Filipinas who LIE frivolously without conscience!

[robincolorado]

I find it ironic that most Filipinas, in their profiles, profess to hate liers, but yet I have found that most of the Filipinas I have communicated with, lie like crazy. I guess it depends on what one defines as a lie. Most of them just seem to not tell the whole truth about themselves, leaving small details out, like, being married, or how many children they actually have. I will give the benefit of the doubt here and say that the internet seems to be a breeding ground for liers, being that some people figure they will never meet you anyway. Also, I would say that the economic status of an individual tends to bring out the fine art of lying. By this I mean that depending on how desparate a person is to find someone to take them away from their conditions, they might just lie to get this person to "like" them. Has anyone that actually lives/lived in the Philippines found patterns of lying to be a cultural condition. I think I have read that the whole idea of "saving face" leads to lies being told. Just wondering here, as it is something that I have experienced several times now in writing to women in the Philippines. I am not letting men off the hook either... I also know that a lot of men from the world over tend to lie, for a variety of reasons, about everything from their physical appearance to their economic condition. I think this goes back to my previous comment about the internet being a breeding ground for untruths due to the anonymity it offers and some folks are here just to play games, rather than find a serious relationship. I know that there is a lot of uncertainty and paranoia in doing internet "dating". I am sure there is a fine line between internet "dating" and internet "game playing". Filipinas in particular seem to be very paranoid about how many women a man is actually communicating with. I can understand their suspicions in this regard however that is probably why they call it internet "dating" and not internet "engagement or marriage". I just find it perculiar that a person says that they "hate liers", but then proceeds to lie about everything about themselves. But then I guess we, as a people, are reluctant to share too much information about ourselves over the internet until we know for sure who this person really is and what their intentions are.

Rob

[The_Adventurer]

Has anyone that actually lives/lived in the Philippines found patterns of lying to be a cultural condition.

Yes. It's not just in the Philippines. I think in many Asian cultures, lying to protect someone's feelings, or protect one's image, is considered perfectly normal and okay.

I remember in one of my first Japanese classes, my teacher, a Japanese woman, asked me why I was late and why I didn't do my homework. I told her I was out late and got drunk. She was rather surprised and then told me I should have lied.

I encountered this on many occasions in Japan, Philippines, Korea and China, though I would say it is more like withholding information than flat out lying. I also noticed that certain questions would be avoided all together, and no answer would be given at all. You've heard the saying, "It's better you don't know.."

[momopi]

It's a double standard where the girl thinks it's ok for her to lie to you for her convenience, but it's not ok for you to lie to her in any situation. Then when she tells you to be "honest" and you tell her what she doesn't want to hear, it's your fault for not lying to make her feel better.

[dano]

Lying is heavily ingrained into the DNA of all women. Women that told the truth never had any kids because no one would shack up with them. "I love sex and I'm a great cook" or, "Oh, he's just a friend". How many times have you heard that?

A trustworthy woman will always be reserved and she won't attract much attention. The more tattoos, jewelry, sexy clothes, dyed hair she has the less you can trust her. In the case of Filipinas, I have heard the most traditional women are from mindanao.

[LarryElterman]

I live here in the Philippines and unfortunately lying is very much a part of the culture. Its so natural for them they dont even know they are doing it.

Consider the following excerpt from my book

Example internet conversation with a Filipina woman:

Filipina: Do you have web cam? Can I see you?
You: Yes, I have camera, do you also have cam?
Filipina: Yes, but you first.
You: Ok, but if I go first you promise to also start your cam?
Filipina Ok.
You: Ok, (as you start up your web cam). Do you see me?
Filipina: Yes, I see you now.
You: So your cam now?
Filipina I’m sorry but I don’t have cam right now, it’s broken.
You: So you are a liar. You promised cam, but you don’t have.
Filipina: I am not a liar.

