Are men who seek foreign women losers or control freaks?

[Neo]

I'm not a control freak but I do believe that men and women have different roles. Many women are confused as to what their role is, and that is simply repulsive to me.

The problem is that many women cannot accept their role. They want to rule, but female dominance over the husband is evil.

[mattyman]

I read the article, One of these people who thinks all people who date foreign women 'can't get laid'. He fails to acknowledge that there are differences in the way people are brought-up and socialized. He's falling into the trap of pleasing a female audience rather than dairing to talk about the reasons many men find these foreign girls so attracive.

An example of a guy I know married to a foreign girl I know
A guy who's a regular at the folk night my dad's age (dad 65y) married to a Thai girl (looks younger than me (32) don't know her age, Thi women age better than British women (love the Un-PC conversations)), feminists would be cross. Do the people in that folk club or pub consider him a 'controlling loser'. NO THEY DON'T! He's further from a control freak I could imagine. If anyone's controlling it's the social justice warriors and people who hate people for finding love from other countries.

Comments like 'control freak', and 'loser' are born out of fear, fear from women who can't articulate what is causing them to act like that (fear from FEMINIST women; BULLIES).

This hate towards people who find their lover from another country, it's born out of fear, feelings of inadequacy, feeling threatened, that's all. They're juveniles.

[Zambales]

I read the article, One of these people who thinks all people who date foreign women 'can't get laid'. He fails to acknowledge that there are differences in the way people are brought-up and socialized. He's falling into the trap of pleasing a female audience rather than dairing to talk about the reasons many men find these foreign girls so attracive.

An example of a guy I know married to a foreign girl I know
A guy who's a regular at the folk night my dad's age (dad 65y) married to a Thai girl (looks younger than me (32) don't know her age, Thi women age better than British women (love the Un-PC conversations)), feminists would be cross. Do the people in that folk club or pub consider him a 'controlling loser'. NO THEY DON'T! He's further from a control freak I could imagine. If anyone's controlling it's the social justice warriors and people who hate people for finding love from other countries.

Comments like 'control freak', and 'loser' are born out of fear, fear from women who can't articulate what is causing them to act like that (fear from FEMINIST women; BULLIES).

This hate towards people who find their lover from another country, it's born out of fear, feelings of inadequacy, feeling threatened, that's all. They're juveniles.

Most of the guys I know who are married to foreign women are placid, sensible and stable and were most likely rejected by western women due to them being perceived as "boring" or saw that the grass was greener in the overseas "market". There's the odd one or two who want a gopher to tend to their needs "24/7" but they're in the minority.

The truth is, men who have this kind of personality are better equipped to be in a long-term relationship and tend to seek similar traits in their partners. Western women generally aren't receptive to them nowadays unless they can take on the role of dictator. Some don't even realise how controlling they actually are.

[CannedHam]

I would bet that men in the US who are married to foreign women tend to be more successful and stable than average.

When my wife first moved to the US she attended a local ESL school for a couple months before she got her work permit. A few weeks ago there was a reunion party that we went to at this institute. While my wife was chatting with her friends/former classmates I talked to some of the husbands. Most of the students at the institute were women - I'd guess around 70%, so most of the husbands were therefore American.

Several worked in IT or engineering. One was a physician. Another did international sales for a huge food company. I am part owner of a scientific software company. Every single one of them (incl myself) own a home, at least one car, can travel a few times per year, and so on. Yes, these guys weren't exactly the "alpha bad boy type" and were maybe a bit boring, but they had their shit in order.

[MarcosZeitola]

A lot of men don't "need" foreign women at all and still prefer them. They should be allowed to have that preference and not be looked down at for it, or have others make snap-judgements about them based on their dating preferences. It's just nonsense. Besides I think the best thing about the word foreign isn't so much 'foreign women' but just foreign countries in general... I don't enjoy being abroad for female companionship, I just enjoy the atmosphere. I like the sunshine. I like the cheaper currencies. I like being able to forget about the world around me for a while. That's freedom. Cute and non-problematic foreign girls are just a perk, an added bonus. They're the cherry on top of the HappierAbroad experience, but they're not the main reason a lot of men go abroad. Those who do go abroad solely for the women, yes, those men tend to be losers.

