Nothing to do except drugs, drinking, or video games in USA.
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Nothing to do except drugs, drinking, or video games in USA.
This is my biggest gripe about socializing in America. There's seemingly nothing to do besides those things or slight variants on them (ie, watching a movie instead of playing video games) or combinations of them. First off, I myself do drink, and I find nothing wrong with drinking a little bit, I don't like weed or the culture associated with it (though I've tried it once, didn't like it.) But the idea of these things being the only source of recreation just bores me to tears. Among youths my age (early 20s) these seem to be the only recreational activities people have the creativity to think up. Obviously, yeah, exceptions exist to this, but for the most part this is what I see.
It's so hard to get people to even do something simple like go to the park, or play volleyball or soccer, pick fruit, go hiking, or go swimming, whatever. Things that are outside. Or even indoor things, like cook something new. build something, etc. My closer friends are "nerds" mind you, but among the random people I meet, it seems like the same trend. If I meet someone and try to get to know them better, it's always like "hey man, wanna smoke with me? Want any weed?" Or reverse it with drinking, though mind you, I don't mind casual drinking, but drunken parties, no.
It's frustrating. There's actually a LOT to do in America. I went to a park in Vermont on a weekend in the summer, it had giant pavilions with picnic tables and even a fireplace. Tons of great stuff to do there. Nobody else was there at all. Even where I live, where it's less rural, there's still tons of really nice parks and walking trails and hiking, generally with good facilities, probably a half dozen or more separate places in a 3-4 mile radius of my house. These parks are built for people to congregate and be together at and have something to do, right? Not just pretend they're abandoned ruins.
Part of it is slightly economic. In America you do have to drive everywhere. Most of my friends for example live in another town, 10 mile drive each way, so it's about $4 to visit them. And it's similar in a lot of America, everything is spaced out like crazy here. I went to visit my cousin in Rochester, NY and it was 10 miles to go to church. So I think this does explain why a lot of people don't do stuff, as even if the thing is free, the driving required to do a lot of things isn't. Then other activities like going out to eat costs a lot of money here as well. Surprisingly, though, going out to eat is still popular, so people's reluctance to go to the park or do stuff is not based on economics alone. But still, there is a problem of coordination and planning required here to do stuff, whereas living in a city in another country can put all your social circle in close proximity to everyone else, so visiting a friend's house means a walk instead of a drive.
I'd like to go slightly off topic, but a lot is social dynamics, too. People don't want their bubbles burst, or a stranger into their social circles or group. Here's an example. A couple weeks ago I played a Korean game called choku, basically volleyball with your feet. A big Korean group (I think a tae kwon do club) was at the beach, they got two of the giant picnic tables and put them together and got a rope and made the net. I was walking in the woods alone and ended up coming out of the woods while they were retrieving the ball from the woods. So I was alone, and a weird guy in the woods. And they're inviting me to play a Korean game with them? Huh wha? I said sure and it was great fun, everything felt...natural, and I felt included. They asked me to play. In USA, the standard etiquette or whatever is to "be assertive" and ask the other group to play. But then when you ask, you're being a "creep" or "needy" for wanting to intrude on some other group's activities as a stranger. So in USA, there's a catch-22 of all social interaction underlying everything, of having to be "assertive" and outgoing, then penalizing it. With Koreans, too, I remember at 13-14 years old having some Korean girls on vacation in Florida at the same timeshare as me, I was alone in the pool, and they invited me to play volleyball with them, too. Am I correct in saying in other countries there's much more obligation on the group or other people in general to include people, including "strangers" and people who are alone into things?
I read in Taiwan, for example, parks are open all night long. People actually go to them at night, too, and it's normal. I feel like Asia might be the only chance I have at any semblance of a normal social life. There seems to be more as it's called, good clean fun in other countries. I had a friend from Sweden, he said in Sweden he never smoked weed or he did once or twice in his entire life, I forget which (he was almost 30 years old,) here he ended up smoking weed a half dozen or more times in just a few months. Now, I do stuff I want myself, if I want to go for a hike, I'm not going to call a bunch of people and have them say no or we'll go next week and put all my plans on hold, I just go for a hike alone. But it's depressing, having really no friends to accompany you with anything you do. I was recommended for example, for finding people to do stuff with, to use meetup.com but seriously? I need a website to make friends and do normal activities here in USA? WTF kind of backward stuff is that?
And I know this is just ranting, and obviously people in USA do not only do these three things. I do notice people slightly older than me, say right near 30, are more open to doing stuff still. But speaking in generalities here, these three activities seem to be the only socially acceptable activities. Am I correct in saying if I go... anywhere else, that I'll have more to do than this with other people?