This little conversation – which is so very typical – illustrates a number of points. Many (not all, but many) Filipina think nothing about lying to get what they want. They lie easily and naturally and don’t give it a second thought.
Now at the end of this conversation, when the Filipina was confronted with her dishonesty and told she was a liar, her reaction was, “I am not a liar�. Well shocking news, a person that lies is a liar. But she lies so easily and naturally that she doesn’t even realizes it’s bad, doesn’t even realize that she's doing it, and that in doing so makes her a liar!
Try this little experiment next time you catch a Filipina red handed in a lie. Say, “you lied, that makes you a liar�, their reaction will almost always be, “I am not a liar�

[robincolorado]

First of all I learned how to spell correctly here... its liar. So from being married to a Russian woman and now doing the internet thing with several Filipinas over the past couple of years I have learned the following two facts of life: Russian women will argue about everything under the sun and tell you your wrong every chance they get. You can never win an argument with a Russian woman or for that matter even have a discussion with a Russian woman without it turning into an argument. And if the argument has ended on bad terms the Russian woman probably won't be talking to you for a long while. Whereas an Asian woman won't argue with you but will simply lie to your face and tell you your right. The Asian woman also will not be talking to you for a period of time if she is not happy with what you said. And neither of them will tell you what it was to begin with that pissed them off. We just can't win guys.

[globetrotter]

Anglo Cultures and the former British Empire are obsessed with telling the truth and it is a huge cultural taboo to lie. Stealing, theft, misleading, corruption and bribes also fall in this category

However in most of the rest of the world this is NOT the case, so if you want to engage and interact with people outside the Anglosphere you will need to get used to how flexible people are with the truth.

You can stay stuck in the 2nd stage of Culture Shock and be pissed off about it forever, or you can accept and adjust. Your choice.

[Winston]

Ive noticed this too. I hate when filipinas lie frivolously about little things, often unnecessarily, without conscience or guilt. Apparently they were never taught that lying is wrong. And they never heard of the parable of "The boy who cried wolf".

Even Dianne, a person of good moral character and decency, lies about little things. In her mind, if she lies because she thinks the truth will make me angry, then its justified. She even told me that she quit smoking while i was overseas, but when i come to the Philippines, i see that she still needs to go out for smoke breaks everyday. Thats one example of many things she has lied about. When she lies, i can smell it and sense it. A person of virtue and principle doesnt do that. She also keeps getting tattooes on her legs and God knows where, which is a bad sign as well, yet she sees nothing wrong with it.

I sent these text messages to her today about her frivolous lying, which i thought she corrected but still hasnt.

To Dianne:

"Hey i dont want u to lie to me anymore. I really hate that. Just because u think the truth will make me angry does NOT JUSTIFY lying! It does not! I thought you didnt lie anymore and improved that. Dont u have morals and ethics? My gosh. Didnt you hear the story of "the boy who cried wolf"?

Dont teach angelo that white lies are ok. Ok? A person of virtues and principles does not lie about little things. You understand? Im gonna start deducting from your allowance for your lies. Dont lie again ok? I really hate that big time. You should know better by now.

I also want u to clear up some lies u told me since 2007. I can smell and feel it when u lie. So i just want the truth on a lot of issues and unsolved mysteries. Ok?"

[Ghost]

.

[mentor]

I was skeptical about this topic regarding lies.
I cannot justify lies.
But on the other hand, I am asking myself: am I really ready to hear some terrible truths?
I know can handle bad stories I hear, quite well. I mean, I had good reactions for the person who told them to me.
But, I cannot accept them when it involves me.
It is like somebody telling you 'I am killer', and you stand there appreciating his honesty and wait to kill you!
How these things should be handled?
I accept what asian girls tell me, with calm.
Sometimes I wonder if I 'punish' myself, the girl's honesty.
I want honesty, but it is a challenge the handling.
I expect honesty from the chosen girls I talk,
but I think that it is expected that this does not mean that I have to accept any situation presented to me!


Case 1
Some time ago, in online chat, an asian girl was honesty enough to tell me 'I had rape attack from one guy, I was physically abused by other guy'. Yes, she was pretty. So, I tell her that I feel her pain and it was one of the worst things that could happen to a girl, but then?
I found myself wondering 'what is going on with this girl?'. Should I keep contacting or better cut off?

Case 2
I had a relationship with western girl, that she almost attacked me everyday with her 'truth' and her 'opinions'. Yes, she was always true, but I felt like been hit everyday. We were not compatible so the relationship broke up.

