My sexless relationship with Filipina. What to do?

[Winston]

I sent this message to Dianne today. What do you all think? Is telling her about this the right thing to do? Are my complaints legit? Any advice or suggestions?

To Dianne:

"I don't understand something. Why do you cling to me so much like you can't live without me? We never have sex or make love or even make out. There is no desire, lust, passion or attraction between us. You do not fulfill my desires or satisfy me. My desires and lusts are for Chinese women and have been since 2012.

So what kind of relationship is this? It seems that you only need me for money and support. Our relationship is not fair. What do I get from it? Nothing except some companionship. So why do you want our relationship to go on forever like we are married. I can't understand it. It doesn't make sense. Can you explain it?

It seems our relationship is one sided. You take a lot of time and resources away from me. Yet I get nothing in return except for companionship. My desires and lusts and passions dont get satisfied, thus I'm left always dissatisfied and empty. That's NOT FAIR! Don't you think so?

You've known this for years. Yet you continue to want it to go on like this. Why?"

[Cornfed]

LOL obviously a female is going to want stuff from the father of her child. It is not necessarily fair, but that is the way it is. Civilization basically depends on men giving more than they get. Not saying this is right, but Dianne's outlook is not so unusual.

[Ghost]

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[Rock]

Winston, did it ever occur to you that Dianne loves you? Does she deny you sex and affection? If not, then the problem is all with you, not her. In the first few weeks or months of dating her, you posted lots of things about how hot she is and how into her you were. You even chose to have a child with her. So what happened? Did you change? Did you get bored with things after awhile?

If you answered yes, consider the married couples you see around you everyday. Many have been together 5, 10, or maybe 15 years. Do they look like they are passionately in love? I'm sure a subset might but that subset is probably gonna be small. Serious relationships between men and women tend to evolve over time into deep bonds, friendships, shared responsibility (kids, businesses), companionship, and love (which is not the equivalent of lust). Even you have made posts about how you see sexual attraction and the desire to settle as mother nature's trick to get people to procreate and raise the next generation.

I'm sure Diane is not perfect and most likely has made her fair share of wrongs. But the email above, given what we here on the forum know about you, seems perhaps unfair and too one-sided. I mean at the very least, she has been raising your kid for 6+ years, mostly on her own, on a shoestring budget. And she seems to be doing a great job.

Winston, perhaps you are taking your anger of being rejected out on Diane. Think about it.

[starchild5]

I agree with Rock completely....Men are pigs...I tend to not get into any relationship because I know, I'm not capable of..Its just not in my DNA for long term relationship...I'm just too loose, Sex is my primary objective from women not deep long lasting relationship, I get bored easily with one women....I always make the D*ck move when losing interest with a women...blaming her for my problems...

That's why I had decided never to get married or have kids and make a women suffer through my changing nature...

When you were down and out, coming from America...It was Diane who gave you what you wanted...She fulfilled a need when No dollar amount could fill it for you....

Its not being selfish on your side though, its just the way we are built....I'm sure you have all good intention towards Dianne even now, but your body, mind just don't sync in now...Its just the damn DNA.... You need to know the truth about yourself and not get confused..BUT do not blame the women and rub it with money....You can still be fair to all and not blame anyone...Just don't demean her and she is filipina, you have anyway done more than most men do in Philippines...like Koreans, Filipinos, Indians, Americans etc who dump the women as soon as they know, she is pregnant...So you are not a bad selfish guy...you need to know all sides, otherwise, you will punish the women more to defend your SELF....

We don't need to abuse the choices we men in the world have been privileged with by default...She has to live with the Kid for ever.....Try to make everyone happy around you...find a way where you can live with the Chinese women and yet support your past love now that its more serious with a Kid...You can love multiple women at the same time...there is nothing wrong with that

[smallcheese]

No your complaints are not legitimate. You answered your own question in terms of what your relationship with Dianne is currently. She only needs you for your money and support.

From what I understand, you've made it clear to Dianne that you will not marry her and you do not love her. You "loved" her enough to have sex with her and get her pregnant, but you don't "love" her enough to commit to her and marry her. So you've left her mostly on her own to raise your son and you've provided some financial support over the years. You've told her that you only like Chinese women now and not Filipinas anymore.