It's so hard to get people to even do something simple like go to the park, or play volleyball or soccer, pick fruit, go hiking, or go swimming, whatever. Things that are outside. Or even indoor things, like cook something new. build something, etc. My closer friends are "nerds" mind you, but among the random people I meet, it seems like the same trend. If I meet someone and try to get to know them better, it's always like "hey man, wanna smoke with me? Want any weed?" Or reverse it with drinking, though mind you, I don't mind casual drinking, but drunken parties, no.
It's frustrating. There's actually a LOT to do in America. I went to a park in Vermont on a weekend in the summer, it had giant pavilions with picnic tables and even a fireplace. Tons of great stuff to do there. Nobody else was there at all. Even where I live, where it's less rural, there's still tons of really nice parks and walking trails and hiking, generally with good facilities, probably a half dozen or more separate places in a 3-4 mile radius of my house. These parks are built for people to congregate and be together at and have something to do, right? Not just pretend they're abandoned ruins.
Part of it is slightly economic. In America you do have to drive everywhere. Most of my friends for example live in another town, 10 mile drive each way, so it's about $4 to visit them. And it's similar in a lot of America, everything is spaced out like crazy here. I went to visit my cousin in Rochester, NY and it was 10 miles to go to church. So I think this does explain why a lot of people don't do stuff, as even if the thing is free, the driving required to do a lot of things isn't. Then other activities like going out to eat costs a lot of money here as well. Surprisingly, though, going out to eat is still popular, so people's reluctance to go to the park or do stuff is not based on economics alone. But still, there is a problem of coordination and planning required here to do stuff, whereas living in a city in another country can put all your social circle in close proximity to everyone else, so visiting a friend's house means a walk instead of a drive.
I'd like to go slightly off topic, but a lot is social dynamics, too. People don't want their bubbles burst, or a stranger into their social circles or group. Here's an example. A couple weeks ago I played a Korean game called choku, basically volleyball with your feet. A big Korean group (I think a tae kwon do club) was at the beach, they got two of the giant picnic tables and put them together and got a rope and made the net. I was walking in the woods alone and ended up coming out of the woods while they were retrieving the ball from the woods. So I was alone, and a weird guy in the woods. And they're inviting me to play a Korean game with them? Huh wha? I said sure and it was great fun, everything felt...natural, and I felt included. They asked me to play. In USA, the standard etiquette or whatever is to "be assertive" and ask the other group to play. But then when you ask, you're being a "creep" or "needy" for wanting to intrude on some other group's activities as a stranger. So in USA, there's a catch-22 of all social interaction underlying everything, of having to be "assertive" and outgoing, then penalizing it. With Koreans, too, I remember at 13-14 years old having some Korean girls on vacation in Florida at the same timeshare as me, I was alone in the pool, and they invited me to play volleyball with them, too. Am I correct in saying in other countries there's much more obligation on the group or other people in general to include people, including "strangers" and people who are alone into things?
I read in Taiwan, for example, parks are open all night long. People actually go to them at night, too, and it's normal. I feel like Asia might be the only chance I have at any semblance of a normal social life. There seems to be more as it's called, good clean fun in other countries. I had a friend from Sweden, he said in Sweden he never smoked weed or he did once or twice in his entire life, I forget which (he was almost 30 years old,) here he ended up smoking weed a half dozen or more times in just a few months. Now, I do stuff I want myself, if I want to go for a hike, I'm not going to call a bunch of people and have them say no or we'll go next week and put all my plans on hold, I just go for a hike alone. But it's depressing, having really no friends to accompany you with anything you do. I was recommended for example, for finding people to do stuff with, to use meetup.com but seriously? I need a website to make friends and do normal activities here in USA? WTF kind of backward stuff is that?
And I know this is just ranting, and obviously people in USA do not only do these three things. I do notice people slightly older than me, say right near 30, are more open to doing stuff still. But speaking in generalities here, these three activities seem to be the only socially acceptable activities. Am I correct in saying if I go... anywhere else, that I'll have more to do than this with other people?
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Great post.
When I went to kids camp with Armenians from all over the world, it was friendly.
When I went to a kids camp for Americanized Armenians from the Northeast US, it was like Lord of the freakin' Flies. Brutal, nasty, hideous.
Both camps were in the same Northeast US state.
So yeah, it IS the USSA anti-culture that is the problem.
In Los Angeles, there are lots of parks. No Whites or Blacks using any of them (horseback riding was the only White activity). Mainly just immigrants. Mexicans at the picnic areas, and Mexican families on the trails, chubby but active. And also on the trails, slender middle-aged Asian housewives, in pairs.
