What if you had a son like Konrad, only worse?

Post by **Winston** » February 14th, 2012, 4:05 am

Since you all find Konrad to be very disruptive, I have a question for you all.

What if you had a son who was out of control, like Konrad, but 10 times worse? How would you handle it? Would you consider having him to be the biggest mistake of your life? Answer honestly.

I know that it is blasphemy to criticize children, especially your own. But what if your child was totally disruptive and out of control, and did NOT respond to any disciplinary measures? What if you endured his yelling and screaming ALL DAY? Would it drive you crazy? How long would you tolerate it before you lost it? Everyone has a breaking point. Remember that. No one has 100 percent tolerance.

Imagine this: You take him to a restaurant, and while the other toddlers there are well behaved, your son is the ONLY one who is disruptive, making noise and disturbing everyone. How EMBARRASSING! How would that make you feel? Or you take him into a movie theater, and he is the ONLY one making noise and disrupting everyone watching the movie, while all the other kids are NOT! How would that make you feel? Wouldn't you be embarrassed?

Yet no matter how many times you told him to "SHUT UP!" he would not listen. He does not listen to anyone and has a total disregard for disrupting others and is totally inconsiderate like a wild beast.

After a while, you would find yourself saying to yourself, "Why the f**k am I putting up with all this shit? What do I get out of it?! NOTHING! What a scam. I was totally deceived by society into having kids. Now I'm locked into a permanent hellish trap - the BIGGEST MISTAKE of my life! Society scammed me!"

Trust me. You can philosophize and moralize this all you want, but until you've experienced this in reality, you are in no place to judge. If you spent a week with my son, after that you are guaranteed to say, "Winston, you were right. Having a child was the biggest mistake of your life. I'm sure glad I'm not in your shoes or Dianne's. I'm sure not gonna have kids now. Thanks for teaching me a lesson and sparing me from the same mistake."

What if you were Dianne? How would you feel if your son did not let you out of his sight for even one second? If you had to take a shit, he would join you, and if you were showering, he would have to join you too? He would never leave you alone, even for a few seconds. How would that make you feel?

If you've been in army bootcamp, you know what it's like to have every freedom taken away. Well this is another way to know what it's like to have every freedom and privacy taken away. It's hell! It's a nightmare! And you get NOTHING out of it! No benefit or reward. It's a TOTAL SCAM and CRUEL TRAP that society puts on you.

Tell me the truth, without criticizing me. What would YOU do in this position? How would you feel? Would you regret it? Would you call it the "biggest mistake of your life"?

What if your son was like Konrad, only worse? How would you tolerate it everyday?

Lots of people call their kids "monsters". There's nothing wrong with calling "a spade a spade." Criticizing children is not blasphemy. If someone acts like a monster, then you can call them that. People are defined by their actions.

Billy · Post by **Billy** » February 14th, 2012, 11:16 am

Winston, donÂ´t whine, bro. Look Darwin dealt with this topic and he had 10 children. Check his notes:

http://www.listsofnote.com/2012/02/bett ... nyhow.html

emh · Post by **emh** » February 14th, 2012, 3:24 pm

I'm new here so I don't know a lot about your situation other than a few bits and pieces I've picked up on. Anyway, just wanted to relate an experience I had in Peru. I was dating this woman who had a 7 year old son. The son was a total and complete brat. Of course, I was just the guy her mom was dating so he definitely didn't listen to me. But he also didn't listen to his mom either. One time he spent an hour bugging his mom for an ice cream until she finally gave in and bought him one (and this after I had just bought the kid a donut). Anyway, there were lots of reasons why I broke up with this woman but her son was definitely at the top of the list. Granted my situation was different than yours but I kept thinking "do I want to be this kids step-father some day?". And the answer was absolutely not. Just being around him a few hours every week was enough to drive me crazy. I couldn't imagine living in the same house as him.