Why are you complaining???? Do you expect her to be affectionate, passionate, lust after you and have sex with you whenever you want it just because you're in the area? How deluded and selfish are you??? Extremely deluded I think because you believe the relationship is one-sided and not fair to you. You're not getting any affection or sex while you're giving her financial support. It must seem worst than P4P because at least with a pro, you get some sex with it.

I know this is extremely difficult for you and way out of your comfort zone, but put yourself in Dianne's shoes. She's stuck raising your son on her own with only financial support from you. Her chances of getting married now are slightly less than winning the Manila lottery. Who would want to marry her with her son when there are millions and millions of other Filipinas in the same situation who have more to offer, e.g. more domesticated, prettier, more educated? What about the single women with no children that Dianne has to compete with? Winston, do you think that is fair to her?

Basically Winston, you've destroyed almost any chance Dianne has of having the normal family life that most Filipinas grow up dreaming of having. A husband and a wife, raising their family and living a simple life.

Staying indifferent to you while still getting the financial support she needs for herself and your son is all she has right now. Why would she want to change that if something better doesn't present itself?

If one looks at it logically (like Mr. Spock might), here are some of your choices:

1. Marry Dianne, move to the Philippines and together raise your son. Then you'll get all the sex that you might want. Secretly this may be what she is hoping for but she is waiting for you to make that move. But she also knows that it won't cure your wanton lust for having sex with different women as often as possible. Dianne would never trust you if you went out at night on your own. She knows what you are capable of.

2. Keep the status quo. Continue providing financial support until your son graduates from college and has the skills necessary to support Dianne and himself. But have no contact with your son or Dianne other than sending financial support monthly.

3. The same as number 2 but make an agreement with Dianne that whenever you visit her and your son, you can have sex with her X number of times while you visit. Yes, this is basically P4P and transactional, but what exactly do you expect at this point? At least you already know Dianne sexually but you lose out on the thrill of the hunt that you get from pursuing bar girls in Angeles City. But at least you will get some sex out of it and isn't that what you're complaining about?

4. Stop the financial support and walk away. Don't ever contact Dianne or your son again. This is what millions of Filipinos and foreigners do in the Philippines. Pump 'em and dump 'em. At least you wouldn't be the only one who got a woman pregnant in the Philippines and abandoned her. Misery loves company.

I'm sure you and others on the board can come up with other choices to contemplate.

When Leonard Nimoy passed away recently, I think that many people in their 40s and 50s thought a lot about their life and what they had accomplished. The passing of a childhood icon often causes one to think hard about one's own mortality. I know I did. You're not getting any younger Winston so what do you want to do next? What legacy do you want to leave behind? Do you even care? The choices you make moving forward may depend on how much guilt you're willing to bear and how you want people to remember you when you're gone. If you don't care what anyone thinks, then the answers are easier to arrive at.

As the Grail knight in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" told Indy when choosing a chalice to drink from: "Choose wisely".

[zboy1]

If she truly loved you, Winston, then you would be receiving sex on a daily basis. So, in that regard, Winston's complaints are valid. However, she has a son with you Winston--so it is your responsibility to care for them, like it or not!

I know you've been doing well in China, so far, Winston, but I also don't want you doing one-night stands with Chinese women--which will ruin the reputation of foreign men for them. I want you to give them a good impression of foreign men, so if you're really serious about starting a relationship in China--then sex should not be the only concern for you when dating Chinese girls.

[MarcosZeitola]

So what kind of relationship is this? It seems that you only need me for money and support. Our relationship is not fair. What do I get from it? Nothing except some companionship. So why do you want our relationship to go on forever like we are married. I can't understand it. It doesn't make sense. Can you explain it?

What is not fair, Winston, is you openly telling a woman that your lust and desire is for Chinese women now. That you lust after and want other women, but not her. That she is good enough to have sex with and have your child, but not good enough for marriage or love. And that you are dumb enough to expect her, or any woman, to be completely okay with that. THAT's what's unfair here.