No "Americans".
At one point I had a Persian-Armenian hiking group I was going with.
By way of comparison, there was one (1) non-ethnic hiking group open to novices in ALL of Los Angeles. It was internet-based, woontcha-know.
So basically, yeah, White people in LA seemed to stay in cliques, or work out solo. The latter was very fashionable. Stairs, trails, dogs, gym, etc. Alone, alone, alone. Like you had to be the Count of Monte Cristo, a prisoner in solitary confinement but with incredible stamina and willpower, and THEN you could be in shape, be healthy, be admired, and maybe attract a girlfriend... or be allowed to exist socially.
I had no luck socializing with Whites at all in LA, except coworkers at a bar right after work.
Older Lebanese Armenians were more sociable, they would meet for coffee, food, etc. But rarely for anything physical or healthy.
When I went to kids camp with Armenians from all over the world, it was friendly.
When I went to a kids camp for Americanized Armenians from the Northeast US, it was like Lord of the freakin' Flies. Brutal, nasty, hideous.
Both camps were in the same Northeast US state.
So yeah, it IS the USSA anti-culture that is the problem.
In Los Angeles, there are lots of parks. No Whites or Blacks using any of them (horseback riding was the only White activity). Mainly just immigrants. Mexicans at the picnic areas, and Mexican families on the trails, chubby but active. And also on the trails, slender middle-aged Asian housewives, in pairs.
No "Americans".
At one point I had a Persian-Armenian hiking group I was going with.
By way of comparison, there was one (1) non-ethnic hiking group open to novices in ALL of Los Angeles. It was internet-based, woontcha-know.
So basically, yeah, White people in LA seemed to stay in cliques, or work out solo. The latter was very fashionable. Stairs, trails, dogs, gym, etc. Alone, alone, alone. Like you had to be the Count of Monte Cristo, a prisoner in solitary confinement but with incredible stamina and willpower, and THEN you could be in shape, be healthy, be admired, and maybe attract a girlfriend... or be allowed to exist socially.
I had no luck socializing with Whites at all in LA, except coworkers at a bar right after work.
Older Lebanese Armenians were more sociable, they would meet for coffee, food, etc. But rarely for anything physical or healthy.
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The Count of Monte Cristo thing. I haven't read that book fully or the movie(s), but I feel that's kind of accurate. Nowadays I'm told people think I'm "cool" because I look good and workout. I also pretty much stopped trying to talk or socialize with people very much. I used to be much more of an open person, trying to strike up conversations with people, etc. I'm actually naturally that way, and have been since I was a kid, very outgoing and open of a person. But I learned recently the only way to succeed socially is not to embrace those behaviours, but suppress them. If you talk to people you're weird, or creepy, or hey, why don't you have friends of your own, something must be wrong with you. It seems almost the proper social norm for America is to be a smiling Clint Eastwood.Jester wrote:Great post.
When I went to kids camp with Armenians from all over the world, it was friendly.
When I went to a kids camp for Americanized Armenians from the Northeast US, it was like Lord of the freakin' Flies. Brutal, nasty, hideous.
Both camps were in the same Northeast US state.
So yeah, it IS the USSA anti-culture that is the problem.
In Los Angeles, there are lots of parks. No Whites or Blacks using any of them (horseback riding was the only White activity). Mainly just immigrants. Mexicans at the picnic areas, and Mexican families on the trails, chubby but active. And also on the trails, slender middle-aged Asian housewives, in pairs.
No "Americans".
At one point I had a Persian-Armenian hiking group I was going with.
By way of comparison, there was one (1) non-ethnic hiking group open to novices in ALL of Los Angeles. It was internet-based, woontcha-know.
So basically, yeah, White people in LA seemed to stay in cliques, or work out solo. The latter was very fashionable. Stairs, trails, dogs, gym, etc. Alone, alone, alone. Like you had to be the Count of Monte Cristo, a prisoner in solitary confinement but with incredible stamina and willpower, and THEN you could be in shape, be healthy, be admired, and maybe attract a girlfriend... or be allowed to exist socially.
I had no luck socializing with Whites at all in LA, except coworkers at a bar right after work.
Older Lebanese Armenians were more sociable, they would meet for coffee, food, etc. But rarely for anything physical or healthy.
And with the drugs and drinking, I found out last night USA is top in the world for illicit drug use basically across all categories. Now I'm actually for drug legalization, but to have a large percentage of your population on weed, heroin, coke, etc, isn't good, legal or not. And drug use for the most part has gone up, too, not down. So my impression of "everyone does drugs" is actually pretty correct, at least statistically speaking. And this too, makes me sad. As the people that do seem open to having you be around them tend to do drugs or drink excessively.