But then again, what makes a man a loser? I mean if some Western dude literally flies to the other side of the world to date and marry some single mom in a third world country, take care of her kids and consider himself lucky... yeah that man is a fool and a loser. If he's desperate, any foreign woman is like striking gold for him no matter how low the quality... he's a loser, as desperation is a loser's main trait.

[theXplorer]

call me a feminist but i will play devils advocate SO WHAT? what if WE ARE LOSERS? it is in our BEST INTEREST to go somewhere where we are considred a "winner" just for being western. animals, humans ALWAYS migrate for better prospects.

is a buffalo a "loser" for migrating to better pastures?

is my grandfather from sicily a "loser" for migrating to america? sure he COULD HAVE worked harder in sicily but at the time america WANTED and PAID WELL italian immigrants to build infrastructure so for a poor illiterate peasant it was a BETTER deal than was offered. look if you were a poor immigrant from russia and the jim crow south favored you for being white and gave you money and a wife WOULDNT YOU TAKE IT? f**k i would!

so ASSUMING we are losers what the f**k should a 5'2 balding janitor in america do? just sit there with his thumb up his ass lol while other more successful dudes have more success with women? OR like EVERY f***ing ANIMAL IN NATURE DOES immigrate to an area where he is accepted for being a "loser" and will succeed?

-hmmm lets put on our thinking caps now boys!

[HappyGuy]

so ASSUMING we are losers what the f**k should a 5'2 balding janitor in america do? just sit there with his thumb up his ass lol while other more successful dudes have more success with women? OR like EVERY f***ing ANIMAL IN NATURE DOES immigrate to an area where he is accepted for being a "loser" and will succeed?

-hmmm lets put on our thinking caps now boys!

That's a good point but I think really we should be navigating this as a balancing act between opportunism and decency.

[Winston]

I thought of a good reason why we are not losers for dating abroad. It's very simple.

1. Attraction is not a choice. You cannot make an American woman love you. It's not your choice. You cannot really influence her attraction to you, despite what PUA's say.
2. Nor can an American woman force herself to love you if she doesn't.
3. Whether or not an American woman likes you is dependent on HER tastes, preferences, feelings, emotions and other intangible factors. Not on what you do or choose. She looks at your whole package, not just your looks or personality, but the totality of who you are, and decides how SHE feels about you in accord with her feelings, tastes, preferences, emotions, etc. It's very intangible, personable, and subjective. Not something you can control or choose or influence generally. Nor can she control it. Think about it, do you choose what YOU are attracted to? Of course not.

Therefore, it cannot be not your fault or your choice if a woman you like doesn't love you in America. Because it's out of your control. Hence you cannot technically be at fault for something you cannot control. You cannot be a loser if you never had any choice or control over the matter. To be a loser, you have to be in the game to begin with. If you are not, then you cannot technically be a loser. For example, I cannot lose in chess if I am not even able to play a game. Simple logic. And if you find that you can find love or dates overseas, then that is the route that the universe wants for you obviously, so you are just following destiny and going with the flow. That has nothing to do with being a loser. Because everyone's path and destiny are different. Only narrow minded people think that everyone's path should be the same.

That's a very good logical reason why we are not losers, besides the reasons Ladislav and I gave here:
http://www.happierabroad.com/alternative.php
http://www.happierabroad.com/motivation.php

What's a pity is that in the 80's girls would flirt with me and approach me in school. But I was always too shy to do anything about it. Plus I always assumed that I had my whole adult life to date girls in the future, so there was no rush. I had no idea that after high school, there would be no opportunities really, not even in college, because by the 1990's Americans no longer were social and everyone stuck in their own bubble and were socially disconnected. Also, all the movies and TV shows of the time made it look like getting dates as an adult in America was super easy and natural, so I never imagined it'd be that hard or impossible after school. No one ever told me that of course. So it came as a total surprise. I never knew the dating opportunities in America were all in school only, and that afterward, there'd be no more dating opportunities because in the adult world no one talks to strangers unless it's business related. Very sad, and unforeseen too.

[MrMan]

Some people are really small minded. They do not realize that other people can have other values, mores, preferences, etc. Some small-minded people think that only losers and control freaks want a foreign woman. They do not realize that a man might like a certain look, a certain accent, or certain cultural traits, certain values, that are found in other countries. They may not realize that some men do not want to be under the US family law system or do not want women who have been around the US family law system.