PaulB · Post by **PaulB** » February 14th, 2012, 4:45 pm

Winston, instead of blaming and criticizing others, have you ever stopped and asked yourself, "What am I doing wrong?"

FireEater · Post by **FireEater** » February 14th, 2012, 5:25 pm

Like emh, I'm still pretty new and am not quite sure what's going on, but there's no judgment coming from me. You were right when you said everybody's got a breaking point. You and Dianne are better people than I, because I'd probably be in jail right now from dispensing inhuman spankings.

adria2789 · Post by **adria2789** » February 14th, 2012, 10:29 pm

Well, um...one solution is discipline/punishment (either from you or Dianne). It also has to be constant and your child has to know why he's being punished. Time out is another good alternative. Children hate time out. He will cry, complain and screan but they will learn. You can't just let children behave badly and get away with it...then they turn out like Konrad.

My parents were old fasion, authoritarian Mexican parents. I got a spanked (with a belt and/or sandals) growing up and I turned out fine. My parents wouldn't take me or my sisters out on the town or while they did there errands. Especially me. I was a little mischevious child who wandered off and got lost. As a toddler, I crawled under the pews in church during a sermon. I'm sure I got a whopping when we got home!

Parenting isn't about freedom either, you give that up when you have a child. You made a mistake but you can't turn back the clock now. You have to do best with you got. Sorry to break to you, Winston. I am not judging you at all but simply telling you what I think.

Twobrains · Post by **Twobrains** » February 15th, 2012, 3:34 am

I have raised a girl to adulthood. Children (no matter how much they may protest) actually like rules, structure and consistency. Limits on their behaviour make them feel safe and secure, believe it or not. It is parents' duty to impose strong, clear and fair discipline. Usually that takes two parents who agree and pull together. (The increasing number of single-parent households is part of the reason why society is turning to shit.) When the rules are not clear, kids will push you and push you with increasingly outrageous behaviour until they find your limits. They want to know the limits. Children cannot run their own lives, and they know it - they want you to do it, it's your job.

Some parents are lazy/irresponsible, but others fail on discipline because they are needy. They had the child so that someone would love them unconditionally, and they think if they discipline the little brat then it will stop loving them. Tough!! It's your job to stand firm and ignore the (temporary) hatred from the kid. In the long run (but probably not until they have kids of their own) they will thank you for being strong.

If you want to read a rant about the horrors of parenthood, I recommend "I'm OK, You're a Brat" by Susan Jeffers. I think they changed the title now because that one put people off, but it's not hard to find. Anyone who reads it will think twice before they go bareback.

Falcon · Post by **Falcon** » February 18th, 2012, 12:27 pm

adria2789 wrote:Well, um...one solution is discipline/punishment (either from you or Dianne). It also has to be constant and your child has to know why he's being punished. Time out is another good alternative. Children hate time out. He will cry, complain and screan but they will learn. You can't just let children behave badly and get away with it...then they turn out like Konrad.

My parents were old fasion, authoritarian Mexican parents. I got a spanked (with a belt and/or sandals) growing up and I turned out fine. My parents wouldn't take me or my sisters out on the town or while they did there errands. Especially me. I was a little mischevious child who wandered off and got lost. As a toddler, I crawled under the pews in church during a sermon. I'm sure I got a whopping when we got home!

Parenting isn't about freedom either, you give that up when you have a child. You made a mistake but you can't turn back the clock now. You have to do best with you got. Sorry to break to you, Winston. I am not judging you at all but simply telling you what I think.

Ditto that.

And let's not forget, it's also actually very hard to be a kid. Think back to your childhood. Was it complete innocent paradise, or was it full of fears and conflicts? I would bet the latter is true for everyone.

Back in my toddler days, my mother often complained about how I was a difficult child to raise. But in my point of view, I thought I was having a very hard time. I had always wondered what it is like to be a grown-up with lots of knowledge, freedoms, and responsibilities.