Case 3
In other case, an asian girl(online communication) had the braveness of her opinion, to tell me things about her character, that I was not pleased to hear, as I wish she was not like this. Not very disturbing, but I would like her a little bit different. I think we are compatible though. Let's say, like being compatible in 80% in a specific topic, from their sayings(this is my estimation now-in the future?).
But, on the other hand, I was thinking 'she told you the truth, she believes this thing, she did not lie to you, to cheat you, and then find it yourself and have serious problem!'
Isn't it better this tactic, tell the truth, and go on, if you can really go on with it?
I think 'If you did not know it at all, would you be happier but in a lie?'
On the other hand, if you know something/a fact, that you do not estimate it in its real dimensions, and then it become bigger, you cannot even help explain it to yourself, how you made a mistake with this girl, while you already knew the problem (but not in full extend).
I want an advice for this case.

[Virgo Rising]

This very thing hit me hard recently. I was courting a Filipina for 2.5 years and she pulls the most amazing disappearing act ever. I know 2.5 years is a long time, and I do know that a woman can't wait forever....I get it. The thing is after meeting her on a dating site touted here, my circumstances changed after meeting her. Unemployment hit me, and it took longer than I anticipated to get back on my feet. Anyway, I gave her an option to move on and I will end the courtship, since I had to delay my original plans to visit. I did not expect the delay to be another year, but, what can I do? Anyway, she is the one who said that she wanted to keep talking and that I can keep calling and she loves to talk to me and we can keep working on this. After continuing with courtship, flirting, miss you, love you, etc (you know what I mean)....the last thing she ever told me on the phone was that she was still waiting for me. Immediately after that, my circumstances improved and I was ready to start making plans. I didn't tell her I was ready, I was waiting until I spoke to her again. I never heard her voice again after that. All I got were ignored calls, ignored texts, until i asked why she stopped talking to me. After this it was only texts....bad health, need space and time to think. Then, an "I really miss you." I'd been worried sick about these bad lab tests she told me about, and I told her to keep me updated. She tells me she really misses my voice, and appreciates me being there for her, and that she will call soon. I sent her a spa package, birthday/christmas cards in December. She never acknowledged receipt of the cards like she would in the past. The company who I placed the order for the spa package to be delivered told me the house was closed up and locked and nobody was answering after 3 or 4 tries. Gut wrenching especially after all this time. Big waste of my time, heart, and emotions.

This was my first experience in dating a Filipina, or overseas for that matter. And I have a bad taste in my mouth about dating them. Especially since I have read about how great they are, and they're the best, etc....It makes me wish I had read these forums a bit before I was hit with nasty deceit.

[Virgo Rising]

I was skeptical about this topic regarding lies.
I cannot justify lies.
But on the other hand, I am asking myself: am I really ready to hear some terrible truths?
I know can handle bad stories I hear, quite well. I mean, I had good reactions for the person who told them to me.
But, I cannot accept them when it involves me.
It is like somebody telling you 'I am killer', and you stand there appreciating his honesty and wait to kill you!
How these things should be handled?
I accept what asian girls tell me, with calm.
Sometimes I wonder if I 'punish' myself, the girl's honesty.
I want honesty, but it is a challenge the handling.
I expect honesty from the chosen girls I talk,
but I think that it is expected that this does not mean that I have to accept any situation presented to me!


Case 1
Some time ago, in online chat, an asian girl was honesty enough to tell me 'I had rape attack from one guy, I was physically abused by other guy'. Yes, she was pretty. So, I tell her that I feel her pain and it was one of the worst things that could happen to a girl, but then?
I found myself wondering 'what is going on with this girl?'. Should I keep contacting or better cut off?

Case 2
I had a relationship with western girl, that she almost attacked me everyday with her 'truth' and her 'opinions'. Yes, she was always true, but I felt like been hit everyday. We were not compatible so the relationship broke up.

Case 3
In other case, an asian girl(online communication) had the braveness of her opinion, to tell me things about her character, that I was not pleased to hear, as I wish she was not like this. Not very disturbing, but I would like her a little bit different. I think we are compatible though. Let's say, like being compatible in 80% in a specific topic, from their sayings(this is my estimation now-in the future?).
But, on the other hand, I was thinking 'she told you the truth, she believes this thing, she did not lie to you, to cheat you, and then find it yourself and have serious problem!'
Isn't it better this tactic, tell the truth, and go on, if you can really go on with it?
I think 'If you did not know it at all, would you be happier but in a lie?'
On the other hand, if you know something/a fact, that you do not estimate it in its real dimensions, and then it become bigger, you cannot even help explain it to yourself, how you made a mistake with this girl, while you already knew the problem (but not in full extend).
I want an advice for this case.

