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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne
Actually djfourmoney I never stated that I didn't want children, I just stated WHY I don't have any children.
I wish to be married before having a child, not going to happen here in the USA! Having children out-of-wedlock, no matter how common it is these days, is not something I'm going to do.
Also, the comment by fschmidt about becoming "extinct" is one of the ways the PUA gurus use fear to get people to sign up for their courses. Using FEAR to get me to do something never has and never will work with me. If my "genes" become extinct? Oh' well!
Having children because of ego, neediness, bravado etc............is one of the MAIN reasons we have such problem in the USA with families. IF you have a child simply because you can, or because your buddies have, or to "save" a relationship, or you "don't want to be alone,"or because it a "manly" thing to do REALLY is about YOU and not the child. Understand?
Shall I tell you about the 54 year-old co-worker WHOM has 6 children ranging in age from 38 to 10? Would it surprise you to know that he didn't raise and wasn't even around for any of them? Would it also surprise you to know that he has NO relationship with any of them EXCEPT the youngest and that is because he, once and awhile, talks about getting custody NOT so he can actually "raise her BUT so then he wouldn't have to pay child support. But hey, his "genes" are not going to be extinct, so he I guess he's one up on me, right?
I take having a child very seriously, unlike most people I have met, therefore it is in my best interest to think carefully about
1.)WHOM I have a child with.
2.)HOW I'm going to support that child.
3.)WHERE we are going to live.
4.)WHAT are I going to have to do to make the best possible life for my child.
5.)WHY am I wanting to have a child.
You sure you're not talking about girlfriends?
When I was a young workaholic, slaving away in Hollywood, I never wanted to have children. I was going to make movies, do my cartoons, travel and build this amazing life of adventure. After living in the Philippines, and seeing family from a totally perspective, I really changed my mind.
Family is just done differently in Asia. The whole family lives together and you have sisters, cousins and grandparents who all put effort into raising the children. My American friend married a beautiful young girl in the Philippines, more than 20 years his junior (he LOOKS like he is in his twenties though) and they had a child. She was pregnant within a couple of months of getting married. With the wife's mother, sisters and other family around, it hardly impacted his ability to live his life the way he wants to. This is one thing I noticed about the Philippines in general, though. Life there doesn't create the need to be slaves to anything. Somehow, even poor people with nothing, but manage 5 or 6 kids, can be happy. For a foreigner who has an internet business or retirement income, it can be a wonderful, settled down life.
I find similar in China. Families stick together and the work of child rearing is split among many family members. Life here can be cheaper, and yet higher quality, than in the Philippines. Were I to marry my girlfriend we would probably live with her parents, or at least very near them. The work of child rearing can be shared. It wouldn't impact my work or goals.
As far as University, many great and successful men throughout history bot by without it, and many speak ill of it altogether. They say it hampers the ability to become a successful self made man, but instead prepares one to be a machine or slave.
You've heard the saying, behind every great man is a great woman, or something along those lines. Feminists today might like you to believe that woman actually did something to contribute to the success. If, however, you read men of old time, the woman, and the love for her, was actually a motivator for him to do more, be more and have more. The same has been written of children.
“b***y is so strong that there are dudes willing to blow themselves up for the highly unlikely possibility of b***y in another dimension." -- Joe Rogan
I'm the same, I've never wanted kids. I have just never had any paternal instinct and just wouldn't want all that responsibility. I see myself as one of nature's ways of keeping the population down. Unfortunately most women are going to want kids. This makes it even harder for me to find a relationship. I find it difficult enough to find a woman here in the UK as it is, let alone one who doesn't want them.
From what I have seen of Russian women's profiles online, I don't think I have ever seen any who say they don't want kids. It seems like that is their main goal along with marriage, which to me is something else I don't particularly care for. I have seen a few Latino and Asian women who don't want them, or undecided, but again obviously they are going to be in the minority. The good thing about the net is that you can see who wants them and who doesn't right away.