I notice, too, with the TV watching. Ever notice most American sitcoms, a quarter or half of the show is literally the characters sitting on a ouch, usually in front of a TV? The show "Big Bang Theory" is literally this for the entire show:
Many people overseas are obsessed with this stupid BBT show too. I just don't get it, the 'humour' is lame. It also perpetuates the many-chumps-to-1-pedestalized-chick ratio theme. Art copying life or life copying art?onethousandknives wrote:I notice, too, with the TV watching. Ever notice most American sitcoms, a quarter or half of the show is literally the characters sitting on a ouch, usually in front of a TV? The show "Big Bang Theory" is literally this for the entire show:
In my opinion it's these types of sitcoms and 'reality' crap that have ruined America's manners and introduced all the rudeness and snarkasm.
If you notice carefully people in such shows do not greet each other nicely (i guess for the sake of ploy delivery speed), and often put down others with nasty sarcastic remarks. Pretty unnatural.
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
Last year when my wife was with me in the states, one thing that really struck her was how empty towns are in the evening- that is most stuff closes up quickly and it becomes a social desert.Jester wrote:Great post.
When I went to kids camp with Armenians from all over the world, it was friendly.
When I went to a kids camp for Americanized Armenians from the Northeast US, it was like Lord of the freakin' Flies. Brutal, nasty, hideous.
Both camps were in the same Northeast US state.
So yeah, it IS the USSA anti-culture that is the problem.
In Los Angeles, there are lots of parks. No Whites or Blacks using any of them (horseback riding was the only White activity). Mainly just immigrants. Mexicans at the picnic areas, and Mexican families on the trails, chubby but active. And also on the trails, slender middle-aged Asian housewives, in pairs.
No "Americans".
At one point I had a Persian-Armenian hiking group I was going with.
By way of comparison, there was one (1) non-ethnic hiking group open to novices in ALL of Los Angeles. It was internet-based, woontcha-know.
So basically, yeah, White people in LA seemed to stay in cliques, or work out solo. The latter was very fashionable. Stairs, trails, dogs, gym, etc. Alone, alone, alone. Like you had to be the Count of Monte Cristo, a prisoner in solitary confinement but with incredible stamina and willpower, and THEN you could be in shape, be healthy, be admired, and maybe attract a girlfriend... or be allowed to exist socially.
I had no luck socializing with Whites at all in LA, except coworkers at a bar right after work.
Older Lebanese Armenians were more sociable, they would meet for coffee, food, etc. But rarely for anything physical or healthy.
Even small to medium size towns in the Philippines have a lot of activity going on till pretty late and primary hours are filled with heavy social interactions of all sorts...most of it free.
I hear ya, OP!
It sounds like we'd get along.
The culture is dying, fast. You'll hear people talk about the 70s or 80s and compare it to now, how different it is.
People are no longer authentic or even real human beings. They're all dead inside.
There is no inclusiveness.
I live in this little podunk town and even the old people aren't friendly.
It sounds like we'd get along.
The culture is dying, fast. You'll hear people talk about the 70s or 80s and compare it to now, how different it is.
People are no longer authentic or even real human beings. They're all dead inside.
There is no inclusiveness.
I live in this little podunk town and even the old people aren't friendly.
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It's the same in Tucson. Only Mexicans in the parks and public spaces. You will literally hear more Spanish in the malls than English. Anglos are all locked away in their gated communities and private spaces, hooked up to some machine online, not to be found in public. This is the biggest difference overseas to me -- Europeans and Asians are out and about in public, Americans aren't now.Jester wrote: In Los Angeles, there are lots of parks. No Whites or Blacks using any of them (horseback riding was the only White activity). Mainly just immigrants. Mexicans at the picnic areas, and Mexican families on the trails, chubby but active. And also on the trails, slender middle-aged Asian housewives, in pairs.
No "Americans".
I'm old enough to remember when everyone in our suburban community would go outside in the summer evenings and socialize. Then central air conditioning came along and everybody went inside -- one of many emerging technologies that Americans surrendered their lifestyles to whole hog. Give us a new machine and we'll toss everything overboard and adopt an entirely new way of life.
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OP, go to where I am from in Austin, Texas. People there love being outside, going to Barton Springs to swim, fly kites out in the park, etc. Actually I have found the most tolerant people I have met in America are pot smoking hippies/outcasts/eccentrics that embrace oddball personalities instead of judging.
In the Dallas suburbs our summers get to be around 100 degrees and the nearest lake isn't even cold nor can we swim in it. It is so friggin miserable that nobody wants to be outside.