I think it is the right thing to get the truth up front, no matter how ugly. Maybe these Filipinas are so insecure and have inferiority complexes that they feel the need to lie. I don't know why they do it. Anyhow, it is hands-down MUCH better to hear whatever it is up front. I can't speak on whether you could go on with it, if you decided to date. But, I'm telling you, if she did not tell you this thing at first in the very beginning, you would have been dating a lie. And you would have seen this trait come out eventually. So, if you did not know about this thing, it would have come out and you would be hurt, or turned off anyway. If you really do enjoy the compatibility with this woman, you already know you will have to make an adjustment. It would be up to you if you are able to do that. If you find out later that you made a mistake, well, unfortunately we don't have the gift of prediction. We can only make choices. Then you would have to make another choice as far as going forward.

Bottom line...I think it boils down to your ability to be flexible with whatever it is that turns you off. If you really like her, then the other traits that have drawn you to her should be able to override whatever it is that is bothering you. And you have to be able to accept it, and enjoy the things you do like.

[mentor]

Useful thoughts Virgo Rising.

I get a bad taste from your story too.
I would tell that if you chat with a girl for over a year, well, the chances to be a cheater are less. It is like a crash test.
But, in the end, 'you never know'.
I do not know if we should be surprised.
I lived with a woman for some years, and I was badly surprised with her awful attitude the few last years before we move away one from the other.
I mean, even if a girl is not lying, when the times goes by, the conditions change, for any of us.
And this is something I fear too.
You had plans, you did not manage to do them....in time.
She had attraction for you. Were 2 years, a lie situation? From what you say, I cannot tell so, or, we are not sure.

Did you told for your unemployment to the girl?

I would say, that if you do not want to miss somebody, you can keep contact.
We live in the age of technology, we would never had such chances without internet! Thanks God for the choices!



A rather 'bad' thought I had about your case, but it is just an estimation, it is that maybe she started looking elsewhere, after you told her about losing your job. She told you to keep contact, but maybe she started focusing to other guy. If she had no other guy at all, why stopping communicating with you? Even if she had any bad lack, she could go to an internet cafe, mall, etc, and contact with you.
But, if she was a 'gold digger', better leave you know, and not in the future!

Your whole story is strange.
What makes me feel bad about it, it is that the break was after 2 years. A rather long time.
At this time I would tell myself, 'ok, now you can consider her your future mate'. But, it all ended badly.
I don't want to live such a story....

I would like to hear opinions from more experienced members about your case.
It is interesting, and we have to learn a lot.

[mentor]

I try to use some methods to avoid cheating, or being able to discover it.
What I am doing, it is to give time to any girl I chat, so that we can have a lot of communication, and test her over time. Talk for months. If she is all about money, I think she will reveal herself on the way.

Also, I am asking so many questions, that you could not believe it. Many of them, go away. Maybe they are scammers, and they understand that there is no easy way to cheat me.
A few ones, still talk with me, and we will see how it goes.
My questions are rather 'open', so I did not tell what I would like or what I would expect. Also I am returning to the same topics after time, with slightly different questions, to check once again the validity of what they told me previously.
All these, I keep them written in a word document. So, I can further analyze them, think of them, and even 'build' a profile for each girl, by myself.

I think that with this way, I will be able to find the right and good girl for me.

[davewe]

Lying is a universal truth. To quote House, MD "Everybody lies."

At the same time lying is cultural. What we lie about and the way we lie does depend on our culture. This is why it's easier to recognize lying in other cultures, believing that the lies we tell in our culture are just the standard ways that people conduct themselves.

And while I feel bad for Virgo Rising, couldn't the girl in question just as easily have thought, 'He promised to see me again. He's lying to me.' It's unfortunate, but she probably met someone else or just gave up on waiting.

Here's what I wrote about the subject a year or two ago:

http://www.marriedafilipina.com/2014/09/liar-liar/