Look, this forum question has gone off topic big time and the initial question Winston has asked has hardly been addressed. I agree with Winston that most of the people initially responding misinterpreted the posting and thought he wanted sex and she wasn't giving it rather than him losing his lust and interest in her. There was nothing wrong with the way he wrote it; the problem is the decreasing reading comprehension of English readers, especially the younger generations. I work in the education field and have two MA degrees and have seen the slow deterioration of reading comprehension over the 10+ years I've been in education, each year it gets worse. So I'm just upholding that Winston's observation is correct and his writing is not the problem.
Now moving on, I'm in a very similar situation to Winston, except that I chose to remain in the Philippines and raise my daughter personally rather than just send money or totally forget about her and move on with my life. I’m an either all in or all out kind of person. Now the reason for this is not necessarily that I am morally superior to another man that chose not to do something like that, but I had to weigh a number of varying factors from my own experiences growing up combined with the competency of whether I felt her mother could raise her somewhat decently without my child turning into a typical average idiotic behaving sheeple Filipino with their inferior mindset to boot. Going into details about all this would take too long and this post is not about me but Winston's dilemma. Just realize that this was not an easy decision for me and I didn't have to do it, but I felt in the short run it might be tough or hell (and it was) but in the long run the sacrifice I made would pan out in a positive fashion.
Yes, there is no guarantee that any child will become a decent adult and have a positive connection with their parents, as one can see in many children in the media that supposedly have it all, but being a father and attempting to guide them through life as best as possible does provide a higher percentage of raising a successful child into a successful adult. I don’t have sex with my daughters mother and haven’t since she was conceived. I had a couple chances to get with superior Filipinas who I probably would have had a great relationship or marriage with if I had pursued them rather than choose to raise my daughter. However, I wouldn’t have been totally fulfilled knowing my daughter was being raised by someone not fully up to the task of raising a child by themselves or with another man that could be a worse father figure. So now at the moment I have no loving female partner but I have a really awesome daughter who thinks the world of me and has a Western type mindset and personality rather than a true Filipino or Easterner (Which I honestly prefer and doesn’t mean radical feminism traits and other negative aspects). Many people have one or the other or both, the wife and kids hate the father, it’s all a crapshoot in the game of life. As much as my loins say I want to find a better-suited mate and pro-create with her, I resist the urge, especially knowing what being a proper parent entails. One has to be very lucky finding an ideal mother to raise children properly, it doesn’t matter how well you think you know them, one realizes after the baby is born and starts growing up. Usually this is one major factor in divorces; one parent usually sucks at raising kids and puts strain on the marriage. Instead of lusting over women and sex I put my efforts into fixing the deficiencies I perceive having, this way in the future when I am ready again to seriously date and maybe consider marriage I am a better example of the person I always wanted to be, rather than hoping another person or thing will somehow make me happy in life. I also believe this will attract higher quality women in the future as well, if I choose to partake of them that is. I’m actually on the fence whether women are really worth being with or not. Anyways, one needs to fully invest in themself first and seriously look at themself in the mirror and decide what they feel they actually can improve upon themselves to make someone actually care and love themself enough to give that love to another person such as a wife or a child. Even if I was free of parenting I would still feel I need to ‘fix or modify’ my personal deficiencies before finding an ideal life mate, if that’s even possible. This is my goal as I raise my daughter, both are a slow process but with time and proper direction and motivation both goals can achieve success.
Now onto the topic of Winston again; I've been in contact with Winston for over 10+ years now; we have similar interests and some personality characteristics that enable us to maintain a casual friendship. I actually don't have this with most other 'friends' I've known from the past. I've bonded with 'friends' closer in the past, but as time has moved on they have had changed and become interested in other facets of their life rather than maintaining friendships, so you can take that any way you want but Winston does maintain connections with individuals he feels he can trust or has a connection with.
Do I agree with Winston's moralities? No, not in their entirety. However, I feel that most people judge others based on their own morals or actions given a similar situation or how society or culture would dictate actions. This is something I think whether we like it or not, we have to drop in order to understand others and get to the root of issues they seem to have and need addressed to help them move on in their life from current roadblocks impeding their growth and development as a human being. Most posters here are pushing Winston into a corner and all he can do is lash out and defend himself without actually adequately addressing and furthering comments to questions he has brought up. The criticism given to him is based on others moralities rather than constructive criticism based on Winston’s personality, disposition and current predicaments in life.
Gents, I used to want to impose my supposedly superior morality on others at one time or another in the past and if you were to search old posts from years back, this entire thread topic has been discussed numerous times in the past with similar posters all saying the same things as you guys are relating to Winston, Diane, and Angelo. If you want to argue about morality and the right thing to do you should resurrect those topics and bash Winston there rather than with this particular topic question. I’ve also said the same things to Winston as you guys have said in previous topics. Don’t you guys get it that Winston has a set and stationary personality type? He is a strong-willed independent free thinker who doesn’t just change his demeanor or actions in life because members on his forum feel he is a poor example of morals or what is socially acceptable. We are all on this forum because we have independent thinking streaks in all of us and this sometimes gets us thinking our logic and thought process is so powerful that we can convince anyone else to think and act in our ways and they will automatically see our moral superiority and thus change their ways and act according to how we would want to perceive them.