I used to go out Latin dancing but the only salsa place in the area had this jerk off manager that didn't like me because I was by myself. Seriously. I wanted to go to one in Dallas but I can't take the train there because its too late at night and I don't want to drive an HOUR ACROSS TOWN! We have such a high population and almost zero public transit. It is awful.
In the Dallas suburbs our summers get to be around 100 degrees and the nearest lake isn't even cold nor can we swim in it. It is so friggin miserable that nobody wants to be outside.
I used to go out Latin dancing but the only salsa place in the area had this jerk off manager that didn't like me because I was by myself. Seriously. I wanted to go to one in Dallas but I can't take the train there because its too late at night and I don't want to drive an HOUR ACROSS TOWN! We have such a high population and almost zero public transit. It is awful.
Re: Nothing to do except drugs, drinking, or video games in
OP,
For me it's there's nothing to do in USA except going to Walmart or target, buying junk food, and going home to watch movies and masturbating on the couch. I don't do drugs or alcohol or play video games. Lol
The thing is, the movies and TV shows make it look like it's easy to get casual sex or find horny women in America to hook up with, because anyone can get sex in America, and that the only problems are with getting a job and getting along with your quarreling family members. And of course dealing with violent crime. Really stupid.
For me it's there's nothing to do in USA except going to Walmart or target, buying junk food, and going home to watch movies and masturbating on the couch. I don't do drugs or alcohol or play video games. Lol
The thing is, the movies and TV shows make it look like it's easy to get casual sex or find horny women in America to hook up with, because anyone can get sex in America, and that the only problems are with getting a job and getting along with your quarreling family members. And of course dealing with violent crime. Really stupid.
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Re: Nothing to do except drugs, drinking, or video games in
Good call on the Catch-22. I notice a general trend of "Those are good traits & f**k you for having them!"
There's another trend of bitching about problems & then protecting them when they're about to go away. It's real similar to the tendancy of chasing someone down to say "Nothing's wrong." Bringing up a problem & then doing damage control so it and/or the people that do it don't look so bad. This protects the issue while patterning the action so it looks similar to arguing against it. The people will use this opportunity to make a touch-base reference to whatever problem it is & then go on about how they don't think everyone in that profession is like that, talk about other things that did not go this way, or basically extol the situation (whatever it is) in general- without specifically stating that this specific situation was a good thing.
There's another trend of bitching about problems & then protecting them when they're about to go away. It's real similar to the tendancy of chasing someone down to say "Nothing's wrong." Bringing up a problem & then doing damage control so it and/or the people that do it don't look so bad. This protects the issue while patterning the action so it looks similar to arguing against it. The people will use this opportunity to make a touch-base reference to whatever problem it is & then go on about how they don't think everyone in that profession is like that, talk about other things that did not go this way, or basically extol the situation (whatever it is) in general- without specifically stating that this specific situation was a good thing.
Re: Nothing to do except drugs, drinking, or video games in
America is one of the loneliest countries in the world to live in. You need to make your friends early in life (when you are in grade school, high school and college) because once you get out of school it will be very difficult to meet people.Winston wrote:For me it's there's nothing to do in USA except going to Walmart or target, buying junk food, and going home to watch movies and masturbating on the couch. I don't do drugs or alcohol or play video games. Lol
The thing is, the movies and TV shows make it look like it's easy to get casual sex or find horny women in America to hook up with, because anyone can get sex in America, and that the only problems are with getting a job and getting along with your quarreling family members. And of course dealing with violent crime. Really stupid.
I live in the suburbs and everyone hides in their houses. I still have no idea who any of my neighbors are and I have lived in this particular suburb for 7 years. I have thought about moving into the city but Chicago has the highest murder rate of any city in the country (and the highest sales tax in the country as well).
In the USA you have to drive EVERYWHERE there is nothing within walking distance. People in America don't like meeting new people and tend to just hang out with their friends they went to school with.
No wonder why America is considered the loneliest country in the world!
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
Re: Nothing to do except drugs, drinking, or video games in
True stuff. Plus there's all the things you can get charged with. Although nowadays, you don't really have to worry much about what you're doing. You just get attacked & there's a bullshit story to go with it. Maybe it gets uncovered after spending a couple of years locked-up, maybe not.
Re: Nothing to do except drugs, drinking, or video games in
You know something odd? Gear-head tend to get together & socialize more than other people.
I agree with what you said about the whole "car-culture" thing, though. I don't think it's ALL because of that, especially since so many things were culturally ingrained before cars were even invented.
I agree with what you said about the whole "car-culture" thing, though. I don't think it's ALL because of that, especially since so many things were culturally ingrained before cars were even invented.
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