To all the step-fathers on this forum, why?

[MarcosZeitola]

There are several posters who are either dating or married to women who had children from prior marriages, some even raising those children as their own or at the very least paying for them and being somewhat involved in their lives... as an unbiased but shocked bystander... why? Why would you do such a thing, what is appealing about such a scenario and is it really so impossible to find a young and childless woman that actually has a mature mindset?

It seems to me, as an unbiased bystander, that the most 'cucked' thing any man could do, for lack of a better word, is to raise the offspring of another man. Another man got your wife when she was younger, prettier and far more desirable. He had his fun with her, then ditched her and left you to lap up his leftovers. You raise the product of the fun he had with this woman when she was in her prime. And there is no part of you that feels... a bit sad about this? Like, cheated out of something better? Because personally, I would.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

I would say there are 4 instances where I would agree with it:


-In case of male infertility.

-In cases where the man bonded with the child (in addition to the mother) in such a way that he was purely altruistic.

-In cases where there are significant medical ailments in the father's family such as mental illness or disfiguring diseases.

-In cases where the child is so talented, intelligence, or gifted that serving as a father would help ensure future promise.


I would go with the natural route myself, but that is no guarantee of a healthy, productive, or talented child even with the parents' best efforts. And if I had the choice of rearing a highly successful child of another man, or a social menace failure of my own seed, I might gladly choose to be a VolCuck (voluntary cuckold.)

[Cornfed]

It seems to me, as an unbiased bystander, that the most 'cucked' thing any man could do, for lack of a better word, is to raise the offspring of another man. Another man got your wife when she was younger, prettier and far more desirable. He had his fun with her, then ditched her and left you to lap up his leftovers. You raise the product of the fun he had with this woman when she was in her prime. And there is no part of you that feels... a bit sad about this? Like, cheated out of something better? Because personally, I would.

In the case of the West you might be a deadbeat slob living off the female's ex's extorted vaginamony payments. There is also the Woody Allen strategy. Other than that it seems fairly lame.

[MarcosZeitola]

-In case of male infertility.

In that case a man can always adopt a child unrelated to both him and his wife, so there wouldn't be this unbalanced state in which her genes and another man's genes are passed on with the infertile man paying for it.

-In cases where the man bonded with the child (in addition to the mother) in such a way that he was purely altruistic.

That's how they get you, and trick you... single women know that many men are naturally caring and protective and have a tendency to feel responsibility early on, in fact a man is far more likely to sense responsibility than a woman. He sees a fatherless child, wants to step in and 'man up'... not realizing that all he does is squander his own genetic potential over another man's leftovers when he could have just as easily and perhaps more successfully bonded with a child of his own making.

-In cases where there are significant medical ailments in the father's family such as mental illness or disfiguring diseases.

If the man is mentally ill or severely physically handicapped he probably shouldn't be a father anyway, step-, adoptive, biological or otherwise.

-In cases where the child is so talented, intelligence, or gifted that serving as a father would help ensure future promise.

Great future promise for the biological father to enjoy and gloat over, as you reap the praise of feminist society for staying in your lane and "being a real man".

[Cornfed]

-In cases where the child is so talented, intelligence, or gifted that serving as a father would help ensure future promise.

Great future promise for the biological father to enjoy and gloat over, as you reap the praise of feminist society for staying in your lane and "being a real man".

But isn't that exactly what a black person who has been treated so kindly by white society should do in return, assuming the kid is white? It would be moral redemption.

[Shemp]

@Marcus, you have this obsession with propagating your genes, which is propaganda you learned somewhere. Not all of us are like this. I'm already on the hook for raising all the children in existence in the USA, by virtue of the fact that I pay taxes. If I additionally give money to a woman, for access to her body for sexual purposes, and then she gives some of that money to her children, it feels no different from giving money to my landlord/landlady who then gives some of that money to his/her children. As long as I get what I want, I don't care who gets the money next.