I guess it just a case of being lucky and finding the right one. Hopefully if I can have more success abroad then it won't matter as much if things don't work out in a relationship because of this, and can move on and look for another. By the way thanks for the link to the other forum. I will have to check it out.
A decreased number of women due to lower birthrates is one thing I've worried about. If I'm still divorced or single several decades down the road, massage parlors might end up becoming my only real outlet. :\
In some ways I'm glad that I was alone throughout most of my twenties, it allowed me to develop methods of staying happy and content even without sex.
I must now get my kicks in before the drought hits several decades later, lol!
Hmmm, what a thought provoking post.
As for myself, I don't have any kids, nor do I want any, but I only came to that conclusion because I have only lived in America, and my view on having a family is solely based on that.
To break it down, regardless if you have money or not, being a father is VERY hard on American men because American men generally become isolated once they become fathers and live a poor quality life that consist of hard work and going home to take s*** from the wife and spoiled kids.
American men get NO HELP of any kind, and they are expected to shudder all the financial responsibilities. In fact, it goes something like this, when the American family is doing well, all the credit goes to the mother, but when the family is doing bad, all the blame is put on the father and his manhood is questioned. This is the family life in America and I want no part of it.
Now going back to Terrence post, if family life were a situation where responsibilities were shared, and people could get along with each other and help each other out, guys like me would be more open to starting a family.
What are you talking about? You're worried about getting 20 year old babes when you're 80? One child policies and eugenics should hardly be your concern. They're turning everyone homosexual, especially the females. That will lower your chances for finding a mate more than anything else, including in your age group.
Yes over 90% of abortions are done on baby girls but statistically it's the males that are dying out. Estrogen is everywhere. Not just people, in other animals its being recorded that there is a higher percentage of females than ever. Try not listening to feminists for data.
Also i just wanted to say that children are wonderful and just like foreign women being better, so are foreign children. Although there are plenty of little assholes in countries with inadequate parenting skills like Mexico or Tunisia. American society is a cancer, especially if you let your kid watch tv and take him to a public school every day. Is it any wonder that american women are horrible when they are already spoiled by the time they hit 5-8 years old!? They can't magically become a new person once they hit 18..
So in conclusion you should rip out the brainwash which tells you to be lazy. Life's not about having free time, it's about experiences. Have some children! if possible adopt some, there are a lot good children in every country rotting away in orphanages because there are a lot of horrible parents out there like winston who don't know the meaning of responsibility.
Last edited by odbo on May 30th, 2011, 1:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
+100! Americans are stupid, they don't understand that their kids are REAL safety net from keeping them from hitting the streets (not a 401k and such) if something bad should happen.
And also, this is the reason why many old Americans spend their lives in retirement homes alone, when they were young they treated their kids like they were a hassle and kicked them out at 18 so it's only fair that their kids don't want to take care of their parents when they get older.
Not necessarily twenty somethings, just single women in general.
Another thought that came to me is that as the economy worsens, a decreased number of young women would be offset by a greater number of young men either killing each other or offing themselves via drugs and alcohol as opportunities dry up.
I wanted to have kids when in my 20ies and it was pure biological urges. The problem was I was so poor and lived in such bad places with such bad women that I never met one who loved me back. Also, I began living in very expensive countries where I would simply not be able to afford them.
There are now advantages of not having them and being a 51 year old childless man in the Philippines- you feel young and you never became " another generation". You feel like a young man who has just more experience and more money. This attracts young ladies who never feel that I am a "dad". They treat me as their contemporary and it feels great.
If the country is right and the girls are normal and the prices around are reasonable, why not have a kid? I would not mind at all.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Get busy...you could be a good father if you let yourself...
Hey, hey, mine is the mad scientist, cybershaman/drunken master thread. Remember, Newton & Tesla didn't have kids nor did they date women either.
As a man in his mid 40's, this has been my experience as well. I am not so keen on having a kid because it would bind me to the mother for life. I have never met a women to whom I wanted such a connection.