Happier Abroad Forum Community

Does anyone else feel that certain parents need classes or to be taught how to be parents. I'm discussing particularly the BoomerEgghead generation here, who I find most selfish, bad parenting. The new parents at least I see they love their children, and don't talk down to them or treat them like property or a status symbol. So much of the selfish materialist boomers are like this and it disgusts me. I had to work through it - and still am, in my own life. My parents weren't perfect and there's all types of different parenting. It seems hard to hit the mark. Parenting is something you must dedicate your time and aim to, just like anything else. So many of the Boomers had kids and just treated them like garbage, didn't respect their feelings or growth, took out their anger and frustrations on them, and generally abuse their power over their kids. The worst sin.
I tried not to get frustrated about this, because a tree needs roots to grow and I don't want to provide the roots, but it is damn hard, at times to finegle yourself out or say anything is ok.
What I'm particularly talking about are a couple of things. Parents who completely aren't accepting of their child's emotions and don't allow them at all, they try to not let them feel anything at all, unless it's good or positive... that kind of thing. I had parents like that, mostly it was my Mom though. She thought everyone and everything should be happy all the time, and we weren't allowed to feel anything.
The other thing is overcontrol or helicoptering. That really damages a kid and shuts down their growth potential in so many ways.

Why do parents f**k up something that is so easy? It's basic to understand that like a plant, a child needs to grow and be supported, guided, fed, but most importantly - supported and given room and direction.
Not bossed, not abused, not stifled, not controlled, dictated, yelled at, mocked, ridiculed, invalidated, shut down, guilted, shamed or any other of the f***ed up things our so called "parents" do to us, in selfishness.
It would be amazing to have completely unselfish parents who were focused on your growth and happiness potential. Does anyone have this, does it even exist?

People suck. You have to keep the channel open and it's both parent and kids responsibility to do that, as difficult and strained as that is sometimes. When people are abused they shut down. I also think it's harder for children who were overcontrolled or who may have felt helplessness.

Well China didn't work out for ya. Have you thought about learning more Big-10 notation and Mandarin in order assist you in live there/staying there more seamlessly?

Eric wrote:
Why do parents f**k up something that is so easy? It's basic to understand that like a plant, a child needs to grow and be supported, guided, fed, but most importantly - supported and given room and direction.
Not bossed, not abused, not stifled, not controlled, dictated, yelled at, mocked, ridiculed, invalidated, shut down, guilted, shamed or any other of the f***ed up things our so called "parents" do to us, in selfishness.
It would be amazing to have completely unselfish parents who were focused on your growth and happiness potential. Does anyone have this, does it even exist?

Of course, having a set of wonderful parents is perfectly feasible, although to be frank, I think a lot of people either end up with a pair of dysfunctional chumps or have one parent who is better than the other at raising children, especially nowadays.

It's not "just" them. The whole entire country has a problem.. basically. This country denies God, the whole thing, acts arrogantly and smugly/narcissistic. It's as if everyone sold their soul away slowly at the same time; everyone just did it. I know it's not convenient, what I'm saying; but it's truth. Even I did it...especially I did it, it felt "bad" - it felt really bad beginning with; but once you break yourself into wickedness after awhile you chloroform your soul and become "used to it". But we just do it because, I guess - it's easier and but we know it's wrong. It feels bad...but we are conned into it. That's how I feel what's happened, it's like most people just went ahead and did it because everyone else is doing it; because that's how people are. I know it's wrong... but we are weak. We are weak people and need God.
A lot of people have sold out "themselves for 30 pieces of silver". They act arrogantly because they can, thinking that's acceptable. And if it's acceptable on a mass scale, then it becomes acceptable. That's wrong, you can't just do whatever you want. You can't... it's not right. It doesn't even make you feel 'good'. In fact it makes you feel terrible. I bet that deep down everyone feels that way. It feels so much better to walk with God. It is peaceful and it is rest. It's particularly not seen as masculine in America to believe in God, somehow...I don't know why this is in this country, I don't know why it's like that. But it's really, destructive. Nothing could be further from the truth. I've sold out to other things, etc.
If you've sold out to some degree, then buy it back. The more evil you do, then the more evil you want and have to do. Your life becomes like this hollowed out wreck of a facade of what it used to be. Everything is emptiness, because it's like that you crave distraction and more things; from end to end, thing to thing. And you feel even more shittier and emptier. All you have to do is ask the Father for forgiveness, and he'll give it back. But you have to stop all your evilness. Lord knows I've done many things that are bad, that I thought I could do anything; things I did when I was denying God's existence, whether I wanted to believe that or not or denied it to myself.

Walk in truth. Have no fear... we are all not perfect. We all make mistakes, but we can all come back into His love and Truth.

I became a parent at age 24 while I was in Thailand. Parenting just came naturally to me despite the fact that I was, and am, a millenial from California with peers who probably would not make good parents at all. None of my friends or family members in the US would have expected me to be good at parenting either, since they've never seen me spend much time with kids.

It seems like either you have a parenting instinct, or that you don't. I never really had to "learn" it outright. It's a process and a journey that comes with love and commitment. Things like discipline, school, nutrition, emotional development, and time management with my child just came naturally as my instincts kicked in. I guess Marcos Zeitola can relate to this quite well.

My daughter and I are best friends. I do not feel like I am her boss or that she is a burden. We live a happy life together as part of a functional 3-person nuclear family in a Northern Thai suburb.

falcon,

planning on having more kids?

No, not for now. I don't want to complicate things. Life is just fine as of now. I can understand Marcos Zeitola's pro-natalist viewpoint, but it's not something I want to do just yet.