As far as involving myself in the lives of some woman's children, I've never done that, but I can see a lot of advantages. In particular, since not my kids, I would feel less attachments and so it would be easier to abandon them when the mother or child misbehaves.

The main problem is boys, who would see me as a competitor for the mothers love. Girls, on the other hand, would try to seduce me, so as to cause trouble, and this would make the mother jealous, thus giving me more leverage. So I would be open to getting involved with family life of single mothers with daughters only, whereas for those with sons I would make the woman visit me for sex and stay out of the family life. Also, when the daughters comes of legal age (18, since I'm subject to US law even overseas), I could replace the mother with the daughter of the girl is pretty.

All this goes over your simple minded head, of course, because you're surrounded by those simple minded Filipino peasants boasting all day of how many children they have, and how big their balls are, etc. You know, the Philippines is going to be a real mess if global warming is true, especially given the continuing population explosion. I hope you have an escape plan. Otherwise your children are going to curse you for your simple mindedness.

BTW I changed my screen name. Used to be retiredFrank, but that was a boring.

[Cornfed]

@Marcus, you have this obsession with propogating your genes,-which is propoganda you learned somewhere.

Yeah, probably from all his ancestors that gave rise to him dating back to the primordial soup.

[Shemp]

Marcos, you have this obsession with propogating your genes,-which is propoganda you learned somewhere.

Yeah, probably from all his ancestors that gave rise to him dating back to the primordial soup.

Actually, I explained in my last paragraph where he is getting the propaganda from:

because youre surrounded by those simple minded Filipino peasants boasting all day of how many children they have, and how big their balls are, etc.

As the saying goes, we are all the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. So MarcosZeitola is becoming like those Filipino peasants he associates with. What is truly frightening for me, in this regard, is that I probably interact with Cornfed as much as anyone else in this world other than my Ukrainian sugar baby, since i don't have any real life friends and I am on bad terms with most relatives. Horrible to think that I am being influenced to become similar to Cornfed.

[Cornfed]

Horrible to think this, but might Shemp be PAG?

[Shemp]

Horrible to think this, but might Shemp be PAG?

Just click on my posting history. Also, I wrote above that I was formerly retiredFrank.

[Yohan]

There are several posters who are either dating or married to women who had children from prior marriages, some even raising those children as their own or at the very least paying for them and being somewhat involved in their lives... as an unbiased but shocked bystander... why? Why would you do such a thing, what is appealing about such a scenario and is it really so impossible to find a young and childless woman that actually has a mature mindset?

It seems to me, as an unbiased bystander, that the most 'cucked' thing any man could do, for lack of a better word, is to raise the offspring of another man. Another man got your wife when she was younger, prettier and far more desirable. He had his fun with her, then ditched her and left you to lap up his leftovers. You raise the product of the fun he had with this woman when she was in her prime. And there is no part of you that feels... a bit sad about this? Like, cheated out of something better? Because personally, I would.

This is a difficult question, so 50/50, sometimes yes, sometimes no - I was thinking about for a while what to answer - let me say, it depends on circumstances.

1 -
It depends on the country and the legal situation - I cannot recommend to date/marry any woman living in a Western country and advice any man to stay away especially from single mothers - there is this strange feminist ideology, which is about 'proud independent single moms' and about 'the man should pay for everything' - The social system is providing the single mother with free housing and other benefits anyway - she is not really poor, marriage and co-habitation are almost the same. If you are the biological father or not does not matter, in case the relationship breaks down the man will have to pay so-called palimony and child-support over many years. Expect her ex-husband to show up frequently and insisting on his invitation rights interfering in your relationship with HIS children. Keep also in mind, that children have often more rights than their parents. Ridiculous and high-risk. Totally unacceptable.

2 -
Here in Asia, regardless if the country is rich like Japan or poor like Philippines, the status of a single mother is not very good. The father of the children is gone, often whereabouts unknown. His children - already forgotten. Social services are not really impressive - no way to claim any financial support from somewhere.. no child support, no alimony, often only very basic health insurance or no health insurance at all, poor housing...

