No desire to get married???

[lavezzi]

love doesn't require marriage ... but marriage requires love.
food for thought, which is better?

marriage is not for the sake of love, it is for the sake of children. it was a contraption invented as to ensure there be a solid system in society where children get a proper family and are raised to be stable individuals.

love is an emotional thing and it does not last forever. people are meant to mature and settle down when they get older and realize life is not about ego nonsense such as emotional excitement, really all you need is a simple living situation, perhaps a few close bonds and a suitable partner with whom to share life with. however now we have a culture where youth is glorified and ego nonsense is exasperated, resulting in many adults failing to mature and practically being kids into their 40s and beyond. the 60% divorce rate is a representation of this.

[abcdavid01]

love doesn't require marriage ... but marriage requires love.
food for thought, which is better?

marriage is not for the sake of love, it is for the sake of children. it was a contraption invented as to ensure there be a solid system in society where children get a proper family and are raised to be stable individuals.

love is an emotional thing and it does not last forever. people are meant to mature and settle down when they get older and realize life is not about ego nonsense such as emotional excitement, really all you need is a simple living situation, perhaps a few close bonds and a suitable partner with whom to share life with. however now we have a culture where youth is glorified and ego nonsense is exasperated, resulting in many adults failing to mature and practically being kids into their 40s and beyond. the 60% divorce rate is a representation of this.

+1

I'd think it wouldn't be too much to ask for, but with the culture the way it is here in America...

[Teal Lantern]

marriage is not for the sake of love, it is for the sake of children. it was a contraption invented as to ensure there be a solid system in society where children get a proper family and are raised to be stable individuals.

love is an emotional thing and it does not last forever. people are meant to mature and settle down when they get older and realize life is not about ego nonsense such as emotional excitement, really all you need is a simple living situation, perhaps a few close bonds and a suitable partner with whom to share life with. however now we have a culture where youth is glorified and ego nonsense is exasperated, resulting in many adults failing to mature and practically being kids into their 40s and beyond. the 60% divorce rate is a representation of this.

I'd bet you could ask ten thousand random people what the purpose of marriage is and not get two hundred (outside of the Ultra Orthodox, or something) who would give this simple non-sentimental answer.

[Ghost]

.

[sushiman]

You all are luckier than the older fellows who signed up under 1.0 and woke up one day under 2.0.

HA is the best forum on the net.

That indeed sucks.

Agreed, as weird as this forum can be sometimes, it's better than just about everything else on the net.

[lavezzi]

I'd bet you could ask ten thousand random people what the purpose of marriage is and not get two hundred (outside of the Ultra Orthodox, or something) who would give this simple non-sentimental answer.

believe me i am all for sentiment and romance and all the rest of it, but there needs to be a clear distinction between that which is truly important because it promotes overall health on a societal level, and that which is enjoyable but of lesser importance as it only provides individual pleasure. there is a serious lack of emphasis on the former and a serious over emphasis on and over valuing of the latter.

winston and people with a similar worldveiw may say "you cannot force people to be unselfish and live altruistically", but what they fail to understand is that we are all interdependent and connected in many more ways than we currently realize, and the compeditive, individualistic way of thinking so widespread in the world today can only result in unhappiness and an overall lack of well being for everyone. to be happy and enjoy life one it is essential to have a healthy mind. a healthy mind requires proper values and outlook, which have historically been provided on a societal level by having proper institutions. science dismantled the basis for beleif in religion and provided advanced technology which led to increased wealth. these things in turn destroyed marriage and now society is degenerating rapidly before our eyes.

we are becoming more and more unnatural in our ways, thinking it is the ideal way to go when the opposite is true. we do not need to abandon wealth and advanced technology and revert back to being cavemen. we need to gain a better perspective on life and stop the extreme egotism which is the root cause of all the aversion humans posess for one another. this will in turn disolve the corrupted values and solve the problem of needless unhappiness and lack of general well being. it is possible to acheive and is the obvious destiny of humanity, how it wil be done is the mystery.

[sushiman]

Marriage in America is tantamount to suicide.

That's what I concluded too while living in the states.

It's just too risky. We know 9 of 10 American women are nuts, of the 1 who isn't may become so after you get married. The financial temptation is always there for the woman, "screw the guy take his money" so if things get tough in the marriage (and then will) she can always do that to you. The legal temptation is always there for the woman, "this guy committed domestic violence!", she can accuse you of anything and you are automatically guilty until proven innocent, because you are a man.

I've seen so many guys get hosed by this stuff. Waaaaay tooo risky, no real upside.

Marriage outside of the USA, I think can still work just fine.

[mguy]

no help that internet is spreading bad reviews on marriage, already reinforcing what a guy like me feels inside.

all in all. bad deal. I even have hesitation with a GF. I don't like the idea of being tied down at all.

[lavezzi]

all in all. bad deal. I even have hesitation with a GF. I don't like the idea of being tied down at all.

you are never tied down physically, its just a mental perception caused by susceptability to cultural programming and the adament belief in illusory desires which never get fulfilled. men in the past never felt tied down by marriage because it was considered the desirable and respectable thing to do at the time. your desires are not yours, you simply borrowed them out of insecurity because you dont yet know who you are. if you were self actualized and spiritually vitalized you would have to be tied down physically to ever entertain the expression. then i guarentee you would realize that a close bond with one other person is what you really want in life.

[abcdavid01]

Marriage in America is tantamount to suicide.

That's what I concluded too while living in the states.

It's just too risky. We know 9 of 10 American women are nuts, of the 1 who isn't may become so after you get married. The financial temptation is always there for the woman, "screw the guy take his money" so if things get tough in the marriage (and then will) she can always do that to you. The legal temptation is always there for the woman, "this guy committed domestic violence!", she can accuse you of anything and you are automatically guilty until proven innocent, because you are a man.

