How do you guys deal with this behind-your-back trashtalk?

[TruthOrConsequences]

Ok so I've noticed that here in the Midwest people are extremely passive aggressive. They all have a thing for judging and criticizing anyone who's different in any way. If you don't talk exactly the way they do, they will not understand you. Any kind of a foreign accent will get you stared at or mocked. God forbid you wear anything other than stupid ass khaki shorts and white sneakers. And the only authorized haircut for a young caucasian male is a buzzcut. That's just some of the 'social etiquette' of the state of Wisconsin 'for yah'. When someone says that people in the midwest are nice I just laugh in their face.

Among other obnoxious things, these people constantly gossip and everyone here has a big mouth. Given that they're passive aggressive, they never do it to your face. Like they will always talk all this shit behind your back or when you're away, but they will NEVER have the balls to say anything to your face. And to me this speaks volumes. Why hide your emotions and be fake? You are not going to like everybody in the world and not everybody is going to like you. It's okay to have differences and biases. Why always hide your emotions?

So how exactly do you guys deal with people talking shit when you have your back to them? Do you call them out on it? Do you get in a verbal contest with them? I don't think ignoring them would solve the problem. It would just give them the fuel to do it even more, because ignoring is pretty much showing them that you're weak and that you're okay with it. I don't understand why every single thing out there tells people to ignore others when they make arrogant comments about them. In high school I dealt with it by grabbing on their face or their neck and causing a fight that way. But then after getting in trouble and getting fines for it, I figured it wasn't worth it. Besides, now I'm an adult and putting your hands on someone will land you in jail in this police state of a country. And I can't be getting a misdemeanor conviction on my record every time someone says something stupid to me.

How EXACTLY do you deal with this? Do you report it? What are some good quirky phrases/ways (non-violent) to put someone in their place or make them look bad?

Educate me..

[Winston]

You can't change them. So just ignore them.

So buzz cuts are the norm there? I guess my buzz haircut would fit in there then. lol

Much of the US is like that. People are very judgmental about little things. Taiwan is like that too. In neither country do I feel like I can be myself. I hate judgmental nit picky culture where you don't feel accepted for who you are.

[TruthOrConsequences]

Yeah, but like I said if you ignore them it becomes worse. You will be perceived as a weak person and it will only get worse. Trust me.

[Adama]

I have this problem at work and it is a Northeastern state. Also when I was in California, I had the same problem. My conclusion is that it is mostly Americans.

I also notice that the more a person is miserable, the more they gossip about others.

It works this way: if you are a miserable person and you are unable to change things for the better, the next best solution is to try to bring others down so you can say to yourself, "Hey, at least I am better than Joe the loser over there."

I think most of this is so normal for them that there isnt any conscious decision making here. Which ought to tell you that most people are cruel robots out to destroy other people (socially and emotionally at least, and sometimes financially if they can get you fired from your job).

There is some consolation here. If you are taking flak, that means you are above the target, and they only try to tackle the man with the ball. In other words, the very fact that they are on the attack means that you are already in a better position than them without trying, and theyre jealous.

It points a sad, sad picture for Humanity. I used to like meeting new people and doing nice things for strangers. Now I just want to live my life and avoid people.

[polya]

You have to go down to their level - talk badly about them to their friends/family. Doing nothing makes it worse.

[TruthOrConsequences]

Adama, yes I've noticed that too. The people who are all eager to talk trash and spread rumours are the most insecure f***s ever. It's never like the confident normal people who talk trash. It's always the people who feel the need to, like you said, put others down to compensate for their own insecurities. They're merely trying to apply their standards to you and thus make you just as insecure as them.

Like at this college that I went to, there'd always be a group of guys that'd show up early as f**k on the first day, so they could sit in the back row and run their mouths. Now why do that? They didn't want to have their backs to anyone, because then they'd be vulnerable to trash talk and arrogant comments coming from people behind them. In reality, they're just petty insecure people that are scared.

At work it was the same thing. The people who talked all kinds of trash behind other people's backs showed a lack of confidence when dealing with the management or problems. It's always the same kind of people: insecure, scared, incompetent etc. Some of them may have been bullied and mistreated in the past and now they have a wound that they're trying to cover up with trash talk and gossip. What a bunch of sick miserable people!

polya, yes I agree.

If you ever absolutely have to retaliate for a nasty comment or whatever, then the best thing would be to catch that person 1 on 1 somewhere. A hallway or a bathroom would both be perfect for this. MAKE SURE THERE'S NO WITNESSES AROUND. Then I'd just blindsight that person or try to knock them out. <-This would be perfect. Aim for the bottom of their chin, their jaw or their nose. Any boxer will tell you this. After that BOLT UP OUT OF THERE RIGHT QUICK. You don't want to deal with bystanders, cops, jail time and all that jazz. And remember that people in general are all gossip queens and snitches. That's right: everybody is a freaking nark. If you are seen doing any of this, you will be ratted on 99.99% of the time.

[Dogboy86]

I have seen that as the level of females has increased at my place of work so has this type of behavior. At one time 12-15 years ago if someone had a problem with you or you them a couple rounds in the parking lot after work solved all ills. Now we have females and feelings to deal with, work place violence laws and nothing ever gets handled and no "pecking order" is established. What ever happened to a little "parking lot justice"?

[fschmidt]

I have this problem at work and it is a Northeastern state. Also when I was in California, I had the same problem. My conclusion is that it is mostly Americans.

I agree. The only solution is to avoid Americans. I wrote The Problem with Modern American Men which explains my view on all this.

[samurai_panda]

Ignore the haters and doubters. Prove them all wrong with your hard work and accomplishments.