Your relationship will go on forever, and you should have known it would the minute you decided to have a child with her. That's a life long commitment and responsibility right there. It does not matter what you "get out of it", what matters is that you support your son, your only child, and be a father to him so he does not grow up resentful and distant to his faraway father who's out f***ing prostitutes and chasing Chinese women at the time in his formative years when he needs you most.

I don't know why you ever made that girl pregnant and had a son, then thought just sending them money and visiting every once in a while was somehow enough. Being father takes a lot more then just that. It takes your actual, regular, stable presence. Now that little boy is being raised by a single mother who was never good enough for his father to marry, who was never good enough for his father to love, and who his father basically wants to turn in some sort of glorified prostitute because he wants to "get more out of the relationship". Now what sort of a man do you think he will grow up to be, when this is the example you set?

You are a very selfish person, and you should think of the consequences of your actions and their effect in the (near) future. You can't have your cake and eat it too, and you should know that by now. Stop whining like a toddler who doesn't get his favorite toy in the toystore, but grow up and a be bloody man for once.

What to do? Be a man.

[Johnny1975]

I sent this message to Dianne today. What do you all think? Is telling her about this the right thing to do? Are my complaints legit? Any advice or suggestions?

To Dianne:

"I don't understand something. Why do you cling to me so much like you can't live without me? We never have sex or make love or even make out. There is no desire, lust, passion or attraction between us. You do not fulfill my desires or satisfy me. My desires and lusts are for Chinese women and have been since 2012.

So what kind of relationship is this? It seems that you only need me for money and support. Our relationship is not fair. What do I get from it? Nothing except some companionship. So why do you want our relationship to go on forever like we are married. I can't understand it. It doesn't make sense. Can you explain it?

It seems our relationship is one sided. You take a lot of time and resources away from me. Yet I get nothing in return except for companionship. My desires and lusts and passions dont get satisfied, thus I'm left always dissatisfied and empty. That's NOT FAIR! Don't you think so?

You've known this for years. Yet you continue to want it to go on like this. Why?"

I think what you're asking for is fair. But I don't know why you needed to mention that you like chinese women. How is that relevant or helpful? What do you want her to do, turn chinese? Also, I think it would be better to say it all in person rather than in an email.

[smallcheese]

If she truly loved you, Winston, then you would be receiving sex on a daily basis. So, in that regard, Winston's complaints are valid.

Really???? Winston impregnates a woman, leaves her alone for years to raise his son by herself while he sends her some financial support. With her chances at finding a loving husband down to almost nothing because she is a single mother, Dianne is supposed to still love him and give him sex on a daily basis whenever he visits? Totally idiotic thinking IMHO but that is why many men fail so badly today. There seem to be very very few real men left in the world who have a modicum of human decency and a moral code of honor that they live by.

Today, it's getting harder and harder to find a good, traditional family-oriented woman to love but there's no hope for a man when he has no goodness or honor left inside of him anymore. All I know is that karma is a bitch and what goes around, comes around. Maybe Winston is paying some of that price now.

[zboy1]

Wow there, Smallcheese! I agree with you; I'm just trying to give reasons as to why Winston is leaving a perfectly good women in Diane for some Chinese girls. ...

If I were Winston, I would marry Dianne as she is an attractive, and seemingly gentle women. I'm not sure what Winston has against her? Plus the fact that Winston is absolutely a terrible father also, is another mark against Winston.

That being said, I know Winston is enjoying China right now. I hope he finds happiness in China, but he must also remember to be a good father to his son. I think that's very important for his son's future development as a man.

Also, if you know me, Smallcheese, I'm not like you're typical RooshV/Happierabroad monger; I don't go around sleeping with every women I see. I also agree that mongers and others, ruin the good women in some foreign countries. So that's why I make sure to be on my best behavior when I'm overseas, and I try to treat every women I date with great respect and love--unlike most foreigners in Asia. I'm also looking for a women to marry, not sleep around with whores and bargirls.

[davewe]

I sent this message to Dianne today. What do you all think? Is telling her about this the right thing to do? Are my complaints legit? Any advice or suggestions?

To Dianne:

"I don't understand something. Why do you cling to me so much like you can't live without me? We never have sex or make love or even make out. There is no desire, lust, passion or attraction between us. You do not fulfill my desires or satisfy me. My desires and lusts are for Chinese women and have been since 2012.