Winston needs to evolve in his own way through life and have experiences that are in alignment with his inner being. These will match most likely none of us and only be relatable to a very few. What we feel are mistakes in his life are really none of our concern and we shouldn’t be exerting energy trying to justify our positions as to why he has made various mistakes and poor choices in life and whatnot. He will come to a realization in his own time regarding the actions he has chosen to take in life and they will reap their rewards and sorrows, as all of life tends to do for each human individual. Trying to prevent this from happening is like trying to squeeze blood from a stone.
When Winston asks for advice we should be addressing his concern directly rather then creating hypothetical and theoretical discussions based on criticisms of his personal character or actions. Yes, it makes interesting gossip reading but in the end it doesn’t really contribute much to the discussion other than getting Winston all worked up and then him ignoring your comments or replying irrationally with whacked-out emotionally laced come-back diatribes that then have him remembering you in a negative fashion in the future. I don’t participate much in this forum any more cause most people can’t stay on topic and they go off on tangents unrelated to the initial discussion, while also dealing with half the comments in many posts attacking the initial poster or other posters as well.
Now in regards to finally getting to the point of all this, the discussion of what Winston should do with Diane…
This is what I would do being put into Winston’s body/mind and knowing his character, rather than what I would do which is irrelevant advice to give in the first place. Winston needs to talk to her either face to face or over the phone regarding his true feelings towards Diane and his child. Filipinos are not good readers and misinterpret things easily or don’t take words as seriously written as when given personally in a verbal exchange. He has to be adamant that there is absolutely NO future between them and that he will be finding another women to possibly marry in the upcoming future. This will interfere with him being able to visit regularly or maintain a relationship as they had in the past.
Thus, Winston needs to make it clear it’s in Diane’s best interest to find another male to be with while she is still young. If she cannot do that or refuses to do so, Winston must be totally clear that she cannot rely on him to be there for her in the future. He will send a certain amount of money for Angelo but in regards to anything more than that she needs to make an independent effort to improve her current situation in life, on her own, without Winston’s involvement. I do not know if she has finished high school or not but since she does not seem to be the academic type I assume her educational desires are somewhat limited.
If possible I’d force her to consider being trained in a skill that will enable her to be independent and make her own money, as Winston WILL make it clear that he cannot support her forever and her age will become detrimental each year to her. He can give the used car analogy that women are like used cars and depreciate in value. They need to find an owner when they are young rather then old and worn out, as women do not hold their value over time like men do.
The Philippines will train women in their TESDA program for very small fees and this is probably the best option for Diane to pursue. I’d suggest very strongly you make her learn a job skill or you’ll never get rid of her.
Check the website info here: http://www.tesda.gov.ph/About/TESDA/115
I suggest if you can ever get Dianne to understand that you will NEVER commit to her and your son, that she pursue getting some kind of life skill then find ANOTHER man to be in her life.
You give an ultimatum, either she does this or after a certain time you will cut off all contact with her. If she shows initiative and pursues being independent from Winston, then Winston can still support her until she can sufficiently take care of herself. She will never let go of you Winston until she knows you are serious about totally cutting her off if she doesn’t get her act together. Since she makes poor decisions as most Filipinos do, you will have to micromanage her until she completes these tasks.
All you guys saying Winston should move to the Philippines and suck it up to be with his kid wouldn’t help a bit. He has already said he doesn’t care to be a parent and would suck at it. He would just make things worse for the kid if he were forced to be around him. Whether we agree with this or not, this is fact that Winston would just make things worse for everyone around him and himself if he was forced to go this route. It wouldn’t benefit anyone. Just being physically present around your kid doesn’t mean it will actually make Winston a better father figure or help Angelo. Its better Winston just does his own thing and reaps what he sows in life, whether it is positive or negative on him and those around him.
Just to reiterate I don’t condone necessarily what Winston is doing but it’s his OWN life path to take and we don’t have any right to distract him onto other paths that aren’t in alignment with his true self and nature. He will learn the lessons he needs to learn in life in his own way and they will manifest their own karma for him to deal with in later parts of his life and future lives as well. Everything will be balanced in its own right in the period the divine wills it to occur.
Also, commenting on whether Winston would be successful in a marriage is a mute point and has little to do with this forum topic question. Yes, we all have our own opinions about this and can surmise and hypothesize what may or may not happen if this were to occur but it’s a learning experience for him and if he can make it succeed it will ultimately probably make him a better person in the end. If it doesn’t it will be a good experience for him to have had and to take that experience with him into future relationships with women.
Just remember everyone, Winston is NOT going to change by just your suggestions, NEVER. Just continue riding the rollercoaster that is his life and enjoy the ride before it ends. If any of us actually did ever get him to change his ways then this site wouldn’t continue existing and would be much less entertaining to read! Am I right or what?
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and stoic philosopher, 121-180 A.D.
or whatever). I don't really know Filippinas about this, but some of them might be okay with the idea of negotiating terms for a practical marriage (as opposed to it being only all about 'being in love' like some American girls.) Maybe she doesn't float your boat and you aren't interested. It would probably be better if you had feelings for each other if you were wanting to get married.