I've also encountered people on this forum who think you want a virgin or prefer a virgin that you must have small junk, not be skilled in bed, self conscious, homosexual. I don't know if it is small mindedness or just a childish attempt at being insulting.

There probably are some men who want a foreign women they can control, just as there probably are some men who are self-conscious about sex who prefer virgins for that reason. But these would likely be very much in the minority.

[yick]

Winston is right here, very little of it is within your control - if you're a different ethnic minority living in a country full of white people, white women won't tell you it is your colour/race/ethnicity - some of it might have been my personality or other factors but it still comes down to the final line, you can't control what you can or can't get when it comes to a woman you want. At least here I am in a country where I have a similarish skin tone and hair and eyes to the local population and some of those pretty women like it - a win-win.

I agree with Marcos with aspects of living abroad - nice looking women aren't enough to make it worthwhile, I couldn't handle living in minus 25 in Chelyabinsk even though there are loads of beautiful women there - the winter would drive me up the wall, I need sunshine, good food, safety where I can go where I want, friendly people - even if it is only superficial on a passing basis, for it to have a reasonable transport system and a wide selection of goods in shops - I am in a country where there are loads and loads of cute and pretty girls and beautiful women - I don't think that makes me a loser because that's what I want out of life - I wanted more than what my home country had to offer - it is snowing there now and here it is sunny.

I think a 'loser' is just accepting your fate or taking the easiet way forward - dating single mothers - even if I never dated again, I would never ever do that - I don't think they're 'losers' by the way, I just think they lack imagination - you would be surprised how many men couldn't hack living abroad for more than five minutes anyway - the ones on here who do are in a small minority of men.

[yick]

What's a pity is that in the 80's girls would flirt with me and approach me in school. But I was always too shy to do anything about it. Plus I always assumed that I had my whole adult life to date girls in the future, so there was no rush. I had no idea that after high school, there would be no opportunities really, not even in college, because by the 1990's Americans no longer were social and everyone stuck in their own bubble and were socially disconnected. Also, all the movies and TV shows of the time made it look like getting dates as an adult in America was super easy and natural, so I never imagined it'd be that hard or impossible after school. No one ever told me that of course. So it came as a total surprise. I never knew the dating opportunities in America were all in school only, and that afterward, there'd be no more dating opportunities because in the adult world no one talks to strangers unless it's business related. Very sad, and unforeseen too.

That's just not true, you have had loads of dates and had loads of sex in the Philippines - and you have even fathered a child. You have had more sex and probably more intimate relationships than 95% of men on the planet.

We left school at 16 in our country but I didn't know many of my peers who were dating at that age, most of the girls in our year were dating older guys, they weren't interested in us

[flowerthief00]

Ironic that the board seem to view dating foreign women as one of the perks of going abroad if not the main perk. I rather see it as the opposite. Going abroad is something you do in spite of foreign women. Dating becomes HARDER where there is a language barrier, a culture barrier, and where it seems as if the only local women seeking foreign men are used-up single moms desperate for a man to siphon money off of. Though much depends on location, from my perspective generally dating abroad is like dating on hard mode.

[Shemp]

... from my perspective generally dating abroad is like dating on hard mode.

Because you're not paying the women. The main reason to go abroad is to arbitrage between high incomes in developed countries and low prices in poor countries, including low prices for buying women. Dating without paying is always dating on hard mode.

[flowerthief00]

True, I'm not paying them. But prostitutes account for a small minority of women wherever you are. With normal women it's harder to even get to the point where money becomes a question. If they see that you can't speak the local language what chance that they will even agree to a date.

[yick]

True, I'm not paying them. But prostitutes account for a small minority of women wherever you are. With normal women it's harder to even get to the point where money becomes a question. If they see that you can't speak the local language what chance that they will even agree to a date.

You're correct, in East Asia - there isn't any social upgrade to be seen with a white person or a white man - you do need language ability, social intellect and to get the younger ones - a similarish age range but this will depend on how you look, some older men CAN pull it off but age is a big factor - just one of many.

Also, I have noticed this - if you white (or black...) you are judged on your looks and your physical apperance a lot more harshly than you would back home - girls will compare you to movie stars and basketball players if you're a westerner because they're the westerners they're familiar with - people think if you are below average and white you will do better in Asia - not necessarily. Saying that - there are a lot of women here.

There isn't much 'rock star' factor (especially to being white), more 'clown' factor though.