Available local men are often picky, considering such women past their 30s as 'used items'.
In such a case you might try as the risk is low, but only as a friend and not as a husband. Co-habitation is not considered as marriage almost everywhere in Asia. There will be no financial obligation if you decide to leave her and her kids.

About her children there is nothing really to worry about - Asian children have to follow and to do what mother and father (including stepfather) are telling them...

3 -
About Philippines - it is said that such children abandoned by their Philippine father are turning out as remarkably grateful, devoted and obedient to their foreign stepfather even later on as adults. My Filipina fosterdaughter who is now 23 is a perfect example that this is true.

[Zambales]

Dating a single mother isn't the same as being a step-father though is it Marcos? I'm dating one and I want to distance myself from the kid and I certainly don't want to be it's surrogate dad. Will I be with this woman for evermore? Highly unlikely but in the meantime I'm happy to go with the flow in a non-serious capacity so long as she can find a regular babysitter.

[MarcosZeitola]

Dating a single mother isn't the same as being a step-father though is it Marcos? I'm dating one and I want to distance myself from the kid and I certainly don't want to be it's surrogate dad. Will I be with this woman for evermore? Highly unlikely but in the meantime I'm happy to go with the flow in a non-serious capacity so long as she can find a regular babysitter.

Obviously being a stepfather is different from simply dating a single mother. But once a man lives together with a woman and her children long enough, or even marries her, he will assume in most cases the role of surrogate father / father figure to the woman's children. And even if you don't play such a role, if you live together with the woman long enough the law may still consider you a common-law husband of sorts and you may still be liable in some places and cases to child support. It's crazy, but it happens.

There's awesome women out there who have previously married, who have kids by other men, and if any man wishes to date such a woman, fine. But when the relationship gets serious to the point that they end up living together, married or not, it's a bit of a slippery slope.

[Splicelo]

Girls, on the other hand, would try to seduce me, so as to cause trouble, and this would make the mother jealous, thus giving me more leverage.

Also, when the daighters comes of legal age (18, since I'm subject to US law even overseas), I could replace the mother with the daughter of the girl is pretty.

All this goes over your simple minded head, of course, because youre surrounded by those simple minded Filipino peasants boasting all day of how many children they have, and how big their balls are, etc.

BTW I changed my screen name. Used to be retiredFrank, but that was a boring.

lol

[yick]

Because it is socially acceptable and nowadays it is the norm - especially when you get past 30 - it's single mothers or you stay single. Women accumulate emotional collateral damage when they leave their twenties - kids, divorce, failed relationships that might involve physical or emotional abuse - a seemingly normal woman with kids might be seen as a prize compared to the alternatives - it wouldn't be for me personally, I don't have any kids and there are very few women in this world where I am going to have her ex in my home picking up her kids - he might be a great guy, she might be amazing and the kids cute but I want nothing to do with such a scenario - despite that, if I did go down that route - I would get no criticism from anyone and at my age, it would be expected.

What would be seen as a dating faux pas in the working class, insular community I am from would be bringing back a wife from Thailand or the Philippines - you would get FAR more criticism for that than you would for dating a single mum - all kinds of accusations of her being bought, probably a prostitute that you met on a jolly boys holiday out east, she is dumb and subservient blah blah blah - not only that but every likely lad would try it on because the criticism wouldn't be as severe if you actually met the woman in your own country - only that you were daft enough to bring one back to your own country where she just wants a visa or a passport and a job to send money home to her humongous family and you were duped into it blahblahblahblah... that's the fart at the funeral - not the single mum - which is how f***ed up things are these days.

I will probably marry a Chinese woman and I would never bring her back to my country and I certainly wouldn't bring her back to my hometown - that would be just horrendous - now if my home town was San Francisco or Vancouver - different story all together but most of the world aren't like those places.