So what kind of relationship is this? It seems that you only need me for money and support. Our relationship is not fair. What do I get from it? Nothing except some companionship. So why do you want our relationship to go on forever like we are married. I can't understand it. It doesn't make sense. Can you explain it?

It seems our relationship is one sided. You take a lot of time and resources away from me. Yet I get nothing in return except for companionship. My desires and lusts and passions dont get satisfied, thus I'm left always dissatisfied and empty. That's NOT FAIR! Don't you think so?

You've known this for years. Yet you continue to want it to go on like this. Why?"

Plenty of guys father kids in the 3rd world (1st world too) and don't support them. So at least you are sending a few bucks. But suggesting that because Diane still wants a relationship with you it's "unfair" to you is just nuts. If you want to be done with her, just see your boy occasionally and be done with her. But don't blame her because she actually wants to maintain a relationship with the father of her child.

Perhaps you should have knocked up an American girl. She would have been happy to take your money and have nothing to do with you.

[smallcheese]

Wow there, Smallcheese! I agree with you; I'm just trying to give reasons as to why Winston is leaving a perfectly good women in Diane for some Chinese girls. ...

If I were Winston, I would marry Dianne as she is an attractive, and seemingly gentle women. I'm not sure what Winston has against her? Plus the fact that Winston is absolutely a terrible father also, is another mark against Winston.

That being said, I know Winston is enjoying China right now. I hope he finds happiness in China, but he must also remember to be a good father to his son. I think that's very important for his son's future development as a man.

Also, if you know me, Smallcheese, I'm not like you're typical RooshV/Happierabroad monger; I don't go around sleeping with every women I see. I also agree that mongers and others, ruin the good women in some foreign countries. So that's why I make sure to be on my best behavior when I'm overseas, and I try to treat every women I date with great respect and love--unlike most foreigners in Asia. I'm also looking for a women to marry, not sleep around with whores and bargirls.

+1

I don't know you at all but it's good to hear that you treat women outside your native country with respect and dignity. A rare attitude to find these days. It sounds like you know exactly what you want in a wife and you will not lower your standards to get her. Good for you!

As for Winston, I'm not sure he knows what he wants. Based on what he's said in the past, he doesn't seem like the marrying type so why is he wasting time with women who are looking for a serious, long term commitment? Winston seems to aspire to be the Chinese version of Hugh Hefner but when he gets rejected by women, he cannot understand why it happens to him all the time. His messages always seem to be about me, me, me. I found his message to Dianne, the mother of his son, to be offensive and demeaning. And another great example of how selfish he is. Dianne seems to be doing the best she can in a difficult situation, a situation that Winston put her in. She owes Winston nothing and it's not her job to pretend to be affectionate, loving and give him sex whenever he visits her and his son.

I don't think Winston will find happiness in China. Chinese women know what they want and I don't believe Winston can give them what they want. So they will cut bait quickly once they realize what Winston's true intentions are. Chinese women can be cold, ruthless and determined and they won't tolerate wasting time with a man who just wants to play and have fun.

[droid]

Also, if you know me, Smallcheese, I'm not like you're typical RooshV/Happierabroad monger; I don't go around sleeping with every women I see. I also agree that mongers and others, ruin the good women in some foreign countries. So that's why I make sure to be on my best behavior when I'm overseas, and I try to treat every women I date with great respect and love--unlike most foreigners in Asia. I'm also looking for a women to marry, not sleep around with whores and bargirls.

Lol you always posture as very righteous on this stuff man. We know you've had your share of flings or what not. How about that Ukrainian girl you banged as if nothing, no strings-attached.
But don't get me wrong, i'm happy about your HA conquests

[droid]

I agree with you guys in that Winston is selfish/delusional as hell, but you're also putting the lady on a pedestal of sorts. Women are not saints either and they also try to climb onto the branch they can reach.
She should have waited for marriage before getting impregnated by a western chump (or any chump). But she probably figured said chump was convenient for her. Why didn't she marry a struggling poor but good-hearted fili dude instead?
Knocking someone up is not a male-side only thing, it takes two for it to happen.