You can't change the nature of others, they are who they are.

Be happy with your own life and success. Stay away from the miserable negativity.

It's that simple.

[ExpeditionSailor]

I have this problem at work and it is a Northeastern state. Also when I was in California, I had the same problem. My conclusion is that it is mostly Americans.

I also notice that the more a person is miserable, the more they gossip about others.

It works this way: if you are a miserable person and you are unable to change things for the better, the next best solution is to try to bring others down so you can say to yourself, "Hey, at least I am better than Joe the loser over there."

I think most of this is so normal for them that there isnt any conscious decision making here. Which ought to tell you that most people are cruel robots out to destroy other people (socially and emotionally at least, and sometimes financially if they can get you fired from your job).

There is some consolation here. If you are taking flak, that means you are above the target, and they only try to tackle the man with the ball. In other words, the very fact that they are on the attack means that you are already in a better position than them without trying, and theyre jealous.

It points a sad, sad picture for Humanity. I used to like meeting new people and doing nice things for strangers. Now I just want to live my life and avoid people.

Too true. Look up the expression 'tall poppy syndrome' if you want to know why people are such backbiters. I experienced this firsthand at a place where I used to work. Two women, a supervisor, and a wannabe supervisor, had it in for me. I sent complaints to a higher level about the treatment I received at the hands of these women. The response wasn't immediate, but the consequences were severe. The supervisor, who was close to retirement, was quietly 'invited to leave' with a buyout package. I saw her many years after this, she recognized me and gave me this evil 'you did this to me' look on her face.

The other one, the wannabe supervisor, never did get promoted into the managerial job that she wanted so badly.

In short, I survived the conflicts, and they did not. And all I had to do was calmly state my case to upper management.

[eurobrat]

....

[TruthOrConsequences]

I understand that the best thing to do is to ignore them and stay away from drama. Ultimately, it is them being stupid as they try to compensate for their insecurities and what not. The only thing that matters is that you do a good job and take care of number 1. I get all that.

But.. people are very gullible and pretty much will believe anything they're told. This is true especially in America. So the people that talk shit are trying to give you a bad image and ruin your reputation, which, again for the reason I just stated, means a whole lot in a nitpicky uppity culture like America. And no you can't really stop that, but at the same rate ignoring it could get you picked on even more. You can't just let anybody disrespect you and tarnish your reputation and shit.

[E_Irizarry]

I personally feel that behind-back trash talk is so common with western people and with immigrants in the west that assume you don't understand their dialect and talk that shit right in front of you!

I feel it's an act of cowardice. If one were to stand their ground as a true veracious but civilized kind of an adult by speaking their mind directly, then I think that yeah there might be more physical altercations, but more people would respect people for being honest enough hence showing respect even if the truth were to hurt them.

I pissed off a lot of people and not one razor blade cut to the face yet nor has anybody pulled one out on me. I had people pull out knives before. It's not such an easy feat to accomplish winning let me tell you (especially when it comes to knives and shit). I lost in some knifeless fights and won both knife fights with neither person cut.

[E_Irizarry]

I have this problem at work and it is a Northeastern state. Also when I was in California, I had the same problem. My conclusion is that it is mostly Americans.

I agree. The only solution is to avoid Americans. I wrote The Problem with Modern American Men which explains my view on all this.

I think your wrong on most of what your saying.

@EuroBrat,

I think F. Schmidt is right on most accts here. I had a tough-ass time with western tourists abroad. Every negative idiosyncrasy that comes with Americans is exacerbated tenfold when they are abroad:

- bigotry;
- pompousness and satire against anything that they saw;
- assuming that I would pull the race card on them, but I'd use my intellect and skills of empathy engaging the antagonist;
- being self-centered;
- criticizing me personally for engaging in "polyglotting" (i.e. trying to pick up every language in every place I have been to);
- criticizing me for being poly-amorous and "treating" good women as prostitutes (I know SkateBoard Stephen's disposition on this, but I haven't broken up with them so thus I didn't jade them for the next man so I'm doing right by that!);
- criticizing local food and rather indulge in McDonalds ABROAD (LIKE REALLY GTFOH). The only place where I preferred American fast food over local food is Davao City/Samal. OMG that shit is nasty and depleting to the stomach. Hell even the desserts were better than local Davao regular food hence putting on 50 lbs in 3 months (#TeamWinstonWeightGain). I am surprised I didnt' become diabetic because I ate Pinoy-Davao sweets AND McDonalds three times a day for three months.

It wasn't until my MILF-cougar Pinay aerobic instructor (I was "smashing" her for a couple of months) began going to the fish market and picked up veggies and mariscos (seafood) for me because she became worried of my weight gain.

I had been cockblocked from a job abroad and from a woman abroad due to a westerner tourist.

I had been in brawl against 6-9 other Aussies at the same time and it's no picnic with all that torque momentum coming at you 5 miles from sea level with thinner air.

[C.J.]

How do you deal with f***ing westerners talking shit to your back? You don't f**k with them. You get that money. And when you have it, pay a nigga to whack them, if they're really bothering you.

You guys don't get it apparrently. Nearly all westerners' objective, since they're much too stupid to restrain themselves, are to degrade anything that they think is better than them - anything that's truly good in life. It's in their blood. This is why the women in foreign countries get so messed up. This is why some foreign governments take advantage of you. This is why the US is so f***ed up!

I deal with people who gossip about me a lot. If you go down to their level, you go there permanently, that's what they want. You can covertly f**k them up like another poster said, or you can get someone else to f**k them up. Mind the laws though!