Learn to empathize with your child, and grow together with him or her. If you've forgotten what it's like to be a toddler, watch the animated show "Caillou" (on YouTube or elsewhere).

keius · Post by **keius** » February 24th, 2012, 7:13 pm

Winston, I can't believe you brought this stuff up, yet again.

Anyway, every behavior you've mentioned was exhibited by my son at one time or another. He's 3 right now. Do i regret "the trap" everytime he goes bonkers? No. Why? Because i make sure his behavior gets fixed. It may take time and it may take a lot of effort. We are trying to correct some behavior patterns right now ....3 weeks and no success but we will get there. Does he revert to bad behavior sometimes? Yes, that happens as well.

You can't expect a child to simply do what you tell them to do and behave when it's convenient for you. You have eyes. You've seen what children can be like before you made the conscious decision to conceive a child (or mistakenly have one). And i've never told my child to "SHUT UP". I've seen this too often, and seen how kids react to it. They are human beings who are constantly learning from the others around them. Ever see kids start telling one parent to "shut up" because the other parent does the same? (It's very common behavior from black mothers to their misbehaving kids at places like Walmart. Saw that a couple days ago ...a mother verbally assaulting their child because of misbehavior. I'm not being racist btw, i'm just stating what i've seen based on my own experiences...or it could simply be the areas i've lived in.)

Punishment sometimes does work....and sometimes won't work, there are alternatives...like positive reinforcement. To answer your question...what would I do? I'd put the effort into fixing things. Do I get angry? Do I have a breaking point? Yes I do. I also know that it takes 2 to tango and i've always believed in taking responsibility for my actions. Not behaving at a restaurant? Is he enjoying the restaurant? Well, no more restaurant for him. We leave on the spot. Been there, done that. Then make sure he understands why there's no more restaurant for him. Inconvenient for you? Yes it is. But, do that a couple times and your kid will GET THE MESSAGE. Not willing to do that? Well, I guess your kid isn't that important to you then.

Does society deceive ppl into having kids? Only if those ppl are either stupid and/or gullible. You've got eyes. You can see the good and the bad. Nothing deceptive about it, unless you are into deceiving yourself...in which case, we're talking about responsibility again. Alot of ppl don't believe in it. We Americans are very good at blaming others for our own faults and/or actions. Too many lawyers maybe... ;P

What if I were Diane? Well, she apparently has no issues with things as they are because she isn't putting much effort into changing things. Too lazy to do whats necessary? Maybe she's part of the problem? Maybe she needs help? Maybe someone is sabotaging her efforts (her parents?)? I can tell you that my parents made it very difficult for us to correct our kids behavior. We still have issues with that. If she really really wanted to change his behavior, she'd be actively reinforcing good behavior ALL THE TIME. Is there sacrifice involved? You better believe it.

We are considering a second child. Just thinking about what it'll require of us is...mindnumbing and scary to boot. But if we do decide to go for it, we'd do what we have to do.

Do I have times I long for my single life? Me and the wife both do. So does every other parent, at one time or another.

Greetercb · Post by **Greetercb** » March 1st, 2012, 7:36 am

Count your Blessings That Konrad is living Here at The Philippines & Not at
The Socialist States of America unlike you & Me Before Him so Unlike both
you & Me He will not get Persecuted by The Commie Women,s Libbers Unlike
both you & Me Before Him. Take Care!!!

Ned Zeppelin · Post by **Ned Zeppelin** » March 1st, 2012, 12:07 pm

exactly how much are you even around your son?

FilipinaAKo · Post by **FilipinaAKo** » March 11th, 2012, 7:41 am

Tell me the truth, without criticizing me. What would YOU do in this position? How would you feel? Would you regret it? Would you call it the "biggest mistake of your life"?

my answer to your question is NO, NOT at all...but instead of whining and telling your kid to SHUT up all the time, u and your wife may wanna start putting some effort knowing your child because u don't have the same personalities. and instead of tolerating why don't u try dealing with it.
and its a blasphemy talking like that about your kid...because every child is a gift and so life.