I've seen so many guys get hosed by this stuff. Waaaaay tooo risky, no real upside.

Marriage outside of the USA, I think can still work just fine.

Or they can just be damn abusive. My dad's favorite painter is Paul Gauguin, who was like the original Happier Abroad. In 1895 when Gauguin was middle aged, he left France because it was awful and went over to Tahiti, slept with a bunch of young locals, and made some great art with them as his muses. So my dad met my Asian mom and thought he'd be marrying one of the women in a Gauguin painting. Instead he gets a post-feminist woman who valued career over family. They were both high earners and are at about retirement age. My mom lost her job a few years ago, but she refuses to touch her severance package. If she did they could both retire immediately, but she's making my dad still work for no reason. She's also been spending all the money my dad earns on unnecessary additions to our house. She also stole his guns from him. It's like she's trying to torture the guy. If I was my dad I'd just cash in and retire on the beach, live like a rich guy in the Philippines with a nice young girl half my age. I just want to shake him and tell him to do that, he doesn't owe her anything.

[Ginger]

[djfourmoney]

I might reconsider it in 10 years from now when I've found a truly wonderful woman that I can have a deep connection with and who won't bore me and be nagging. Only time will tell as to whether such a woman is out there...

IMHO, don't count on this happening.

Sound pretty Jaded for one who's never been married.

Okay roughly half of marriages end in divorce. What are the other 50% going to fail over the next decade or two?

Marriage and dare I say relationships with the opposite sex is not for every male. I am not trying to sell anybody on America women but I see the ISSUE of why relationships generally don't work here (not in the man's favor) but as I keep having to remind people it seems, men are not totally innocent, especially Black Men, after all who's responsible for all the Black single mothers out there? That can't be all victims of having run men off because of lack of a domestic skills set.

Pure and simple, as women become educated (this is happening all over the world by the way) they tend to wait longer to get married and have children. Because of their own success in finding well paying employment the parameters of finding a suitable mate change with that. Though women through the lens of Feminism often site that are not Gold Diggers, men only buying into that ALLOW them to get away with it and largely its because to get p***y any other way is illegal or difficult for the average man.

That said, if you don't wanna get married due to it being a bad deal, it seems to me and its often sited that you may be part of the problem (not the entire problem). As I have explained I have could of married several women but due mostly to inaction on my part, I currently am not. But my end goal is to get married and raise a family.

HA posters are miserable generally so they always wanna poo-poo that. But that's how societies are built, stay economically viable and usually conflict free. When men are involved in good relationships and enrichment activities the tendency to be bitter is less likely.

Too much fear mongering around here and don't give me that bull about being a PSA to new members, they all know what Google is and likely found the site that way. No need to spoon feed anybody...

[mguy]

all in all. bad deal. I even have hesitation with a GF. I don't like the idea of being tied down at all.

you are never tied down physically, its just a mental perception caused by susceptability to cultural programming and the adament belief in illusory desires which never get fulfilled. men in the past never felt tied down by marriage because it was considered the desirable and respectable thing to do at the time. your desires are not yours, you simply borrowed them out of insecurity because you dont yet know who you are. if you were self actualized and spiritually vitalized you would have to be tied down physically to ever entertain the expression. then i guarentee you would realize that a close bond with one other person is what you really want in life.

lolwhut?

In concrete terms, I like to do what I want and when I want.

This may change in the next 10 years when I am less vibrant and have a better understanding but at 28 there is no desire.

[mguy]

If I had it my way, I would have a harem of different girls with different attributes that I find attractive. This of course would need a lot of resources to sustain.

Love for female will not bring anyone happiness. It is just like a drug that will fade away like an old man's libido. What remains is a contract. If there are no kids involved then why bother.

[S_Parc]

I might reconsider it in 10 years from now when I've found a truly wonderful woman that I can have a deep connection with and who won't bore me and be nagging. Only time will tell as to whether such a woman is out there...

IMHO, don't count on this happening.

Marriage and dare I say relationships with the opposite sex is not for every male.

My general philosophy is that the expression "hindsight is 20/20", is a type of cop out/rationalization, after the fact. Instead, I'd rather go with the *foresight is 20/40*, not always correct but has a wide angle of truth to it.

For better or worse, most guys who visit HA are individualists. We may pretend to conform to mainstream behaviors [ to get a job, be invited to a b-ball team, etc ] but on the inside, we don't truly care for the rituals of conformity. With that stated, here's what I've seen in successful, happy marriages ... both parties tend to have very similar backgrounds. I've seen this with well-adjusted Armenian-American, Cambodian-American, Born Again Christian, and Orthodox Jewish couples in New England. They have very similar outlooks and have coherent plans for their children. And likewise, if I'd wanted to marry my Brazilian ex-GF, I would have wanted to fit into the whole proper Catholic *extended family* thing of mainstream Brazilians. For me, that was not a proper fit so I opted out. And I have nothing bad to say about my ex-GF, she's a fine woman and would make the right person happy.

Thus, I'd say that since many fellas here have gone their own way since turning 18, what are the chances that they'd want to change themselves, join a type of singular focus group, just to have the high percentage successful marriage? You see, I don't believe that it's likely and thus, using foresight is 20/40, I'd estimate that many fellas here may never be happily married and may be better off either having periodic GFs or seeing esc@rts from time to time. With that said, if a person is willing to learn Portuguese and is adept at dealing with the politics of large families [ and the fact that you just can't "whisk 'em way" ], then by all means, move to Brazil, find yourself a bride, and start a family.