and dangling them as tantalizing targets in front of anybody who even feels remotely like bashing him. He's like a boy who keeps spilling honey on himself who wonders why bears are always chasing him.

[odbo]

He's like a boy who keeps spilling honey on himself who wonders why bears are always chasing him.

hahahahahhaha!!

[Mr S]

As I've personally met Winston and occasionally meet up with him since we both live in the Philippines I can probably comment on him from my point of view. I'm not going to tear him a new asshole cause in some ways I understand where he is coming from and from others I can see the disagreement on this forum regarding his personal character and decision making.

Yes, he is a bit self-centered and asks for advice numerous times and often times doesn't seem to follow through with any of it. Why? Who knows really but part of it probably has to do with getting as much attention as possible from numerous people to make up for possibly a lack of it while growing up.

I've given him numerous advise about how to deal with his child as I'm in a similar circumstance but he has a different philosophy about reality than I do which is more of the fatalism kind. Whereas things will happen no matter what you do to alter the circumstances beforehand. This is why he doesn't try to modify his child-rearing, he does not think the child's behavior is due to how the child is being raised and how it's being dealt with directly on a daily basis. The kid was born with particular genes and thats it, nothing else can be done about the child. I disagree and personally believe people are a product of 1/3rd genes, 1/3rd social economics and 1/3rd culture. These can all be manipulated to a certain extent as the child ages but becomes increasingly more difficult as the child reaches full maturity into adulthood. This is why cultures in the past when taking over foreign lands would kill off male children over 7 yrs old because most have already become culturally affiliated with their born culture.

Winston is generally a logical and critical thinker who is also a fair-minded person. He has a forgive and forget attitude about life. Yes, if you look at his behavior regarding altruism toward others or being responsible toward anyone but himself and immediate physical concerns then his character is questionable. However, everyone has a dark side to themselves and he is willing to expose himself without shame, which is almost like doing penance or confession to a priest on a regular basis. Perhaps releasing his dark side for others to judge is his may of releasing the negativity around his life that may or may not have been created by his actions and decisions.

If I told everyone of my past and present actions that I would think could be considered shameful, I'd probably be looked at as a complete douche bag as well. Most people would fall into this category if you take their whole life into account. We laugh at others follies but don't necessarily consider our own ones that we conceal from others. We only see the outer shell of what people wish to reveal of themselves, this is why there is so much corruption, lying and deception in the world, most people can't see through the bullshit or accept the darker side of humanity. They wish to create fantasy worlds around themselves so they don't have to deal with the truth. Let other people deal with the problem, that's why we have lawyers and politicians... Well you know where it all leads so I won't bother enumerating about it further.

Yes, would I think this site could be more popular and mainstream if Winston didn't personalize it so much about him and his numerous follies? Of course. However, we are all enablers by answering his questions on a continuous basis and we know he doesn't always follow through with our suggestions. If you don't want to deal with his personal life on this forum I suggest you don't participate in personal questions concerning his life and stick to just what topics you find relevant on the forum. There are other ways for him to get advice about things outside the forum if he chooses or is forced to use them.

If you want to gripe about him it's better to go on the Yahoo groups "WooWeasel" with like minded individuals who despise him than do it here on HappierAbroad cause its just a distraction. There you can get the other side of the story about Winston and make your own decision about him.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wooweasel/

I prefer to remain neutral, you can't control other people. We were all born with freewill and to impede on someone else's decision making, even if we feel it is totally ass-a-nine, would just show us to be the same control freaks we are all trying to run away from in America and other Western countries. There will always be bad parents, and many countries also have bad government child social organizations as well, so taking the kid away from the parents to put them into another f***ed up environment doesn't really fix the problem. Think, who would make a better parent on their own: Winston, Diane, or the Philippine government? Some really outstanding choices right there for Angelo...

Personally, I think Winston should just step away from being a father and let Diane find another man that could fit that role whether it's a Filipino or foreign man. Winston doesn't really want the responsibility of raising a kid and since kids are not like having a pet dog or cat, he should just move on and give Diane his contact details and go to China or wherever he desires to go exploring abroad. This would be a win-win situation for all. I mean he hasn't even gone to the American embassy to register his child as an American so really he doesn't have much legal claim to the kid since he is not legally married to Diane. In the Philippines if you are not married to the mother the kid is officially a Bastard child and even if your name is on the birth certificate, the male has no rights to the child unless he goes to court and can support with evidence that the mother is unfit to take care of the child. That scenario will never happen and since the child has not been registered as a dual citizen then Winston is just hanging around Angelo paying child support for nothing. He would be better off doing it from another country where he really wants to be rather than in the Philippines.

Raising a child in a non supportive family environment sucks and is quite difficult. I've had to deal with this myself making a mistake of getting into a relationship and having a child with one of the lower social classes here in PI. The brainwashing from the Left in America saying everyone is equal and can succeed is a bunch of bullshit. So I'm sucking it up and being a man and staying and taking care of my daughter in the Philippines. I've done what it takes to make it and stay here in the Philippines by earning 2 master degrees in a 5 year period. Would I rather be somewhere else? Yes. Have I learned my lesson regarding lower class Filipino women? Yes. But I'm not going to let my daughter suffer the same fate of intellectual ignorance because of my stupid gullible mistakes regarding the "equality" of humanity. So I putter along keeping myself healthy and intellectually stimulated knowing in a few years hopefully I'll lay the groundwork for my daughter not to be one of the "f**k ups" of this country by going to a good private school and being around at least for her formative years.

If I so choose to move on and find a "real" woman as a long-term partner it will be under better circumstances having dealt with the problems of ignorance that uneducated 3rd worlders can bring upon someone from the 1st world who is educated. But I'm almost convinced it won't be with a Filipino, ha ha. I've learned my lesson the hard way. I'd rather stay single the rest of my life then deal with the shit I'm going through with an uneducated ignorant minded Filipino from the province. Only educated middle class or above women for me that aren't domineering and materialistic. Yeah, I know good luck finding that, ha ha.

Hopefully Winston will buck-up and either accept full responsibility for his child and be a proper, unselfish father or fully abandon his father duties and start fresh somewhere else where he can be as selfish as he wishes without ramifications, unless he makes a similar mistake again...

Other than that, Winston will be Winston and he's not going to change anytime soon or ever so either you deal with him the way he is or you move on. Bitching and complaining about how he lives his life ain't going to change him, but only make him stronger in his resolve to prove he is right and you are wrong...

[The_Adventurer]

Well, some guys are more than happy with an ignorant uneducated girl from the province. This is, in fact, what they want. Usually these guys are older, retired and can spend their days relaxing in the province or countryside, never need to really go anywhere. They get great sex whenever they want, with a girl 30 or 40 years their junior, have someone to clean, cook and wash everything and they laze the days away doing their hobbies.

As for this board, I do think some western attitudes are prevailingly strong on some issues while they seem to be hated on other issues. If it is to be about free thinking, truth seeking and awareness, then you gotta take the good with the bad.